Jess Phillips MP

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Jess Phillips is now faster that Father Christmas….

If stopping Brexit is not enough, Jess Phillips now claims to be faster than Father Christmas. What a cunt!

On Tuesday, 8th October she appeared on the BBC’s flagship Remainer show ‘Daily Politics’. She stated that during the 6 weeks before the last election, she knocked on 25,000 doors and only a couple of people even mentioned Brexit. I am not surprised because she would have only had about 3 seconds to talk to each of them. Lets see: 25,000/42 days is about 600 doors per day. Given that the average working hours for an MP is 10 hours (LOL) that’s 60 doors per hour or 1 per minute. By the time the occupant answers, she has about a 3 second conversation with them. Most of which went along the lines of ‘Fuck off, fat arse!’ followed by a slammed door in an ugly face.

Either she is a liar, or has been receiving maths tutorage from Diane Abbott, who was sadly passed over for the Nobel Prize in Physics today.

So once Santa hangs up boots and Rudolph is slaughtered for meat in the EU, as British Beef and Welsh Lamb is no longer available, Jess can take his job delivering Santa’s presents during Winterval in Birmingham.

Nominated by Total cunt

59 thoughts on “Jess Phillips MP”

  2. Don’t listen to them Jess! You may be an epic cuntstain but I’d hang out of your arsehole and no mistake hon.

    • Maybe she got confused. There must be a farmer christmas. “Arrr! Get off me land or I’ll set elves on ya!”

  4. A woman with no redeeming qualities what so ever. She’s awful to look at she s ghastly to hear speak and her thoughts and beliefs are completely simplistic and shit.

    She first came to my attention years back when she couldn’t help her over indulged ego , and actually laughed at the ideas of mean and boys having serious issues . Whilst on a Board of mps, real class this one.

    Her constituency is a heaving ghetto for gimmiegrants and She s a feminist apparently so that should tell you all you need to know really .

    Except that her maths is even worse or some how she can move her lardy arse quicker then an Olympics 100m runner.

    • Sorry Sheriff she does have an amazing pair of fun bags. Apart from that she is an Uber size Cunt.

    • He gets racially profiled that’s why the Coca Cola Christmas trucks were banned. A large bearded man with a sack full of suspicious items, driving at speed muttering about flying reindeers clearly has mental health issues.

    • He went on a Common Purpose leadership course so he can ‘facilitate and integrate with diverse communties’. He’s also ditched his hat and beard, favouring a raindow dyed faux-hawk, a fat self-satified grin and hipster specs, and swapped the red suit for beige shirt and brown trousers with loafers.
      Mince pies and sherry are offensive so now it’s a latte with a tofu sushi roll.

      • A generous, bearded, God-like figure magically flying with a quadruped in the night sky?

        It must be the prophet Mühammet from the Qu’raan on his flying horse.

        🦌👳🏻

      • Sounds more like that pikey, Miserable Northern Cunt making off with Miles love of his life in the middle of the night.
        😀

  7. The Yak from Yardley, the Bovine from Brum.

    On her appearance with Jacob Rees-Mogg she was meant to represent the common folk. Sll i can say is common relative to TV producers, perhaps.

    She goes around moribund BBC panel shows calling people neckbeards without actually knowing what a neckbeard is, moans about getting abuse online while saying she’d stab her party leader.

    Her husband must feel like a sewage worker when they’re in bed. Prodding her a if breaking up a ‘fat-berg’.

    • Does she have a husband ? The poor cunt must have to gingerly part the beef curtains as not to disturb the blue vein cheese and stink out the whole house .
      I bet she insists he must gobble it all up just like a good boy without vomiting 🤮

  8. I’ll bet there are new kinds of odours when you’re up close with Peaky Blinders Phillips. Vi
    Manure, sewerage, spoilt food, hard-baked soya sauce, cabbage with baked-on fermented paste, all manner of unbearably foul whiffs clinging to the inside of your nostrils.This is all BEFORE opening her gob.

    Come on toots, stop yapping and make me a sandwich.

    • Representing multicultural Yardley, JP is probably desensitized from all foul odours but can sniff out the whiff of the far-right’ through her copious amounts of bullshit on demand.

      • Afternoon, LibLiq.

        I say spray her with a cocktail of baking soda and vinegar, leave overnight, then dump her in the English Channel for rinsing. That ought to deter even the most tenacious of Ooga-Dooga gimmigrants.

  9. You can put lipstick on a pig.
    But you and I know it’s still a pig.
    Labour Spin at its very best.

  11. I’ve had more alluring shits than this ‘lady’.
    Likes to play the ‘voice of the people’ card but as i’m one of the people i can tell Jess right now that she talks nothing but a load of over emotional bollocks.

  12. She is a fucking dumb ass, I guess coming out with impossible maths in Brum is fine as most of the fuckers probably can’t do simple arithmetic.

    CUNT!

  13. Jess Peaky Fookin Blinders Philips attention seeking misfit Always in fear of her life keep your fucking mouth shut then you stupid cow

    • I am almost certain her panties contain a cock to rival that of the Abbopotamus

  15. Seeing her in lipstick reminds me of the tragic scene in ‘The Elephant Man’ , when John Merrick was looking in a mirror and trying on his suit and combing his hair.

  18. I wonder how her strong feminist views go down in her constituency with all the peaceful husbands who demand subservience & total obedience from their women. Come to a real working class area Jess I’m sure you’d be welcome…

  19. That Ian Blackford is some cunt. His cunt factor is almost at the level of Owen Jones.

  20. Awesome cunting Total Cunt, simply logic denotes there is no fucking way she canvassed 25,000 homes in 6 weeks, yet another stinking, lying cunt of a Politician.
    But if anyone calls her out on her bullshit she will play the ‘misogynist’ card.
    She is possibly the most fucking annoying cunt in Westminster, after that Jo “clean your teeth” Swinson fucktard

    • Jess Phillips’ would quite rightly think that the man gripping her buttocks was about to plough her chocolate chute. But instead, I’d like to push my entire size 11 foot and ankle in there and give her cunt and arse a right booting.

  23. You can knock her all you like but this is the greatest Halloween costume I’ve seen for years.

    Hoo-ee, what a cunt.

  24. What a dreadful bullshitting silly cunt she is.
    Not that she gives a fuck as she’s on the gravy train with a thick as pigshit constituency.
    I imagine urinating in her mouth might improve morale somewhat.
    Fuck off.

  25. I bet this dirty Phillips cunt enjoys the art of scatting…..the pig ugly shit

    • I’ve not yet taken a shit in a birds mouth, but i could take my scatting virginity by shitting in Jess Phillips’ stupid mouth for the first time. Nice scatterwhore Jess.

  26. she was at the ‘people’s vote’ march in londonium – and oh, how they cheered – yardley should be blown off the map with her in it

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