Jamie Oliver (11)

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Rubber-tongued cuuuuunt Jamie Oliver…again.

Swears blind that his restos would still be open if he’d “done posh.” Stupid arse. They’d have been blown out of the water by any “posh” restos serving half-decent food.

Back to square one. Oliver is a rubber-tongued cuuuuunt, and a failure whose mor restos served overpriced, shite food.

Nominated by HBelindaHubbard

A fat lipped cunting for beta male, school dinner ruining, TV chef, Jamie Oliver.

As members of ISAC will be fully aware, the little pricks restaurant business went to fuck recently. But what was the reasoning for this collapse? Was it because it’s overpriced, fancy, bullshit? Or maybe because the owner is a massive twat, sticking his oar in to issues that don’t concern him? Well no apparently, the reason, as put across by lispy here, is obviously Brexit. He says because of brexit people aren’t eating out as much any more, which inevitably ruined his empire.

First off, brexit hasn’t happened, so as we have learned in the past, cannot and should not be blamed for anything. If you’d said, MPs dilly dallying over what to do, which has caused huge economic instability has ruined my business, I’d support that notion. Although that said, Nandos still exists, McDonald’s, Pizza Hut, Bella Italia……..and a lot of other crappy chain restaurants have survived perfectly fine. So it would appear that your restaurants were just shit.

He also said the collapse, “ruined his birthday”. Poor lamb. The cunt managed to get a two part program on BBC radio 4 celebrating 20 years of the hell we’ve all had to endure that is is TV career though, so must have cheered him up some knowing he lost BBC radio 4 a large portion of listeners for two days.

Finally, 1000 people lost their jobs when Jamie’s restaurants closed, but fear not, those people can rest easy knowing that even though they might be on the breadline now, Jamie is ok, he recently bought a 70 acre estate in Essex for £6 million. Must be comforting for them.

Nominated by elboobio

53 thoughts on “Jamie Oliver (11)”

  1. My favourite Cunt, fat tongued twat

    I knew he was a cunt the first time I saw him, my opinion hasnt changed.

    • I know people who have had the misfortune to meet him; apparently he is an even bigger CUNT in the flesh.

  2. The fucker that “talent spotted” this Cunt when he was cleaning the dishes in the Baldock Little Chef needs to be shot for foisting him on the unsuspecting British public for the past 18 years.

    He can’t cook. His idea is to chuck everything in a pan and “wazz it up” with avocado and bull’s piss vinigarette.

    At least Gordon Ramsay is entertaining with his Tourette’s. Jammy is just a tedious whining twat.

    • Pukka!!
      Whats not to love about drooling spittle flecked multi millionaires?
      Hes got the lot! Kids wi funny names,
      Millions in bank, good looks,
      Can cook ok, still fuckin whining!
      Anyone ever been his restaurant?
      Whats his egg n chips like?
      Doesnt put all foreign shite on it does he?
      Oh jamie no goss in mine mate…

    • Be careful, dont upset the Tourettes brigade

      voted best joke at the Edinbugh festival….

      ‘I keep shouting out Broccoli and Cauliflower, I think I have Florets’

      Tourettes charity want an apology

      Get to Fuck!

  3. Nothing but a jumped up fat tongued mongoloid and has always had a the highly held belief that he knows best for us the common pledian muck.

    Since the first moment he minced onto the tv screen in Cuntingham Manor I have wanted to watch him be disecected while alive and fully aware of his impending doom.

    The day he is dead and buried I will make a trip to his grave side and eat a bag of Haribo tangfastics while taking a long held steaming stream of piss upon his last resting place.

    • As nice as they are, those Haribo Fangtastics deserve a cunting all of their own. They are more acidic than battery acid and the cunts strip the enamel from your teeth within 20 seconds of eating them.

      • Never had that problem before PM been eating the fuckers for years as my favourite sweetie. Still have all my own original teeth and no fillings as well kind sir.

        Maybe my alpha genetics perhaps ?

      • Check those rear molars, preferably with a light. It wasn’t obvious to me but the acid in those sweets had stripped the enamel off. Not obvious with a cursory glance, but my teeth are very white and the dentin underneath is not as white.

        All enamel will erode if exposed to acid. Your enamel may be slightly thicker and more resilient, but the fucker will still be stripped with acid as platinum it ain’t. Even if you have massive alpha-male bollocks.

  4. A quite magnificent cunting. He is an inordinate bell-end of the first class. His cafe’s closed because they were too expensive and flogging fake Italian food. It boils my piss that you get your leg lifted for a fucking pizza or bit of pasta. It’s basically flour, which is cheap.

  5. Wonder if the ‘pakka’ cunt has employed any more joe ronces lately?….
    A steaming mockney turd of the highest order…

  6. This cunt has been closing restaurants for what seems to be around 5 years now. He will be more accomplished at closing down outlets than he was at running them, that is for sure.

    The mockney, lisping pantstain deserves a fiery dollop of arrabiata sauce on his helmet. The cunt.

