ITV Be

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What a dreadful, shameless channel. Whilst ITV itself is a boil on the penis for television, ITV Be really is beyond belief.

The latest cheap to make, rake in the ad revenue venture is another return to our screens of Miss Jupiter Arse herself Gemma Collins. A diva apparently. For fuck’s sake.

Just what is going on with this stuff? Whilst I would never profess to be the smartest person out there to say the least, I can’t help but wonder what the hell is the appeal to watch this putrid hog. What goes through peoples heads to be able to sit there and enjoy something like this?

There has always been bad television, has it ever been this bad though? I don’t think so.

Reports are she has signed a deal with the Savile crew BBC…..how wonderful for the malignant cunt.

Nominated by Pob

96 thoughts on “ITV Be”

  1. Fat, obnoxious and thick….

    All the qualities needed for shit TV.

    ITV should just call it shite TV, the cunts would still watch it.

  2. Gemma is the modern day Jade Goody………fat, revolting, thick as a plank and quite willing to make a fool of herself. She is simply a reflection of her audience. You can see them every day on the street, on the bus, in the supermarket.
    Cunts watching themselves on the telly. That’s what “reality tv” is all about.

    • She is a retarded obnoxious wobble arse. The sight of her hideous face make me feel sick, her planet sized arse blocks out the sunlight like an Autumnal eclipse, & the sound of her crass, shit streaming voice, literally sucks the oxygen from my lungs so that I am unable to breathe.

      It really is about time that all these lightweight (intellectually), self obsessed, vacuous ‘celebs’ are loaded onto a container ship and sailed to the gulf, with ‘Christ was a catholic & mohammed takes it up the bum’ painted on the side.
      Maybe the Iranian guards will burn the infidels and sink the ship & do us all a huge favour

    • I liked Jade Goody. I’d have made her the leader of the Tory party. She’d have fitted right in.

  3. Gemma Collins is a talentless fat-arsed old trollop. Any channel that actually pays her money must be barmy – she would do it for nothing as long as she got her ugly bloated face on TV.

    What a pity Hammer Films are no longer around to make monster films – she would have saved them a fortune on make up

    • A diva? A fuckin div more like.
      Cant be a screen siren if you cant see
      Your feet and your neck is 40in!
      Fat daft and rich, why would anyone be interested in this slug?

      • Purely as a Northern cunt have you seen the threat on ALBBC to we dwellers of the frozen North?
        Landfill will be diverted to oop North and we will have our gardens and car parks full of shitty waste. Its ALBBC’s way of scaring the loons who still believe anything on that cuntish channel. Even a finger wagging threat from some baldy headed cunt saying its deffo all going oop North. What next for the dangerous ALBBC to spew forth from its lying shyster loudhailer ?

  5. Did I hear it right she has now got a gravitational field, with satellites orbiting the beast?

    Jabba the Hutt in drag I could’nt loathesome cow

    • Course you could Cuntymort!
      Get in there kid!
      Ill hold the rope for you?

    • Any light which passes by her is bent and red shifted and clocks run slow in her presence.

    • Have you learnt nothing Cuntymort from Creampuff’s apostrophe tutorial today? – Couldn’t.
      Congrats on your new job! Hope it all goes well.
      😀

      • Oh yes, congrats on new job Cuntymort!
        What is it? Not a traffic warden?
        If its in a office make something up!
        Depress me if i think your sat in a office.
        Whatever it is good luck, show em your a snakehipped, lazer eyed ISAC and you wont be trifled with👍

      • It’s something I’ve always wanted to prove. Do indicator stalks come fitted to BMW vehicles as standard? I will also be experimenting with the theory that getting behind the steering wheel of German cars turns you into an Uber Cunt.
        The job I have is driving for one of the major auction houses driving cars from A to B.
        Mrs CuntyMort has stated do a year, knock a day off a week until retirement or death kicks in.

        Apologies for the lack of punctuation, I’m sure RTC will inform me of my punishment in due course. The Mrs is sewing a gimp suit as I write. Sackcloth and ashes will be donned tomorrow.

  6. Must admit I’d never heard of ITV Be before, but on the evidence of this cunting, it sounds like a right bag o’ shite.

  7. I’d drop the lard bucket in Loch Ness, then the gullible tourists that flock there would have something to show for their journey. That swamp-donkey could easily survive in the water with her bloated mass, possibly clear the whole pond of salmon within a couple of weeks. Just another talentless waste of organs.

  8. Thick people dominate TV schedules nowadays.

    Gregg Wallace showing people how to shop wothin their budget.

