Fireworks (2)

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Fireworks….never liked ’em even when I was little.

Never gazed in awe at them. Thought they were a bit boring…more interested in the treacle toffee!

As an adult, I loathe the fucking things. Dogs are shit feared of them and it seems the retarded, antisocial and unemployed just cant get enough of them. Even grown men spunk money on something that’s basically pretty colours and noise!

I’m suspicious of adults who like them…something a bit gay and odd about them?!

The only thing that cheers me up about them is when reading where some twat’s lost his face fucking about with them. Should either ban them as a hate crime, or remove all safety regulations on them, so more idiots get a suntan and less fingers to count.

Nominated by Miserable northern cunt

129 thoughts on “Fireworks (2)”

  1. You’re opening a box of fireworks with this Nom Miserable. I’m going nowhere near it.

    • Afternoon Miles! Everyone!
      Think some cunters wont like my nomination of fireworks?
      Few closet pyromaniacs?
      Well, to be diplomatic,..fuck em.
      Hate the fuckin things!

      • I fucking love fireworks. Bangers up a cats arse when I was younger, or frogs. Bangers over a cunt neighbours wall to kill his collection of budgies. Airbombs in demijohns to warn fucking bellends to pay up. Fireworks have many uses. Probably a good thing we had no access to c4.

      • That’s right they have their uses. I once threw some pinwheels into an orchard to scare off the parrots, having not noticed the 2 foot tall dead grass in there. Next thing had a Bushfire to contend with

    • I’m not quite sure they all fit in arseholes.

      But being german I’ll give anything a go

      ….

      Shit I just fell over the piss in my shower in my gimp suit

      • Yes, I must admit the caption on the photo “fireworks are for assholes” unnerved me at first.
        I decided that’s where I’d been going wrong all these years,
        putting them in a milk bottle.

      • I really must complain about the Americanisation of the beloved word “arsehole”
        Assholes stay over the pond say I.

  2. Having 3 cats, fireworks are the bane of our existence from late October into November. I accept official displays as long as there’s plenty of warning in advance. Apart from that they should be banned full fucking stop.

    PS: Fireworks bore me rigid.
    PPS: My missus adores them.

    • Lucky you. Firework season in Leicester started a couple of weeks ago with Navratri, we’re currently in Diwali, Bonfire night in November runs through to Christmas and New Year. Any day from the end of September is fair game. Luckily our cat is fairly laid back about most of the noise but does get spooked by the ones have were clearly designed with Dresden in mind. I love fireworks, but at the proper time and that means Bonfire Night only.

      • Just to add, l was chased by a rocket when I was about 8 and I wouldn’t have the fuckers in the house. I have no objection to organised displays, but other than those I’d ban them. You can buy these bloody things in supermarkets but, strangely, not grenades, wonder why.

      • Oh shit, I just remembered the mini rocket fights we used to have. Fucking great times.

      • Same thing where I am, only my dog is petrified of them. Normally all summer from the rag-heads. I went round a house one night to put a halt to it and it had finished just as I arrived. No one said a word but they knew why I was there. I turned my truck around on their lawn and fucked off to settle my dog. The fucking liberties that guests of the UK take are unbelievable, but I won’t go there today.

    • My Mrs goes to musical fireworks displays Ruff…..fuck them bang bang noisy shit music playing events.

      • Yo Gingers, how goes it mate?

        Not heard of these musical fireworks displays, thank Dog. My missus would probably love that sort of shit. As it is we live close to a park where the council put on a big display once or twice a year. Usually enough to assuage her pyromaniac urges…

      • Evening Ruff, I am good thanks apart from this constant rain at present.
        How’s it going with you?
        These musical firework displays the better half goes to are up in Southport, she likes them so it makes me happy, regardless whatever I think of them.

      • Can’t really complain on a personal level Gingers… though getting more and more exasperated with this basket-case of a cuntry by the second!

        Gotta keep counting our blessings though…

      • Evening Bertie. It’s time you got down to Specsavers. Unless that was Percy posting again, the cunt!

      • Nah, Percy’s got his own glasses but I must get a hearing aid sorted out.
        BTW are you still talking to your remainer friend after his visit?

      • We’ve not spoken since Bertie. 😂

        Actually that’s not unusual, we’ve known each other for 48 years but only meet up 3 or 4 times a year now. We were inseparable during the ’70s & ’80s… Mind you, we’ve rarely seen eye to eye over politics, ours is a relationship built more on a shared sense of humour, a love of rock music and a hatred of cunts. Except our idea as to what comprises a cunt has diverged somewhat over the last 20 years… and most pointedly since the referendum.

