Now far be it for me to suggest that the wondrous beauty that is young life and the (ahem) ‘promise’ that they hold may actually be worthy of a cunting…..
….but boy, are they cunts or what?
Specifically, my fellow cunters, I offer up a nomination for kids on scooters in shops. Actually, they are irritating in any location, but it is when out shopping that they are REALLY at warp factor 1000 on the annoyance scale.
From a personal point of view, when it comes to shopping I like to get in and get out in as fast a time as possible. No pissing around browsing shit that I don’t really want or need, no fannying around looking at what is ‘on special offer’ and might be worth stocking up on. Oh no, none of that bollocks.
I have a list. I seek, I find my target and I pay. I am in and out of there like a fart in a colander.
I am, in actual fact, the human equivalent of a scud missile.
Sadly, these days my mission is stymied by the likes of numerous sprogs wheeling around the shopping precincts and worse still, INSIDE the shops themselves on ‘the creation of Lucifer’, that being a scooter. I find myself frequently unable to beetle up an aisle due to some little shit blocking my way with the contraption, or else having my heels rammed into by some little darling and his ‘favourite toy’.
When I was a kid (back in the days before the wheel was invented) I went shopping with my Mum and fuck all else in tow, for two reasons. Firstly, my Mum told me that she wasn’t going to end up carrying whatever it was I dragged along with me and secondly, when out in public I was to stay right with her and ‘bloody well behave’, or else I would get a swift slap on my arse cheek (another cardinal sin these days. Oh those poor, abused children of ‘ye olden days’. God forbid they ACTUALLY be disciplined, but I digress)
To me, this smacks of two things. One, parental apathy when it comes to actually maintaining responsibility for your child when shopping, so preferring to ‘keep them amused’ while they browse the bog roll shelf and secondly, ridiculous indulgence of their child’s whims to drag their shit along with them, because they don’t want to be seen to be ‘a bad parent’, or else they cannot be arsed to face a temper tantrum from their obnoxious spawn. There is absolutely no consideration for other shoppers, particularly elderly folk who are not agile enough to avoid these little Lewis Hamilton fuckers.
Just as cuntworthy are the shops that allow this bollocks to go on in their store.
I am not a killjoy when it comes to children being children, but for the sake of fuck, let’s get real here. There is a time and a place for riding hell for leather on a scooter and shopping areas and inside shops are NOT the place.
CUNTS!
Tut Tut NC, you cannot possibly call children ‘cunts’.
OH YES, I BLOODY CAN!
Nominated by Nurse Cunty
Their was a great pub in Hove near me that would play live rock music each week. Full of unusual characters and never any trouble… Then new owners took over and turned it into a creche that serves alcohol. Kids on scooters at 8pm flying into you while your trying to drink an expensive pint and eat a pretentious meal served up either on a slate or a bread board.
21
I’m surprised kids are let into pubs at all , I could see maybe lunch time you can bring your kid with you but happy hour 4-6pm an after on adults only its a fucking pub not a daycare
12
I used to work in a brilliant pub, good selection of proper beers, only food on offer was peanuts and bacon fries, no under 18’s allowed, no televisions, just a jukebox in the corner which only had rock music on it.
It was a proper seedy looking pub when I was there, often with big fuck off motorbikes parked outside, every Saturday night they had a live band on with often meant you got some slutty looking biker girls in tight leather outfits there.
Nowadays it’s been done up all nice and bright and has kids a play area and seems to be full of families. There’s a sign outside “LIVE SPORT HERE” which generally means on weekends it’s going to be full of grown wearing football shirts with the name of some 18 year old sewn onto the back.
Ironically there’s more trouble there now, you couldn’t get away with being a cunt in there when it was a bikers pub.
11
Kids + Parents = Cunts; and irritating irresponsible selfish cunts at that!
It’s a rare event indeed will you find courteous kids and firm parents doing the decent thing and being civil to everyone and not just themselves. Moreover, it’s even rarer to actually find both parents rather than the usual one-parent affair.
But by and large parents don’t give a shit about anyone but their own brood; and they don’t give a shit about rules & requests. As far as they’re concerned their precious child is just that – “precious” – and should be adored and appreciated by all and sundry. Ergo the rules don’t apply to them.
Supermarkets, pubs, restaurants, hotels, DIY stores … in fact nearly any place you care to go you’ll find a fucking kid riding its fucking toy, screaming and shouting, and not caring who gets in the way. And if they knock something over, like an expensive glass decanter set, well the parents will just blame the store for putting such a “dangerous thing in my precious darling’s way!”
