Recruitment consultants are cunts.
All strut around in their suits, posing for photos with ‘their candidates,’ and generally spouting nonsense about the sector they claim to work in.
Now I’m not one to blow my own trumpet but I consider my profession to be a valuable one, I worked hard for my degree and job as do most others.
But what exactly do these cunts do that require years at university or life experience? Can you do a masters in cold calling now?
As far as I can tell, all these jumped up shits do is call people out of the blue, bullshit them into leaving their cosy job, pass on a CV or two, then collect a nice fat commission off the lazy, incompetent and clueless employer they are working for. I don’t have an issue with the nature of the job or the lack of skills require to perform it. If there’s a market for it, exploit it. But I do take umbrage at the tendency of these people to be self important, jumped up little fuckers who act way above their station pretending to be specialists, when they specialise in FUCK ALL.
You’re a glorified messenger boy pal….now get back in your box you cunt!
Nominated by The Ghost of Glauber Berti
One word for them: PONCES
Vacuous arseholes with the gift of the gab. That is all they are.
16
Fucking useless. Marzipan dildos, the lot of them.
These cunts have managed to convince medium-to-large firms that they are important in recruting cunts for their businesses. The reality is that these cunts will throw any two-bob wanker at you looking for a job with only the barest attempt to selecting a suitable candidate.
Cut from the same cloth as Estate Agents and the accursed fucking project managers, these blagging scumcunts similarly do a job which in reality, most firms who employ them are too busy or too lazy to do themselves. Whenever we have attempted to recurit via these wide-boy shitcunts, we inevitably get a slew of CVs from non-English speaking fuckers whose degrees or qualifications are accredited by Sheepshagger University in rural Yakutsk.
Literally one of the ‘nothing jobs’ in this modern age. Absolute fucking cunts to a man.
25
Nice cunting. Never liked these types, and why employers cannot select their own staff is beyond me. If i ran a business, I would want to know first hand wether they were a saint or a snake and make my own choice and decision.
13
I was head hunted once, fuck knows why, the job they were recomending was totally unsuitable and in no way in line with the CV the cunts had on file.
I guess they didnt have anyone suitable on the books who met the criteria of the job on offer so they just tried any random cunt!
Wankers!
8
I had one once out and out lie when he rang the office up, claiming to be from the accredited body that governs my profession. When I found out that he was a recruitment consultant I truly lost my fucking temper and put the phone down on the cunt.
The lamposts could never high enough to properly hang these cunts.
12
Probably thought that by inserting ‘consultant’ in your job title would solve everything!
5
Has anyone noticed that if you get a cunt in a cunty profession in a suit and tie, it’s like their overall cuntiness is greater than the sum of its part.
Sort of overall cuntines = sum of cuntiness x speed of light squared.
13
I used to hear from them a lot. Then my business dies (oil and gas) and they disappeared. However, I understand the reason I no longer hear from the cunts is that they are on to a cushy little number withe the employers shipping in Indians, Venezuelans, Afghanis and whatever scum of the world wants to come to the UK. No work for your whitey-boy – you want too much money. I know you want to buy a house, bring up your kids here, but we no longer need you. We have an endless supply of cheap labour from the arseholes of the world.
Cunts.
20
Most recruitment consultants I have dealt with can’t understand a detailed job spec.
Required experienced IT technician.
Must have the following skills
Blah blah blah
So the CV’s arrive, do the candidates match the job spec or requirements.
Not a fucking chance. These cunts expect a large commission for placement of candidates, it’s a wonder most of the cunts ain’t starving to death.
For only £3 a month you can save the life of a recruitment consultant……..
9
I notice that loads of these useless fuckwits have letters after their names, but actually know the square root of fuck all about the jobs.
They all have the letters C.U.N.T. after their names.
7
I tend to have issues with them on linked in, I don’t allow them on my network and I work in a very incestuous industry where we all tend to know each other.
I particularly hate employment agency’s and would like to see them banned from Job centres.
Having had the misfortune of being unemployed for over 6 months I was required to attend “Job club” a club that involves small groups of over 40’s men being taken into a side room and abused by job centre staff.