    Thick chavs giving birth for channel 4 and showing doctors their crusty minge flaps.

    Then there’s Gogglebox, a programme i am at a loss to understand.

    Gemma Collins is just the newest Jade Goody; a fat thicko for other fat thickos to aspire to before they expire.

    Gemna Atkinson – although Hollyoaks was shite (is it still on?) – was at least as fit as a butcher’s dog, even if acting was not her forte, she had the side career as a boobs-out model.

    Now the reality TV prats are without any redeeming features. Repulsive, deluded, narcissistic and thick as-shit.

  9. Why havent i got my own show?
    Thick but with a cunning feralness,
    I eat like a pig,
    No social graces
    No sense of embarrassment,
    I demand my own primetime show ITV!
    ‘at home with the miserables…

    • Gutted Miserable, the cunts only go and cancel Jeremy Kyle. If it had stayed on air a bit longer no doubt an episode of ’10 kids, no job and an 85 year old lover coz of Brexit’ would be in the pipeline.

      • Evening LL! Commiserableations.
        Hey Turns out im not as thick as i thought mate!
        Head of C4 news programming is a woman called Dorothy Bryne, an shes thick as fuck.
        She’s just called Bojo & Trump liars which sure they are but sos every politician , she looks like a puffin
        And sounds like shes got a brain injury!
        Know i could run rings round her so ive cheered up mate!

      • He’s a rough diamond but he’s our rough diamond! Needless to say he’s a Northerner is our kid.

  10. Off piste…

    Roll Up, Roll Up, Place your bets❗
    Guess the correct number of “incidents” at this weekend’s Notting Hill StabbFest 2019❕
    This could be your lucky day❗
    Knives Out❕
    Pig in a poke❗

    I’m saying 3 but that’s just a stab in the dark.

    • I think there will be lot. Flabbott getting shirty because the vegan headbangers are protesting the jerk chicken stall, Lammy a victim of stop and search and plays the ‘Don’t you know who I am?” card. Mr Fiddler has been hinting about making an appearance, warming up them jazz hands no doubt.

      • Don’t forget the Kwasi Kwarteng MP cunt largeing it to some Grime whilst giving out pro-Reich leaflets and Jon “Biased Cunt” Snow saying,”I’ve never seen so many brothers in one place.”

        Knowaramsayin, blud?

      • Will you place my Acca Captain? >4 stabbings, Liverpool to beat Arsenal by 3 goals and London to submerge below floodwater. What odds will you give me?

      • It’s evens for you, our kid.
        Snowflake tears drowning London is null & void though.

  11. Idea for a new “celebrity” ITV show:

    Celebrity Shithouse

    A new spin on the “Krypton Factor” but in this case The Krypton Farter: A group of dull ,thick, fat, raddled old reality TV cunts are put on a diet of baked beans, cabbage, curry and sulphur tablets for a week then each has to sit on the celebrity shitter and blow off, and then “celebrity” judges Philip Schofield and Gaby Roslin have to judge who did the most malodorous fart. The winner gets to spend an evening in the bog with Schofield. The loser spends two evenings with Schofield in the crapper.

  12. They are serving what the people want, bubblegum rock on plastic transistors.

    Why we import shit when we have an unlimited supply is beyond me.

    The race to the bottom is well and truly on.

  13. In days gone by this Fat repugnant talentless pig faced Essex cunt who’s arse is so huge it has more gravitational pull than the moon wouldn’t have made it on to your TV !! But with the advent of widescreens and a lowering of both intellectual and moral standards this Exactly where we find ourselves! celebrating inarticulate , empty headed , fame hungry cunts who are so desperate for their Andy Warhol 15 mins of fame they will debase themselves for the baying mob
    It’s a panacea for the proletariat

  14. Gemma Collins is a useless , brain dead , Fat Cunt.
    The end.
    I did that in one take.
    I should be on the telly.
    Get To Fuck.

  15. My good lord she is a Bullock wouldnt look out of place being led by the nose at Smithfield, be a brave chap to tackle the Everest of blubber that she is, you would have to take a packed lunch if you walked round her, if you indulged in a bit of foreplay you would be advised to tie bit of string to a strong bit of furniture to find your way back out. Bet she got a plimsoll line like a bulk carrier, what a beauty!

  16. Great idea WC BOGGS please sign me up ! I would love to spend time in the shithouse with that smug cunt Schofield. Only thing is that I would have my chainsaw and hopefully it would look something like the early scene in Scarface. There must be some festering shit on that ‘holier than thou’ wanker. Whored himself to webuyanycar.com on TV and every time I see his face I want to jump into the telly and knock the living fuck out of him. Absolute CUNT.

