Smart motorways

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To me it seems we are wasting tax payers money turning our shitty little motorways into smart motorways. All this means is we have to employ a load of fat cunts watching CCTV of us all sitting in the same fucking traffic jams as we did before the motorways were smart.

Plus there is the huge amount of upheaval involved in converting motorways to smart motorways. Many, many miles of temporary speed limits, average speed cameras and cones. Never a cunt actually doing any work though and if there is one he’s got 3 more cunts watching.

Surely we could have spent the money better by building more roads? Instead we are wasting more money employing people to keep watch over smart motorways, money which could have spent it on maintaining said roads.

What really fucks me off about smart motorways is the way they have opened up the ability for the authorities to fine the motorist for pretty much anything.

Maybe they should have just called
them toll roads?

Either way they are cunts, designed by cunts and run by cunts.

Nominated by Cuntswhallop

54 thoughts on “Smart motorways”

  1. Our “smart” politicians have decided to solve a problem that doesn’t fucking exist.
    Motorways are the safest roads in the country.
    Smart motorways have the opposite effect on traffic than intended, as slowing the traffic down causes more congestion and all these variable speed limit gantries are a total waste of time as most people realise that they’re operated by morons and so just ignore them. Every time I used to drive on the m25 there would be a sign telling me to slow down for debris in the road or an incident, just for there to be clear road for miles.

    They should change the name of the story from “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” to “The Cunt That Keeps Slowing Everyone Down To 40 Mph FOR NO FUCKING REASON”.

    • Personally, I couldn’t care less about Motorways ; ‘smart’ or dumb.
      What I would like to know, is what my road tax is being spent on ? cause it sure as hell isn’t being used on road repairs.
      It’s like driving on the fucking moon round here…craters, and I do mean, craters, everywhere.
      I’m taking to wearing a fucking crash helmet inside my car, to stop my head from constantly being rammed into my roof from the jolts my poor suspension is trying to combat.
      Put the youth to work – give them a shovel & a bag of tarmac – better than wasting their lives away on bloody smartphones !

    • Excellent piece and spot on, they beg us to choose them, lying through their teeth in the process, then wonder why we get upset by being treated like cunts.

    • You should contact Chris Grayling CMC- he’s extremely good at his job (not incompetent at all) and most definitely your man to sort it out.

    • Not only that but we also subsidize the fucking “private” rail operators to the tune of a billion or two per year.

      And imagine how much it will cost once HS2 finally opens – another £100bn white elephant that we will be paying for for decades to come – and for what exactly!?

  3. Smart motorways are the new members of IoT (Internet of Things). They’re there supposedly to make your lives a little easier and informative; but the reality is very very different.

    As a bit of a techie cunt I know that most IoT devices are set up for one purpose – to track and gather information about who you are, what you do, where you, your friends and other contacts, your income, outgoings and all that other personal information that is slowly being prized open by nosy government agencies.

    Smart motorways will not only be able to tell you off for driving too fast etc; but will be able to track where you’re going either through the computer chip devices built into a car’s EMS or your bluetooth/ cellular comms device on the dashboard.

    Moreover, with the advent of smart hands-free cars it will be even easier to track your whereabouts, and possibly even letting the smart motorway control your driving remotely – especially during police chases.

    You will be driving-by-wire (or wireless), a concept already used on planes; and don’t be surprised if new electric cars come with integrated black boxes that will send and receive shit more data. And these boxes will be mandatory in all new cars sooner or later.

    Big Brother (in the guise of IoT) will be arriving, bigger and more intrusive than ever, come 2024!

  4. I’d ban The Gays and their little pink Jeeps from motorways,that would free up some room and prevent the spread of the infection. There would also be a lot fewer instances of Rear-End shunting.
    I’d also make it law that push-bikers could only use motorways…the fast lane of motorways..at night…with no lights or safety-gear…Artics could also use it at the same time as long as they never went slower than 70mph…..Ramblers could also use it instead of trespassing on private land…and the old Cunts who sit in deckchairs with tartan rugs over their knees while having a picnic in some piss-reeking,litter-strewn layby could also sit in the fast lane. That would free up the layby for the wagon-drivers to dump the bodies of any prostitutes/hitchhikers who may have been daft enough to get in with them.

    Fuck Off.

    • Have you considered going for Highways England top job Mr Fiddler? You would be the toast of eco-mentalists with cutting down emissions and care in the community reformists for the old cunts.

      • I’d have made a good traffic policeman,I reckon,LL…I’m petty,small-minded,officious,bitter and unloved..the only characteristic that I lack is a micro-penis. Mine,of course,is like a varnished Eel.

      • There is plenty of love to be found via my newly developed website Mr Fiddler…African ladies want the whitey.com
        For a small fee of £3000 and half of your lands and property you can marry Nbuka… She will love you for as long as you pay the subscription. You know it makes sense.

