Seagulls
The cunts. The greedy, noisy, shit all over you and your stuff cunts.
Now to be honest, I’m fairly fortunate in the fact that I live way out in the sticks so I have the usual wildlife to contend with.. badgers, rabbits, deer, packs of roaming feral cats and cyclicunts.
However, it’s when I go to work is when these little cunts end up fucking me over.
Picture this if you will. I work 60 odd hours a week and drive a 20 mile round trip to and from work every day, I drive a nice motor and it is my pride and joy, yet these little bastards seem to think it’s a big old target used for carpet bombing with shit. Every fucking day I’m having to wash the motor at £5 a go to get shot of the toxic shite these fuckers pepper it with. Thats £35 a week! My fucking tax is less than that a month (big engine, about £28) It’s almost like these cunts are purposely targeting cars and people. I’ll sit and have a smoke in the car on my dinner and lo and behold, these cunts even manage to shit through the fucking window, yet god for-fucking-bid you launch a stone at or hoof one of these fat bastards without being fined or arrested for attacking a protected species, thanks to wankers like Chris Packham and the other ecocunts.
Fuck me, they even manage to attack at one in the morning, when I walk from the Mrs’ to work after I’ve been round for a poke. Last fucking thing I want spoiling my post coital bliss is being shat upon by a flock of noisy winged cunts.
Moreso, I’m about 50 miles from the nearest fucking bit of sea. How the cunting fuck have these bastards managed to migrate inland and fucking stay here?
What the ecocunts need to do is repatriate these fuckers back to the shitholes they were resigned to, like Blackpool, and let us non-near sea living folk shoot the fuckers as soon as they’re out of their inclusion zone.
Cunts
Nominated by GrandCuntRailRoad
Seagulls in urban areas are a result of the takeaway culture and the proliferation of filthy immos. Gulls are attracted by the waste food that cunts chuck all over the place.
Watch a school playground after any lunchtime. As soon as the brats fuck off inside a huge flock of gulls drop out of nowhere and start working their way through the litter.
Places turn into shitholes because of the scum who live there.
22
Resourceful successful birds. Try a water gun on them and invest in a fucking hose pipe and bucket rather than paying £5 a day to some Romanian slave owners.
11
I pay to use the pressure washer, i dont like using the mr washy type car washes
1
There are a lot of seagulls in Brighton…….and a lot of benders and libtards.
So it’s not all bad news.
9
I live on the coast in a heavily populated area with takeaways and dirty little cunts from every arsehole country in the world and the normal home grown wasters. These cunts are a real pain, however my neighbours’ 15 year old cat has killed 3 of the cunts in the last fortnight. As soon as we can teach cats to fly we can solve the seagull problem once and for all.
13
Fuckin’ hell, I don’t want to be shat on by flying cats. They’d be worse than the original problem. If you thought it was bad having your ice cream snatched by a seagull, think of a 3 stone flying moggie making off with your £5 piece of cod.
8
Think of it shitting on you then trying to bury you under the paving slabs a la Fred West.
8
Now, flying pigs – there’s an idea. It would put the fear of Allan in to the medievils . However, bacon prices might go up. (I think I heard that one about 30 years ago.)
13
Cats have the decency to bury their shit making them officially more hygenic than our neighbours from the peaceful cuntrys with open sewers.
Peacefuls would probably lick their own arse if they could too. Hooray!!, something in common with the rainbow brigade.
6
My cat is shit scared of the cunts, and he’s no shrinking violet either, as the hairy bastard waits in ambush for the postman.
4
strangely enough I was reading this yesterday.
https://www.stuff.co.nz/world/114611104/sickening-finds-after-seagull-snatches-chihuahua-in-front-of-shocked-owners
Reminds me of when I worked as a cook in Croatia, the gulls would raid the pig swill and swallow whole 1/5 of a large loaf of bread, they also scared the shit out of the kitchen cat, and killed one of her kittens (only one survived).