    • So just to be clear Rob,
      Are you saying you do or you dont like him?
      Hes a great tv personality, cant understand why he doesn’t win more awards?
      And bet hes nice off screen?

      Naw yer right, hes a cunt😁

    • How come the cunt Schofield can state in the ‘we buy any car’ ad…
      “Just tap in your details and we’ll tell you what your car is WORTH.”

      That is not true, why aren’t trading standards all over this scum company.

      My brother in law needed some cash fast so decided to flog his motor.
      Took it to three different dealers, was offered between £19k and £21k.
      Spoke to ‘we buy’ cunts, they offered £8k….
      Schofield….sell out cunt….

  17. She would need to fart to give you a clue. Roll it in flour to find the right hole. Not that any of her holes would be desirable for insertion of the old Bob Mellish.

    Didn’t someone recently post a link of her stratching her fishy lettuce?

    Vomit inducing.

  18. ITV Be? I would simply say “Let it Be.” Fuck it, I think this belongs on the nom. before.

    • You enjoyed the beatles puns didnt you?
      Haha! Could tell you were enjoying it!
      You n Rtc did some good uns mate!👍

  19. MNC there aren’t many people that I do take to. I watched and read this site for about 2 years before I took the plunge and created my pseudonym as I have to vent my spleen now and again. I can’t believe there are so many like-minded people on here it’s priceless, it calms me and stops Mrs Knott kicking off about my moaning, which in turn keeps the house tranquil . By the way I can’t stand Schofield!

    • Hiya Rob, yeah had a hunch you didnt like schofield!
      Yeah i like it on here too, funny and ive learnt stuff!
      Like a knob i just pushed in and started posting stuff,
      Luckily for me the lads on here thought i was a serious academic!!
      Always enjoy your posts Rob👍

      • “Luckily for me the lads on here thought i was a serious academic!!”…….

        No,MNC….we really didn’t.

      • Course you did Dick!
        Most still do, but ill shock you here,…
        I never got a doctorate!

      • Hey Dick, joking aside, learnt what a milquetoast was through you and that jamone iberico was posh ham.
        But thats it.
        You need to do more for me frankly.
        You all do.😁

      • Look MIserable – a serious academic? You’re having a bubble. As a graduate of the University of Hogwarts, I can’t put you into this category. However, what I can say is you’re a great guy who could certainly have achieved whatever you’d wished for if you’d not been born in Brinnington!
        😀

      • Haha, knew that few would take the bait!
        Not a boffin type really, more a grafter type Bertie!
        Although i shit you not my son is!
        Went to university, tests blood and hair samples for drugs for the police.
        Anyone asks what he does, i chip in
        “He does something with hair”
        Drives him bananas! Like hes a barber!
        Teehee!

      • Look Miserable, you’re worth ten of the so called “academics” that are around today.

      • Cheers Bertie!
        Least i can count on my fellow northerners,
        Think fiddlers feeling bad for taking a cheap shot, probably send me a bottle of scotch or few rabbits,
        Loves me like a son, ill probably inherite his land etc, but only thing ill keep is his landrover defender.

      • “Think fiddlers feeling bad for taking a cheap shot”…..

        I’d have thought you knew me better than that by now,MNC. Love a cheap shot, I do.
        🙂 .

      • I know you do mate, thats why i like you!
        Dont forget the brace of coneys n whisky, you can fritter money on posh London boots you can treat me a bunny pie n drink.
        Us academics love a dram!😁

    • Schofield will do a Gaylord Adonis one of these days and “come out” as an elderly gentleman. He is revolting – camp, limp-wristed, suggestive, with those horrible wimmins magazine programmes he manages to wriggle his vaselined arse into. I suspect he is well into “the change” now, which at least will help his PMT.

      Like Ant & Dec you wonder why ITV overuse them – they are not even cheap, at least financially.

  20. Can’t imagine there are many men watching this channel. For thick slappers who think Katie Price is a perfect role model, as they save up their benefits to go to Turkey, where some cunt dressed as a surgeon pumps their lips/arse/tits full of left over kebab grease, which seeps into the blood stream on the flight home. Lucky we have the NHS to rectify greasy Ali’s botched surgery, at no cost.
    Look at who is feted as a celebrity these days, pointless cunts one and all. The aforementioned slag Price, Beckhams, and a load of cunts I have no idea who the fuck they are, and guaranteed they have done fuck all to warrant any interest from anyone whatsoever. Scum TV, starring scum celebs, for scum viewers. Fuck them all twice.

