Americanisms (4)

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I know this has been nom’d at least 3 times previously, but I feel strongly inclined to do another one not least because of how a lot of UK forums use American spelling, and posters just don’t seem to be bothered (or don’t have the option to change to UK dictionary) to want to change certain words to their correct UK spelling.

For example, if I type “defence” on this site, it is highlighted as being incorrect, and should be spelt “defense”

Similarly with “colour”. Again, I am wrong, and should be spelling it as “color”

I see this quite a lot on other UK website forums, and it worries me how such words are superseding the British way of spelling those words, and users just don’t seem to know the difference.

And it always makes me laugh when I install some computer software and I’m prompted to enter a language from a menu. It will include perhaps 4, but the best you can use is “English”. But this isn’t British English, but fucking Yank English (which also means the date format is American, which fucking confuses me when I see something like 09/07/19, and I’m thinking, 9th July, when in actual fact its 7th September)

Of course you also get cunts saying to cafe staff “can I get 2 coffees!” So where the fuck does “can I get” mean? You’re not physically getting the coffees, it’s the cunt behind the counter that’s “getting” the coffee for you, you cunt!

American culture has been slowly absorbing itself into British culture over the decades, not least with shit TV and fast food joints, but the English language itself is now under threat and no one gives a shit.

And why is it that Americans can have the American flag hanging outside of their homes, or in their schools and offices and no one gives a shit. Whereas over here, if you have the union flag flying you’re instantly tarred as a racist cunt!

Oh and why do British kids insist on wearing clothes with the Stars & Stripes printed all over it; or “I love the USA”? Why can’t they be a bit more loyal and patriotic and wear something that is British (but of course, we all know why they can’t do that!)

Have a nice fucking day, cunts!

Nominated by Technocunt

128 thoughts on “Americanisms (4)”

  1. I can’t stand the way certain words are now given the American pseudo-intellectual sound, beloved of American matrons on Wireless 4: especially “behaviours” when they might only be talking about one aspect of behaviour and “harms” qhn we come to harm, not come to harms, also, of course “You guys” when talking to a bunch of wimmin and “cool” especially when it comes from the lips of the over 60s

  3. Most of it comes from California where the ‘Woke’ have screwed up doing business there and a lot are moving to Texas, The states going broke. Anyway the shit they are infecting the world with is ‘California Valley Talk’ like, ya know etc. Shame really, the USA used to be that beacon of hope for the free world, still would be if they hadn’t lost control of the (dis) information war. And coffee is not theirs, England had coffee houses where people met and discussed news of the time rather than dodging arrows and subduing the savages.

    • I read the biography of Ben Rich who took over from Kelly Johnson as head of engineering at the Lockheed Skunk Works . He stated ( and this was a quarter of a century ago) that California was a nightmare for a business . The authorities demand that ethnic groups are to be represented in each area of the business. Rich was at his wits end trying to find Inuits who were welders and having to employ second rate assembly line workers based not on ability but their racial background.
      Don’t get me started on the idiots who run San Francisco.

      • Always wanted to visit San Francisco, but the well documented takeover by hippie cunts, pooves, trans types etc. makes me think it wouldn’t be my kind of place now…

        I understand that if you drop your wallet there you are better off kicking it home, bending over in the street is an open invitation.

      • Went with the wife to San Francisco a few years back. I hated the place. It was bloody cold (in the middle of summer) and everyone we met was fucking miserable and angry.

        Completely different to Seattle. If you want to meet nice, friendly Americans, go there. It was like everyone was on happy pills!

      • I do believe that Mark Twain once said “the coldest winter of my life was a summer’s day in San Francisco”. When that damp fog rolls in from the Gate, jeez it’s cold there!
        It’s a personal preference I know but I always preferred SF to Seattle. Jefferson Airplane and Grateful Dead trump Nirvana and Heart. But Vancouver is better than either.

      • The one that pisses me off is when a person has been asked a question and answers with the word so as if they’re announcing the answer fucking liberal cunts on the telly mostly.