7
According to my Dad, in the Royal Navy they are known as ‘Shit-hawks’.
Most appropriate, methinks.
Mind you, I’d still rather be overrun by gulls than the other ‘species’ we have here in Londonistan.
12
Not too dissimilar to Londonistan’s various diverse communities, they arrive en masse, act like they own the place, drive out the native species and turn it into a shithole.
18
I think it is shite hawks. Along with anyfucker south of Portsmouth.
9
Yep apologies CC, you’re right. I couldn’t remember if it was ‘shit’ or ‘shite’….trust me to get it wrong, silly cunt.
7
Q , why have seagulls got wings?
A, so they can beat the gypos to the dump.
17
What pisses me off about them is that they just fly around in the same circle, endlessly (usually over my house, right now, in fact), screeching and shitting. Bastard things. Got two dollops on my car, which look like they’ve been welded on. Only got it washed on Sunday. Cunting, bastard bloody seagulls.
7
Seagulls take no guff when they strut their stuff!
7
I heard that is good luck to be shat on.
6
Seagulls swoop down and steal food off fat children and doddery old farts…I rather like them.
Fuck Off.
13
Eating in your car? They’re probably shitting themselves with excitement my friend.
Lob a few morsels on the boss’ motor and park well away…
6
Living on the South East coast, there are plenty here.
Rats with wings. Will stand on your car roof pecking a dent. Will also destroy the paintwork with their acidic shit.
And you cannot legally destroy their nests…… but if you do it out of sight then nobody knows.
Cunts.
9
My next door neighbour and I were dive bombed several times recently by an aggressive cunt seagull whilst standing on the opposite side of the road to a pair of nesting seagulls (with two chicks).
6
Pigeons sometimes swoop down at me when I climb up to take their squabs out of the nests. If they’re too much bother, I shoot them and eat them too.
5
My Nan was shat on by a seagull whilst walking along the beach prom. She had the deep, deep misfortune of it actually landing on her face in the space BETWEEN her glasses and her face.
I mean talk about a bloody good aim!!
According to my Mum who was there at the time, she was in hysterics, but my Dad even more so due to the comment made by a random bloke passing by in the opposite direction, who said to her :
“That’s meant to be lucky y’know…….lucky it ‘appened to you and not me, that is.”
Apparently, the look she gave him could have curdled milk.
15
The wife and I were on holiday in Madeira last year, and the hotel was having a problem with these cunts hanging about and shitting in the pool.
So they employed some bloke who turned up every morning with a fucking great hawk or something on his arm. I’ve never seen anything move so fast as those gulls once the bloke let this vicious looking cunt of the leash.
12
True. They’re bringing in falconers and their birds to try and scare gulls away in a lot of areas. Harris Hawks are very often used, as they’re apparently easier to train than a lot of other species.
5
Natural England removed the general licence permitting the killing of seagulls in April. Gove, although he partially restored the general license for other pest species* after massive complaints from, among others, farmers and the pest controllers’ association, did not restore the license for herring and lesser blackback gulls, both of which are extreme cunts.
Which means you have to apply individually for a special licence to keep the bastards down by any means at all, including poisoning. The licence application is crammed with unnecessary and intrusive requirements. Therefore, be careful. My moral support is freely offered, but won’t be much use in a court of law if a bunnyhugger calls the police.
*Including the Egyptian ibis. Anyone seen an Egyptian ibis? I haven’t.
6
“Licence” throughout. “License” seems to be a bad habit of mine. Apologies to pedants.
4
I want to see something fly of with that sprue-patient’s turd Gove next time he goes jogging.
3
We have Ibises here, though I’m unsure if they’re Egyptian. They’re called bin turkeys.
3
Yes, I understand they’re quite popular in Oz… 🙂
Also ‘bin chickens’ I heard. The ones here apparently favour sewage lagoons and landfill sites, like gulls.
