Buddy Oliver

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An inaugural cunting for what is sure to be the most annoying 9 year-old since Macaulay Culkin or Harry and Wills.

The boy and his fat tongued, lisping father – who after spending all his book advances buying his mother more Botox and torching all the franchise money of stupid people that paid him to put Jamie’s on their door – are now doing a cooking show on YouTube.

Have not seen a family more desperate for media attention since the Irwins.

I would Love to see those Sheriffs come in and clear the cunts kitchen out to pay his debts, live on YouTube.

I am certain in time Buddy will have so many nominations he will make the wall.

Nominated by King Cunt

95 thoughts on “Buddy Oliver”

  1. I have had a gander of Buddy’s scrambled egg making vid on Yewtoob.

    As tempting as it is to join in with your splendid cunting, the young lad doesn’t seem too precocious and the whole thing stinks of his fat-tongued old man’s publicity machine revving up its tiresome engine once again.

    Oliver Snr deserves a dollop of fiery arrabiata on his japseye, the cunt.

  2. He should be climbing trees, doing the five finger discount on Bounty Bars, glancing at his form teacher’s lumpy jumper, and filling his wellies full of tadpoles not arseing about on yoochoob.

    By 18, Bonnie cooking Langford will have changed gender, lectured everybody in Organic tucker, stood for Parliament for the Greens, and be imbibing a different kind of spice, all thanks to the nepotistic thirst of his greedy Two-Slugs Tongue dad.

  3. Oliver is a cunt and his food is for cunts.
    Hopefully one day Buddy will put Snr in the cheapest care home he can find.
    Fuck off.

    • My manners are fucking terrible!!
      Thank you for drawing my attention to this shitfest via an excellent cunting sir.

  4. Nice pic! Ronnie ‘fat poof’ kray meeting Macaulay culkin?

    Buddy, your dads a cunt.

    • “Who do you think you are, Fanny Craddock? Bake me a cake, watch me blow out the fackin candles? I’ve come here for a fackin shootout!!!!!”

      • Jesus Bob! Uncanny impersonation!
        Like being in the blind beggar pub when Jack the Hat got it!
        I saw nothing guv, know wat i mean?

  5. He’ll be another Greta Thundercunt once the fame gets to his head!

    Don’t eat this, don’t eat that; do it MY way because you’ll be saving the planet and my entitled future!

    Cunt

  6. The little Shit wouldn’t be much use in a nature “Nature verses Nurture” experiment….bred to Cunts and raised by Cunts,he was always going to be,well…a full-bore,unadulterated Cunt.
    Now where will I get one of those rodentor things that Admin. mentioned yesterday?…I’ll poke it through Jamie’s letterbox,pump a Zeppelin-inflating amount of flammable gas in and wait for the Cunts to hit the ignition switch on their cooker…should get the whole nest of them,hopefully.

    • Never fear – any questions that are remotely above her intellectual capacity she will brand them as “racist!”

      Question – Do you send your children to private or state schools?
      Flabbott – Clearly you are saying that cuz I is not white, and therefore I am gravely offended!

      • Stupid fat ugly stinking hateful Um Bongo cunt is on now, every other word out of her fat slobbering cakehole is “wimminz”, even some shite about wimminz who have lost their jobs at Thomas Cook!! Fucking spastic, change the record.

  8. The only surprising thing about that picture is buddy isn’t holding up an umbrella!
    I noticed that mockney cunt trousered a crafty £5.5 million out of his restaurant business as it collapsed, I’m sick and tired of this Essex spiv and just wished he would fuck off permanently to America as the yanks have a penchant for England’s biggest pricks like john Oliver, Russell brand and James corden etc etc ……..

    • Morning Q,

      His ex-workers are out working in Burger King for £8 an hour or on the rock’n’roll while he’s buying new soft-top mercs to act as wheelbarrow spittoons and blaming Brexit.

      “Yeth, we thould have another referendum becauth the vote wath unfair. Erm…innit. Any more thampagne, Joolth?”

      • Good morning El Capitan
        Spot on!
        His restaurant business was already faltering but just dropped in the big bad B word as it’s easier to say that than admit his establishments were fucking overpriced crap …..

      • Don’t you know the remoaner rules on Brexit?

        Anything good that happens (growing economy, lowest unemployment levels, etc.) are “inspite” of Brexit.

        Anything bad that happens (floods, a bad curry, taxes, etc.) is “because” of Brexit.

        Usually by “experts” (see yesterday’s cunting), the same experts who forecast mass unemployment, GDP through the floor and riots on the street if we dared vote leave.

        And all of that happened didn’t it…

      • Any business nowadays which has problems and leaves the creditors in the shit blames Brexit.

