Bond 25

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The latest Bond film must be nominated. I stopped watching these ages ago anyway as they were a load of boring shite, but have a look at this: Bond 25 is said to introduce a female version of the spy.

According to reports, British actor Lashana Lynch will be introduced as the new 007 in the next instalment in what is being described as a “pivotal” scene. She’ll be tasked with tracking Daniel Craig’s character and bringing him out of retirement for a new mission.
There is a pivotal scene at the start of the film where M says, ‘Come in 007,’ and in walks Lashana who is black, beautiful and a woman.

According to an insider, “It’s a popcorn-dropping moment. Bond is still Bond but he’s been replaced as 007 by this stunning woman.”

The reports suggest that Bond will try to seduce the female Bond, who will resist his advances. (Really? Who’d have thought it? Bond 25 has been co-written by Fleabag’s Phoebe Waller-Bridge.

Says it all really.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

99 thoughts on “Bond 25”

  1. Spot on cunting thank you.
    These recent efforts all seem to be a very long advert for Versace therefore fucking dreadful.
    I hope it’s true that 007 has gone full lady dark key as that will finish the job good and proper.
    Thank fuck.
    Cuntfest.

    • Cheesy though some of his instalments were, Old Roger was worth more than a batallion of Daniel Craigs…

      • Rog was the best bond by far. The wifebeating, slurring, tax-free Connery is a proper cunt.

      • Fuck off Roger Moore’s a creep. Everytime he starts laying butterfly kisses on the neck of a girl half his age I’m reaching for the remote.

  4. Not even a sex starved convict would stick their penis into this hideous, chicken-chasing dyke… even after a 20 year stretch. And they’re trying to make us believe it’s the most natural thing in the world for Bond of all people to want to give this Linford Christie lookalike a good seeing to? Fuck right off!

    She will be used by the feminist cunt of a writer to make Bond look like an absolute, outdated cunt at every turn. She’ll outshoot him, outdrive him and will also be better at picking up birds than Bond too.

    • The film should have the new 007 and all the female characters and hipster soy boys call Bond a ‘wanker’ while laughing at him.

      Q will call him ‘brah’, ‘a fucking dinosaur’ and ‘just a really shitty person’ through an SJW rictus while sporting a pomp-fade hairstyle, oiled beard, hipster glasses and leggings.

      There’ll be some backstory about a courageous trans Buzzfeed journalist uncovering Bond’s misogynistic tweets from 8 years ago, leading M to say how guilty he should feel about abusing his privilege.
      ‘As a double-O agent?’
      To which moneypenny (now with mermaid goth hair) replies;
      ‘AS A WHITE MALE!!’
      M will tell Bond to go and cook meat outdoors, ‘like the misogynistic wanker you are!’

      Bond’s old Aston Martin will then be scrapped because it has a dirty petrol engine and MI5 need to go carbon neutral by the next film or Greta Thunberg will be sacrificed by White Male Blofeld (formerly Ernst Stavro Blofeld).

      The new 007 will drive an electric car that can turn invisible, fly, drive clean through the chassis of a challenger tank without taking a scratch, and speaks in the voice of Phoebe Waller-Bridge. It was also created by the women of Woke-anda, after the cis-het Hitlers in Q department completely failed to understand the new intuitive physics and engineering needed to magic… er create such incredible devices into existence.

      The final fight scene is 007 and her super car despatching hopeless white male goons while singing ‘Sisters are doing it for themselves’. It’s just a mopping up operation as White Male Blofeld was educated into reform by 007s sassy brilliance earlier in the film and has become woke, and a good male feminist ally. He converts to Islam and becomes a counsellor for young offenders but doesnt seek power over them, trying not to be condescending or invalidate their lived experience as vulnerable young people from marginalised communities.

  5. And it’s all Daniel Craig’s idea. Old Connery must be sitting in his villa laughing his Scots arse off.
    Like everything else that used to just be fun, now joyless self regarding bollocks with a generous helping of “important messages”
    No Bond film has ever lost money, but there’s a first time for everything.
    Here’s hoping eh?
    Cunts…

  6. More virtue signalling leftie #metoo cuntintude.

    Also, Corbyn is now he worlds biggest CUNT.
    This wizzend old Jew hating Marxist cunt is trying to stop brexit: I suggest he stops breathing.