  7. Valid cunting indeed. I can’t abide him or his baby-spewing wife, ‘the lovely Jools’.

    There is so much to warrant a cunting for both of them. From the moment his first show, ‘The Naked Chef’ was aired and there he was, with all of his fucking ‘Pukka’ comments and mockney accented gum flapping, my opinion of him was formed….

    …..a right cunt.

    She is just as bad as he is. You just KNOW that all of those ludicrous baby name choices are coming directly from her. – ‘River Rocket’…..’Buddy Bear’…..’Petal Blossom’. The woman needs a lobotomy, if only as punishment for landing her kids with names that sound like porn stars, dumb snatch.

    His restaurants probably failed because his star faded or SHOULD have faded years ago, and he has been doing nothing but milking it of late. The great unwashed are sick of the fucker and that is their way of expressing it…plus his food is overpriced, pretentious cock.

    I cannot be doing with super rich cunts who whine as if they are in the shitter and now hard up. Nobody cares Oliver.

    Get fucked!!

    • See, call me a cunt, but I’d pump his Mrs up the arse until I spunked up my own cirrhotic liver.

      Cunts!

      • Yes, it would have to be the arse as the gash is, no doubt, as flappy as a clown’s cuff after passing River Rocket, Buddy Bear, Petal Blossom, etc, etc.

  8. He is a standout cunt in a very competitive field. A bigger cunt even than Ramsey.

  9. I went to his restaurant at Old Street (wasn’t picking up the tab) and despite the family on the next table praying after they’d eaten, we went ahead and ordered.
    In fairness it wasn’t bad but not remarkable, therein lies the problem.
    Half of all new restaurants go bust and half of those in the first year, it’s a tough gig.
    Sometimes a name is not enough.
    Apparently the poor cunt is down to his last £150m….

  10. Fuck. I’d love it if he slipped over at a piggery and ended up like his food, psuedo posh mockney pig shit. I’d buy a bag.

  11. Unfortunately there are still plenty of airheads around who love this untalented filthy-fingered masturbator and think he is a cuddly character who knows how to cook. My mother-in-law is a fantastic cook yet she has completely lost her bearings when it comes to the Oliver marketing machine. She has bought all his books which I bet he never wrote and watches reruns of his television series. Unsurprisingly, she is also a fan of Oliver´s female equally untalented alter ego, Nigella Lawson.

  12. He is a cunt, and his wife is a bastard whore. Why does he exist? It’s beyond me.

    • They scraped a pile off his mother’s arse and it grew into what he is now.

  13. The Italian racket was already going south in January, but he couldn’t even give his staff proper notice? Just to add that the taxpayer, not Jamie, is picking up the redundancy bill for the poor sods.

    Employees who were told they were part of the Jamie’s Italian “family” were sacked via a recorded phone message shortly after turning up for their shift.

    Workers are continuing to pursue Jamie’s though their union Unite for a “protective award”, covering eight weeks wages they believe they are owed on top of redundancy.

    Unite hospitality organiser Bryan Simpson said: “It is an absolute disgrace that former employees of a company this size have had to go to a public fund to get what they’re owed.

    “We shall continue to represent the former workers at Jamie’s – 90 per cent of whom are our members – to ensure they receive every last penny they are owed, plus compensation for the complete failure to provide notice.”

    (Daily Record, 18th Aug)

    Brexit? Hah. Overpriced, overhyped, and mediocre is the message from the street.

  14. I may have said this before but I am sure JO means well and all that …… however he is always licking things – utensils or his finger or putting a spoon he has just used to taste his part way through creation with and then sticking it back in the pan afterwards. Nasty. Assuming his staff try to emulate him ( as I have assumed ) this has been the reason why I avoid any of his places to eat and perhaps ( though very small) one reason why his business is looking a little buggered right now.
    I know this is fairly trivial against the other far more robust cuntings above but I do feel fellow ISAC’s should add this grave concern of mine ‘into the mix’ as they say. ( But choose your own mix obviously – my favorite is Victoria spunge – though in an Alpha male way you understand — not that I have any issue with homosexuality— whatever works for anyone is fine by me).
    Ps off topic — Boris is showing signs with his letter to that cunt Tusk of just covering the back stop and not even mentioning ‘other’ issues that need attention — well fuck of surgery more like ——. So my worry is that the betrayal is beginning ………..
    We shall see ……….

    • Confirms my suspicion that Johnson thinks losing the backstop is all he needs to get the May deal through. And it should be enough to disunite the remoaners, at least. He’d be better advised to make more demands and invite some horsetrading, though.

      • He’d be better advised to fuck off and invite somebody who actually believes in Brexit to run the show. The only thing Boris believes in is looking after Boris.

