Bad Behaviour On Aircraft

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I recently spent a few happy days in Spain with old friends. The bad news is that they live about an hour from Alicante, so I had to fly on what my Scottish missus refers to as ‘The Benidorm Jimmy Bus’.

My misgivings took tangible form from the moment I went into Wetherspoon’s in search of a pre-flight breakfast. A group of around sixteen females, in various stages of obesity and decrepitude, wearing ‘head boppers’ and dayglow t-shirts emblazoned with the legend ‘Bren’s Hens: Benidorm 2019’, were already well oiled and raucous.

On board, I was settling into my aisle seat as this pie-eyed assortment shrieked and swayed its way into the cabin. To my chagrin the seating allocation meant that I found myself virtually surrounded by them. It was going to be a long three hours. Things weren’t too bad initially. As we took off there was a ragged chorus of ‘here we go’ from The Hens, and some clapping and ribald comments, but at least they were confined to their seats. Unfortunately once the seat belt signs went off, they quickly spilled out into the aisle and started to play musical seats. The noise level climbed and the language became riper. Clearly they weren’t about to follow the captain’s invitation to ‘sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight’. Requests from attendants for restraint fell largely on deaf ears.
Then the drinks trolley appeared. Needless to say, the attendants saw fit to ignore the warning signs and doled out further refreshments to this unruly bunch; there’s profit in it for the airline of course. Things started to get really raucous when the inevitable inflatable dick made its appearance, to a bawling accompaniment of ‘ee ay addio he’s going to breach her piece’ and ‘Bren wants knob’.

Parents with kids started to object, further requests for calm were met with hoots and cat-calls, and what up until then had generally been a fairly good natured atmosphere became distinctly heated. After one of the idiots lobbed a plastic bottle across the aisle, the first officer appeared and told them in no uncertain terms that further nonsense would result in the captain radioing for police to meet the aircraft on landing. A cringing apology from Bren herself notwithstanding, the first officer’s final threat was the imposition of a ban on the group’s return flight.

Mercifully things did calm down after this ticking off, although there was a lot of complaining of the ‘it was only a bit of fucking fun’ kind, and more ribald chanting as we landed. I was glad to get off. It could have been worse; it wasn’t a case of some nutter trying to force a door mid air, or start a punch up, but one can only wonder what possesses people to indulge in the kind of arsehole behaviour on planes that makes things unpleasant for everybody.

Alcohol plays its part of course, but the wife (who studied psychology) maintains that there’s a kind of psychosis at work that affects some people in the confined space of an aircraft, and jokes that she’s going to work it up as a PhD thesis. Me, well I’m not sure that I hold with that interpretation. I reckon that this was more a case of a group of self-entitled airheads being dead set on showing what a great time they were having by acting the cunt and making a fucking nuisance of themselves in the process.

Tossers.

Nominated by Ron Knee

49 thoughts on “Bad Behaviour On Aircraft”

  1. They should all be banned from flying for life, utter cunts. I have no more to say.

  2. I wish airlines could create some kind of trapdoor below the seats of troublesome cunts!

    It would make me laugh to see the fuckers floating through the clouds at 30,000ft, gasping for oxygen, while all the well behaved passengers laugh at the cunt before coming to a crushing demise 2 minutes later.

    But I guess someone would be offended by that idea.

      • Not so good if they land on you. Or come through your roof. Like the basic idea, though.

      • Your struggle to offend on ISAC
        I had something similar few years ago, it was my wife’s 40 th so I splashed the cash and we went to negril in Jamaica
        I’ve got an extremely good radar when it comes to cunts , even potential ones, sitting in the airport bar there was 3 ladies (obviously related ) and their heavily tattooed 50 yo jack the lad husbands who were giving it LARGE!!
        I thought some poor cunts gonna end up with those fucking cretins!!
        Got to boarding gate and to my absolute horror the cunts were there!, worse followed the cretins were one row in front on the plane and a short journey it is not!!
        After half a dozen renditions of every 80s song we landed in Jamaica , out of the airport we jumped in a taxi and went straight to the hotel , later I was talking to a couple who were also on our flight and had heard the cunts from 10 rows back , just having a laugh when (FUCK me six ways from Sunday) the fucking trailer trash cunts walked into the bar of our hotel doing the conga!!! All absolutely wasted!!
        I kid you fellow cunts not…….

  3. Thos is what happens when cheap air tickets and cheap booze come into conjunction with the brain dead chav British underclass. I won’t go to Spain because of cunts like this. If I had to I would rather drive or take a train.

  4. Jesus Ron you put michael palin too shame!
    Little greta sees the airmiles you clock up she’ll have a fit!😬
    I dont fly anymore but can sympathize
    When trying to relax and a load of rowdy knobheads act up.
    These fuckwits are of a breed,
    They like those shitty little cars where the exhaust backfires all time, loud parties, fuck the elderly neighbours,
    Fireworks like cannons etc
    And to my shame mostly white!
    Cant blame the peacefuls this time.
    Once you act up on a flight thats it, lifetime ban. No appeal.