    The UK does NOT have a written constitution.

    Get over yourself you terrorist loving, UK hating, Jew hating, Mudslime appeasing Castro loving SCUM CUNT. Just FUCK OFF and DIE,TODAY,please.

    • Typical Marxist – ride roughshod over democracy when it doesn’t suit their agenda. The ends justify the means.

      The law says we leave on October 31st with or WITHOUT a deal. Not that Marxists give a fuck about the law.

    • Liebore for the many slimes; not for YOU, the Jew…
      With any luck, Ronald McDonnell will be shot outside Buck House.

      After watching Portaloo’s final episode re the Tories on Ch5 last night, I have come to one conclusion.
      I hate Gideon, “Nappies” Heslecunt and Hush-Puppies Clarke even more than ever. Heslecunt only seems to be able to exist through his utter hatred of Mrs. T. Piss-stinking old cuuuunt.

  7. I recently wrote a nomination for that ghastly Phoebe Trotts-Smthyecunt Fleabag tart which would’ve beautifully complemented this nomination but alas it has been binned.

    Ho Hum.

    Nonetheless,,excuse my being tendentious when I say the Daniel Caig has been the best Bond.
    Moore- great fun but as wooden as a kitchen table.
    Connery- bereft of humour, too wiggy, not English, bit gay.
    That Welsh bloke was alright but no humour and shit scripts.
    That Irish cunt was almost the worst, pouting when he shot a gun, the wimp.
    That Aussie twat had to be dubbed by somebody who could pronounce English properly.

    It might be time to retire the character but it’s a cash cow that’ll keep on being milked.

  8. They haven’t really thought this one through……

    No more swimming to escape,,,,they sink.No more driving to escape,all black women drive at 20mph with a petrified look on their faces muttering “Oooo Lordie,save dis poor sinner”. No more mini-sub escapes…their massive arse won’t go through the hatch.
    All escapes will have to staged in a stand of trees where our heroine can swing from vines and chuck lumps of shit at her pursuers…..or on a stolen moped,I suppose.

    No more Shaken not Stirred Martini”…”dis girl wan da milk stout,uh-hu”. No more fine dining…KFC all round. No more clever gadget watch…her baby-daddy will have pawned that.

    Still.I suppose drive-by shootings and briefcase snatchings will be on the up.

    # “Da Spy Dat Mugged Me.”

    • Surely the best way to stop the new 007 from thwarting their plans would be for S.P.E.C.T.R.E to send a cheeky 1950’s mouse after her, only for ‘Q’ (now a transbender) to send a robot cat after the mouse whilst Kashana clambers onto the Prime Minister’s desk?

      • If I was a super-villain,to Fuck with hiding my HQ in a volcano or under the sea…I’d disguise it as a Job-centre.

        Morning,Mr. C-E.

      • Morning Mr F.
        You know, that Lashana Lynch was pretty good in her last role:
        Kong Skull Island

      • “Thomas, get that mouse, boy!!!
        I loved watching the old Tom & Jerry with the old lady standing on a stool clutching her tights in comedic panic.
        Those were the days.

    • ” What do I expect you do,Miss UmBongo?…I expect you to diet,you chicken-munching lard-arse”

  9. The wimmin in the media saga goes on. Nothing to do with Bond, but have you seen the advert for the carbonated water and sugar drink *Fanta*?.

    In tribute to all the lesbian football we have had this summer the poster currently doing the rounds on London bus stops shows a hideously ugly old dyke with short grey hair with her gob wide open, being “comforted” by another old lessie. Behind them in the crowd is a poofty soy boy in glasses with his gob open almost as wide as the butch lady footballer.

    If I were an avid Fanta drinker this would be the best aversion therapy they could have devised for me.

    • It makes you wonder what tastes worse: two old bùlldykes’ disgusting, salty, minge-goo ….or Fanta.

      🌂

  10. Fanta once had a campaign of remember the good old days, they started production in Germany 1941.
    Fanta official soft drink of the third Reich and maybe the fourth.

      • When asked to comment on New black 007 Diane abbott said
        “While i dont want to get bogged down in complicated mathematics, james bond is deeply racist and i welcome a black 017..sorry 007.