        The evening was just about bearable though, except a moment when I came back from getting him a lager and caught the him telling my missus what a Nazi Julia Hartley-Brewer was…

        I spent the rest of the evening bringing up JH-B’s name at every opportunity, expressing my undying love for her.

      • These sort of conversations must be being reflected all over the country. I fear that I will have similar to face when my son and his wife visit from the smoke!

      • It seems to me that many families are split over leaving/not leaving the EU.
        My family isn’t any different, though at present we don’t speak about the subject when we meet up.
        Time will tell.

      • Look mate, you can’t change it. I’m bored of it all. What lesson we should learn from it is…. Politicians are fucking CUNTS.

      • Good luck.
        My next door neighbour’s daughter came up from the smoke a couple of weeks ago. He could barely open his mouth without her saying “Dad you can’t say that!” if he expressed a moderate right-of-centre opinion.
        He was well fed up by the time she went home. Brainwashed by her metropolitan peers we reckoned.

      • “My next door neighbour’s daughter came up from the smoke… Can’t say that! …He was well fed up by the time she went home.”

        WTF??? Some fucking sprog tells me what to think and say it’d be collar and seat o’ the pants and oot the fucking door! Did he just sit there and shut up with a mumbled apology so she can piss off back to London and crow to her buddies about how she’s fighting the good fight? Fuck that; I would have sat the silly bitch down and given her the full three hour oration on just why she is talking monumental bollocks. Jesus fucking Chirist on a pogo-stick, people HAVE to call this shit out the moment it surfaces in conversation, you can’t let these fuckwits off the hook unchallenged… you have to call it at every instance without fear or favour be they freind, family, Pope Prince or Pauper.

      • Fear not Cunty Chops, she certainly didn’t go unchallenged… lucky not to end up under the patio in fact…

  3. A special cunting for those bloody shops that have opened up which sells fireworks all the year round seven days a week, selling them to fuckwits who put lighted fireworks into post boxes, and idiots who use any excuse to have a firework party – my neighbour has fireworks every year for her birthday in July.

    • Used to like fireworks as a kid, when I could afford them. They were different and exciting. It all left me when I was fifteen. They weren’t exciting any more. Never bothered with them again.

    • Yes proper cunts those shops.Fireworks should be banned only registered displays should Be allowed

  4. I concur.

    Never understood the point of them even as a kid. You might as well get a roll of £20’s, light it and watch them burn instead.

    Also, some of the fuckers go off like Howitzers, so whatever is in the cunts could be pretty useful if you were a lone wolf, mentally ill, nothing to do with Islam type… just saying.

    Have a bonfire and fireworks display run by the army or fire brigade by all means, but sales of these explosive and/or incendiary devices over the counter isn’t a great idea in my opinion.

    • My feelings precisely. Terrorist threat level severe, yet you can legally fill your van with explosives. Utter fucking madness.
      Evening Rebel.

    • There is a time for it. November the 5th. When that Guy tried to blow up parliament. Has everyone forgot about that? Make your own celebration of him doing it. The fucking cunts need blowing up.

  5. They can be slightly interesting in very small doses.
    I stayed in one New Years Eve a while back and watched the ‘Fireworks Display’ at the London Eye on the telly… Was interesting for abaaaaht a minute, that minute probably cost 30 bags and then it went on and on to some shit mish mash music mix for abaaaaht 15 minutes.
    Where the fuck were Extinction Rebellion who should have been lying on top of Fireworks to prevent them going off and stopping the pollution and getting fried themselves.
    What a waste of money.
    Would have been better off giving people a gram of powder each… Would have been cheaper and my mate Dave would have made a few quid.
    Piss off.

  6. Make no mistake fireworks will be next on Greta Thundercunt’s and Extinction Ejaculation’s shit list!

    They’ll be banging on about noise pollution and the chemicals in the air and blah blah blah, with the upshot that they’re killing the planet and should therefore should be banned in order to save Greta’s fragile childhood!

  7. wouldn’t waste money on them, but perchance somebody bought out a range named after politicians and with their faces on them, I could be tempted to light the blue end more so if it was rammed up their arse at the time

  8. Hate the fucking things. Terrify the dogs and are a fucking waste of money.
    Having endured 1 Diwali, I can confirm it looks and sounds like a fucking warzone.
    To finish on a conciliatory note – fireworks only ok if rammed up a cat’s arse.