No place is safe from these screaming banshees on two, three and four wheels. No wonder they turn into such ungracious, selfish snowflakey, entitled cunts by the time they turn 18!
23
Talking of screaming, childish banshees, are scooter-kids worse than the “hundreds” in London protesting against the new PM? Apparently they were scweaming that they refuse to accept him, last night.
These shit-stains really despise democracy, don’t they.
18
But it’s their “right to protest, innit!”
They can scream hateful things in public, and the police don’t give a shit. But if it were a right wing organisation hurling similar abuse at some Labour/LibDumb cunt they’d be arrested, charged and banged up for a million fucking years for hate crime!
21
Last year had a customer cancel last minute, so took the dog for walk up kinder scout in peak district, go there a lot, some posh bloke and his two kids about 10/12yrs old in front as i catch up to them the kids are chucking rocks in the ferns at side of reservoir, and I bollocked them,
Sheep with lambs sheltering in the bracken, also red pheasant,
Kids looked shellshocked to be told off, and swore at,he looked gutted to be told the country code off some working class oik.
Bet Tobias and Oliver didnt get smack , but id of happily showed him how !
16
Good Morning,
I was in Barcelona last week and there were ‘adults’,but with the minds of a 7 year old , weaving around the pedestrians and traffic on electric scooters. Thank fuck we have banned them here.
13
same in Madrid last week! But there are two (fat) cunts down the road here who use them.
6
Doesn’t stop cunts using them. I had one almost go into me a couple of weeks ago, coming round a corner. I’m sure he wouldn’t have tried to avoid me if I wasn’t such a fat cunt and he knew he’d come off worse if he went into me, quite apart from the smack he’d have gotten if he did.
9
Seen those ‘heelies’ trainers with little wheels in? Kids go like fuck on them!
Sort of a take on rollerskates,
Dangerous in supermarkets, indoor halls etc.
To be honest im jealous.
Love to fly about on them! Just as a 50yr old man id be embarrassed in the ambulance and risk id get sectioned.
9
Are they banned here? I see lots throughout the week, especially ridden by Dooshka-Doshkas.
Drugs delivered straight to your door by scooter.
8
Morning Capt.!
Electric scooters are illegal in the UK cos they can’t be ridden on the road because the DVLA requires that electric vehicles be registered and taxed. And they’re not.
Also you can’t ride scooters on the pavement because of the 1835 Highways Act that prohibits anyone from riding a ‘carriage’ on the pavement.
Fortunately for those breaking the law the police don’t give a fuck.
10
Apparently so, a customer of mine had a 2 month driving ban so bought one from China to get do the 2 mile commute to work. I had a go on it around the industrial estate car park, bloody good fun but not for anyone in the way.
4
Morning Ruff. I still feel guilty for recording the Top 40 in 1983. Now anything goes.
Morning compatriots. Stay cool today.
8
Nice idea but not worth the hassle.
The parents will be demanding that the store’s CCTV cameras replay the offending incident; they will then call the police and have you arrested for “child abuse”.
They will then go straight to social media and shout loudly that their darling precious has been viciously attacked etc. (Thinking about it, I think the parents will probably contact social media FIRST, and then the police, given their shallow sense of priorities!)
Inevitably their social media whinge will go viral; there will be a crowdfund page earning them thousands, while you end up in front of the judge and a hostile jury and public gallery.
You will inevitably be sent down for 60 years of having the shit kicked out of you by the various imprisoned booshkas and other dodgy Eastern European and Somali types.
The “abused” child on other hand, will recount his story to the national media; will suffer PTSD and other mental problems; but his grasping parents will demand appearance money for every interview; and will probably a hire a ghost writer to retell the horrendous moment their darling child was almost murdered in a store by a homicidal cunt!
Nah, not worth it, mate!
23
Oh it is worth it.
I tripped a child in the pub one evening.It had been running up and down screaming while it’s parents did nothing.As it came past our table I stuck my foot out and watched it face-plant straight into the floor….silence for a second,and then a scream like a fucking banshee (at least it had good reason for the noise this time). The parents removed it.
I also remember the concerned parent who told me,at about 9 o’clock on a Saturday night to moderate my language because she had her children in the bar. I told her to Fuck Off and take her brats with her…off she scuttled to get her husband. He decided not to pursue the matter.
I have nothing against well-mannered children (although they still shouldn’t be in a bar),but go out of my way to trip or walk into foul ones…in my defence,I don’t limit my activities to children.mobile-phone users are another of my current targets.