      • You seem to be having an identity crisis, decide if you want to be John Nash or the other one please, just a hint John, the other comment is in the bin, not because it was wrong but we don’t do bipolar here

  11. Pop corn dropping moment?
    Sorry, a bloke in a cinema watching a Bond film and eating popcorn………..that is one premier grade nerd.
    It wouldn’t take much to turn him into a snowflake wearing a “This is what a feminist looks like “ t-shirt. I can see where they are going with this.
    Who are Bond’s enemies going to be? White supremacists? The “far right?”
    James Bond…….licensed to kill for the People’s Vote.

    • I’d honestly expect it to be some Donald Trump style super villain.

      • If a wheelchair bound lesbian wheeled herself herself in (M holding the door for her) we would all continue munching. But if it was a smartly dressed handsome man who walked in – popcorn everywhere from it falling out of our gaping mouths.

    • Helena Bonham Cunter? Oh great…
      There’ll have that bitch, Kunt Winslet in it next, or Sandra Fucking Ono from Lezzing Eve… Or even Phoebe Waller Cunt herself….
      This is going to be diabolically shite…

  12. Just like Doctor Who before it, the Bond franchise will now go straight down the bog…. Totally irrational and needless PC lunacy and – let’s be honest – blatant misandry will kill yet another boyhood favourite and golden goose…. Some cunts will think ‘Oh, it’s only a film’ but it’s encouraging a form of cultural apartheid… Which means blacks and wimmin get preference and men get dumbed down in the process… We all know the BBC are (in)famous for this shit (the now defunct Doctor Who and that Lezzing Eve bollocks), but it has now crept into the film world at large… These are dangerous times and an ugly precedent has been set…

  13. I remember reading an article on Interrogation, torture in it they found that male subjects were more prone to regression after the fact than female.
    the point being that the male subjects were more prone to collaboration with there captors after the fact than female subjects, However female subjects were more responsive to emotional coercion than male ones.
    So a female Jane bond is a valid perception.
    Imagine the extras she could have, exploding tampons (with an applicator that is really a telescope) a lady shave that is really a stun gun, the list is endless.
    I rather like the idea.

    if you recall the spin off “our man flint” now that was a cunt fest if ever there was one.

    https://youtu.be/lQwJQkEh2QY

    • Saw a news item the other day…
      “Woman says she’s being using tampons the wrong way all her life”…
      The only prob with The Flabbott’s ones are that they are manifestly too small to dam the flow of biological waste from her enormous gob.

  14. I don’t get it… you mean there’s two Bonds in this fucking film? One male, one female, both designated 007? I know it’s fiction, but surely that’s a coincidence too far.

    Am I missing something here? I give up.

    • RTC if you look in your passport there is a section that says observations, (that’s the bit where they write things like amputee left arm ect)
      so name, Jane Bond
      number, 007
      observations, has tits
      name, James Bond
      number, 007
      observations, Micro penis

      • A gender fluid Bond! That would work. He /she could identify as male when he wanted fuck something, then female if he wanted to get an eyeful in the girl’s changing room. What’s not to like?

  16. Sean Connery will make a cameo appearance in a long dress and make-up announcing ‘i’m a lady now, don’t you know’?
    And no one will bat an eyelid as this is the new normal.

  18. Gave up watching Bond after Thunderball.
    Sean Connery was my favourite. He was a mans man. Not in a gay way you understand ?
    Roger Moore was like a Taylor’s dummie, a Janet Fraser catalogue model.

    • You’re right about Moore. He acted the same part whatever he was in. You could say the same about Connery come to that. Every choice of actor has been worse than the one before.
      I read Fleming’s books which were far-fetched, but the films were just fucking ridiculous. Couldn’t take them seriously. Escapism for teenagers.

  19. I wonder what the title will be:

    Baboonraker?

    Licence to stab?

    Thunderthighs?

    The dole is not enough?

    “Pay attention IQ 7. Here’s your ox cart. Spear on each side.I’m not sure you can handle anything more”

    “This is your most important mission and only you can do it. Turn Bond into a twisted lesbian pussy whipped soyboy wankfest. Make Ghostbusters look like the fucking Iliad. I want you to do this without the slightest trace of embarrassment or self awareness”.

    “Only you, IQ 7, a minging, humourless butch kuhn baboon with a face like a pig’s arse stretched over a bucket, can do it. Don’t let us down”

    Christ on a bike it’s going to be grim!