  9. I thought this Nom might blow up in your face Miserable but no it since Admin set it off the touch paper has been lit to an explosively interesting debate. It’s no dud. Let’s hope it doesn’t fizzle out.

  10. Fireworks are for mongs… I once saw this Irish cunt in his garden, letting the things off in broad daylight… You could hear them but not see them… When I asked about it the spudfucker replied ‘Ahh, it’s de little ones… They won’t wait’… First off, a total cunt for being dictated to by some spoilt Irish frogspawn… Second, a total cunt for spending money on shit like fireworks and not even using them properly… Typical Tinker and a classic cunt…

    • That was fucking excellent B&WC
      Even had them firing off the back of a hilux. Proper warfare.

  12. It’s not fireworks I dislike, it’s the brain dead cunts that wet their pants over drying them off in inappropriate places and at inappropriate time’s.

    I had reason to march a little cunt back to his family hovel and smack his old man in the face when he opened his door.

    Said little cunt thought throwing fireworks in the street was a fun pastime and barely missed my daughter in her buggy.

    Bad enough that kids can get their hands on fireworks but then some so called adults also cream their pants at things that go bang.

    I don’t like to be a killjoy and if we lived in a world where only sensible people used fireworks in their own gardens on the one night a year it’s appropriate I’d be fine with them.

    But no we live in a world where people throw the fucking things in the streets, put them through old people’s letter boxes for a laugh and fireworks night lasts for weeks.

    Far as I’m concerned any cunt caught abusing fireworks should be sent off to clear land mines. Like playing with things that go bang do you cunty?

  13. Yeah, it makes perfect sense that Extinction Hurryup should turn up to a public firework display and try to prevent it happening. They won’t though because they’ll get their fucking heads kicked in. The last one I went to in Brockwell Park (Brixton) the streets were choked with thousands of people, most of whom were pissed. The tree huggers only pick fights with cunts they can beat…… like the pansified Metropolitan Police Force…..Er…..Service.

  15. I like them on bonfire night going down with my family to see them but that’s it.

  16. I used to enjoy shoving bangers and jumping-jacks into the slot of pillar-boxes but since Mrs. Al-Magrahbi spoke up from behind her niqab and threatened to return fire, I’ve stopped.

    • Evening Mr Fiddler, many a toilet bowl ruined at school with a few cherry bombs?

      • No, we used to crack the toilet-bowls by bouncing the swotty kid’s head off the bottom of it as we dunked him first and then flushed.

        Exening,LL.

        All this talk of fireworks has got me quite excited. Think I’ll go and chuck a few of those thunderflashes that I found on the army training range down a badgers’ sett.

        Tally Ho.

      • Think its Italy were you cant buy loud fireworks anymore just the camp pretty colour ones.
        Nearest I got to enjoying fireworks was one summer as a kid, load of us sat on school playing fields and one kid who was proper fuckin mad, set fire to a council portakabin with calor gas bottles in!
        All these little Kes extras sat patiently watching till ..💥💥💥fucking ell!

      • There is a shop near where I live that sells fireworks all year round. The daft cunts had a sign outside today ” having a baby? We’ve got gender prediction fireworks in stock!”. Christ on a crutch, what does that mean? The cunts might get their collars felt by the Council for daring to suggest there are definite genders. The local primary school hosts a firework display in November and it is pretty good, they put on a beer tent, pies and burgers as well. The only fly in the ointment is that,inexplicably, a motley crew of hippies are allowed on before the fireworks to do juggling. It goes on for ever and all you can hear is people shouting ” whats this about?” or “fucking piss off!”

      • You tight bastard Dick, hope it gives you TB!
        Then when your pissed up cant reach the high notes when singing lynrd skynhrd!!😁

      • I,of course,sing like an Angel,could have turned professional. I have often been compared to the great Pavarotti….except I’m not a fat caterwauling Wop blasting out some boring. out-of-date, opera shite.

        Evening, MNC

        Elton John is a Cunt.

      • Evening Dick,
        Yeah people are always shocked when I sing, expecting me to sound like frankensteins monster no doubt!
        Might look like bigfoot but sing the birds from the trees me Dick,
        At the risk of sounding conceited id say beautiful!
        Have to be pissed though! And feeling melamcholy, actually it cam go either way, sing like a blue bird or
        Abusive and violent, either way
        Always enjoy myself!😁

      • “No, we used to crack the toilet-bowls by bouncing the swotty kid’s head off the bottom of it as we dunked him first and then flushed.”

