National Rail

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I’m nominating a corporate cunt…British Rail or whatever it’s called this week. Useless twats. Thankfully, I use this shambles infrequently. The last three times trains have been cancelled. I’ve ended up travelling to another station to catch an alternative to London and Birmingham, standing up all the fucking way with hundreds of other poor bastards in the same boat. Shit service, shit trains. My daughter also wants to cunt these twats. She commutes every working day and spends her life explaining to her boss why she’s late again. We pay for this shit you tossers, get it sorted.

Cunts, the lot of them.

Nominated by Alan Davis

33 thoughts on “National Rail”

    • Good poke at the BBC. Last night on the Outside Source program, a rather racy announcer, Kasha Madeira, explained that background noise interfering with an interview outside Westminster came from some dick who had been “playing” a glockenspiel for a couple of days. Kasha was peeing herself with delight as she told us a vídeo had “gone viral” and turned Mr Glockenspiel into an overnight success among the millions who have got nothing better to do than check out the idiotic social media. She then gave us a pert little smile and announced that she would be going off on her “annual leave”. She is probably on a beach at this moment having sun tan lotion rubbed into her back by some other overpaid underworked BBC hack, all at the taxpayer´s expense. I hope the Glock turns up and ruins your day Kasha!

      • Yes it’s all getting rather chummy rather intimate between presenters, reporters on the Beeb. Maxine wished the political reporter well on his paternity break ‘you deserve it’ (after all his work covering Brexit supposedly) then mention of how tired his wife has been, almost thought they were going to have a little chinwag about the baby crying at night…but she had to get back to the news.

  3. Both National Rail – that looks after the shite and heavily subsidised “private” train operators; and Network Rail – which looks after the rail network infrastructure, are both useless money-grubbing cunts!

    But then again I remember the old BR days when trains were pretty shite, noisy, rickety, and rarely on time. But at least they were cheap; and they had really nice carriages with individual compartments that held anything up to 6 people at a time.

    BR was state-owned, and therefore the unions quite often went on strike for all sorts of petty reasons; and of course Jimmy Saville used to advertise this shite company with the “This is the age of the train!”

    But now National Rail has taken over, and all we find is a whole host of shite operators running shite services, demanding ever more money out of its mug passengers; who are often forced to stand on long journeys, or make their own arrangements if trains are cancelled. And yet these operators are heavily subsidised despite being private companies – so how the fuck does that work?

    And now we have HS2 – the biggest elephant in the smallest fucking room, with a cost expected to rise again from £56bn to £81bn – and guess who’ll be paying for that once National Rail get their mitts on it! (You only have to look at fucking Crossrail project: way over budget at £14bn and rising)

    National Rail + Network Rail = This is the Age of the Cunt!

    • Now then, now then, when they used Savile they were trying to broaden their market to include, BBC fans, Jim’ll Fix It fans, and paêdos.

    • Apparently, a lot of commuters were advised not to travel because of the heat.

      It seems that many train drivers were the first to follow this advice…

      Another 10 years, it’ll be stable ‘n’ ride flying donkeys.

      • Got me a day working from home – hurrah to the incompetent rail infrastructure for that.

    • Bring back the fucking rails that fat cunt Beeching tore up. At least then remaining car users might have a better chance of getting to where they need to be on time. And dole-heads could be used for the ‘community projects’ to restore them.

    • This is the problem, they already do. Most of the private train operating companies are franchised on contracts to foreign organisations. They don’t give a fuck about passengers as long as their profits keep rolling in, they only have to ride the wave for 7 years (length of a franchise agreement) and it’s the train operating companies name that’s mud, not the actual company behind the scenes running it. For example, Northern Rail, the bain of nearly every rail passenger in the north of England, the Northern franchise is currently run by arriva, but the Russian doll doesn’t stop there because arriva are part of the deutschebahn group. So that’s Germany fucking up our railway, and any profit goes to Germany, but because it’s just the Northern Rail name that gets the stigma, no one blames the greedy Germans behind the curtain. The whole system is bent as fuck.

      • My regular trip in Wales was better when Deutsche Reichsbahn were rubbing the Coy; now it’s Tren Cymru, they will produce a two – cart boggler-boggler when there are about 300 people on Cardiff Central platform, but a big three-cart one at 21h40, which is used by about ten intrepid commuters…

  5. Last week, Zaragoza to Madrid on train doing 200mph. Seat allocated free – 50 euros!

      • Several years ago the Crown Prosecution Service paid for my daughter and my train tickets from Ipswich to Manchester (return).

        Have a guess how much the CPS paid for the two of us?

        £898. Yes, really. £449 each. Standard class.

        When we got to the courthouse about 30 minutes before the trial was due to start, the defendants wife and child were both suddenly and mysteriously taken seriously ill and so the trial was cancelled and deferred for several months.

        I wrote and complained that the whole thing from start to finish was a farce and a total waste of taxpayers money.