  4. Imitation Yank should comment on this, hopefully he is confusing Americans daily by fighting back against this bastardisation and using ‘fortnightly’ rather than ‘two weeks’.

  5. Yippee-kay-ay mother fucker. The only Americanism that should ever be spoken….preferably while punching some no mark low life in the face.

  7. Morning all. Couldn’t agree more; another one that winds me the fuck up, although not strictly an Americanism (and I’ve seen some of youse cunts on here use it…) is when people say “should of” or “could of” – it’s should HAVE for fuck’s sake!

    • “Should have gone to SpecSavers” ads are funny as fuck. Proper use of the Queens English and, as far as I’ve seen, not a peaceful or effnik in sight.

      Morning/evening Cuntan.

      • Morning here Kiwi! Far too early for the great unwashed masses of the UK to be up yet.

      • Rolling on for the land of Nod here or at least for me at any rate. Early work shifts plus a few measures of bourbon for dinner have made me a tired chappy.

      • My ex had a boss who was purblind, like the vet…
        Would’ve been funny, except for the fact he spent his days analysing hospitial genetic samples, down a microscope…
        When he got on his bike and rode out of the car park in the evening, he was a caricature of a circus clown.
        Christ knows how many potential mongs the bloke missed, but in that city, their presence would’ve raised the local IQ…

      • Not so. Mogsrus published the cartoon featuring a man posting a letter into a hijab wearing female which stated ‘should have gone to Specsavers’ – following the Boris comments some months ago. We received a threatening email from said Specsavers saying we shouldn’t be using their logo to publish racist blogs. But then again it wasn’t a REAL advert, so we replaced the logo and re-published.

    • Excellent point, my learned friend. Homophones, or the incorrect use of, annoy the fuck out of me, too. ‘There, their, they’re’ being the most abused.

      ‘There friends’ should HAVE been, ‘Their friends’.

      • Yeah, like totally bro. Given the state of the fuckwits being churned out of our schools now (all have BAs in Woke Studies and Trans Awareness but the common sense of a doorknob) I think the intricacies – hard to grasp though they can admittedly be – of the English language will be lost.

      • Talking of which did you see the “resignation letter” of one John Thomas (honestly) Chairman of Leicester East Labour Party – full of solecisms “hoki koki” (hokey kokey”, “moneys” for monies,

        The pompous wanker is upset that another black woman a friend of Steptoe’s had replaced Keith ‘Jim’ Vaz. Mr Dick had been chairman for 32 years so he was there virtually all the time that dishonest poof Vaz waa there, but THAT apparently was the Labour Party he approved of.

      • Ha! I work for the NHS Ambulance Service! My feet wouldn’t touch the ground! One of the things I love about it. You work with all walks/colours/creeds and I’ve yet to meet anyone that uses it for an agenda. None of them could ever be politicians, dude😉

      • It’s not there any more, they paved it and put up a parking lot. Gretchen Thundercrackers went mental

      • Fuck me, I’ve just read that properly! I’ll write 500 times;

        ‘I must not be such a cunt’.

    • Couldn’t agree more. This use of the word ‘of’ instead of ‘have’ is just thick, ignorant cunts being lazy.

      Another one that really pisses me off is when people refer to some men as having a moustosh. What the fuck is a moustosh? It’s moustache you thick twat! If they abbreviate the word, they would say the man has a ‘tache’, not a fucking ‘tosh’. Cunts.

      Having said that, I think both your example and mine are very British things, which shows we are just as capable of mangling our language as the septics are.

      • A moustosh is a piece of rainwear worn by a small furry rodent, for protection when investigating Uncle Elsan’s back passage.

  8. My favourite piss-boilers in US cop shows

    Walking up to crime scene: ‘What do you got?’
    Asking a witness: ‘Do you know where he might have went?’

    FFS

    • Or, how about “where are you at?”

      Eh? Would it not have been quicker and easier, not to mention just more plain fucking correct, to ask “where are you?”.

  9. ‘Can I get’.

