Ant & Dec (3)

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Remarkably unfunny, insincere and are seemingly the go to twerps for ITV on a consistent basis. The little one especially, with a slimy grin the classroom snitch would be proud of, is a major cunt who needs a slap.

The streak of piss along side him, is only ever so slightly more bearable, if not for the fact his away from camera antics have stopped dominating national headlines as if the nations well being depended on him.

A once studio runner, a dear friend of mine once said “Reality TV is the norm these days, cheap to produce, watched in droves by the soulless and brings in copious amounts of profit. My idea for a uncut reality show based on the “stars” of this country’s off camera antics has yet to be seriously considered”

CUNTS

Nominated by Blue Jam

64 thoughts on “Ant & Dec (3)”

  1. Celebrities are they , if they are then that puts em right at the top of my hate list, I despise and loathe with every little twisted atom of my being , like all of the vacuous ego driven cunts they are probably experts on any subject that they open their gobs on and no doubt genuinely believe that the population hangs on their every utterance, death to them and their sort, cunts to a man and a pox on them.

    • Is there anything selebs are not experts on? Ant will be reporting on the growing Iranian threat to international oil tankers in the Strait of Hormuz while Dec has an in-depth look at democracy in Hong Kong.

  3. ITV manufactured presenters giving a platform to mongs who are further manufactured on a conveyor belt of shit, packaged with a bow and presented to us as ‘celebrities’. Make a TV show but don’t forget to make a ‘celebrity’ version as well. Then, just to be sure everyone understands they’re celebrities, host an awards show where the manufactured celebrities win accolades for being……celebrities. But what if one of our celebrities gets drunk and crashes into a member of the public? Wrap them in cotton wool and wait for it to pass. Don’t forget to make them the victim and ensure the public wish them well by using the rehab card.
    Given that ITV have banned all Male writing teams, shouldn’t they split Ant and Dec as well? No, because we’re told they’re a British institution. ITV really is a shower of shite. And Coronation Street can fuck off as well.

  4. Rehash of Morecambe and Wise,s act and unfunny.overpaid pair of cunts Ones an arse licker and the other is a pill popping drink driver How people quickly forget

    • Bring back Jeremy Kyle, and hope he drives them to suicide.
      In a car with a very large petrol tank, and child-locks in operation.
      Over the edge of Beach Head.
      A win-win-win.

      Ant McPartlin, whose real name is Art McPantliner. Now that’s one you don’t often hear on the Al-Beeb.

      • Have u read my comment .Its a strange coincidence to me considering your surname .seriously .

  5. I have never seen this pair in any single thing and still have no idea which is which.

      • Sounds perfectly easy, wonder why I’ve struggled. Oh wait, I’ve never given either of them a thought.

  6. Ant “BURP!” McPartlin has more fucking lives than Schrödinger’s cat!

    No matter what the cunt does he comes back bigger than ever!

    Drunkards where I’m from are avoided, ridiculed or both. Drunk drivers ostracised for being cunts, especially the “couldn’t even walk” over the limit cunts (like McPartlin)!

    McPartlin: a teary-eyed sorry and a few mental issues later and it’s new contract on even more money for Ant so it is!

    I can just see an Eddie Stobart’s driver getting done 3 times over the limit in their private vehicle, being welcomed back with open arms and on more money after a 6 month enforced hiatus, can’t you!?!

    Welcome to fucking clown world!

    🤡

    • A pedantic cunt writes.
      Schrodinger’s cat didn’t have any lives. It was either dead or alive. Semi dead if you like.

      I know, I’m a cunt.

      • Not quite, it exists in both states until it is measured, then it’s one or the other.

      • Semi-carnally.
        Sorry, Cyril Connolly.
        Getting on a bit, all this Python stuff keeps reappearing.

        Cats, to the best of my knowledge, are half-asleep vs. half awake, but never both at the same time.

      • What is this all about? I keep reading about this fucking cat…who the fuck was shrodinger and why should anyone give a tupenny Fuck about his cat?

        I haven’t seen so much fuss about a bloody cat since the hounds ran that one to ground on the Infant School playground while we were out hunting.

      • PS…there was no doubt about whether it was alive or dead…and we certainly didn’t need a box for it’s remains.

        Fuck Off.