    • Afternoon Miserable. Yeh I’m on a one man crusade to piss that sanctimonious little cunt Thunderpants right off.
      Marvellous has got a point about the British chav underclass but this is a global problem. Everybody’s got a mobile these days so have a look at the antics filmed and posted on Youtube. They’re from all over the place; The States, China, Canada, Oz… Surprisingly too, most of the offenders seem to be women.
      A cunt on a plane is a cunt on a plane, I suppose…

      • True Ron.
        I look forward to the show ‘Roving wi Ron’!
        Enjoy yerself mate, dont let a few knobheads spoil it.
        You n mrs knee got your moneys worth out of them suitcases!!👍👍

      • Thanks Miserable. It’s the big Seven-O for me this month and I reckon that the wife’s hatched a surprise trip, and I don’t mean one to see the in-laws in Scotland.
        Ah the delights of a lovely wife, a decent pension and the freedom to indulge ourselves.

      • Worked all yer life mate, deserve to enjoy yerself, have a good 70th pal whatever beach you end up on!🌴🌴☀

      • You and me both!! I jacked in my Twitter account a few weeks ago, but while I was on there I had the distinct honour of old Thunderkex personally trying to get me kicked off due to me slagging off this fuck awful video she’d posted!! It had the woman who played the tranny (of course) in Coronation Street pretending to be Mother Earth, telling people passing how “I don’t feel well, I’m all hot, please help me” – and yes it was as utterly fucking gay and hopeless as it sounds. I proceeded to mercilessly rip the shit out of it, didn’t play well with the eco nutjob camp…. Twitter sided with me though, free speech and all that!!

  5. You’ll never find a sober sweaty if the destination is a holiday hotspot, especially flying frae Glasgee!

    They’re oftentimes even worse on the way back because it’s their last gasp of holiday before work kicks in the next day when it is a race to decimate the plane’s entire alcohol stock.

    Avoid Sunday flights to/from Glasgee wherever possible!

    • The missus and I once flew from Glasgow to Fuerteventura. An experience not to be repeated. Glaswegians on their way to Spain are fucking mental.

    • I can vouch for this. I spent a couple of years commuting in and out of glesgae every week. The first flight out of glasgow on a sunday morning….to london, mind, not tenerife…would invariably be full of pissheads making a nuisance of themselves.

  6. essential travel items, blind fold with fuck off! written on it, neck pillow and ear plugs.
    I swear by them, last flight I was on had a number of special needs children on it (no alcohol required for kick off) I had a peaceful flight, slept the whole time whilst others enjoyed shouts of “My ears hurt!. make it stop! make it stop” “AAAAGH billy say if we crash we die!”.
    My only regret is that due to my travel state I missed the all time classic on a return flight from spain.
    A passenger with very bad food poisoning was released from hospital to fly home, shortly after take off He attempted to make it to the toilet.
    He didn’t, he managed to dribble shit over the other two passengers (and child) in the seats next to him as he made a break for the toilet.
    I did not know about this until we landed and were met by assistance where the poor bloke sat on a bench by himself wrapped in a blanket.
    Well the cripples of the world united and we wouldn’t let him on our buggy in case he shat on us too and he had to have his own ride through pasport control and customs. (fucking hilarious that a couple and baby could fit in one of those cubicles to scrub shit of them selves)

    • That’s excellent.

      I flew a lot for work back in the day. My favourite bit was severe turbulence. Drink and food everywhere, screaming, white knuckles, ashen faces – worth the airfare every time.

      Oh…and the time the pilot on the flight back from Moscow tried to put us down on the M25. Nearly Heathrow. But not quite. Realised his fuck up by the time you could read the car number plates and put the plane into a near vertical climb. How we all laughed.

      Advice to anyone…

      Always, always, always take earplugs.

      • As Dad was an aircraft engineer I have a rough idea how the things work, get up and down.
        I don’t remember what type of plane it was but I was on the wing seat for touchdown on Gibraltar, which is a very short runway.
        Well on this plane apart from the normal air brake and engine reverse the engine cowls pop up too to break the aerodynamics, this is handy to know in advance (which I didn’t)
        Because it looked like the engine was coming apart on landing, being a cool customer I just whiped the blind down and pretended I hadn’t seen it.
        Got out the airport and phoned my dad for an explanation.

      • A mate worked at Marshalls in Cambridge servicing passenger planes like Boeings.

        Got one in, had both the engines off, fully serviced, and popped back on. Took the plane up to twenty thousand feet for inspection and the whole thing started shaking and trembling. Not a happy plane.

        Landed – just – and got the plane back into the hanger…. The nuts holding the engines on to the airframe were only finger tight.

        He had loads more stories like that…

      • jet testing India.
        just a couple of bolts.
        inspection before starting.
        yes 4 bolts on the cradle.