    Fuck me, that’s enough to put my blood pressure over 200 systolic… Some cunts do it on Countdown. I’m just praying for Nick Hewer to say;

    ‘That’s okay, stay where you are, Rachel’ll get it for you’.

    I have to ‘correct’ young student paramedics over this abomination all the time. They only do it once…

    A Yankee-Doodle cunting, indeed.

    • Woman in front of me in a queue on Saturday used just this, I had to stifle the urge to ram her skinny coconut soy macchiato up her arse

  11. And the insertion of ‘Like’ in front of everything, as in;

    ‘I was like, Wow’, or ‘I’m like going out’, or ‘I was like No and she was like Yes’.

    When the FUCK did ‘like’ replace ‘said’?

    Jesus fucking Christ…

    • We’re like really like showing like our like age, aren’t we!

      When I was still working I did a lift share to work with two colleagues. One was a grizzled old cunt about my age and the other was a pretty young filly in her mid twenties. The journey took about twenty minutes. One day I counted the amount of times she said ‘like’ on the journey. SEVENTY TWO fucking ‘likes’ in twenty minutes!!! Aaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!

      • Once you actually notice it and start counting it’s astonishing isn’t it….. every subsequent “like” is like, like a nail down a like, blackboard (not chalkboard you cunts)

      • It’s, like, fucking annoying bruh!

        American culture and jargon is rampant here among the yoof and to further boil my piss, the news readers are at it too now, with the reports full of slang and gibberish.
        No doubt to show how in touch with the young fucktards they are.

      • Thank fuck it’s not just me.

        Student paramedic:
        ‘I’m going to like cannulate them’,

        me,

        ‘Well, are you going to cannulate or like cannulate’?

        I know I’m a cunt, but, they have to be taught.

      • Absolutely. Keep on correcting them. I do it to my daughter all the time, and she, like, is like only like 10. Grrrrrrrr

  12. “Supersize me,Dude”….there’s no need,you’re already the size of a small planet,you fat Cunt.

    “I’ve parked my S.U.V. in the handicapped zone”…why the fuck would you need anything with “Sports” in the name?

    ” I’ll take fries with that”…of course you will,you’d take the whole daily fucking output of the deep-fat fryer with you if you could.

    “Pass the chips”….they’re fucking crisps,you Cunt,and should never be Walkers.

    “You smashed it out o’ the ballpark,Guys”…indeed I did and I’ll fucking smash a baseball bat over the back of your head in a minute,you utter Wanker.

    “I’m loving my new Sneakers”…Really? Are you some kind of shoe-fetishist?…Oh and they’re called gym-shoes and you really should put them to their intended purpose.

    Fuck Off.

    • ‘I’m loving’. Point well made.

      ‘I’m loving this record’, harps on Zoe fucking Ball.

      What, the physical act? I think you mean ‘love’, luv.

      • Back in her very early days on the box I actually used to think Zoe Ball would be worth a punt….. what the fuck was I thinking (mind you her old man’s alright, been blacklisted by all the universities for upsetting the snowflakes with his views on global warming)

      • I was in a pub with a mate when we heard aa rumble outside. It was a BMW M3 or something. One of those short-arse sales wankers with a goatee said ‘i’m loving that car just now’. I looked at my mate and we shook our heads in disgust.

      • He was probably doing just that before you arrived. Check the exhaust pipe for sticky stuff. Car fetishists – forthcoming cunting?

    • Good one on Sikipedia…….

      Prince Andrew: I love girls with bald fannies

      Friend: Oh, so you like girls who shave?

      Prince Andrew: No

      • “Fannies” or indeed “fanny” – always confuses the fuck out of Americans because they think it means your arse (or “butt” as they also call it, grrrr!)

      • Always remember donkeys years ago hulk Hogan appearing on kids Saturday morning TV with trev and simon; he started doing his bit and referencing things like “imma kick your fanny so hard” clearly not aware of the difference in the UK connotation of the word…. trev and Simon and camera crew were falling about, hulk took it in good humour though

      • Trev and Simon. Top blokes. Much missed. Thanks for the reminder of when Saturday morning TV was worth getting up for. Nowadays of course it’s chock full of hipster cunts on a cookery show, squealing with delight as another grotesque fat cunt ladles out some inedible slop.
        I’ll make an exception for the delectable Nigella though!