30
Yeah I had that happen to me whilst out with the missus who uses walking sticks.Two gangly herberts walked right across our path expecting me to give way,I didnt’ and being an ex front row player he certainly bounced off me quite easily.He muttered ‘Really’ and was then given a quick lesson in Anglo saxon by me, to which he then scuttled away.
Gobshites
23
Children were not allowed anywhere near the bar when i used to go on family holidays in the eighties and nineties. We used to sit on picnic tables in a pub garden or in a family restaurant area, and certainly long before 9pm.
Stupid modern, liberal parenting
9
We had to wait in the car.
2
Any cunt who says ‘really?’ in that fucking hollywood fashion really should be strung up by the scrotum.
3
“Children should be seen and not heard”
Garry Glitter – Entertainer
13
How do you say that in Vietnamese?
8
“…or blowing Bubbles” – Michael Jackson
9
Did you mean obscene and not heard?
2
You have to remember that kids today are just snowflakes in training and as society breeds more and more of them, with no more mums saying ‘bloody well behave’, it will be interesting to witness how everyday life works when absolutely everyone is entitled everthing first.
16
Like that cunt who went to his/its school prom as a tranny.
14
Like the good Nurse, I regard shopping as something to be got over as quickly as possible, like flu. And I can’t help thinking that doing it on my motorbike would save time and enhance my customer experience. My local Tesco is well laid out for this, with a thrilling chicane by the fresh veg, but the automatic doors may present a problem as they are rather slow to open. Can any kind reader suggest a way to overcome this?
Oh, yeah. Kids are cunts. In every possible way.
14
Time your exit-wheelie to coincide with a Fat-Fuck Chariot (remembering to scream “Shift it,ya Fucking Land-Whale” in passing)..in fact,use the chariot as a launch ramp as you Evel Kneivel your spectacular exit.
9
Morning, Dick. I never forget the words, although ‘Cunt’ is usually all I have time to utter within earshot of the 35 mph coffin dodger I have to overtake every day. Associated with your otherwise excellent suggestion, there is the small difficulty of picking bloody skin and blubber out of the radiator afterwards. If you let it set, it’s impossible to remove, and this weather I like to have as much cooling capacity as possible. I always appreciate your expert advice, though.
Thanks also to Cuntflap, but would remind him that those glass doors are designed to keep out thieving pikeys, and would probably scratch my fairing unacceptably. One has to keep up appearances.
8
What’s the difference between Gary Glitter and acne ?
Acne doesn’t come on your face until you’re twelve.
15
I’m going to save that for when I’m reading cracker jokes at Christmas, should liven things up!
3
Excellent cunting.
The biggest problem here is the millennial parents who let these fucking brats ride roughshod on their stupid fucking scooters. Spare the rod and spoil the child.
Millennials are a waste of space and because of them I am happy to see the human species become extinct after I have lived a full life.
10
Jeffrey Epstein has done me out of a win in the Deadpool..failed suicide attempt,indeed..some Cunts just have no consideration.
10
Found unconscious in a jail cell, apparently. It isn’t mentioned if anything was found placed (forcibly) in his rectum, such as a prison table leg.
Cunt fully deserves a thorough defiling.
9
I just hope that he drops Prince Andrew in the shite before he gives me my deserved Deadpool win.
Morning,Paul.
11
Just a bloody attention-seeker, that Epstein. Clear admission of guilt, or headed for a balance of mind disturbed plea? Time will tell.
I’ve just learned that Ghislaine Maxwell, who is allegedly alleged to have been Epstein’s alleged procurer/madam, is none other than Robert Maxwell’s daughter – he of lost at sea before imprisoned for fraud fame. And there are sealed charges for her, too. This one will run and run.
7
Like Mr F’s shot in the Deadpool a near miss. Maybe a targeted ‘hit’ that didn’t quite.
6
Also possible. Trump’s a bad man to cross, it’s been suggested, and Epstein may have some dirt on Tangoman.
4
Some weeks ago I was in a well know department store on a busy Saturday and walking up a flight of steps, when I nearly went arse over head as a small child ran from behind across me at knee height.
On looking around I saw the parents who were at the foot of the stairs oblivious to where their brat was. I pointed out that the child nearly had me over, the Mother apologised but then had a re-think say she was only four etc. My reply was that she should keep her kid under control considering the surroundings etc.