        Dick, I think you ought to come clean here. These antics are typical public school. Admit it, your an old Etonian aren’t you?

      • How dare you ?!!!

        Eton is the school of deviants and pig-fuckers. I am,of course,a Rugby School man where I went under the name Flashman…aahhh,happy days,roasting the weedy kids in front of the fire and stealing all their tuck and money.
        It’s just what these modern Snowflake brats need…a good old-fashioned dose of toughening up.

      • Hey Bertie, wonder why rugby didnt catch on near us?
        Wales its massive, sounds big round Fiddlers area, and wigans into it an thats just up the road!
        But fuck all interest round cheshire,
        Why do you reckon that is?

      • They still talk in hushed tones of the days when I covered the weediest child in fox shit and gave him a ten minute start before I loosed the Hounds,tootled my horn and yelled “Tally Ho”….

      • No, disagree there Miserable. Warrington is big rugby league country. In fact, we won the Challenge cup this year. Admittedly, there’s not much interest your way beyond Salford.

      • Is it? Didnt know that, never played it at school never met anyone who liked it or played it growing up!
        Obviously footballs massive here with united and city,
        Cricket as well, but not rugby?

      • Your ultimate night when you let everything go Miserable would be violence WHILE singing like a bird. Does that ever happen? As you step back to land a haymaker maybe Angels by Robbie?
        ‘And through it all…’PUMF!

      • Evening Miles!
        No its one or the other, normally the singing though, “summers almost gone” the Doors being my main default song, not a Robbie fan😇
        Dont really get into naughtiness anymore really bit old for that shite now, and not easily offended,
        Concentrating on my musical career!😁

      • Evening Dick
        Brian May will be crying for weeks if he heard about that Dick.
        Maybe you should set a few off in his perm, I do believe he has a badger on his head.
        Not sure if it is dead or alive though.

      • Bran May is a scruffy Cunt. I always think that he looks like an exploded bag of medical waste….I bet the Cunt hasn’t washed his ringpiece since Freddie Mercury croaked…I didn’t like that bugger either.

        Evening, GB.

      • Wears clogs.
        Brian May. He wears clogs all time.
        Dunno how thats relevant or even vaguely interesting, but a fact.

  17. Every New Year’s Eve cunts await the fireworks that are set off from the harbour bridge in my city. Several stake out viewing positions around the foreshore from the early daylight hours of December 31. They spend all day in the blistering summer sun, sinking endless glasses of strong drink and gorging themselves sleepy from picnic hampers. Come the first display at 9pm most are sunburned, drunk and tired. Then at midnight the bigger of the two shows begin by which stage many cunts are in food comas or too drunk to remember anything than occurred after the sun set. Afterwards the roads leading away from the “spectacular event” are heavily congested and it takes the cunts twice as long to travel home than it would had they walked there and back from about 11pm. It is estimated this waste of public money costs ratepayers $45,000 per minute.

    • CC those ones are descended from the first penal ships we sent to OZ, their forefathers were retards and it seems the gene pools not diluted yet!
      Feed em the crocs mate!👍

  18. If ever we needed another Guy Fawkes it’s now. Lock the cunts in and blow that place to fuck!

    • GCHQ are surely sending the plod over as we speak.

      ‘Stop talking about such things you naughty man… er.. person of non- specific gender’.

  19. My neighbour, Mr. Weale, hates bonfire night, ever since a dyslexic youth chased his wife with a lit taper, for a good hour or so, at the local fireworks display, some years ago.

    I don’t think poor Catherine has ever really got over it either.

  20. I’m in complete agreement with this cunting. I used to enjoy Bonfire night when I was a kid and watching my dear old dad panic when his home made rocket launcher invariably went horribly wrong. The ‘display’ only used to last about ten minutes but it was good fun. And everybody was the same, November 5th was the only time you saw fireworks and by 8pm at the latest it was all over. You hear the fucking things practically all year round now, at unacceptable times at night and they are too fucking loud for domestic use. I feel sorry for anyone who has dogs/cats as it must terrify the poor fuckers. Anyway, talking of Guy Fawkes isn’t it about time we finished what he started and blew up the Houses of Traitors?

  21. Fireworks do indeed make an awful din, but it sounds much better than the horrible fucking noise Katy Perry makes when she’s “singing” about them in that shit fucking song.