      • Rebel, how could you forget Cameron’s “World War 3” warning and Osborne’s “Global Brexit recession”

        Zzzz…

    • For that reason alone he is cunt of cunts. He was bleating in one of the Sunday papers about how sorry he felt for the staff who lost their jobs. Fucking right – not so sorry that you couldn’t spunk £6million on a new house or something. Cunt. I hope Boris fucks over your fuckign sugar tax you bit tongued mong.

  9. I thought child labour had been outlawed in this country?

    Must be another example of EU law taking precedence over UK law.

    • Morning Creampuff, compared to the story I saw about Beyoncé wanting to pimp her daughter out as a ‘cultural icon’ and trademark her name, Blue Ivy, little Buddy has a bit of work to do.

      • PS. Still a probable future cunt, call it ‘sins of the father’ syndrome, Beckham’s brood et al.

      • Listen to an audiobook of La Langrishe reading the Kama Sutra.
        Works on several levels…

  10. If we implement “the sins of the father” in this case (which we might as well; his intergalactically cunty father has cuntishness in his DNA), this lad is already a cunt 11 times over, and has a headstart on all the other cunts in his generation.
    Haven’t this family of ubercunts left the UK yet?
    Surprised they haven’t been seen loading suitcases of cash onto Elton Cunt’s private jet; destination somewhere full of gullible cunts who want to pay 50quid for a plate of shit food.

  11. Never heard of the jumped up offspring and never cared for that which spawned the excrescence. Jamie Oliver can fuck right off.

  12. Mr Oliver’s spawn is called, and this cannot be too heavily stressed:
    Poppy Honey
    Daisy Boo
    Petal Blossom
    Buddy Bear
    River Rocket
    It is rumoured that yet another is planned, to be called “Player’s Number Six”.
    There is little hope for the heir of such a monumental cunt as Jamie. But the possibility exists that he will
    (a) die with his head down a school toilet in his early teens
    (b) join the Foreign Legion under an assumed name on his 18th birthday and subsequently reappear as the brutal dictator of a banana republic or
    (c) write an autobiography entitled “My Upbringing By A Total Shithead”

    But I’m an optimist..

    • The influence of Buddy Holly is quite clear.
      I look forward to our Jamie going down in an aeroplane.
      “That’ll be the Day”
      It certainly won’t be “Raining in My Heart” that day.

    • And Those aren’t even the full names of his kids
      Poppy Honey Rose Oliver, Petal Blossom Rainbow Oliver, River Rocket Blue Dallas Oliver, Daisy Boo Pamela Oliver , Buddy Bear Maurice Oliver just completely fucking nutty names FFS they will all turn into drug addicts, queers, lesbos or even worse mini versions of him

      • Thanks for that TS. The cunt’s full infamy is now known. Still, it’s going to be a struggle to re-identify as male if you’re called Petal Blossom Rainbow, isn’t it? Missed a trick there, Jamie, you gender-stereotyping sexist cunt, you.

      • River Rocket? What the fork sort of name is that?!
        The doctors and nurses should’ve slapped the parents when the Olivers chose that.

      • Fine thanks Spoony. I hope you’ve been successfully dodging the traffic when out and about!
        😊

      • Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen, if you please. Zappa had a really horrible sense of humour. Oliver’s a humourless cunt, though, and has no excuse.

      • Horrible=great, in that context. Maybe “A Boy Named Sue” was at the back of his warped mind – ensuring his kids had to fight their own battles.
        Wouldn’t work nowadays. It would just get him LGBT/BAME counsellors on his doorstep.

      • I think it was pure eccentricity, plus a desire to thumb his nose at middle America. None of his kids have since resented Zappa’s choice of names, in fact they appear to have thrived on them.

        Zappa was a supremely confident individual, he would have taken enormous delight in ridiculing any LGBT/BAME counsellors foolish enough to turn up on his doorstep.

        Personally I wouldn’t dream of giving my kids* silly names, though I did once toy with the idea of calling my daughter, if I’d had one, Placenta.

        I put the idea to my dad and he said “that’s a lovely name”. 😂

        * I remain childless, as far as I know….

      • @Spoonington River Rocket Blue Dallas sounds like the name of a gay pornstar, That sound about right Krav? just wondering cause i know you’ve seen your fairshare…

        Komodo@ You mean Petal Blossom is a boy, its male? oh fuck its worse then i thought hes prepping up his kid to be a flaming homo with a gender bending name like that What you think Sir fiddler a name destined for the gayness? River Cock Rocket too

      • Sorry, TS, We got to a similar conclusion by different routes. Petal Blossom is currently cis-female* but I confidently expect them* to follow current trends and transition to trans-male* or whatever is then available. If ze* wasn’t born in the wrong body, zer* was definitely born to the wrong parents, anyway.