  15. Other than lottery winners, the luckiest fucking rich bastard on the planet. Plucked from obscurity by some posh BBC slag who found his mockney Cockney persona patronisingly amusing.
    As already intimated it is women who have made his programmes and crappy books popular. I’ve never met a bloke who doesn’t think he is a cunt and a wanker. Make of that what you will.
    Yeah, and I am sick of hearing about his poxy wife and her gyppo like child producing capacity not to mention his remoaner excuses for his failure to make any money in the real world.
    Just fuck off wanker.

  16. My missus had Nigella on the TV.
    She was doing her usual sexy routine as she prepped her ingredients.
    My missus said “Wish I looked like that.”

    I said “You could, bit of a tone up, quick makeover, sorted.”

    She said “What? Me, look like Nigella Lawson?”

    I said “Oh! sorry, I thought you meant that potato.”

    • When Nigella licks jam off her fingers it gives me the right horn.
      But when my mother in law does it, it makes me want to be sick…

      Funny that….

  18. On the subject of catering related cunts, anyone else heard f the Chicken Connoisseur?
    This cunt is a ‘Youtube Star’ who is apparently the Egon Ronay of chicken shops…. As if that wasn’t bad enough, this fat Uncle Tom twat is now aiming to be a heavyweight where racial and social matters are concerned… He says it’s ‘racist’ to think that black people eat chicken from these places? Well he does, the fat fuck… And it fucking shows…

    And heavyweight is right…Chicken Connoisseur? Damn right! Yers jest know dat fat cunt lurves dat chiggun… Fucking fat cunt…

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-49394141

  19. When I first saw James Olivers TV programme, the first one with the blonde floppy surfer hair, the way he presented and approached cookery, to me, was quite appealing as cooking is difficult for me, he made cooking less intimidating I think that’s the word.
    But as his career progressed I became more turned off by him particularly when he went all governmenty.

    I absolutely love The Two Fat Ladies.
    Clarissa and Jenifer with the sidecar.

    • Clarissa was a two bottles of vodka a-day girl. Fucking loved it the fat lush.

  20. Being the Cunt that I am, I refused to eat some carrot cake that was bought at a cafe run by people with Special Needs.I know that there would probably be nothing the matter with it,but I have an awful image of one of them drooling into it as they made it…I always felt the same way about this Cunt’s food.

    • As disgusting as adolescent staffed takeaways and special needs workshop cafes can be, as a former chef nothing compares to the knowledge and malice of a disenhearted 40+ year old chef. For this I do not eat out except at pubs for a simple meal, that value your custom for the greater amount spent on piss.

  22. I was also mystified after reading some article in the Times were he was going on about how he felt sorry for those who lost their jobs. Hi solution was to buy a massive mansion in Essex. What an absolute cunt. I’ve never liked the fucker. And, as many others have pointed out here, his restaurants went bust as they were selling shit, over-priced food. There you have it Oliver you cunt, I’ve solved your business problem.

    Now fuck off and take your family with you.

  23. I was at Bury Market when those Hairy Bikers were doing their TV show and cooking black pudding… One of the bikers said ‘I feel just like Nigella Lawson’…

    A lad stood next to me shouted to the Biker and TV crew ‘You’ve got bigger tits!’

    Needless to say, the BBC softarses edited that bit out…

  24. A nom for this lisp-mong every week wouldn’t be enough. I would love to be in a room with him, Ramsey cunt and the bell-end Wallace with a baseball bat with nails in the end for just 5 minutes. My mate’s brother-in-law lost £30K when Jammies Spitalian went tits up. Luckily he could survive. All 3 of these WANKERS have let their names to restaurant chains and watch them collapse causing mass unemployment and none of them could give a flying fuck. If I saw any of them you would seriously have to hold me back. Got a GIFT of meal vouchers to Jammies Spitalian once, honestly one of the worst dining out experiences ever, nearly all microwave food, proper Italian food is only good if the restaurant is run and cooked by proper eyeties.

    • No restraint required old chap.
      Have at the disgusting cunts and become a working class hero.
      Fuck them.

  25. Johnson is a cunt who will let the country down. You cannot trust the shits in parliament. Lying scumbags to a man / woman or any other thing they want to be. All they care about is money. I may be wrong but don’t think so.

  26. I actually didn’t mind Jamie pointing out that school dinners were akin to reconstituted slop because they were.

    Anyway, I once went for lunch at a ‘Jamie’s Italian’ in Kingston Upon Thames. Ordered a burger. Absolutely fucking awful service, décor and burger. When he said Brexit was to blame, he should have said my restaurants were shit.

    In comparison, I’ve been to a couple of Gordon Ramsay restaurants – they were actually excellent.. Hail Gordon!

  27. Before you all feel sorry for this cunt loosing all his overpriced restaurants He picked up 2 nice gigs one with BP Garages and the other with Tesco As one door closes another two open so to speak a true advert for shit floats Shit overpriced food rude obnoxious staff just won’t wash with Joe Public nothing to do with Brexit that’s a cop out Oliver is just a complete wanker who’s just had his day a bit like James Martin Another wanker who makes far too much money for doing very little work.

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