      • A cat fight? Fuck me don’t get Bamboo and OP involved. All hell will break loose!

  7. I just can’t put into words how much I loathe these two talentless twats.

    Gobshites

  8. A much to be celebrated cunting indeed.

    This pair are as funny as terminal brain cancer and, together, have as much talent as the cheese trapped under Cowell’s foreskin after him fucking Louis Walsh in his dirty Keyster.

    The one with the Tefal man forehead constantly laughs like the fucking village idiot on Citalopram and the other one with the witch doctor’s shrunken head mutters like Marlon Brando in the Godfather.

    Fuck them both, the pair of talent-free wankstains!

  9. These pair are like Tony Blair 3 landslide victories and I’ve never met anyone who would admit voting for the lying cunt.
    Ant and Dec “no we never watch them”Eh who’s fucking voting for them then at all these television awards? You are cunts

    • I voted for Blair,not once,but twice….but,in my defence, I am a bit of a Cunt.

      Evening,Mr.Bamboo.

      • Evening Dick I won’t hold it against you for voting for Mr Blair He was a proper slippery bastard

      • Thsnks just reminded me of some great music i havent heard for a while.my mate was obsessed with the ss btw.

    • Like you Mr Fiddler I’m completely at a loss here. Maybe Kanye West was offended when she listened to rap music. Not sure she’s thought this one through. If she complained about the fact they are a brass band I could understand it.

      • It really is a mystery to me. If they’d been playing “”SS Marschiert in Feindesland” or something similar, I’d have thought that she had a bit of a point.

      • Brilliant music as stated my aquarien friend loved this did delight in singing it prolificlary .wonderful .brings back nice memories of some genuine people in this joke of a fucking country
        amen

      • Riley is a thick slag… What ‘crime’ has this brass band committed? Didn’t Keith Richards once say ‘Paint It Black’ was influenced by ‘Hava Nagila’? Doesn’t make him anti semitic, does it?… She is just a bandwagon jumping tosser…Being ‘offended’ for being offended’s sake… But I’ll tell her what offends me… I get offended at daft celebrity trollops cracking on they are lifelong Manchester United fans, were nowhere to be seen when the team was shit, and they come from nowhere near Manchester and attach themselves like a leech to the post-93 Premiershiip era of the club… I also get offended by said celebrity cunts not having anything to say about the despicable Glazer/Woodward administration, while aforementioned celebrity tosspot hoovers up their freebies at Old Trafford… So, fuck you….

    • Its the brave new world, if you aren’t offended your not trying hard enough.

      I should write to her and ask if i can fuck her brains out, if she says No, I will be offended

      • Well she’ll get no more photos of my cock through the post until she explains herself.

      • Silly cow knows nothing about brass bands, despite being a ‘lifelong’ ManU supporter well versed in Northern culture.. From fucking Essex I believe.

      • This daft bitch is despised by hardcore reds in Mcr… She’s a stupid Giggsy groupie nu-footie cunt…

      • It is odd,RTC.
        I’ve read the story 3 times and still have no clue. I’m genuinely considering joining twitter just so that I can ask her.
        I did wonder if the tune is some religious tune that should only be played by Rabbis or something?,but your link and Norman’s mention seems to rule that out.

        Krav…if you read this,have you got any idea?

    • It’s blatant antisemitism to play a Jewish tune if you’re not Jewish. The organisers should have hired a klezmer band and put CST goons in the crowd to spot anyone criticising the music.

  11. Cunt and Dick just won’t fuck off will they? Fast forward 30 years and they’ll still be getting paid millions by ITV for kids shows on a Saturday night and I’m a Cunt GMOOH. Can’t see the appeal myself, maybe if I was 10. There will always be a place for the grinning cunts though unfortunately as the unwashed masses at home have no taste or sense of humour and would probably sit and watch bowel movements if it involved “celebrities”. Cunts.

  12. My latest submission, a series about men whose sexual fetish involves having sex in the loft, has been rejected and returned.

    ‘Gash In The Attic’….

    • Same happened with my ‘Desert Island Dicks’, although ITV have nicked the idea for Love Island.