2
The pigeon’s asshole cousin. At least pigeons leave you alone and don’t take your food. Been meaning to cunt these foul little vermin myself.
5
Why can’t the government institute a nationwide cull of these horrible things like they tried to do with the badgers?
6
Twice this week these feathered fuckwits, perched on streetlights, have tried to snatch food out of my hand on my way back from buying up the end of day ‘cheapies’ at M&S. Twice they were repelled.
Pisses me off no end that they are protected.
The main problem around my neck of the woods is – and probably elsewhere too, is that no cunt keeps their bins in their yard but left outside in the lane, etc., giving the fuckpigs a free rein to devour at will, and obtaining food for their bastard progeny, thus increasing their numbers, and airforce, with impunity.
They can’t take off without a run up, so keep your bins out of the places where the cunts can alight.
Even the Peregrine that lives in the spire of the church up the road isn’t interested in reducing their population, though it does make it’s way through the pigeons at an impressive speed.
4
Seagulls as well as crows, corellas, magpies and the most annoying lorikeets only proliferate because people provide them more food than was previously available to breed more and survive longer. Reap what you sow. I was very amused by the recent story of some bloke who parked his car under a lampost and had it annihilated with a torrent of guano by pelicans that roosted there.
5
I should consider myself lucky, no seagulls where I live, just sparrows, titbirds, owls, robins, bluejays, crows, woodpeckers and pelicans
I’m fond of birds, I suggest you make your peace with them an try to see them in a new light Get a bird feeder to feed these winged beauties and become a new bird loving you, namaste
4
“What the ecocunts need to do is repatriate these fuckers back to the shitholes they resigned to”
Careful m8 You are starting to sound like bronald blumpf what you need to do is have a open borders policy for seagulls write a huge sign outside your home in gigantic letters ‘all seagulls welcome’ and become friends with them over a snack of sunflower seeds There I fixed your problem hope that helps
4
I believe if seagulls come here legally and contribute to the system properly they should be allowed to stay, otherwise I’ll be seeking funding to put up a huge wall or dome to deter them, I’ll request natural england to pay for it as well
5
Once we’ve left the EUSSR we’ll be able to deport these fuckers, and bring in some nice penguins from somewhere cold in the Commonwealth. Like Canada probably. Or the bit of the South Pole that we own. They’d contribute to the economy rather than scrounging for food in the streets and defacating everywhere.
4
Not Canada. I refer you to the old chestnut: why don’t polar bears eat penguins?
1
They do at London Zoo.
3
Yeah not many penguins in the artic or canada for that matter thats why polar bears don’t eat penguins cause there is fucking none around! The closest thing to a penguin in canada is the puffin bird which is a cousin bird
1
I said Canada PROBABLY.
You cunts.
2
All you’d get with sunflower seeds is fkn pigeons and even then they’re too bloody indolent to crack them open. Much kinder to let the pigeons feast on your tender vegetable seedlings and your dog’s excreta, then to crap corrosive crap on your car.
I have bird feeders and welcome just about everything else to the garden, but a dirty great woodpigeon sitting on a feeder tray and keeping the small birds away is for me a justifiable target. Sorry.
6
I totally agree with you here, i have my own feeders and like seeing all the small birds, funnier watching the cat go crackers trying to eat them, but you’re bob on, pigeons are a nuisance, but for me not half as big a pain in the arse as seagulls
2
Seagulls are a fucking pest and should be fucking murdered. Cunts who feed seagulls should be fucking murdered. There’s three such cunts in my neighbourhood, STUPID FUCKING CUUUNNNTTSS!! that actually throw food to seagulls (and pigeons) encouraging them into the area so that they sit atop the chimneys squawking, waiting for the next cunt to throw some food out their windows. Death to them all!
7
I, too, put food out for them on the lawn. Then I perch at a bedroom window armed with the trusty blunderbuss……..BOOM…..then the dog eats all the bits before the Mrs gets home and goes nuts.