        *I’m doing my best. As far as I’m concerned, cis and trans are terms applicable only to isomeric compounds with double bonds.

      • You can see Oliver’s put one almost-normal name in front of his kids’ surname; I presume as insurance in case any of the the abused waifs dislike any of the other confected pre-surnominal nomenclature.

        So the stupid cunt knows he’s being a stupid cunt already.

  13. Urggh, how putrid. Pass me the sick bucket, pronto!!

    His father is a ‘high profile’ (more like a desperado trying to cling on to that profile) person. He and his fragrant wife, the lovely Jools (puke) should be doing all that they can to keep their children out of that limelight and give them a ‘normal’ childhood, not involving them in flogging his chimp father’s brand on fucking YouTube.

    What are they trying to do, make him a ‘mini-me’ because Oliver Sr’s star is fading?? He may well enjoy cooking and be good at it, so let him be good at bloody home and keep it private, instead of dressing him up to look like Gordon Ramsay and sticking a camera in his face.

    PARENTAL CUNTERY.

  14. Cute kid, shame he’ll probably be put in a dress and transitioning into a tranny after his father brainwashes him with liberal wrongthink in his late teens If hes smart he’ll nick a small fortune from his dad and assume a new life under another identity

  15. Five rich, spoilt brats given stupid cuntish names, brought up by a publicity hungry sleb, libtard cunt of a father? What could possibly go wrong?
    It’s hard to predict the future cuntishness of cunts but i’m hoping patricide is up there somewhere. Fingers crossed.

  16. Fuckin’ hell, looking at the photo, you’d think with the money he’s earned, he’d be able to stretch beyond a pair of NHS glasses.

  17. I sort of disagree with this nomination. I mean fair play to the nominator. Respect to you.

    Dad Oliver and Mum Oliver should be can’ted for naming the children.
    The only person allowed the name Buddy is Buddy Holly.

    I feel bad for the children.

    I haven’t watched Buddy’s cooking vids. Does he speak clearly without a speech impediment unlike his twit of a father?

    Also, I imagine his father put him up to this.
    His dad thinking, ‘Sh*t! I bullocksed the restaurant business. What shall I do now? Ah I know! Exploit the kids!’

    I wish Buddy the best of luck. Fly high then disown your parents.
    Then change your name to something sensible.

      • MNC, I still can’t get my head round that name.

        *In a casino in an exotic country*
        Some random card player: “You play well. What is you name?”

        “The name’s Unit, Moon Unit. Licensed to install kitchen units on the moon.”

      • One of his band named a kid ‘thunder canary’ as well!
        Bet none of these kids have kept their original names?
        Know zowie Bowie David Bowies son has changed his.

      • They’re thinking of changing his name to ‘Pocket Rocket’ on account of that he keeps fiddling with his balls.

  18. Many Thanks Spoonington. With consideration that a baby could be nominated and in fact with the Dead Pool some time back, the esteemed site does at times show there is no limitation or boundary when it comes to fact and truth.

    As premature as it may be I think the writing is on the wall the poor mite has all the makings of being 100 pc cunt. hence the nomination. I must say i will be pleased to know if he makes the wall of cunts, my eye for such talent was the first to spot it.

  22. I could never stand being called ‘buddy’. Or even worse ‘bud’. I am trying to think of my favourite ‘boozing buddy’. Ray I think. Spent many an hour sat in the pub with Ray. Never met outside of the pub, never called round, no number for him. But I must have spent a good part of my adult social life with him. ‘buddy movies’. They were buddiest of buddies Starsky and Hutch. Bosom buddies. Well that’s just me and RT.

      • Don’t you just hate it Miles if some cunt in a pub or shop calls you mate or pal?
        I’m not your fuckin mate, I am Sir.

      • I actually mark the decline of civility in the country with the use of ‘mate’ or ‘pal’. No-one ever used the terms when I was growing up. It crept in in the eighties.

        Getting back to buddies Bertie. Bosom buddies to be exact. Oh what a day of rejoicing that day will be? The day there is a full reconciliation between Mr F and The Capt. There will be a few tears shed on our laptops that day. The Captain apologising profusely for his immoderate language. But Mr Fiddler interrupting him with own ‘regrets’. The Captain straight back ‘No no no it was my fault’. Mr Fiddler-‘If I had only known the distress I have caused can you ever forgive me? The Captain (magnanimously)-‘Of course I can Dick’. Oh what a day that will be Bertie. What sweet joy at ISAC there will be on that blessed day.

