Things to do

Posted on by

Things To Do are a cunt. There’s always loads of them and they never go away. Have you heard this refrain or something like it before?

Her; ‘You’re supposed to be cutting the hedge today. You said you would’.
Me; ‘Yes dear, but it’s bloody hot out there just now in that sunshine’.
Her; ‘Well it’s gone cloudy now so you could get started…’.

Women, I find, tend to love Things To Do, by which they mean Things For YOU To Do. I think it’s something in their DNA. They just can’t bear the fact that you’re sitting with your feet up having a beer, even when they’re sitting with their feet up after a half hour’s back-breaking labour watering the fucking house plants.
The wife keeps a list of Things To Do, and rides shotgun on it. No sooner do I finish the job at the top of the list than another gets added to the bottom.

Her; ‘When are you going to fix this wardrobe door? It’s about to come off’.
Me; ‘You could do it, dear. Just needs a screwdriver’.
Her; ‘Anything involving a screwdriver’s your job. Anyway, you need to stay active.’.
Me; ‘Fair enough dear. Er, speaking of keeping active, how about a quick…’.
Her; ‘Mmm…well… I’ll think about it. No, NOT now. Later. When you’ve washed up as well mind’.

Oh, but she’s bloody good with the old carrot and stick, is the missus. She takes a devilish pleasure making me wait until I’m slavering like a Pavlovian dog, the saucy little minx.

Her; ‘Are you and that computer joined at the hip? You’re not on “x-hamster” again are you, or that “Is A Cunt” thing?’.
Me; ‘Just checking “Newsnow Aston” for a transfer news update, my sweet’.
Her; ‘Humph, bloody Villa. I sometimes think you think more of them than me’.
Me; ‘How could you possibly think that, heart’s delight, after we’ve been together for so many seasons?’.
Her; ‘Very funny. Just don’t be getting any ideas about me wearing your Villa shirt again tonight unless that rubbish in the garage has been shifted’.
Me; (already hyperventilating); ‘Really, will you, honest?’.
Her; ‘I might… or I might not… We’ll see. Depends on whether that stuff gets moved’.
Me; ‘I’ll start immediately, my angel; no sooner. And *a-hem* you’ll put on the *cough* stockings and susp…’.
Her; ‘Play later means work now, so shift yourself!’.

Sorry must go. I’d love to chat some more but I know which side my bread’s buttered. Things To Do, you know, Things To Do…

Nominated by Ron Knee

47 thoughts on “Things to do”

  2. Mrs D is obsessed by lists. She even has a list of the lists she has.
    She refuses to tell me what’s on my list in case I get frightened and refuse to do it, so she drops it on me one item at a time.

    My normal response is that I’m not frightened by the task or avoiding it – I’m simply not going to do it.

    This is a woman who ask that I remove the plinths from under the kitchen cupboards so she can hoover behind them. Never mind that you can’t see the dirt – “That’s not the point. I know it’s there!”

    Now that’s frightening…!

  4. I bet the boy Hewitt has a massive “to do” list from his bitch of a wife. It mostly consists of becoming a “woke” libtard snowflake wanker.
    Poor, pussy whipped ginger prick.

    • She probably sets him texts by black feminist LGTBT trans activists.

      Right Hewitt now for your history pop-quiz: On a scale of 1 to 10 how evil was the British Empire?
      10 my love.
      Well done I’ll let you sniff my arse crack…

    • Can you imagine having the pick of the worlds most beautiful young women and ending up with that twat?
      He really is a dim bulb.

      • For a mixed race woman, she is not particularly stunning. If the boy Hewitt was mesmerised by the darker woman, he could have had his pick of better looking ladies, and I daresay several less afflicted by the insanity gene.

        Markle is a very high maintenance, virtue signalling, woke pain in the fucking arsehole with the usual black victim chip on her shoulder. I suspect she deliberately drew him in by sticking her finger up his arse and licking his balls – something that the poor boy had likely never experienced with some of the nice looking but gormless Sloane Rangers. Once she drew him in, the poor cunt could only think with his small head – desperately running at full tilt to make up for his larger head being put into stasis by the overruling thoughts and actions of the Markle machine.

        I give it a year or so before Hewitt Jr awakes from his stasis and opts for an easier life with some less-demanding type with long legs and nipples like chapel hat pegs. Probably.

      • Wills has got the better deal with the rather doable Kate… What made me laugh is how Megan Mog was bigged up as a top actress by the media wankers… She couldn’t even get a bit part in Hollyoaks she’s that bad…. Mind you, I’ve no doubt we will see some acting -Lady Di Panorama style – when the shit hits the fan and Harry Hewitt tires of the needy, avaricious trollop….

      • He’s a card that Harry though, eh?
        Going on about ‘hatred’ and ‘racism’… The cunt was mincing around in an SS uniform a bit ago… What a comedian he is… And a cunt…

      • According to Palace sources this week, Harry is no longer ‘himself’ and has changed since his marriage to the Markle machine.

        That is a sure fire sign of an impending bust-up. I have not known of a single man who can suppress the frustrations that go with putting on an act, trying to please a partner to keep the peace.

        It simply just doesn’t work long term. The beer-swilling, Nazi fancy-dressed version of Harry will be busting to break out and fuck some Sloan fillies bandy without having to listen to their incessant ‘woke’ shit.

      • She suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder I am sure. I have one in my family. They ‘use’ everybody. The witness of the relatives-father, but most especially the sister, confirms it for me. The sister will have suffered from being on the end of the abuse. They need what is called their ‘narcissistic rush’. That means they must be being praised or they must feel above someone at all times.