    • A horrid cunt on Grand Designs House of the Year had a room devoted to this footwear item. Apparently, he showed his mother, who told him to “Grow up !” He looked a complete saddo.

  13. The Americans can be shockingly self importany: “I had a busy schedule that day buy I interviewed with Joe Doe”. What they meant was “There were two soaps to watch and after that I had a job interview with Joe Doe”. Interview BY not WITH

  14. Don’t forget the long established piss-boilers such as “So..” at the beginning of each sentence. But you can also include “Super” these days too. Such as

    “I’m super excited”, “Super drunk”, or “I’m a real super cunt!”

    And do we still have to put with this “Black Friday” shit? Whatever next, Thanksgiving?

    Thanks guys, you’re real super!

    • Never used ‘super’ in regard to anything, its like ‘gosh’ or ‘awfully’
      A sloane ranger word.
      For people who cant say ‘yes’ and say ‘yah’ instead

    • I think ‘so’ is a British phenomenon.

      I find myself wanting to punch a hole in the television every time someone is interviewed and starts every fucking reply with “so….”.

      “So” is NOT a word that should be used to start a sentence. EVER.

      CUNTS.

  15. My “T’s are turning into “Ys” – my computer is as useless a cunt as I am myself.

    Spec savers?

  16. Oh, and don’t get how people here say “movies” rather than “films”; and “ass” rather than “arse”

    “Yeah, I saw Debbie Does Baghdad, and it was a great movie. She took it right up the ass!”

    Annoys the shit out of me and BNC is a prime offender.

  17. Season, now that fucking annoys me, there are 4 seasons, so why do they name series “Season’s” that doesn’t make sense.
    Next “Movie” this comes from moving pictures, so it could be a what the butler saw machine or a cinematic projection both of which were superseded by the “Talkies”.
    Just call it a fucking film.
    Next “Gas” Fucking look it up a liquid in vapour form, Petrol is not gas unless its in vapour form.
    The only thing I like about them is their frank signage, I recall a yank ammunition dump with a perimeter sign that read, “Don’t fuck with our ammo unless you want to be shot”, Mind you I also saw a Hum V with “A soldier with a attitude” written on it, oh for a marker pen for that missing N.

    • “aluminum” rather than “aluminium” – I really do feel like throwing the remote straight through the TV screen when I hear that shit.

    • Yep, it’s “series” you cunts. Kind of on topic of US jingoism, I went on a cruise with loads of septic passengers earlier in the year and they’ve now gone into overdrive with the whole service thing; now dont get me wrong, I’ve said it on here before that anyone who has put themselves on harms way, be it forces, emergency services like our own good DCI or whichever is a cut above in my book. I think our forces guys are much more reserved and considered about it though; every other cunt on this boat seemed to be wearing a fucking tee shirt with “Vietnam Vet” loudly emblazoned on the front. Point of the story is, and I wanted to shake this cunt’s hand, is that there was one little old guy also wearing one of said shirts who was CLEARLY Vietnamese. . . didn’t go over well with the yank contingent!!!! Well he’s a vet too ain’t he? Just for the winning side … yee-hah!

      • I saw a yank with a “Vietnam veteran” cap on once at an airport I used to work at. I saw inside his passport and noted from his date of birth that he was only two years older than me, meaning he was still in school when the Vietnam war ended.

        Utter, shameless cunt.

  18. Different than is an Americanism of perpetual annoyance to me. Or different to – even Oxbridge educated journalists and politicians in this country can’t get it right.

    Different from
    Similar to
    Compared with

    Oh and totally agree with commenters above about the thick-as-pigshit “should of”

  20. At the risk of being the voice of reason (puts head above the parapet and waits to get shot at).

    The use of Americanisms is just one of many examples of how our language is constantly changing. If it didn’t, we’d all still be talking like Shakespeare, or, worse, grunting like cavemen.

