Stupid Names (2)

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Daft names are tedious, aren’t they?

Malia
Autumn
Mercedes
Chardonnay
Summer

The midwife must be as bemused as when you mistype into a search engine. “Serendipity? Did you mean Susan?”
What in fuckity were the parents imbibing?

However, it’s not just the ladies. These gentlemen haven’t rushed for the Deedpoll applications:

Keanu
Moon Unit
Barrack
Chucka

Then there are the foreign ones:
“Is there a Oisin Tadgh here?”
“Ah, to be sure, it’s pronounced Usheen Tig!”
?
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
“Name?”
“M’tangalay Gwan-cho’ Ooga-Dooga.”
“Erm…could you spell that?”
“You ISS a ray-CIST. Am gonna amake a COM-plaint.”
“…And this huge, old woman next to you with no teeth and who must be allergic to bathing, is it your grandma?”
“Dat be my wife. Her called Serendipity.”

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

68 thoughts on “Stupid Names (2)”

  1. My middle name is,of course, “de Pfeffel”,the same as our P.M…it denotes class and breeding.

    Fuck Off.

  2. Here are a few chav names, starting with the girls:

    Adrienne, Alanna, Ashleigh, Britney, Candice, Chantelle, Chelsie, Chelseigh, Chloe, Cindy, Courtney, Cortnee, Cortnie, Danielle, Jade, Jodie, Jordan, Kayleigh, Keeley, Keira, Kimberley, Kylie, Leanne, Leigh, Lou-Lou, Mia, Paige, Poppy, Stacey, Tyler.

    And for the boys’

    Ashley, Chayse, Conor, Connor, Curtis, Damon, Declan, Dillon/Dylan, Dwayne, Grant, Jordan, Josh,
    Kade, Kane, Kieron, Kyle, Liam, Mason, Mitchell, Myles, Painton, Rhys / Reece, Ryan, Scott, Shane, Troy, Tyler, Wayne.

    Pure class.

  3. Justified cunting. The planet went to fuck long ago with so called celebrities leading the way with this cuntitude. Monkey see, Monkey do. Sheep following the poxy Shepard. I have 3 common English names, and the relief in some workers faces at knowing how to spell them, let alone say them, is glaringly obvious at times. Some of these so called ‘parents’ should be strung up for cruelty for guaranteeing a good kicking (or in Londonistab a good knifing) for subjecting the poor little bleeders to such lifetime ridicule.

    • Autumn! Did a job for a yank woman called autumn, though when she said it it sounded like atom?
      Just called her atom.
      Thought yanks called it ‘fall’ anyway?
      The confusing cunt.

      • If you’d gone back in November, she’d probably have bared all for you.

    • Don’t get me started. They’re bad enough in this country these days but the most laughable are the names thought up by African American parents, especially for their daughters. It has to be something no-one has ever heard of before, it has to have at least three syllables and it has to end with the letter ‘a’.

  4. Who can forget Geldof and Yates calling their kid Fifi Trixibelle? Sounds like a Circus performer.

  5. I am only amazed that there are not more old English names becoming more popular. Steaming Helmit for instance is obviously such a name.

    • Know a oswald! Thats a proper english name, wish id had a cool name, aethelwulf or something rather than miserable,
      But my parents lacked imagination.

      • Thanks, Mnc. Your good taste does you credit. Don’t let any cunt tell you differently.

      • Thats what im known for on ISAC Oswald, my impeccable taste.
        Anyone says different is just jealous!

  6. A lot of the daft names are made up by people of colour. The USA has millions of kids with stoopid names from dark key parents. They then also make up some story about it meaning “black saviour” or some such shite.

  8. I changed my first name from Handjob. No way was I having a silly name.

  9. I know of some classy folk who called their son Neo and a couple in Weybridge wgo called their lad Buffalo.

  10. Working in Education, we have a fun game called “Top Set/Bottom Set”. Players are not allowed any background information other than names and determine from this which set they will infest (sorry, Attend). E.g. T-J (yes that’s all of it, Savannah etc. I still think the naming of children like “Brooklyn” Beckham after their place of conception will inevitably lead to “Matalan”, “Lidl” and “Aldi”.

    • “Top Set/Bottom Set?”
      Sounds like a fun game for geriatric pensioners who all throw their teeth in to a pile and then take turns trying them out until someone comes up with a matching pair. Am I right?