  13. What depths has entertainment sunk to ?
    I was never a fan of Morcombe & Wise , Mike & Bernie Winters or that Chinny cunt Brucie.
    But at least they could sing dance and captivate an audience.
    What are Cunt & Dong good for ?
    That’s right , Fuck all.
    They just stand their with their childish grins and comments. 2 of the most untalented scrots to ever walk the boards.

  14. It all started in the early 80’s when ticks such as French & Saunders, Lenny Uncle Tom Henry, Alexi Sayle, Roland Rivron, Adrian Edmundson etc embedded themselves into British comedy / entertainment and have never left. They make an appearance every year on Tools Holland’s cuntmanay . Even though they haven’t said anything remotely funny for 40 years. Cunt & Dong will be here well into old age when they will be doing a Bob Hope / George Burns routine telling endless gags about Viagra and what it’s like having a prostrate the size of a grapefruit .

    • Only funny one from that era was Rik Mayall… Rik is now gone, as is the great Dermot Morgan… While cunts like ‘Sir Lenny’ and Fat and Flounders still do the same old tiresome shit…. What a load of cunt….

    • Donald Trumps tweets are funnier than all these cocksuckers combined. Fuck ’em.

      • Some of the people who still haven’t left the U.S. after promising to if President Trump were elected:

        – Bryan Cranston
        – Rosie O’Donnell
        – Lena Dunham
        – Kunty Perry
        – Ladyboy Gaga
        – Cher
        – Jennifer Lawrence
        – Miley Cyrus
        – Chelsea Handler
        – Devil Streep
        – Kathy Griffon
        – Whoopi Goldberg
        – George Lopez

        But… But why haven’t they left yet? They all can’t be lying posturing ivory tower double standards look at me cunts, surely?….

        Viva Big Don! El Presidente!

    • I,m sure i saw Ade Edmunson on Eastenders the other night, i’m not a cunt, the wife was watching it, i was merely passing through.

  16. Not sure what all the moans are about.
    I think Shat and Dick give excellent value; two excruciating, fuckwitted, shitting cunts for the price of one.
    Fair do’s.

  17. Pair of tedious, over-rated, loathsome reptiles. If I had a Santander account I would walk in and close it. How some overpaid prick on the board of directors signed off on the truly awful advert with a convicted drunk driver as brand ambassador still serving his ban is completely beyond me.

    My money’s still on the felon ending up in a psych ward. The eyes give it away.

  18. This pair of fucking nonentities and the brain-dead swamp mongs who lap up their retarded output basically sum up Britain in the 21st century.

    We’re fucked. Not only as a nation but as a species.

  19. How fucking bent do that pair look in the left hand photo? Cunt#1 creeps up behind cunt#2 lowers himself ready to insert his greasy sausage. Cunt#2 goes all coy begins to rub his pierced nipples and says ‘No Ant, or Dec whatever the fuck your name is, we promised we wouldn’t’. Cunt#1 says ‘Shut the feck tuh feck up slut yor gettin reamed an’ nar na mistek!’.

  20. These two were grade A cunts 25 years ago for the abomination that was their music ‘career’. BJ and Cuntan wasn’t it? Let’s Get Ready To Rumble indeed, the fucking twats.

    A failed music career, a failed film career (Alien Autopsy), followed by a failed TV acting ‘comeback’ (Likely Lads remake, for fucks sake) and now their television double-act shite, how these two talentless scrotes weren’t cast into obscurity decades ago is a mystery so great it even trumps that of how ubercunt James Corden has managed to have a successful ‘career’.

    These two gurning, personality vacuums must have a number of very incriminating photos of some powerful media types under lock and key somewhere, it’s the only explanation for their rise to ‘national-treasure’ status I can think of.

  21. Two working class blokes taking the piss out of each other…….an act you can see in any pub any night of the week for free.
    I suppose cunts think there’s something special about it because piss taking is now so risky…….you never know who you are going to “offend “.

  22. Read somewhere that in the adult entertainment business relating to bongo mags the term ant and dec is used by photographers to describe a certain image. The pose being “setting the video” photographer positions himself directly behind model and captures an ant and dec “a half bald cunt next to a little arsehole” very apt what.

  23. Please…will someone dig up jimmy Saville and take turns with wank an’ fuck by sticking their heads up his rotting arsehole. Great plot for I’m a cunt…get me out of ere. Better still if it was aired over teatime. Tefal little grinning shits.

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