    I think this debate just proves how most of us just don’t like change (and yes, I definitely include myself in that).

    Ultimately the whole point of any form of communication is to enable ourselves to be understood by other people, so the next time the beardy in front of you says “can I get a skinny soymilk macchiato” just accept that a) he has communicated his requirements effectively to the barista, and b) he has very kindly identified himself to you as a woke, hipster cunt.

  21. Inferno, yes indeed!
    Only this morning while commuting to my workplace I saw in the yard of one of our ex-council houses, a full-size flagpole with a brand-new Stars and Stripes attached thereto. Presumably the new occupant is a septic, and this is the colonialist mentality emerging. I await nocturnal shouts of “yeeha” and a school massacre. Cunt.

    The difficulty for me as a lover of English English, is that the Yanks have preserved quite a few Elizabethan and Jacobean expressions and usages which we ditched after they rebelled. But they also picked up the German obsession with composite nouns and other filthy habits, so yes, they’re usually wrong.

    The real cunt in all this is the Merriam-Webster dictionary. This is the septic equivalent of the OUD, and where our cousins go to have their mistakes reinforced. Webster thought, correctly, that English spelling was illogical, and, incorrectly, had a go at rationalising it. Hence -ize for -ise, aluminum. and similar abominations. Never mind that German immigrants were perfectly happy with a ‘z’ sound for ‘s’, never mind that every other ‘ium’ element in the Periodic Table remains unfucked… Webster had a System, and the Yanks wanted some distance between themselves and the mother tongue. Cultural imperialism is responsible for the horrific linguistic aftermath in the rest of the English-speaking world. But just wait until Indian English really gets going: goodbye definite article, hello continuous present tense.
    And then we have the animal grunts of fake ghettospeak to consider.
    Deplorable. Or like you know totally doubleplusungood.

    My favourite sign, and I have no idea if it is American, is
    “BIG SCARY LASER : Do not look into beam with remaining eye.”

    • Language constantly changes, ours is made up of french and germanic words, normans, vikings, all influenced the english language!
      In 50yrs time a lot of english words will be of syrian and Pakistani origin,
      Yes, thrills me to bits too.
      Best thing for me about the english language is regional accents and slang!!
      Slang is great, and tends to be impenetrable to outsiders.🇬🇧

      • I speak a mixture of cod flemish and Romany with sprinkle of cockney rhyming slang.

      • Allreet me duck, no use you babbies rawing about the language here in Lincolnshire you cunts

      • Bizarrely, our favourite “alcohol” derives from arabic “al-kuhl”…
        Which proves who deeply regressive they are, turning their backs on this lovely stuff…

  22. ‘For sure’ instead of certainly or definitely is another on my long list of Americanisms that is now widely used.
    Gobshites!

      • Fuckin’ Oz cricketers who start a sentence with “Look or Listen.”
        Fuck off, I’ve no intention.

      • A lot of Canadians do the same thing. It can be really irritating because you get used to it then when they actually do ask a question you don’t notice.

    • Not if you’re American. And there’s 327 million of them and just 65 million of us, so maybe we are the ones who are in the wrong?

      (…..ducks down do avoid the incoming………!!).

      • America is a continent comprising of a north and a south, the predominate languages are root Spanish.
        The USA is a small part of that continent.

      • I must admit that I like the idea of shooting crap, although I admit it could get a bit messy at times.
        If you shoot it in the pan, is it like shooting fish in a barrel ??
        There’s a load of crap down at Wetminster that need shooting.

  24. I don’t like ‘Schedule’ pronounced as ‘skedyul’ like the Yanks do. Nor do I like:

    Intersection for junction,
    Sidewalk for pavement,
    Stop sign instead of traffic lights
    Eggplant (?) for aubergine
    Zucchini for courgette.

    • The eggplant thing is a racial slur also General.
      Used by Italian americans to mean a black person.