Off they went and I thought that was the end of the matter. But oh no! Some nosy arse tapped me on the shoulder and said how rude I was and that I shouldn’t have repremanded the parents. I told him in no uncertain terms to jog on.
But still this was not the end of the saga. Another cunt trunked in to say he had never heard such a rude person. I told him to get out more and to fuck off as I was at this stage getting a tad annoyed. He said he would call security as I swore at him.
Fuck me what fucking self righteous snowflakes have been spawned.
John Lewis – Never knowingly under twatted.
20
Self entitled, lower middle class types or lower, who usually buy brand new rather than antiques and therefore are part of the world’s consumption and trash problem, have absolutely no manners, no self awareness and fail to teach their children how to be competent in the world. The Oxford Dictionary is welcome to use my definition, perhaps under the title of ‘Self entitled consumer mong’. Time for a cunting of consumers in general.
1
Could I put in a word for another group of cuntable kids and their dreadful mums – those wimmin of 30, usually wearing plaits and flowery skirts who lets little Gemima take her fucking dolls pram on the bus – even in the rush hour. Yesterday in the boiling heat I had a late afternoon appointment, the bus was hot and packed and the exit was blocked by some monstrous woman in a cripples chariot happily swigging from a 2 litre bottle of Tizer, and the aforesaid Gemima with mummy and her knicker-pink dolls pram, complete with doll, who Gemima insisted needed feeding. What a load of wankers.
12
God, yes. There is a three-generation family of these overfecund cunts which invades the bus* at commuter time, when everyone is already pissed off. Daddy has a huge wheeled wickerwork basket, but no other visible means of support. and I think they must subsist on shoplifting from hippie vegan shops. There’s a new brat every winter – Gen 2 (yup, 30, flowery skirts, earth mother, wimminz empowerment) is in full production, although Gen 1’s (yup, ditto) biological clock has thankfully run down – and the spawn are given every opportunity to realise their potential and express themselves at top volume while running around randomly.
* I reluctantly use this during the winter as night riding with incipient cataract is a dangerous penance. The bus is merely a penance.
3
Bus wankers.
4
The doll self-identifies as a human baby, we must learn to be ‘inclusive’.
4
Eccentric French inventor, Franky Zapata, has failed in his attempt to cross the English Channel on a homemade hoverboard. Is sharing a dinghy with a dozen Iranians too good for him?
6
All kids should be made to work ten hours a day in a coal mine and fed on bread and water.
If they shape up they are allowed to go to school but any backsliding and cuntishness and back you go underground.
That’ll learn em some manners the cunts.
6
It’s not the children that annoy me, well they do as well but the lack of control by the parents and their lazy attitude.
If you’re going to create life look after it.
6
Kids should not be allowed in shops, tether them outside with Rover.
8
And ADULTS on kiddy-scooters, to.
Shitstains.
0
Now now let’s be reasonable. You can’t excuse some kids like you can’t excuse some adults.
A cunt is a cunt. You know when you look into the whites of aome kids eyes and think: what a cunt you will grow up to be.
It’s written on the wall for some of these. Yes the parents might play a part; but if said cunt of a kid can’t determine what’s right from wrong and what is socially acceptable within its own parameters; then it will just grow up to be a fuckwit parent and the cycle continues.
So it’s imperative we cunt kids; so they know they are being arseholes. If their parents won’t teach them; let society.
I nearly ran one of the cunts over last month who stood in the road and wouldn’t move. I continued my manouver and trajectory, and, how I didn’t hit the simple little fucker I have no idea. But his face was shock and awe.
That day he realised he is not invincible… and I narrowly avoided 20 years in porridge.
5
You are not a killjoy when it comes to children being children Nurse? Well I am, I hate the little fuckers.
8
My kids are fucking ACE!! Everyone else’s are cunts though, and i fucking LOVE bringing my 5 year old twins into the supermarket when it’s packed, the chaos they cause is fucking hilarious for me and livens up an otherwise cunt of a trip. The groan i hear from other shoppers when they steam into the shop is music to my ears. I am a cunt. BUT they have never been in a boozer and won’t be until they are 18, pubs are no place for kids, end of.
0
I have two kids (10 and 8). If we go to a pub, it’s one we know encourages families (there would be even fewer open if they were all old gits only. However, there should be old git pubs only. Also make sure any activities they take with them do not involve running around e.g. paper, pens, tablet.
Also always told them that they are polite and they respect other people. Seems to have worked. Most of the time it’s the parents that are the problem. Your kid can be disciplined and it has to fit into life, not expect everyone to cater to it’s needs.
1