Ambulance Chasers

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Ambulance chasing cunts…

A blue light with sirens cunting for these wastes of skin. Some dopey tart rang me today asking about the non-existent accident I had, where I was injured. Medical negligence, etc, etc. Fuck off slag! Why hang up before old CuntyMort’s sweary potty mouth gets emptied over your vacant skull? Fucking Premier League mongs who should be inhaling the delights of Zyklon B.

Oh, did I call them cunts as well? Good.

Nominated by CuntyMort

38 thoughts on “Ambulance Chasers”

  1. If I have the time and I am in the mood of course, I will play along with these shysters when I receive the unsolicited call.

    I will “ah-ha” acknowledge their bullshit and then announce, dramatically, that I received a life-changing injury in the accident.

    When they ask the million dollar question, I will open up with the following:

    “I was left with a crack in my bum”

    Great cunting. These parasites should be gassed like badgers.

    • As Paul says!
      Lot of scam artists, mo moral types about after ypur hard earned money!
      Be careful!

  2. “Hello, is that Personal Injury Lawyer Cunts Ltd? I’d like to report a injury regarding a colleague at work, a Remainiac who, when not reading The European or The Guardian and singing Polly Toynbee’s praises, is hectoring people about their use of aeroplanes, how austerity is “weeally teweible” and everybody’s need to comply with Black History Month.

    When did the accident happen? No, it hasn’t happened yet….”

  3. I usually string them along and then, when they ask how many people were involved in the accident, say 46 as I was driving a bus. Line then goes dead. They are mostly twats from India calling. That or the PC scam.

    • “Elooo, yes plis come again, thanking you. Ar you vanting to report an accident?”.

  4. just another added complication in our rich tapestry of life living in this morally decaying country.

    There is always someone is trying to fuck somebody over, whether it be phone scams, email scams or people cold calling on your doorstep. And these immoral shysters are very near the top of that shitheap pile along with estate agents, car showroom dealers and lawyers.

    I suppose the definition of “Accident” will now include “hurt feelings!”. So if you call someone a stupid cunt or snowflake etc. they will be able to make a claim for depression, anxiety and trauma! (This also includes people who say “no!” to them because these days you have to conform to their way of thinking otherwise you’re the enemy.)

    Oops! I have just stubbed my toe against this desk leg – I think I will make a claim because no where in the instruction manual did it say “Be careful not to stub your toe!”

  5. That cunt’s desk looks suspiciously empty so I suspect he’s just been fired for wearing that badly fitting suit?

    It always makes me chuckle when you hear someone being represented in court by Shyster, Scumbag and Cunt…you know the usual names.

  6. Fucking vultures and that is 8 out 10 solicitors, and the other 2 are just cunts for lots of reasons, solicitors I wouldn’t piss on these cunts if they were on fire….

    • Like the old (very) joke:
      What’s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
      One’s a bottom feeding scum sucker and the other’s a fish.

  7. I too enjoy playing along with them. After casting my bait…”Yes,it was in a taxi…I still hardly dare leave the house…it was a terrible shock…I suffered mentally,physically and financially,but I don’t like to make a fuss…blah,blah”. When I know that they’ve taken the bait, I waffle on about what time I was picked up,weather conditions,driver speed etc. until they “sympathetically” ask…

    ” What happened in the accident?”
    ” I shit myself….”
    “Oh,yes,I’m sure that it was frightening,but what actually happened, Mr. Fiddler?”
    ” I’ve told you…I shit myself”
    ” Oohhh Kayy”
    ” Yes, I must have overdone it on the port and Guinness at the rugby club dinner,tried to sly one out and followed through…the smell was appalling. How much will I get for my ruined trousers and skiddiies?”
    After a long pause….” I thought you said that it was a serious accident”
    ” Madam,if you don’t consider shitting yourself in a taxi a serious accident, you sound just my type of girl…fancy a night on the piss followed by a bout of rumpty-pumpty?”

    Strangely enough, I have yet to score a date using this method.

    Fuck Off.

  8. All these cunts as well as Recruitment Consultants, Estate agents, and other assorted dross should all be fed the story that they are so important to the functioning of the earth that they are all being shipped off to start a colony on another planet. A bit like the late great Douglas Adams did in hitchikers guide.
    So let’s get crowd funding and build Golgafrinchan Ark Fleet Ship B and launch the dross into space on a direct path to a big black hole.

  9. Yes hello I’d like to report an accident Er yes who is it? The cunts who keep pinching my candidates from my Dead Pool list

  10. ‘How did you find out about that? The Civil Aviation Authority hasn’t started their investigation, yet’.