      • William has by far the easier life with his proper not ridiculously demanding English rose Kate.
        Plus as a bonus he gets to hump Pippa now and again.
        I know this is true as i watched it on the Windsors starring Harry Enfield.

      • And we all thought Pa Markle was the mad one.
        How we were all taken in!
        😀

  5. Always work from self prepared lists and always have done.

    Wonderful things.

    Don’t care if that makes me a cunt, routine and structure are important in my life and lists help me carry out jobs that needs to be done.

    • I have lists to remind me what needs to be done. A massive problem nowadays, and getting worse, is forgetting what the fuck it was I wanted to write on the list before I get the chance to do so, sometimes as I pick up the pad and pen. My wife now recognises the specific blank face, as opposed to the usual gormless one.

    • What we do for minge. Reminds me of the old saying – we come out of a fanny and spend the rest of our lives breaking our necks trying to get back in. Such is life.

      • It’s great though, let’s be honest. One of the things that makes life worth living.

  7. Absolutely shocked to know you’re a Villa Scum! Thought you had better taste (not that I can say much being a Bluenose from across the city)

    But yeah, to do lists, really mean “For you to do” lists. But it never works the other way with my missus. When I ask her to do something I get a right old earful of “what did you last slave die of?” and “Who are you talking too?” and “This is more important (slapping nail varnish on her talons)

    These days I am better off putting things on a calendar which is attached to the fridge:-
    “Promised a blow job: Friday 11pm”,
    “Return Gimp Outfit: Monday 7am”,
    “Hire School Uniform for missus: Monday 7:01am”
    “Build a fucking shed Monday 9am through to Friday”
    “Return unused School Uniform Monday 8am”
    “Fucking bitch and moan on ISAC, all week long!”

  8. Excellent cunting, Sir Knee.

    I hate ‘To Do’ lists, mainly because I can never drum up enough motivation or interest to do what is on the list, as most of it is tedious, boring shite. I would like them if I actually completed them of course, being the fickle cunt that I am.

    The only lists I regularly have are shopping lists as I find that in my late middle age, I often forget what I have fucking well gone out to get. Oh, the joys of ageing….

    PS. That ‘To Do’ list in the photo is my new list. Much more achievable.

    • Absolutely Nurse. It’s the tedious, repetitive nature of it that does my head in. Doesn’t matter how many times I clean the kitchen floor, the fucker needs done again in a couple of days. I’m seriously thinking of advertising for a cleaner but the wife’s not happy with my requirements;
      ‘must be aged between 21 and 30, 34D bra size, very tight arse. English speaker optional, duster provided’.

      • Bloody brill Shaga, love it!
        Oh and I’ll get my own back on the wife, don’t worry; next time she wants to play ‘naughty girl’ to be precise.
        It’s all part of the game…

    • Afternoon Nurse Cunty. Did you read Ron’s nom from 5th June? Search “Getting Old” at the top of the page. Absolutely hilarious and would be my choice for cunting of the year.

  10. Ron, I’ve said before that I hope you’re keeping copies of all your noms (the real ones mind, not the amended ones those moderators put out)
    They’d make the basis of a great book which I’d certainly buy.
    ps any chance of a signed copy?

    • I currently have 17 volumes of ‘The Bumper Book Of ISAC Comments & Cuntings For Boys And Girls’ awaiting publication.

      • I might well buy that as well if I get a positive mention in it.
        Afternoon dear friend Creampuff.

      • Aye up RTC.
        A follow-up to ‘The Thoughts of Chairman Mao’; ‘The Thoughts of IsAC Cunters’. Should outsell JK…

      • Aye oop Ron!

        Am expecting it to be an Xmas blockbuster!

        PS: Blunty doesn’t appear before Vol 15. Currently working on Vol 18.

    • You’re most kind Blunt.I try to put up stuff which not only gets moans off my chest but hopefully amuse at least some of the punters on here. I don’t actually keep copies, beyond the ones stored in IsAC; never thought to be honest!

  11. I lived in Queensland when I was a kid. I prefer a ‘to don’t’ list. Why do it today when you can put it off until tomorrow.

  12. Things to do today.
    1. Cut the lawn
    2. Watch the very fuckable Stacey Dooley panorama program on the ISIS brides in northern syria. (I Would add she is becoming less annoying or maybe its me being more tolerant)

    The program had already been re-edited due to a peaceful complaint, the finger in the air adopted by ISIS (mulslims claim misappropriated)
    Young fit Stacey goes into the main camp, she has to have an armed guard. One of the female guards in the camp had been stabbed to death so from the start it would appear that these ISIS brides aren’t averse to a little Jihad.
    She found it impossible to talk to any of the Brits, virtually no one else either, she latter went to another camp, this one a little less dangerous that the first one, she did get to talk to a few women and one woman said she had to be careful what she said as her tent may be burnt down.

    An these fucker want to come back, they can FUCK RIGHT OFF,

    It even showed a make shift school and the kids are just as brainwashed into support for the ways of Islam!

    The only way to sort these fuckers out is in the Chinese style re-eductaion centres, but that will never happen in the Weak PC west.

  13. My line of work is Scrum Master, the whole idea of it is a massive To Do list which we break down into fortnightly To Dos. Every morning we have a meeting and say what To Dos got done and what To Dos you will be working on today. I get paid very handsomely for ensuring the team sticks to the To Do list. This Scrum framework all comes from 2 Japanese men.

Comments are closed.