    • What an excellent avatar Duke. Brexit Daleks !!
      I strongly encourage you to conquer the world.
      Exterminate ! Shall be your watchword.
      To work !!

      • Thanks Jack, I never knew it existed.
        It’s the 50th anniversary collectors edition Dalek.

  9. Fucking brain dead, pissed up slaggs away from the boy friends looking to get hammered in more ways than one, hopefully they will all come back with climydia, slags….

  10. Nah, it’s not alcohol or a narcissistic personality that causes this, it’s ADHD innit? That’s the excuse all cunts use for their cuntishness. You thought it was just cunts fucking about in school but it’s used for adults now. It was inevitable really……little cunts always grow into big cunts. The only cure for this terrible condition is a punch in the gob.

  11. There should be a First Class, Business Class, Economy Class and Cunt’s Class on airlines these days – with the exception of Ryanair, where there’s only one class – fucking cunts!

  12. They have to let the world know they’re having a MAD time.
    They imagine also in their drunken state that every other passenger finds their shouted thick as fuck comments absolutely hilarious.
    Annoying cunts.

  13. I have to say I have flown a lot, mainly because my Dad worked for an airline and we got free tickets, so I have seen the change from executive travel to budget flights, even flown RAF once.

    Worse airline to fly on….Buzz air its like flying with the Luftwaffe, most aggressive cabin crew I have ever met.

    most stupid announcements TUI.

    “Lady’s and gentlemen, should you use a mobile device and it start to overheat do not put it on the floor as the resulting fire will burn through the fuselage” (True but not helpful in the circumstances)

    “Lady’s and Gentlemen you will be pleased to know that we have now been cleared to land at London Gatwick because our fuel level is critical” (This was the point I realised how old I was, 20 years ago I would have said to the MRS “Quick get your kit off we are going to die” where as I thought oh Fuck!

    These are Genuine announcements I have heard on flights and the award for the most tactless announcements goes to TUI!

    • Three years ago I was on a flight from Noocassell when a flight attendant caught some female pisshead drinking spirits from a bottle she’d brought on board.
      He made an announcement that if anyone else was found doing this, he would confiscate their passport. Now I presume that he wouldn’t have made this threat if he didn’t have the power to carry it out. But seeing that a fair number of the passengers were Geordies who bore more than a passing resemblance to Mutha and Fatha Bacon from ‘Viz’, it would have been very interesting to see him try.

  15. What’s needed for these Cunts is a bit of the old vigilante spirit from their fellow passengers, who could induct them into the ‘ Mile High, Kicked To Fuck Club ‘.
    In other news, Brexit traitor, Philip Hammond, has announced that he will not be standing in the forthcoming GE.
    Another one bites the dust !!
    I hope he becomes quite poorly, the Cunt.
    Get To Fuck.

    • Hammond the slimy cunt, another fucking bottler. Proof positive that these EU loving bastards just hate democracy.

      • No doubt the cunt will take his hefty severance payoff, and have some lucrative boardroom sinecures and a book deal lined up.
        Alternatively, with that demeanour, the cunt could always go into the undertaking business I suppose. He’s a fucking natural.

      • Frankly, l’d rather that bastard was on the receiving end of the undertaking business. Hated the cunt from the get-go and his removal from the cabinet hasn’t mellowed my opinion of him.

  16. Myself and Mrs Beemack have been lucky so far whereas we haven’t encountered many feral cunts during our travels. Our usual hols are in Alvor, a quiet, beautiful little fishing village in the Algarve, or, on occasion, in Puerto Banus or Estepona, both on the outer fringes of Marbella but far enough away from most of the pissheads. Last summer, we had reason to visit friends in Benidorm. It was, unfortunately, everything we expected it to be. As well as the sort of fat slags mentioned above by Ron in the cunting, there were also hoards of gormless looking skinny blokes who’s vocabulary seemed to consist entirely of “Let’s get wankered!” and “Did you shag her, then?” Now, I love a drink and a good night out as much as anyone, but after a week of listening to these boorish, lairy, insufferable cretins, and watching them engage in activities such as lighting their own farts and a “Who can puke the furthest” contest, I was ready for the hills. We found a few nice places in the Old Town, mostly inhabited by Spanish cunts, but at least they keep themselves to themselves and don’t involve themselves in a load of moronic shite like “drink your mates piss through his socks contest” and such drivel.

    • The friends I mention in this nom once took me into the Glasgow Rangers bar in Benidorm. Jesus. It was full of cunts wearing their Huns shirts and drinking from dawn to midnight in a hole resembling a dungeon. Fuck knows why they even bother to spend the cash to get to Benidorm when they could stay in Govan with more money in their pockets and drink in a shithole bar there.

    • If Gretta Thunderpants gets her own way, lighting our own farts might be the only way to get the planes off the tarmac…

  17. Valium for me is the cure for shitty flights.
    If I have none then uppercut for cunts.
    Fucking pigs.
    Super cunting!

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