Prosecco

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Prosecco is in need of a thorough cunting.

Why oh why are people obsessed with this shit?
It’s usually young women who bang on about it, but it seems like everywhere I turn there’s some inane, insipid, fuckwit harping on about Prosecco, or mugs with “I’d rather be drinking Prosecco” on it or some inane bullshit like that. Quotes all over the place.

They seem to think it makes them look classy, upper class, and cultured.
Does it fuck.
It makes you look like all the other giddy sheep.

Its as if their life and sense of humour revolves around fizzy wine.
Its all quite tragic really.

My ex-missus and her friends used to go on about it sometimes and I used to have to mentally block it out or excuse myself. Funnily enough, the same people who gush in their knickers about Prosecco wouldn’t be seen dead drinking Cava, which is essentially the same thing.

It seems to have become another thing that’s become popular for no real reason.

It tastes of nothing.

Nominated by Cunt Duckula

75 thoughts on “Prosecco”

  1. Prosecco to me smacks of obese Essex girls like Gemma Collins, who wear knickers to keep their ankles warm, who bellow into pink iPhones with glitter on them and have all the class of Anna Soubry when she is Brahms & Liszt,

    It is the Babycham of the proles for the 21st century. I bet it would never be allowed into Fiddler Towers, nor my more humble abode.

    • Manky-gusseted pile of blubber Gemma Collins has explained how she lost three stone recently…
      She changed her knickers.

  2. Probably consumed by the sort of soppy old tabby you see in the supermarket doing the shopping with a Costa coffee in one hand and trolley in the other who say they cant do their shop without “MY COFFEE ” makes them interesting and a little bit “out there” I believe is the phrase. Your not different and edgy your a clone of the other million twats who need a prop .

  4. My running joke when given Prosecco, Champagne or any other bubbly goon juice (Oz for wine) is to say, urrgh this cider has gone off! Which either gets a chuckle or middle class sneer.

    • In A Dance To The Music Of Time, the suicidal (no surprise, if you saw his wife – or heard her screech) music critic McClintick is at a party, and when offered champagne, says “Have you got any Irish ? This stuff gives me the shits.”

      There’s a nice English bottle called Balfour. Worth a go, as it’s bone dry, and under £20-. Should appeal to worshippers of little Ms. Thunderpants, as it’s effectively local, thus reducing that all-important carbon footprint.

    • Good piece CMC. Over here we have forgotten that the 16 mill + people who voted remain were, for the most part, not the stinking remoaner bastard cunts we see at all these demos and standing in Parliament square wearing top hats and the blue starry shitrag. They were just ordinary people who trusted the government and saw no need for any great change.
      I wonder how many of them are wishing they had stayed on their arses that day and hadn’t bothered? Too late now……. the beast has been unleashed.

      • For awhile i thought prosecco was a posh ham like jamon iberico (😜)
        But just cheap fizzy white wine shite,
        that birds drink.
        Never seen a man order or drink this but probably do in islington,
        No shame round those parts.

  6. This is council flat alcohol drunk by poor people who fly economy class.
    Utter Scum.
    Cunts.
    Good morning

    • No doubt the State of Bumholia has it’s own airline which caters to your special tastes Krav.

  7. I’ve just posted a comment at Mike’s place re Brexit and the vote last night 3rd September.
    I voted leave and I’m disappointed with the result not so much in regard to the EU but more to do with the total disregard to democracy. I’ve had a lot of relations who were in the military and fought overseas, Burma, Aden, NI, Falkland Islands. And I know there are loads of fellow cunters who are either ex or possibly current military and have served our country in every way and democracy was fought for and kept safe by everyone of them. And the scum in The HOC in one fell swoop have thrown it in the bin.
    Only option now is cancel fucking brexit no more jaw flapping no more spending time and money on it. Just get on with make this country the best it can be.
    3rd September the day democracy finally left the UK

    • The tory leavers in the House of Lords are looking at trying to slow down the process of the Hillary Benn bill being seen so that it won’t get royal ascent before 31st October.

      There’s also the chance that Boris will ask the Queen to use her Royal veto to block the bill.

      It ain’t over till its over.

      • ‘The object, on either side, doth not justify the means; for the lives of men are too valuable to be cast away on such trifles.’ Dominic Grieve last night quoting Thomas More at Rees Mogg. Maybe he equates losing the whip to More losing his head. Clever speech by Ken Clarke rubbishing the referendum but not ‘speaking to the motion’ which he should know as a lawyer. Nick Boles, all the labour women using emotional arguments as usual. Blatchford who can talk about the ‘UK government’ in this fight then switches to ‘Scoitand will not be told what to do’ as a fall back. Bernard Jenkyn saying to the speaker that we know his opinion that proroging parliament is a ‘constitutional outrage’. The inference how can you be impartial? No reply. What came to mind was the phrase ‘the silent majority’. The 17.4 million hardly mentioned. Then on the news vox pop from remoaner marchers…many voices…oh but we better have 1 Leaver Voice. An old woman-‘In a democracy the majority wins’. Not any more.