3
https://www.suffolkgazette.com/news/seagull-testicle/
Glad someone has cunted these foul creatures!! I’ve seen them dive bombing people when I was in holiday in Cornwall, some poor little lad had his ice cream snatched off him.
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/metro.co.uk/2019/06/30/seagulls-deliberately-killed-driver-ploughs-car-birds-10093006/amp/
5
I would like to cunt the cunt who ran over those seagulls.
3
I’d like to buy him a pint, a fucking hero. 4 dead avian pikeys is a good start.
7
A pint of novichok.
2
A pint of novichok would kill more then the intended targets ruff tuff probably wipe out the whole street pigeons are pikeys now lol what does that make seagulls?
scary shitehouse how the fuck does a pigeon swipe ice cream? Was it in a cone
1
A pint of novichok would probably kill the entire country TitS.
I should have said a pint laced with novichok.
Cunts who are cruel to animals or advocate such cruelty should be run down in the street and left to die in agony.
4
It’s not cruelty, it’s managing the wildlife. I take no pleasure from animals being killed except when they’re a fucking pest because it eases the burden of suffering on society.
11
Kill them if you must, but do it properly.
Leaving them badly injured to die slowly in the street is cruel, surely even you must see that.
3
They’re a protected species if anyone sees you killing them you go to court. If it wasn’t illegal he might have taken the time to reverse over them but then risks being pictured. If you kill one of these cunts with wings you need to make a quick exit.
11
So cruelty to animals is ok so long as what you’re doing is illegal? Jeez…
3
You cannot legally kill them, if you could there would be no excuse for killing them inhumanely, but because you can’t you have to use the means you have at your disposal for the greater good.
9
Totally agree, RTC. That cunt is an utter fucking megacunt without question.
As you say, there are humane ways of keeping populations down (of the animal variety, that is) This is nothing short of barbarity and the actions of a fucking sociopath.
I hope the cunt dies a slow death like he inflicted on those poor birds.
4
But when it’s illegal what are those humane ways? You cannot let anyone see you do it or could end up in prison, whether you put them to sleep or set them on fire makes no difference to that.
8
You’re not fooling anyone by giving yourself all those extra tickies ShagowotZ.
Just shows how pathetic your arguments are.
1
Careful, RTC – you know what the rules are.
2
Damn you Ruff Tuff. Don’t shatter my ego.
I tell you who you really need to look out for – Lord of the Rings. I’ve seen that cunt post at 2pm and have more than 100 tickies by 4. He’s got some kind of wordpress hack where he cheats the system. Mine are all earned fair and square with a solid well-reasoned argument my friend. Everyone hates seagulls they’re a fucking menace.
3
I think we’ve got the message SZ.
Lord of the Rings you say? I’ll keep an eye out…
2
Just listen to this story – a pack of seagulls kill the family dog and then attack their human child 2 weeks later. The family asked the council to deal with it and all they say is ‘they’re a a protected species and mustn’t be disturbed FUCK THAT THEY’RE CUNTS ATTACKING PEOPLE. Stupid fucking country putting the ‘rights’ of pests above the safety of humans. Makes me so fucking angry these cunts don’t deserve to live fuck em all.
https://metro.co.uk/2019/08/02/seagulls-kill-dog-return-attack-toddler-two-weeks-later-10506358/
4
I could have condoned this ShagawotZ , if it had been an inhuman child as there are so many of them about these days!
0
The newspaper report said . . . . .“Emily, 40, said she was speaking out about her ordeal out of support for the family of Gizmo, a chihuahua believed to have been kidnapped and killed by a gull in Paignton, Devon.
WTF – seagulls kidnapping a dog? I expected to read on and find that they were trying to extort money by demanding a ransom! Your dog’s life or 5 kilos of freshly caught cod left in the phone box on the promenade before 6pm tomorrow. I think they must have been seagulls on an away day from France as they were demanding the ransom in kg. Brexit can’t come soon enough so we can send these French inbreds back to where they came.
2