  20. I am sick to the back fucking teeth of this fucking tokenism and shoe-horning fucking ‘wimmin’ into absolutely everything. Everywhere and everything. Was on holiday abroad recently and they certainly didn’t do it there. No token white face or mixed race couple on their adverts or programmes that’s for sure. A very refreshing change.

  21. Eddie Izzard would make a good “New Age” Bond. Think of all the weapons and gadgets that could be hidden amongst the average woofter’s accoutrements…….high 👠 heels, handbags 👜, various cosmetic products.
    I mean, who would suspect Eddie, mincing about in his pink beret, of being a secret agent?
    Challenge the stereotype.

    • He could have a steel rimmed beret for decapitation?

      Assume the new Bond will drink Bacardi Breezers and will be difficult when having periods?

      Fucking drivel, I for one WONT be watching.

    • He could try to kill Bond with his comedy routine?

      Or by pointing Bond to death as he tried to do with Farage on Question Time?

  22. Is this really the plotline? A female 007.

    Just how Fleming wrote it obviously.

    Does anyone know when this is released just so I can make sure I remember to kill myself the day before

  23. What kind of name is Lashana? I am only surprised her name isn’t prefixed with De, i.e. DeLashana. Does she drink grape juice cocktails as 007 with a slice of wardey melon?

    I take it the new Bond film will be set in exotic locations such as Homerton, Leytonstone and Forest Gate, “cos de had to get into de place and ting”.

    The Bond franchise has clearly now run its course. I’ll be fucked if I bother with this shit.

    • A dole-chav wimmin on the news a couple of pms ago with the bizarre name of Lenina May.

      I wonder if Ronald McDonnell has a daughter called Stalina ?

  24. James Bond is 007. Simple as. And yet we have to deal with more pro woman bollocks and the theft of yet another strong male character. I certainly will not be watching this bullshit, nor any of the left wing cunts that the BBC will no doubt be interviewing at the premier telling us what a fabulous, earth shattering epic moment in film this is. Personally I hope James Bond reappears and rams her right up the wrong ‘un with his Walther PPK. Now i’d pay to see that.

    • Yep Bond is 007.

      And the Ashes are a prize which the male poms and convicts contest.

      The respective women’s teams can go and make up their own 130 year old tradition.

  25. More wimminz bolleaux. Clearly have learnt nothing from Dr Who, or Gillette, who after that ‘woke’ advert bolleaux lost something like $8m off their share price or quarterly revenue or some such.

    • It was an 8 BILLION write down as Gillette’s business goes down the crapper, I think P@G paid something like 60 billion for Gillette a few years ago.

      Overpriced products, losing market share and ‘woke’ adverts taking their toll.

      Gorgeous George must be turning in his grave.

  26. M; ‘Listen 0036C, supervillain Whyte Badmann is going to blow up the world at eleven o’clock this morning. That gives us three hours to stop him!’
    0036C; ‘Can’t help. Getting my hair done at nine and my nails at eleven’.

  27. It is inevitible that a future Bond will be a black homosexual with a strong inclination to transgenderism, Liberal voting, Innocent drinking vegan. Fuck it all!

  28. Can we have Nicola Sturgeon aka the krankie as the villain – oh wait she really is the villain !!!! as well as fuckin useless

  29. Why has everything and I mean everything got to be so ‘right on’. Really gets on my tits. By the way, I think the Bourne films piss all over Bond, and I’m a Bond fan. Can’t wait for the right on transgender Bond, “The names Bond, James/Jemima Bond, licensed to dust”.

  30. I’ve never watched 007. He’s just a number. I prefer the Prisoner who is . . . . .
    err – just a number.

    • I am not a number. I am a free man /woman /tranny /gender neutral /gender fluid basket case!

      • I am not a number. I am a free man. Labour Party member No 22458. All hail the Dear Leader.

      • Are you in it for the long haul LL? Apparently Labour lost almost 46,000 members last year! 🙂 I can’t imagine why…

      • Working my way up Creampuff, at this rate in about ten years I will be trusted enough to wipe the Dear Leaders drool as he vegetates in his chair at the Islington Home for Retired Marxists.

      • Who currently has that pleasure do you know? Dawn Lardbutt I wouldn’t be surprised… she’s always next to him on the front bench during PMQs, Co-Op toilet paper at the ready.

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