British Stand Up Comedy

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British stand up comedy is a fucking cunt.

Having the stand up comedy bar raised exceptionally high from my early twenties, feasting on diet of American comics, the late Bill Hicks, George Carlin, and the currently existing Doug Stanhope, I find it tragic and infuriating that the United Kingdom has failed to produce anything of a similar standard, or even half as good.

Instead, the UK’s so-called comedians include the likes of:

Michael Mcintyre (fat, high-pitched, banal, “I live in Muswell Hill” unfunny cunt)

Russell Howard (Boggle, cross-eyed, void of any substance or weight in comedic material, catering for the moronic masses, unfunny cunt)

Dara O’Briain (fat, potato-scoffing, annoying-as-fuck, lefty, unfunny, Paddy cunt)

Eddie Izzard (Cross-dressing, gender-fluid, lefty, self-important, “activist” and probably calls him self an anarchist, unfunny, tranny cunt)

Plus the various smatterings of…

A black comedian – talks about being black for the entire duration of his / her routine.

An Asian comedian – talks about being Asian for the entire duration of his / her routine.

Any woman comedian – talks about cake, periods and how all men are bastards (especially that fat, lefty unfunny cunt, Jo Brand) for the entire duration of the routine.

A poof comedian – minces around talking about being a shit-stabber for the entire duration of his routine.

Instead of quality material and individuality, we are left with a coven of politically-correct, non-offensive, BBC / Channel 4 moulded, loathsome joke-blowing, mediocre cretins, armed with their unoriginal, unexceptional monologues and the all-important get-out-of-jail-free, if all else fails, Trump. Brexit, Farage lifejacket jokes, catering for the remoaners, left-wing faggots, simpletons and dullards.
In a nutshell, anyone who watches ‘At The Apollo’ or stand up on Comedy Central.

Even the one guy who everyone thought was too outrageous, Frankie Boyle, morphed into a fucking Guardian column-writing, towel-head-apologist twat. He was shit, anyway, shock value with no substance, with material straight from Sikipedia.

If there is an aspiring home-grown bedroom comic who isn’t afraid to offend, to tell the truth and to make people think as well as laugh, please, step forward and grab the spotlight with both hands. You’ll probably be destined for a career in small venues and Youtube, as the mainstream networks censors anything that doesn’t fit their narrative, but at least, give it a go.

Nominated by Lord Cuntony

83 thoughts on “British Stand Up Comedy”

  1. Yes, a good nomination and what you say is true. Bland, repetitive, crowd-pleasing , unoriginal, and unfunny. Like British television and film. What’s happened to this island that once was so innovative,conscientious, brilliant but is now sterile, cowed, lacking in confidence. If it had a soundtrack it’d be muzak. If it had a colour it’d be beige.

    • British TV comedy used to be genuinely dissenting at times. But the self-righteous tryranical Left have got the public spaces almost completely stitched up, so that the most dissenting thing a comedian on anyone else can do is come out publicly on the right for standards and common sense.

  2. The best comedian I’ve ever seen is Jerry Sadowitz. Unfortunately, he doesn’t give a fuck about political correctness, therefore he will never again see the light of day on British television. But worse than that, his brand of humour is clever and truthful and nothing scares the establishment more than that.

    • Plus one for Jerry.

      The only comedies I bother with these days tends to be American- curb your enthusiasm, it’s always sunny in Philadelphia, etc. Never bother with British ‘comedy’, which these days means bollocks like mrs browns boys and citizen khan.

      • Curb Your Enthusiasm is out of this world. Larry David somehow manages to get away with anything in politically correct LA. He denigrates blacks, Moslems, gays anybody and anything. Remember the scene when he is screwing a Palestinian woman and she cries out “Oh fuck me Larry the way your people are fucking my people on the West Bank”. He also claimed that Michael J. Fox was exploiting his Parkinson´s Disease for publicity reasons and ridiculed Ted Danson for saying he wanted to protect the oceans so his kids could swim in unpolluted sea waters, saying Danson´s kids didn´t ever go into the ocean as they had a private swimming pool.

      • In the most recent series there was a kid ‘on the autism spectrum’ and allowed to get away with murder outed as actually just being an arsehole.

      • I love Susie’s rants. Especially the way the spaghetti western music starts playing when she’s warming up to let fly…..

        But agree, Larry David takes comedy to places no British TV network would dare. Like, being funny, for instance…

      • Susie is what Elaine should have been on Seinfeld, if not ruined by that cunt Julia Louis Dreyfuss

      • Everything with you has got to be perfect!

        PS: Curb Your Enthusiasm is ace.