    ‘What happened, sir?’

    ‘I crashed a helicopter. I mean, anyone can shut down both engines by mistake and only five got killed. Hello, are you still there?’

    Works every time. The cunts.

  11. “Yn wir – Roeddwn i mewn damwain yr wythnos yn nol… Ble mae’r arian ?”

    Guaranteed ‘phone-slammer…

      • Croatian works too but I tend to answer the phone, “Dobar dan, Ured durzeva bez bjednost” which used to be their version of the KGB,

    • I got the Roedean bit, possibly also the “dames” / damwain…was it an involuntary emission of semen whilst watching a topless lacrosse tournament in Ebbw Vale?! “Blew my” something…

  12. I want that cunt Blair to chase after an ambulance, get in the back and fucking die there. If he can’t catch it I want a bus to run over the fucker and the Trafalgar Square pigeons, chased out by the dirty hippies, to feed off his rotten stinking carcass.
    Good morning.

    • Say what you like about him Freddie,
      But hes always got a lovely big smile on his face!

    • Ambulance chasers (and others) may care to note that Mr. Blair will be giving an evening blairing in central London on Nov. 4th: to the Board of Deputies of British Jews. Then it’s off to the Altice Arena in Lisbon at some point during the following three days -can’t find the exact date and time – to illuminate a huge corporate conference, a sort of non-billionaire’s Davos, as far as I can gather. There are buses and pigeons there, too.

      I have also pencilled in the 20/21st Nov, in Nairobi, where the “Tony Blair Institute for Global Tony Blair Did you Miss The Name? It’s Tony Blair” is Convening A Forum, and the Supreme Leader of the Tony (we get the picture. Get on with it – Ed) will almost certainly be present.

    • Hey God, just to settle a argument,
      I am going to heaven aren’t I?
      Know sometimes ive skated close to the ‘naughty list’ but on the whole, say im a good boy.
      Don’t want to go hell as im not one for hot temperatures.
      Will i be able to wave to Fiddler down in hell from my cloud?
      Thanks God, know your busy but need to know, pronto really,
      So you know….chop chop!

  14. One fortunately now very small aspect of my business over the years has been involved in the recovery of compensation for victims of accidents and the related legal costs involved. Because these Ambulance cunts smelt a ‘quick buck’ they targeted simple motor accidents about ten years ago and brought the entire industry into disrepute with their lying and encouraging people without valid claims to make claims. The upshot has been that contrary to what the public might think, genuine accident victims have very little legal protection or ‘equality’ of arms anymore against big Insurance Companies who will happily not pay out or only make ‘low ball’ offers. The Ambulance chasing fuckers ( mainly from Liverpool or Mad for it Manchester) prompted the Government to take out a sledgehammer to crack a nut with their legal reforms. For an example to fellow ISAC’s if you are a small business and someone knocks you for less than £10k you better be prepared to just take it up the tailpipe because you have very poor prospects of recovering that money unless you go through the time and aggro of trying to recover it yourself. All thanks to the Ambulance chasers. Fortunately my business was involved in other things but my point is that we should always remember that in throwing out the rancid bath water Governments have a habit of sending the baby down the u bend as well! Anyway just thought a bit of relevant insight would be useful but for the avoidance of any doubt I completely agree with this cunting !

      • I did one like that in Germany at least a foot long, I was well chuffed.
        Trouble is I knew no one would take a look to confirm the fact so I left it in the Bog.
        About an hour latter a 16 year girl went in and screamed!
        I asked her why she had screamed and she told me, I proudly told her that I had done that and I now had my witness to back up my story. (She didn’t like me much after that)

      • Did one a couple of days ago, a real sprinter, didn’t touch the sides and shot down the U-bend before I had a chance to say goodbye.

  16. The adverts are about doing the right thing and helping others. The reality is scamming money from the NHS, councils, insurers. And we all pay, one way or another.
    Despicable cunts, otherwise known as the legal profession.

  17. As if no-one has heard this before, but anyway:

    Q. What do you call 1,000 solicitors at the bottom of the sea?

    A. A good start.

    I’m fucking here all week, you cunts.

  18. Try the short term memory loss method. Had them on the line for 37 mins once. Also break into uncontrollable sobbing saying your kid got entangled in the dashboard and it took ten hours wish an industrial pressure washer to get all the bits out to put in the coffin. Then at the end say you’ve just remembered and blame it on the memory loss.
    The first call I got when I moved into my new gaff 8 years ago literally 10 mins from getting reconnected with a new number was one of these callers. I’m surprised I didn’t get a visit from the local constabulary that afternoon.

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