      • I hope to god he does and HRH does. Hilary Benn should keep his ugly mush off the papers and TV – with those round silver glasses and startled expression he looks just like one of the Nazi war criminals i 1945 after they bit on the cyanide capsule.

        What a supercunt is Steptoe – for months he has wittered on about wanting a general election, now he has his wish he is frit. I suspect Dame Keir ha told him that Auntie Tony, dowager duchess of new labour has told them they will lose.

        Mrs May might have been the cunt of 2019 but Steptoe deserves it for 2020 – if anyone still remembers him then.

      • Or the fat laydee sings.

        Flabbott and Thornpiggery massacring the Cats’ Duet ?
        Couldn’t be worse than Addle and Horseface Goulding (recently hitched, I believe, to somebody whose name ends in -ing… Maybe cheat-ing on his new bride ??), could it…?

  8. Prosecco is Chavs Champagne. It’s the equivalent of what they used to drink in the 70’s , Blue Nun or Hirondelle ,low grade alcohol for The masses.

    • It’s a trap……it’s a trap! No General Election because it’s a trap!
      We’re not getting pulled into this trap and getting outvoted. Fuck that!

      • A general election would be fun – interested to see how many of these traitorous fuckers get voted out by a thoroughly pissed off electorate.

      • Drama queen Philip Lee (or just queen?) will definately lose because he is in a Brexit constituency and is a turncoat cunt. His time as a LibDem will be even shorter than Chuckaduckies.

    • Just listened to the traitors getting an easy ride on Today, R4, while the only Johnson supporter was challenged on every point.
      Nothing changes.

      • Contentious PS: Anyone else notice how the Labour=antisemite narrative went off the air while this was building up? Israel fans needn’t worry, though. It’ll be back with the volume turned to 11 if there’s a GE.

      • Yes, yes, of course. Nice Labour = Tony Blair, eh? Whose connections to Jewish businessmen are multiple and sincere.

      • Lemme see…got a few names and instances of antisemitism that go beyond namecalling* into genuine bullying territory, with proof of Labour membership?

        *abundantly permissible with regard to Islam, of course. Or even Leave vs Remain.

      • Do your own research. I’m not prepared to waste my time playing your contemptible game.

  10. I think its a fashion thing, we had babysham, liebfraumich, and some shit called Blue nun, I also vaguely remember some cunt who was selling Californian carafes, it was in some medical piss bottle.
    Any way don’t touch the stuff.

    Lord benny’s wine buying guide.
    1, Ignore labels, look at price, select cheapest 5 (allso check for bulk buy discount)
    2, look at alcohol volume (reject anything below 13%)
    3, Ease of access screw top will always win over cork

    There you go my conisures guide.
    sub note anything that is bought from a petrol pump at a cavez in France is normally shit and to be avoided.

    • Had some Australian fizz once, AND…it was red.
      Turned my arse inside out withinn 10 minutes. Bloody lethal.

  11. I get it… Prothingy is like that Pomagne crap that tossers bought in the 70s and 80s thinking they were being ‘classy’… Typical that stupid wimmin will like it…. Just goes with them watching Cunt Island, Cunty Blinders, or Fifty Shades Of Shite…

    And today’s song of the day is Treason by Teardrop Explodes…

  12. US Open 2019: Johanna Kunta loses to Elina Svitolina in quarter-finals…

    To sort of quote Sam Cooke, ‘Cause a tantrum’s gonna come… Oh, yes it will’….

      • Morning, Wanksock…

        Then she spoils it by opening her mouth and playing the ‘sexist’ card when anyone dares to tell her that she’s a bit crap at tennis….

      • Norman she isn’t crap to get where she is now. She is just not quite good enough to be at the very top level.
        I particularly liked her when she lost a match at Wimbledon and was frank enough to explain that ‘it was the wrong time of the month’ for her to play well. I have often wondered how female sports stars cope with that sort of thing.

      • To get where she is now in the womens game is basically amateur level in the mens game which to all intents and purposes is shite #SpiltArsesInSport

      • The fact she calls herself a ‘professional competitor’ is a fucking joke. She’s a choker, a whinger, an amateur, and should be thankful women are allowed to tag along to the mens events (with equal fucking prize money no less) so she doesn’t have to get a proper job.

  13. It’s fizzy. It doesn’t taste of much, it doesn’t cost as much as champagne (cunt likewise) and like cunt Ferraro Rocher cunt chocolates, it’s been aggressively marketed to aspirant cunts. That said, if you’re stuck for a small gift for a daft mare, it’s usually well received.
    Cava’s much better IMO, if you shop around and go above mid-price. Nice in warm weather.