    • I know this is not a place for advertising but Jerry is touring again this autumn. Fellow cunters please get a ticket now. I will not put a link because if you can’t be arsed to look him up you don’t deserve to watch him.

      Apologies to Admin if this breaks any rules.

  3. Take a look at Alistair Williams on YouTube. This man should be famous but isn’t because he’s not a Left-wing Corbynite Remoaner.
    He actually spoke alongside Nigel Farage and Richard Tice at the Brexit Party rally in my hometown. Here’s where he explains Brexit better than anyone else I’ve ever heard:
    https://youtu.be/yGL-XJPuCuo

  4. The good stuff is out there but in the fringe and unlikely to get exposure in the media unless it’s a hit piece.

    I remember when Jasper Carrot, Mike Harding and Billy Connelly were all on TV, never overly offensive but funny as fuck.

    The only agenda they had was to make people laugh.

  5. I agree with the ones mentioned but I’ve seen a few good ones.
    Tim Vine
    Lee Evans
    Milton Jones
    Lee Mack

    I’ve even seen Stewart Lee a few times and despite being a lefty he is very good. Comedy is in a strange place at the moment. They want free speech and to be able to joke about anything but they object to the plebs having the same freedom.

    • Stewart Lee can burn to death as far as I am concerned. His last tour was almost exclusively based around material demonising Brexit voters.

      I threw all his live DVDs out last September, which I had collected since Fist of Fun. The fucking cunt. Looks like a part-time lesbian, too.

      • Lee did come up with one good Brexit joke:

        Material that goes down well in Cambridge can get you glassed in Lincoln.
        By the mayor.

      • So he doesnt want to make jokes about Trump because it’s too fashionable and lazy, yet doesnt mind having a pop at Brexit voters?

        Sad but pretty predictable. I turned down an oppoetunity to see his last tour because it’s what i expected would hapoen.

        I used to enjoy Fist of Fun and Richard and Not Judy.they had the bizarre and irrevent spirit of the Alexei Sayle/Rik and Ade generation

      • Sayle was erratically amusing; I do immediately recall his put-down of twankerous office speak:
        “Anyone who uses the term ‘workshop’ who is not engaged in at least light engineering; is a twat”.

    • Tim Vine is brilliant. An old fashioned comedian who doesn’t get political or lefty. The others you mention are good as well because they steer clear of trendy pc lefty comedy.

    • Can’t say I’ve seen Milton Jones or Tim Vine but I do like Lee Evans and Lee Mack

      No political shit just pulling apart random shit we see in everyday life. Lee Evans inparticular sold out big arenas as well and never bothered with the panel show shite the rest all seem to do.

      Unfortunately Evans has retired.

  6. Solid cunting, but a specific mention for bug-eyed simplecunt Sarah Millican was in order.

    This fucking shitcunt is about as funny as an un-anaesthetised castration. Her entire routine revolves around embellishing her subhuman geordie accent, making a completely shit observational ‘joke’, and looking around the fucking audience wide-eyed, like a frightened vegetable, until the audience feels compelled to laugh.

    I truly despise that cunt with a passion.

    • I hate her as well, Empire. Endless “ jokes” about her cunt, tits, fat and periods. In past times, mental defectives like this were locked up in an asylum. Now they get endless tv coverage and make a lucrative living out of their retarded banalaties.

      • I suppose if a bloke made jokes about cunts, tits, and periods they’d be arrested for sexist/hate crime and flogged to death!

    • Ha, she was definitely in mind when I was mentioning female comedians – they all talk about the same bloody thing! She is fucking annoying, fuck knows why people find her even mildly amusing.

  7. Cunt me in – yes he was at the Brighton Brexit meeting if I remember correctly.
    One of the small minority of right comedians. He was ok but not as funny as the pathetic losers protesting outside the venue. Pathetic ignorant fucking soap dodging cunts.

  8. Superb nom from Lord Cunteroy.

    British stand up comedy is indeed a national disgrace. Anyone who appears on that Apollo shite, or the lefty gobshites on Mock the Week, Have I got Cunts For You or any Radio 4 comedy programme like The Now Show ( but not Just A Minute), deserves to be buried alive in a very deep hole.

    Utter cunts, every single one of them. They can only joke about Brexit, Trump, Boris, or cunts, fat, tits and periods for the women. Total retards. I hope they get leprosy, the cunts.

    The worse offenders – Dara O’Brainless, Marcus Bridgecock, Russell Coward, Paul Merton ( last funny joke he made was in 1993)……..damn it there’s just to many to list. …. I give up.

    • Brigstocke the banker’s son. Less of a comedian, more of a lefty climate change/professional atheist demagogue.

      Boring easter island-headed cunt.

    • Ah thank you, I completely forgot about HIGNFY, the fucking steaming turd that it is.