  11. I don’t think Mercedes is bad. In the early 70s i knew a woman who named her son Troy. Poor sod.

    • No my last van was a merc.
      Fords ok for lads my new vans a ford.
      All children should have vehicle related names.
      Doesnt have to be vans, bikes will suffice! ‘Royal Enfield jones’…

  12. In the last 6 months I have seen daft bitches with horrible little brats.. All white and all with the awful following names…

    Morgan
    Curtis
    Colby
    Cole
    T.J
    Beckham
    Kayne

    What price some piece of Britchav scum naming their next son ‘Stormzy’?

    • A boy in my sons class is called Nova, his parents should be shot !

      • When my lad was at lower school, there was a lad called Kaiser (dunno whether his middle names were Willhelm II). I suppose they thought it was “cool” until they realised that all the kids were calling him khazi…….

  13. And what about those scumcunts, Wayne and Colleen Rooney?
    Aren’t their offspring named Kai, Klay, Kassius, Krispycreme, Krabs, and Kunt?….

  14. we sell pad-bolts one type is brenton.
    I think Brenton pad-bolt would be an excellent name for a public school boy.

  15. I also like to guess the parent by the kiddy’s name. I wonder if the idiots realise they are being judged. But the ones that really piss me off are surnames that are now Christian names, ie Mason, Tyler, Riley etc. It’s not as if there are not plenty of decent names to choose from but everyone has to be “different” these days. I thought back in the old days the Registrar had the power to stop parents giving their kiddies silly names but I might have made this up. I blame the Beckhams and that silly twat Paltrow. Apple, my arse.

  16. There’s a rash of cunts who insist on sticking ‘Mae’ at the end of their ridiculous name of choice. Gracie-Mae, Ellie-Mae, Bonnie-Mae, Ava-Mae, Lily-Mae etc. People who give their child a last name as a first name are also cretins. Logan, Mason, Regan, Taylor, McKenzie… How to mark your child out as a scum-cunt for life.

  17. That woke snowflake scrounger Meghan Markle cost me £20 on naming her whelp ‘Archie Harrison’, I thought ‘Lil Trevon D’Andre’ was nailed on.

  19. I used to listen to a French radio station and was beguiled by a presenter called Chantelle who I thought sounded dead sexy and imagined would be a raver. I later actually met her and she turned out to be a little tub of blubber with a pudding basin haircut and glasses with lens as thick as a beer bottle. Since then I have been wary of sexy-sounding French names like Solange, Désiree, Anouk and, of course, Fanny.

  21. I was hard pressed not to laugh when a friend introduced his young daughter as “Pixie”…”Heffalump” would have been a sight nearer the mark for the tubby little benefit-sponge.

    Fuck Off

  22. Jamie Oliver anyone??
    5 times I believe he has given his offspring a biblically Cuntish name.

  23. What about “Owen Jones”?
    What kind of absolute cunt ends up with a name like That?

  24. I’m sure I once read, former boxer George Foreman had named all his 5 sons George.
    Respect to the man if it’s true, no trendy imaginitive shit for big George.

  25. I used to work for a secretary for a paediatrician then two neonatologists. Some of the names… Tyrese Cumberbatch, Rooney Fennessey, Silk Watt and my personal favourite straight from a galaxy far, far away, Anakin Bear! Chav cunts.

  26. They may be hoping for a little nominative determinism. Doubtless he will end up thick as pig shit.

  27. Sadly, I have never heard of anyone called “Bouzy Rouge” (after the still red wine from Champagne region in F), tho I suspect Ken Clarke had a lucky escape.
    Even better (if you remember the offy Peter Dominic’s), would be a red wine called “Algerian Infuriator.” Sounds cruel and unusual to me.

  28. Also saw Clarke on tv tonight, on Portillo’s doc on how the Tories fucked up. Much as I admire Portaloo, the prog could’ve been condensed to about two mins.
    Just the footage of Treeza-Mae inexplicably being elected party leader explains everything. Simply put, the worst Home Secretary and PM EVER.

    • And other arch cuuuunts, Heselcunt and B Liar.
      I do not understand why B. Liar was even considered. Totally pointless.

  29. I used to know a cunt whose middle names were ‘Coldstream Blades’.
    Army brat from S.A. with upper class pretensions, had associations with Mark ‘Thicko’ Thatcher’s ‘Air Ambulance’ fiasco a while back.
    Seemed to have dropped off the radar since – hopefully into a crocodile.
    Told me once to ‘stop behaving like a black’.
    Right cunt he was.

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