    • Katy Perry missed out by choosing to become a mediocre singer over a fantastic porn actress.

      • She’s actually quite a nice person. Not a complete cunt. Like boneo. The modern music industry is strangely enough full of quite decent people who really don’t give a fuck about the business but find themselves very lucky to be in a position that the shit business made them. I know this because I wanted Kanye West off. Cunt

  22. Fireworks lost their pull when I was a kid on a family holiday. The poor sods in Plymouth wanted to put on a display on the coast, just as a summer thunderstorm was rolling towards us from the Atlantic.

    Yeah yeah can you put your crap litlle bangers away now lads, we’re watching the lighting forking 12 miles out to sea.

    • Now lightning storms i like!
      Lighting storms are fuckin magic,
      Much better than gaylord fireworks,
      Always full of energy after a lightning storm!
      No its not the bolts in my neck!

      • Yep. The show over the channel-into- Atlantic made the fireworks look as dramatic and impressive as a bowl of rice krispies.

        Not bothered with them since.

  23. When i was a young buck CP shagged this bird while this lightning storm was going on outside the window,
    Dunno why but proper flipped my switches!
    Cool as fuck

    • That doesn’t surprise me at all ; the Pikey Blinder could never be accused of underestimating herself. I can’t see Momentum buying in to her though and they hold the whip hand.

      • Especially after she threatened to knife Supreme Leader Magic Grandpa in the front. That wont sit well with the Islington Corbynistas and plastic student socialists.

      • How will we know she has won? A bucket of water beside the despatch box, 3 sugar cubes, a carrot.

  26. Fireworks are only any good after partaking of 8 pints of strong lager.
    And then only the Catherine Wheel,once.
    All the rest are for mongs.

  27. Don’t mind fireworks at all. Every 5th Nov I let the boys detonate some low yield explosives which they get a kick out of then when they’re in bed it’s time to crack a tin and stick “V for Vendetta” in the vid to have a good old giggle at the ham-fisted anti-fash agitprop that drips from the seams.

    I did nearly blow m’self to kingdom come as a kid about six at the time of the first moon landings. Had a fancy that I could have a shot at making my own spacecraft so took the wheels of my bike, nailed the frame crudely to an old wooden ironing board (had free run of the old man’s tools) and taped a milk bottle either side at the back, each bottle primed with as many bangers as I could fit. Take off was scheduled for after tea and fortunately the old man partook of his evening ciggy on the back steps and clocked my feindish contrivance.

    “Ermmmm… Cunty!… come here a minute will you!!!” I toddle round the corner with gloves and wooly hat suitable for the rigours of space flight to be told the mission had been summarily cancelled “ya daft little sod!” And yes he did demonstrate my fundamental ignorance of ballistics and and put a light to one of my “booster stages” after despatching me indoors to watch through the window and sticking it in a galv steel dustbin. WOW!!! Even then it didn’t quite sink in that I could have exited this world there and then in a vaporous cloud of guts and powder smoke. Three weeks later he bought me my first penknife 😎 top bloke, different age, different risk assessment criteria.

  28. Ah…. the boys penknife. When I was a kid every boy carried a penknife. You never knew when you might have to get a stone out of a horse’s hoof or ward off a sneaky attack by the Germans. It was fucking essential…….happy days.

    • My old dads still always got a swiss army knife on him Freddie, dunno what he thinks he’ll need it for?
      Not long ago he gave me a ww2 british issue machete, which ive done up.
      Swear at 75yrs he could put those stabby cunts in london to shame for carrying a blade!

  29. Its going to be a right cunt this year deciding whose effigy to burn on 5th November. Mavis – fucking good idea. Um no its got to be Owen Jones, hasn’t it. But what about fucking Bercow, then. Hang on – we havn’t burnt Blair for 3 years now. Oh fuck I don’t know.

    Its impossible. How can you possibly choose just one with so many weapons grade cunts everywhere you look.

    • A Bercow effigy on it’s own would be far too small to burn for any satisfying length of time.
      Do them all… 😁

  30. Here’s some cheerful news. It’s been raining all fucking day in Londonistan, is still raining and looks like it’s going to rain all night. The hippies are getting a thorough fucking soaking.
    How I would love to transfer that typhoon in Japan to Trafalgar Square……..just for five fucking minutes.

    • Little Tarquin and Jemimah can always go and sit in mummy’s Overfinch Range Rover to dry off.
      Hope the deluded little fuckers all get pneumonia…

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