      • Oh? I’d heard you were partial to a big black glistening aubergine, purple on the end with a little splodge of white sauce 🙂

      • You make it sound so nice Cuntan!
        Plenty of eggplant on mine please!

        Oh fuck right off!
        And take your eggplants with you!😁

      • I learn from Wikipedia, the antisemitic cunts, that another name for it used to be ‘Jew’s apple’

        I’ll just switch the alarm off.

        https://youtu.be/sX2rm-jLLFY

        sorry I have been keeping this one back for some time and thought it might be appropriate

      • Apology reluctantly accepted. Meshugginah amalekim*, already… This is a parody? I’m surprised more haredim aren’t on the rap scene, though. They’re quite good.

        * Now that’s racist, if you’re ultra-Orthodox

      • I believe aubergine comes from the Arabic part of the world. Far better than an ugly (and badly described) compound word anyway.

      • Indeed. Let’s call it al-badinjan, then. But why stop there? It’s a loan-word, via Persian, from Dravidian ‘vatin-gana’ or ‘fart-gone’ as aubergines were thought to dispel flatulence (tip of the hat to Wikipedia, there)

        I’ll have the fartgone parmigiana…

  26. Pronouncing route as rout instead of root gets on my tits as well as going to the bathroom. Yes you may well need to wash off the stink of cheap aftershave and ranch dressing sweat even though your going for a shit, but I don’t want to hear about it.

    • When I worked at an airport I had a yank ask me where the bathroom was. I told him we didn’t have any but there were some showers he could use. He replied that no, he needed to use the restroom. I said that we didn’t have any of those either but there were some chairs he could sit down on. Finally, he said he needed to use the toilet. I told him they were over there, right behind him, with the word “toilets” written in fucking great big letters above the door.

      Stupid cunt.

      • I bet working at an airport was an eye opener RB. Did your ring piece ever clench up if you saw any bearded peacefuls with bulky backpacks?? Oh and how come it seems as though at least one staff member on any airline help desk has to be a fucking great tranny, usually about as feminine looking as Brian Blessed

      • Nothing beats my quite recent experience on Air India where one of the indigenous passengers used an airline blanket to wipe her baby’s arse then dumped the shit-filled item in the gangway. Disgusting shit-filled nation (where the Prime Minister is adamant that ‘public defecation’ has now been eradicated). Deluded cunt. It’s India, it never will be.

      • Oh yes. Beardies with rucsacks did often find that their transit through the airport took them a lot longer than it might have done. Sounds racist, but then they are more likely to blow up than everyone else.

        Met some real cunts – Anjem Choudhury several times, and if you want to know what a real cunt looks like, look up Sahin Lim on google. How I didn’t knick the crap out of that cunt I will never know.

      • Fuck me backwards. What the fuck has happened to society when some worthless cunt like this can draw benefits in the hundreds of thousands of pounds?? I need a lie down

      • Should have seen him the first time I met him. Wearing a little white hat, green combat jacket, beige combat trousers, about 6’1” tall with a beard, he looked just like Osama Bin Laden. Saw him running through the airport with a rucsack on his back.

        And the cunt wondered why we stopped him to have a word!

        Each time we met him he had a large holdall with an equally large, and empty holdall inside. Now, a suspicious person might think he was going abroad to acquire goods at a bargain basement price and bring them back to flog here. Or bomb making equipment. Take your pick.

      • The cunt took 840 flights in nine years from nearly half a million he received in benefits!
        Still, the Lib Dums will sort him out with the frequent flyer tax that they’re going to bring in!

  28. The cunts that do my head in, are the “death to America” peacefuls and the Corbynista coloured-haired, snot-hanger-nose-ringed, wanker-bearded lefty cunts who see no irony wearing NYC hats and other American logo stuff.

  30. This gives me another opportunity to say how much I hate people who say ‘off-of’, as in “I got off of the bus” or “three yanks just fell off of the cliff” (wishful thinking).
    Another thing which was touched upon by Technocunt is when Americans say “I’m excited”, when it’s not necessary. They sound like they’re asking the teacher if they can go and have a wank.

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