    • My mother (May Dog rot her miniscule soul) once found a dead mouse inside a Ferrero Rocher.
      I think the Ambassador must’ve been trying to get his leg over…

  14. I stayed on a Prosecco vineyard for a few days in May whilst on a WW1 batllefield tour of Northern Italy. It is made from grapes which aren’t good enough to go into Pinot Grigio (and most of that is pretty grim) fermented into still wine and the bubbles are then added by injecting with CO2 whilst in the stainless steel vat. It is then bottled using a clever technique to keep the gas from escaping. I think Fosters lager uses the same process. It doesn’t take long to make, from grape to bottle about 6 weeks I think although I stand to be corrected.

    There are acres and acres of vineyards devoted to Prosecco grapes in the top right corner of Italy. The only good thing about it is that it gets the ladies pissed thereby making it more possible for the lowering of their underwear, although my knowledge on such matters is nowadays very limited.

  15. Pikeys’ piss water. Cheap bubbles for people who haven’t quite made it in life. I’ll have a pint of bitter please barman, I know where I stand, no problem.

    • Wines for birds and puffs, london types and eye- ties and greasy frenchmen.
      Never trust a bloke who drinks wine.

      • I am extremely untrustworthy, and like a good bottle of Rioja with my patriotic roast topside. With or without Yorkshire pudding. And I bet you would too.

      • Without yorkshire pudding?
        Komodo your not some kind of commie are you?😁
        And nearest i get to wine is vinegar on my chips!

        (Between me & you was teasing to see what people said, nowt against wine whatever makes you happy!
        But don’t let the others know, theyll think im all soft & european!)

      • Preferably with. My Yorkshire grandmother made it much better than I can, though.

        Your secret is safe with me, untrustworthy cunt that I am. 🙂

      • MNC @8.43
        “Never trust a bloke who drinks wine.” 😊
        On that basis, I must be the most untrustworthy man in the world.
        Err? Yeh, you might have a point there.

      • To be fair I’m not completely trustworthy.
        I do like a bottle of Rioja or Merlot.

        If I’ve a young woman coming round, I always make sure I have some in. A couple of them have said that it’s made them horny after a few glasses, so I always make sure I get some in. I am a bit of a “dirty old man”.

  16. I sometimes have misfortune of seeing these swamp-donkeys, staggering about on a Friday or Saturday night in their ridiculously high heels, under half a ton of badly applied make up, clutching a bottle of ASDA Prosecco.
    It’s always happened, it’s just that Prosecco is the fizzpiss of the moment, and when I was a youth the same sight could be observed – the only difference was that they were drinking Pomagne.

    • I had a bottle a few weeks ago. My wife, who doesn’t drink, got it for her birthday or something some years ago. I like wine and I quite liked this but it reminded me why I don’t drink champagne, the fucking bubbles. I certainly wouldn’t buy it. Prefer a nice strong red wine.

      • Decades ago, when Oddbins was still going, I used to get a SUPERB red “Wolf Blass” (Oz); was £10-49 then, but value for money was superb – reminds me why I’ve gone off frog plonk. Overrated and overpriced, when you can get Oz, S American or Hungk. stuff.

      • I don’t remember the last time I bought a French wine, not in the last 30 years I’d guess. Apart from a Chianti I bought some months back almost all of my spending goes on Aussie wine, with some S American and the odd eastern European country’s produce.

  18. Prosecco is for fashionista cunts , as is gin.

    I’ll stick with Red, IPA or spirits.

    If pushed to choose a sparkling wine i prefer Cava, but not by much.

  19. I much prefer a chilled bottle of Aspalls Premier Cru Cider.

    Now you’re talking, baby!

    • Henry Westons Vintage for me, 8.2% but nice and smooth with no real acidity. Have to go carefully with it, mind.

  20. I remember ages ago an advert with a fella with a deep, silky voice, “I’ll have a babycham”.
    I think he was in episode of red dwarf.

  21. Cheer it up with an inch and a half of apricot brandy. It’s not so bad then. The real crime is how the price of fizz has ramped up in the last couple of years. Fucking politicians sticking their noses in where not wanted.

  22. Never was a fan of plonk, do enjoy wine though. Will have to switch to Vodka. I’d rather deposit cash in the bank of Putin over the EU.

  24. I’ve never tried Prosecco, but I am partial to a drop of Mackies or Guinness Original, which has all the fizz you need. I put this down to my mis-spent youth, starting with a penchant for Charrington’s Mild before the age of twenty. That was in the days when there was a pub on every corner. There’s hardly any left now.

  25. Foul tasting fizzy crap like lager. What’s the difference between a clitoris and lager? A clitoris only tastes of piss for the first couple of seconds.

    All the school Mums drink Prosecco. Half think it’s sophisticated. A good strong ale or stout for me. Something round the 8% upwards. Bit of flavour!

    • I remember seeing one of my ex’s female colleagues – a biologist – downing a pint of Guinness. She was about 5’10”, VERY curvy, good rack up front, blonde, and wearing a slinky black dress. She had a really GREEDY look on her face when drinking, it didn’t half give me the ‘orn.

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