  9. Comedians in this country don’t need to try very hard. They make a good living doing the rounds on identikit shite panel shows on Dave. That ubiquitous Romesh Ranganathan utter cunt is a prime example.

  10. The best material is written on the way up. Use it in the clubs and early TV appearances then what? Most aren’t good enough to keep it going so resort to bashing what’s trendy. Wether it is giving Mrs Thatch a hard time (a little bit of politics for ya, Ben Elton what a cunt) or Trump or Brexit.
    Agree about Sadowitz, quality. Word strangler Stewart Lee does my nut in, the cunt drags it out. A joke an hour, not exactly Tim Vine.
    Always liked American Rodney Dangerfield.

    A tough gig. I couldn’t do it, but then again I’ve got an inferiority complex….but not a very good one….

    • Rodney Dangerfield absolutely carries that Caddyshack film.

      “Hey doll. Bet your were really something, before electricity…”

  11. Give me Al Murray any day – top bloke, very funny, sexist and just old school all the way.

    Guess he won’t be around much longer before the liberals demand his show is banned for being offensive!

  12. What-ho Cuntony! Have we met in the House of Lords?

    Anyway, good cunting. British comedy died with Bernard Manning. Used to love the Comedians and Wheeltappers and Shunters. As I have said before, comedians don’t tell jokes anymore, they make observations. Big fucking deal. And you have to be a lefty. Cunts.

  13. The wife and I have seen Danny Bhoy both times he has toured here. I can’t speak for your opinions on him but personally I though he was fucking hilarious, head and shoulders above anything here that touts itself as “comedy”.
    If it is truly cringe worthy stand up you crave, then New Zealand comedians (said in the loosest possible terms) are the cunts for you.

  14. There was the Black fella, an Irishman and a Jew……..

    Oh the good old days….

    • “Mam, the budgie Just died”

      “You’re joking!”
      “If I was joking I’d have started with ‘a Scot, a Pole and a three legged dog walk into a bar…’

  15. A standard rule to be observed in comedy is if it’s on the BBC it WILL be unfunny , leftie politically correct shite, if you follow that and avoid the BBC your blood pressure should remain fairly low. British comedians cunts to a man.

  16. The best I have ever seen was Manning. And I was lucky enough to see him on many occasions. Dawson was also good, and believe it or not Monkhouse was excellent in his stage act.
    All gone now leaving us the ocean of limp shit cited above.

  17. Funniest British stand up of all time Bernard Manning RIP,by a country mile,I’ve nowt doubt if the great man were still alive hed be a prolific contributor to ISAC

  18. The one I can’t stand is the mincing, Moby look alike Tom Allen. Is it because he’s gay? No, he fuckin’ just isn’t funny. Mmmm. There I go again bitching.

  19. Peaceful Rolf Harris tribute act, Romesh Ranganathan is an al-BBC panel show circuit cunt, an ex teacher and a vegan only elevates his cuntishness.

  20. Special mention for Spike Milligan and to a lesser extent Benny Hill – both hugely sexist as far as their comedy was concerned; but quite often self-deprecating, which is something I don’t think liberal luvvies would understand

  21. We should never forget though there are still some excellent comedians who toil unceasingly to bring a smile to our careworn faces. Who could ever forget Jezza the white faced clown, or David (Ise am black bro) Lammy, Emily Two-Ton Thornberry, the wonderful Alistair Campbell with his famous drunk act, and Tom Watson’s tribute to Fatty Arbunkle, There’s Diane Abbott, a real trouper with her thick black-face act and who could ever forget the greatest pantomime dame of them all, Dame Keir Starmer, however much we would like to.

      • Apparently they were initially stopped at Heathrow but were then allowed to leave, so it’s the government’s fault. Expect legal action soon from Akunjee, Shamima’s lawyer.

    • Thanks Dick, for drawing our attention to this family of cunts biting the dust. In the esteemed Windsor Davies’s memorable words, “Oh dear, what a shame, never mind…..”

      • Good news near the bottom of that report is that the bitch Sally Jones has hit the dirt.

    • Well that will be a few thousand saved in benefits!

      No doubt the liberals will blame the UK government for allowing the to leave the country.

      • That’s a very conservative estimate. Chances are none of them has ever paid taxies and will have generations of children who won’t either. The true cost of one muslim family through the years in benefits claims alone, before calculating the extra cost of policing, and then social damage, is practically incalcuble.

        There’s a reason ALL their countries are shitholes (unless propped up with oil money) and every muslim area in europe is a shithole.

      • ‘TAXES!’ Although I bet these cunts bunked one or two taxies in their time too.

  23. Nothing makes me laugh more (in a good way) than cunts posting on here.

    Who needs stand-up comedy when you’ve got ISAC?