        Alison Saunders (formerly Chief Crown Prosecutor for CPS London) got involved with my complaint. Useless fucking bitch. Said to my local MP (the decent Ben Gummer who I had written to) that my complaint had been satisfactorily resolved to my satisfaction.

        That was in fact not the case at all.

  6. It seems we are incapable of running anything in this country anymore. I think about this often. Is it we have become dumber? Possible but I think it’s more about objectives. In this case the objective is to keep the trains running but the prome objective is obscured by political objectives, business objectives and even personal objectives. There are too many people taking a cut of the pie, ministers, senior management, sub contractors and suppliers. Very few of the people involved are committed to the prime objective.

    As ever the end users are the people who pay, not only in financial terms but also in the level of service they receive.

    Too many cunts with their nose in the trough who’s primary objective is lining their own pockets.

  7. Wrong type of snow on the line.
    Wrong type of sun on the line.
    Too cold.
    Too hot.
    Driver late due to over- wanking.
    Brexit.
    Johnson.
    Trump.

    The excuses these cunts will come up with to explain their ineptitude is endless.

    Fuck off.

  8. Currently on holiday in Bulgaria. There is a train here which is basically a golf cart with carriages on the back. Works out at £1 per journey. It runs like fucking clockwork. As long as you don’t mind angry Russians sitting with you, and angry Bulgarian taxi drivers tailgating.
    On a different note, haven’t been on ISAC for a couple weeks. Is Owen Jones still a silly little cunt?

    • Owen is still a cunt man child who. Is currently in a crèche as it is the school holidays and his mum can’t leave him home alone; the Megacunt

    • Welcome to Bulgaria! Might be going to the coast next week if I can be arsed.

      Great place for a holiday as avoiding having your organs harvested or you kids kidnapped and sold into prostitution keeps you on your toes.

      Often think there should be an ISAC annual meetup here, maybe with a sweepstakes the loot being shared out amongst the survivors.

      • To be honest Dick it’s not too bad out here. Dirt cheap and if they harvest my liver it’ll be worth fuck all the way I’m drinking.
        Thanks sir Cuntalot. I thought he might be.

  9. I went on a train in 1982(?) to see Rory Gallagher at Newcastle City Hall. I thought that he was a bit past his best tbh. I bought a tee-shirt on the way out…probably still got it in some drawer.
    I also once watched a family or Dark Keys eat a packed lunch on a train when I was going to the races…it was mesmerising. Those great flappy lips and yet even the little ones had impeccable manners. It was the first time that I’d seen them eating and drinking apart from in those tea adverts. I was gobsmacked.

    Fuck Off.

    • Hahaha, in those tea adverts..
      That made me laugh, sat riveted watching them picnic….

  10. Railways like most things in this country are Fucked.
    To much foreign ownership of TOC’s
    (Train operating companies) has led to a massive decline in service and punctuality of trains.
    Reason being the likes of DB (German railways), SNCF (French Railways) and various yank companies like Genesee + Wyoming own fucking vast swathes of our TOC’s.
    Their aim is to make a fast buck and plough the money into their own companies who’s then national governments (France, Germany, USA) reap the tax benefits from these companies for their own countries.

    UK network then loses out. No small coincidence that we only have 69 miles of High speed line (HS1) and France, Germany, Spain, Holland, Belgium even Italy now have many thousands of miles of efficient High speed lines with very modern infrastructure and rolling stock.

    • We’re doomed, I tell you.. However, if this is to be a thing, I have some suggestions of my own:

      (daub of druggie wreck at bottom of flight of stairs)…” You’re dying anyway , top yourself now and save us the trouble”
      (daub of bloody gang member stabbed to death in a wheely bin)
      “We really don’t care if this happens to you”
      (daub of large eye)
      “You’re on our radar now, you stupid cunt”
      ( no artwork* – in Arabic)
      “Fuck off and die”

      *in accordance with best Wahhabi principles

      • Excellent work K.

        Will be sure to pass your suggestions on to Ms. Strap-On. 😂

    • And welcome to the Met’s new post-sexual assault trauma counsellor.

      Mr. E. Y. Toad, TheRapist…

  12. Apparently, a lot of commuters were advised not to travel because of the heat.

    It seems that many train drivers were the first to follow this advice…

    Another 10 years, it’ll be stable ‘n’ ride flying donkeys.

  13. About 6 years ago done Goa to Agra return,going was in AC sleeper,coming back was just in ordinary class.Whole trip approx 2400 miles for me and missus £57.

  14. Just been on the Virgin trains website. Train to London Euston on Monday morning, day return £222 I fucking kid you not. Was in Sri Lanka last year a 50 mile train journey 30p and a 4 hour journey (first class) £5. And on time. Fucking robbing cunts. And don’t get me started on those Network Rail lazy bastards, loads of my mates down the pub work for them, the fucking money they earn for doing absolutely nothing, they all work nights and all have portable DVD players to watch films all night, because apparently it gets boring!

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