On one of these occasions the cow in charge belated us on how many jobs she had on the board and how useless we were for not getting a job.
One person calmly said over 70% of the jobs you have on offer here are posted by various agency’s, they are not job offers but a potential offer of work should it appear.
The agencies ask us to apply for certain types of jobs so that they can fill a portfolio with various candidates should an employer with a suitable opening come their way.
I know this because my ex wife is the manger of the local Reed employment office.
That shut her up, yep employment agencies are massive soul destroying cunts too
18
Did the Job Centre bitch open the session with ‘Hokey cokey pug in a pokey..’?
7
I got a seasonal job where I had to dress up in the full Father Christmas costume and sit in a department store Santa’s grotto.
One day a girl approached and I said, “Hello, wow! you’re tall.”
She said “I’m seventeen, is that ok?”
I said “Of course it is. Christmas is a time for everyone, not just the youngsters. What do you wish for this year?”
She said “Well, this year I’d like to get some hairs on my fanny.”
I said “Do you mind if they’re white?”….
20
My experience of recruitment consultants within my profession of civil engineering is one of abject disappointment. Their cuntitude runs through them like the name of a seaside town runs through a stick of rock.
I provide them with a detailed specification, with particulars required for that post. What comes back – a wedge of CVs that do not meet the requirements. Heave, ho and in the bin the CVs go!
The cunts then send me someone who just about meets the requirements. Then someone resembling Shaggy from Scooby Doo or Nenge Mboko from Trading Places turns up. A complete fucking waste of time. Then you find their salary expectation exceeds that of the company Directors!
What I find utterly cuntish about recruitment consultants is the exorbitant fee they demand for the little work they do. They basically collect CVs from candidates and e-mail them out. Placement fee? 20% of the starting salary of that candidate – that’ll be £6,000 + VAT – thank you very much and not bad for a morning’s work.
Wedge-trousering cunts.
11
From my experience of trying to get a job in your industry, they do a little more than that. They go through the CV’s before they send them out and bin the ones from white males over 30.
From around 150 applications made after doing a CivEng postgrad degree, I got no replies via either of the two recruitment agencies I’d registered with. And damn few from anyone else, it has to be said.
7
Yep. On a couple of occasions some years ago I went many miles for interview on the promise of expenses that never came. And at one a clear requi9rement was experience I didn’t have or claim.
Cunts. Sales fuckers who would give timeshare fuckers a bad name.
10
‘Recruitment’ a military word. Chesterton;
Orthodoxy, 1908
‘Business, especially big business, is now organized like an army. It is, as some would say, a sort of mild militarism without bloodshed; as I say, a militarism without the military virtues.’
5
The military have clear chains of command. Business has tangles of confusion. Higher education, where I work, has porridge.
7
The problem is with the use of the title ‘Consultant’. In all my years in IT before retiring, I ALWAYS refused to be known as a consultant. This was because Consultants do fuck all for loadsmoney. I wouldn’t demean myself – I was a MANAGER, pure and simple. Any CV’s that passed over my desk with ‘consultant’ as part of the title were binned without a glance. I did alright!
6
My wife used to work for a Recruitment Company, the worlds largest, used to sponsor the Davis Cup, might still do….as a consequence I used to go to the annual awards/Christmas do. To be fair they were quite lavish affairs, black tie, free booze. But, and it’s a big fucking but, the blokes who “worked” for said company were, to a man, the biggest bunch of coke addled, cock measuring cunts I’d ever met. The women weren’t to bad I must say, but the men, they all thought they were the fucking wolf of Wall Street or Christian bale in American Psycho. What a bunch of insecure cunts. My strategy used to be thus; get absolutely pissed. Put on my best ex-forces, anti-social, don’t even think about talking to me you cunt, face…and when one of them thought he’d be clever and say “c’mon mate, smile, it might never happen!” in front of his grinning gang of co-twats, I’d spring forward threaten to kick the fuck out of him and any other cunt who wanted a go. This usually had the desired effect. He would piss his pants, the others would fuck of sharpish and the wife would banish me to the room. Mission accomplished.
16