  24. I saw Jim Davidson live in Gravesend last year and to my utter amazement he was extremely funny Not politically correct but funny.
    I would sooner listen to Him any day than that dimwit Marcus Bridgestock He’s about as funny as a sore thumb what a wanker his never ever remoaner routin shut the fuck up.
    Peter Kay another unfunny cunt never stops telling you he’s from Bolton who cares.

    • Peter Kay from Bolton? What a coincidence. Sue Perkins, Susan Calman and Sandi Toksvig are from nearby Strapon.

      • Sue Perkytits and Mal Gitroych ( or whatever she’s called). Another pair of irritating pc obsessed unfunny libtards. Morcomb and Wise they aint’.

      • My mate lived near Peter Kay when he worked in Bolton. Says Kay had a huge house, millions in the bank and was always first in the queue….. to get secondhand school uniforms for his kids. Ah, I said, but was he funny? No, not in the slightest. And his wife was worse.

      • Neither are Ant and Dec despite rehashing Morecambe and Wise,s act Unfunny overpaid pair of tossers

  25. If you want to spot the next unfunny comedian, check out Radio 4. This is the testbed. Little Britain and the Fast Show premiered here, as did Alan Partridge, and were then switched to TV while R4 had to make do with the next experiment.

    I’m pretty sure you’ll soon be seeing Suki Webster, currently in a monumentally mirth-suppressing radio offering called ‘My Obsession’, with Paul Merton, who, now a mere scraping of the barrel struggles to support the farce. Farce not in a good way. Suki has the delivery and timing of Pam Ayres. She no doubt has the perfect face for radio, but its smug expression is clearly conveyed by her voice. Unlike Ayres, thankfully, she does not inflict long trite ‘poems’ on her dwindling audience in a Swindonish accent, but the material is equally dire. AVOID. Jo Brand is funnier. And a lot better as a performer.

  26. One exception to this is probably Micky Flanagan who doesnt seem to bothered by appearing PC and has disappeared from our screens. He did impersonate Nigerians on Mock the Week and was labelled racist by O’Briain. Flanagan’s response was superb; ‘oh leave it out, they (the audience) know what i’m on about!’

    As the centre-right comedian Andrew Lawrence found out a few years agp, when you point out the uncomfortable truth about these panel shows and the big agencies that feed them the same sort of middle-class Left wing comic you get comedians by quota, rather than ability. He had the nerve to call out the vast majority of female comedians for not bwing funny and contributing very little.
    He got blasted by the leading left wing male comedians on social media (and in the Groan); Frankie Boyle, Dara O’Briain, Richard Herring and Stewart Lee. He did a fantastic job of arguing his case against the usual predictable smears and virtue signalling while telling them they were unoriginal and irrelevant elitists. Herring had already gone down in my estimation after policing Ricky Gervais using the word mong on Twitter. The guy is such a fucking Grandma nowadays, which is strange as he co-wrote some decent stuff with Lee.

    Another comedian daring to take on the ‘Off the Curb/North London comedy mafia is Alistair Williams. I dont find him that funny but at least he’s having a go at woke culture and Remainers.

  27. I was fortunate enough to have seen British comedy at its finest back in the eighties. I saw Jim Davidson at a forces entertainment show in the Falklands – 2 hours of gasping for breath trying to breath between laughing fits. But probably the funniest of all was a guy called Bob Carolgees, he of ‘Spit-the-Dog’ fame. So politically incorrect he would be put to death on todays comedy scene, but an absolute hero on stage. Together with the Big Yin, Jethro and Jasper Carrot, they were the worlds finest. The modern lefty snowflakes have ensured we will never see their likes again. RIP comedy.

  28. Top cunting, m’Lord. British stand up has been a load of old cunt since the death of Dave Allen (I know – he wasn’t even British, but you wouldn’t get such a laugh out of an Irishman until Varadkar (I know, not really Irish) has to eat crow over the backstop).

    I do have some time for Milton Jones though.

  29. More unfunny cunts include :
    Reginald D Hunter
    Stephen K(unt) Amos,
    Suzanne Calman
    Phil Jupitus
    Shappi Khorsandi
    Ross Noble
    Kevin Bridges
    Andy Hamilton
    David Mitchell
    That blonde twat with the teeth who appears with that Ragnathan twat.
    Alan Davis

    • And that unfunny Yank cunt Rich Hall can join them. There’s only Jack Dee who can pull off the hang dog look.
      This is becoming more like making choices for the dead pool.

  30. For me Sean Lock, Micky Flanagan, Lee Mack (in his early days) and Jimmy Carr.

    Can’t be arsed with the rest of them.

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