      • Fuck me you pair? Nothing wrong with mate or pal, just being friendly that!
        Not a fan of dude, but mate an pal?
        Only call old guys ‘sir’ but thats it.

      • I suppose it’s the way you say it. I did notice when you were apologising to a cunter Miserable you used ‘pal’ and it felt OK. But generally I don’t like it. My nephew who is a cunt will call me by name when he’s in a good mood. When he isn’t it’s ‘mate’ or ‘pal’.
        Doesn’t it come from the South?
        I sometimes use ‘lad’.

      • I’m with you on this Miles. If I’m a customer, I’m not someone’s ‘mate’.
        You however, Miserable, can call me mate unless you’re doing a job for me and then I insist on you calling me ‘Sir’!
        😊

      • Think sir is something earned, seniority, your elders, etc
        And use it with customers, but think its a bit rare nowadays?
        Use mate and pal in a friendly way, common where i live.
        Miles@ Lad! ‘Our lad..
        Only us it when talking about my son,
        “My lads got one of them..’

      • ‘Mate’ was everywhere when I was growing up in the 1950s /60s.

        Didn’t hear a lot of cunts using ‘pal’ though. I associate that more with Yanks or Scots.

        ‘Buddy’ is an Americanism.

        ‘Dude’ is totally verboten! Unless Butthead says it.

        ‘Bosom buddies’ Miles? Goes without saying…

      • Not sure but ‘mate’ might be from a nautical background, sailors on leave,
        ‘Ships mate’ ‘first mate’
        Not sure just a guess

      • Americans and shopkeepers are the only cunts who call cunts ‘sir’. Americans call everyone ‘sir’, except women who they call ‘maam’. Love being called ‘sir’ me.

      • Only right to call old fellas ‘sir’
        Sign of respect!
        Not so fast Blunty! Not you!
        Anyone with parrot shit down one shoulder gets ‘mate!’😣

      • Mate:
        Mid 14th C., “associate, fellow, comrade;” late 14th C.,”habitual companion, friend;” from Middle Low German mate, gemate “one eating at the same table, messmate,” from Proto-Germanic *ga-matjon, meaning “(one) having food (*matiz) together (*ga-).” For *matiz, see meat. It is built on the same notion as companion (which is thought to be a loan-translation from Germanic). Cognate with German Maat “mate,” Dutch maat “partner, colleague, friend.”

      • Must ask Nurse Cunty if she’s ever been called “love.” I would think she has and doesn’t object.
        Feminists hate the term.

      • I’m with Miles on the terms Mate & Pal. It all depends on the way they are spoken. I always thought they were informal terms that only Mancunians used until I once had a Scouse temp foisted on me at work. When talking to any male, no matter if it was me, the departmental head or the cleaner of the gents lavs, he would end almost every sentence with Mate or Pal. With his accent it always sounded like the ending of an invite to step outside for a bout of fisticuffs.
        These days the only time I’d ever address anyone as Sir is when sending a letter to someone I’m not acquainted with. I don’t much care for being addressed as Sir either. Sir has a ring of the master/servant relationship about it which as a self-confessed pleb grates with me somewhat. I’ll always try to get anyone using that term towards me to just call me by my forename or, if the person insists on being formal, Mr Dribbler.
        In conversation I tend to use the terms lad or ‘owd lad though I’ve no idea where I picked up the habit from as I have no recollection of my dad, either grandad or former work colleagues using those terms.
        With the ladies its always love irrespective of age or looks. As I’m a fat, ugly old fart I think its probably easier to get away with it without upsetting the more modern minded of that gender as it clearly isn’t going to be an attempt to flirt. Not that I’d care if they objected to me calling them love anyway.

    • Know what you mean Harold, feels bit wrong eh?
      Posh thugs! Dont go down if mummy and daddy in same golfclub as the judge.

      • “Terrified of going inside”
        Yes because he knows he’ll have more cocks inside him than a chicken farm.

        And since when in the fuck did young “men” drink coke and amaretto?!

      • it’s a liquor – of what I don’t know.
        In my experience the womenfolk sometimes drink it.

        Imagine the scene: Bodie and Doyle walk into a pub.
        “2 amaretto and cokes please”
        The Scot commander guy: “Get tae fuck ya wee cunts!”

    • If I’d been Judge John Snot, I’d have sentenced them to penile servitude, or penile reform. I’m far from certain what either is, but Snot seems to have the worfd “penile” lodged in his tiny brain.

      They indeed look like right cunts. Maybe they should be forced to fuck pig’s heads in public.

  24. #Oliver, Oliver! Never before has a boy wanted more!#

    (I’m referring to the mockney can of can’t Jamie Oliver.) “Cor blimey! Me business went tits up, but I still have a fat cheque from that petrol garage franchise!”

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