  21. Hit the nail on the head there Mr Knott. 2 years for me as well. Love this site.

  22. This fucked up fat bitch is nothing more than Fred West fodder. How long can this pile of putrid whale Blubber get away with passing its self off as a genuine entertainer? She must fuckin stink.!

    • Jesus Bosshog, talk sense!
      How could fred west bury this twat under the patio?
      Hed need a fucking JCB digger,
      5man crew with shovels, poor fred would pull his back out!

      • You’re right Miz, don’t know what I was thinking, maybe just dump it’s huge carcass down a disused mine shaft.!

  23. I have come to the conclusion that I am a nutter magnet. I’ve just been for a walk with the hound and ran into some old biddy whilst sauntering through the green and pleasant. I said hello and before I knew it she was going on about letting Jesus into my life. She said she’d had dreams about what happened to people who died without signing on the spiritual dotted, and it wasn’t very nice. I was going to tell her about some of my dreams, but thankfully, thought twice. I didn’t want any unpleasantness, or Sunday Paper level allegations.
    Anyway, I politely refused her offer to ‘ join in a little prayer ‘, told her that I was the Spawn Of Satan, and promptly Fucked Off.
    It’s only a few months since another local, mithering religious nutter carked it (miloma ) and now another one’s popped up in his place.
    It’s a fucking plague.
    Get To Fuck.

    • I have the same thing, not so much religious nuts, but just nutters, they flock to me!
      And the missus and my mates have commented on it as well,
      Might be because im a Christlike figure?
      Dunno why theyre mithering you though.

      • Donald Trump says he is the King of the Jews. Maybe he is the long- awaited Messiah.

      • Maybe he is?
        Maybe in 10yrs, orthodox jews won’t be wearing those big black hats,
        Or them yamulk little hats,
        Theyll be wearing yellow Trump wigs.

      • We had one real messiah already in my opinion but that was musical related
        .everthings bigger in america tho even their nut houses

    • Fucking God botherers. I’d have given her a short-arm jab to the belly.

      My missus attracts nut-jobs. Evening Jack.

  24. I have not watched terrestrial tv for many years. Is the ITV that you pranksters are talking about the same ITV that brought to our screens ‘World At War’ , ‘The Sweeney’, ‘Auf Wiedersen Pet’ etc.?

  25. Cheers MNC, had guests round on what WAS a fine evening, just seen you and Mr Fiddler jesting ! LOVE THIS SITE.

  26. Sorry for a quick change in topic but there’s great concern this evening over facial recognition technology and the dangers it presents in a democracy.

    However, apparently it’s been used for years in China.
    How the fuck can it be used accurately in China where all the fuckers look the same? Surely it’s impossible to tell whether a face is the wite or the wong one?

  27. A good yardstick to go by is if its on ITV Be,its shite. TOWIE, Chelsea, Housewives, and the most hateful cunt of the lot, this Gemma creature. Fat ugly sweaty horrible grotesque lump of shit. And apparently she is a completely nasty cowbag in real life. Devoid of any kind of talent whatsoever,she is,as others have noted,the replacement for thick talentless dead racist Jade Goody. Caught a bit of the Jade documentary last night. The very end where her egg-shaped head ended up in a box that Easter. Never liked her either. In fact,I hate all those useless reality cunts.

  28. Never mind this shit.

    ‘More waste could be sent to landfill in the UK after a no-deal Brexit, a major waste company has told the BBC.’

    Repent, repent or we are fucking doomed.

    • I saw that to CC and if I’m not mistaken they also said it would be sent to ‘the North’.

      The rationale? The company they interviewed had several mothballed sites in ‘the North’ and as Brexit would mean nobody and I mean nobody would ever be able to leave the U.K. ever, they’d have to open these mothballed sites.

      Genuinely I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been in voting for Brexit.

      If only I’d have known that I was voting to make myself poorer……

    • Surely the BBC is a “major waste company”?
      So they asked themselves the question and gave the answer they wanted in the first place?
      Fucking hell, they’re smarter than I thought.

  29. Because of the shortage of landfill sites, they’ve actually got plans to start filling in the Welsh valleys.

    • They can bring a couple of tonnes here to level out my fucking lawn, it’s like a series of grassy sand dunes.

  30. Just take the waste to East London, Newham, Tower Hamlets etc and dump it there no cunt would notice or care. Fucking shithole.

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