      • Phwoooor! I can feel an instant rise of a semi there Dick with those two little foxes!

      • It’s the handshake that gives The Gay away,Cuntflap. If a man has a weak handshake,he is a Gay.

        I,of course,can can crack walnuts in the palm of my hand.

      • The Japanese handshake Mr F is limp. Gripping it too tightly can be seen as offensive. This also applies to the handshake.

      • I don’t like the Nips anyhow…some of their women are ok,though,and it wouldn’t be their hand that I was shaking…it would be their tonsils.

      • There are fine some specimens on xHamster.

        Not sure how I would deal with the pixelated crotch though…..

  5. Shami shagyerfarty on Andrew Mar giving a hopeless performance. Bleating on about the poor as usual. Blah blah blah. Fucking wretched woman 😡

    • Shamy chuckyerbalti is an insufferable cunt, just seeing her face flash boils my piss.
      I was going to watch Andrew Marr this morning, now I’m really glad I didn’t. Seeing and hearing that cunt would’ve ruined my whole day.

  6. What a pile of cunt, was driving yesterday on a motorway which had massive tailbacks due to ‘works’ going on.
    Crawling along at 10mph stop start… Fuck off.
    I decided to drive down the hard shoulder for 10 miles… Saved me an hour and a couple of other motorists grew some bollocks and followed my lead.
    The rest of the ‘Do as were told cunts’ sat there crawling along…i probably passed the same bellends on my way back. Highways England can go fuck themselves.

    • No doubt some goody goody filmed me on their dashcam and probably rang the police.
      If I catch you I’ll ave your guts for garters you cunts.
      Go fuck yourself.

      • You must have seen me Mr Fiddler… One of my runners got wasted on our ‘product’ the night before and couldn’t deliver a big order to a vip customer so I had to get my hands dirty and deliver the ‘goods’ myself.
        The moped was registered to ‘Dave’ in Billiericay, so I didn’t give a fuck. Our ‘county lines’ operations are expanding to Northumberland way…can we rely on you being a loyal customer? I bet you can drive farm equipment pissed and the old bill won’t bother you up there so a few class A’s would go down a storm.

      • Think of all the extra productivity farming non stop for two days whilst coked up.
        The economy would turn around overnight…we wouldn’t need to import do much if the farmers produced a bit more.
        On a serious note why is it I see a massive field with about 7 cows in it? Surely you could put a few more in there and make some extra money… Or would that interfere with the EU subsidy?

      • The land needs a rest occasionally, B+W Cunt….rather like your stable of Ladies of the Night.

      • Coke? White lines Black and White? All down in black and white Black and White in the previous thread. He lives in a black and white world that is gone ( like black and white pictures ). I bet he doesn’t even have fresian cows because they’re black and white. I bet he doesn’t even have a black and white collie to herd his sheep. I have heard him talk of his ‘hounds’ Black and White but they are always GREYhounds. You never hear him mention dalmations. I bet he only drives his tractor down dirt tracks to avoid the black tarmac, white markings. I bet he doesn’t even play chess because of the black and white squares Black and White. You would appeal to him and say that the world isn’t just black and white Black and White but it would be of no use. He’s blinkered.

  7. There’s a clip going around of a Sky news piece on Mays’ tearful resignation speech, which features comment from cunt master Owen Jones. Spread by liberal dickheads on social media, it has Jones attacking May for her blubbering, by saying that she didn’t cry over Grenfell, or austerity or all the other things he bangs on about. But, neither did you Owen. You only highlight these issues for your own reasons, which seem to be being the biggest go to Cunt for political discussion shows or news segments. I couldn’t give a fuck about her sobbing, but let Owen Fucking Jones think he has the moral high ground? Get fucked.

    • Any old-school reporter/journo (Robin Day, and perhaps a younger Paxman in particular) would have probably pointed that very question back to Owen “Did you cry at those events you’re accusing May of?”

      “Errr…. that’s not the point! What we need to look at is the here and now…errrr…”

      • Moaning Owen needs to be kicked in his soyboy pussy until he can’t stop blubbing.
        Odious little arsewipe.

    • Why would she cry for Grenfell or ‘austerity’ or any fucker else? May is a sociopath, and sociopaths only cry for themselves.

      • Of course she is, but so is Jones. Notice the things he thought were reasons to cry over, Grenfell, Windrush, food banks and austerity cuts. Did the London or Manchester terror attacks get a mention? The ignoring of the victims of actual crime, because police are too busy finding people online saying hurtful things? Old soldiers being pursued for alleged war crimes, whilst their evil adversaries are given absolution? He didn’t, because Owen doesn’t give a fuck about them.

      • Quite so.

        May and Owen Jones: different sides of the same counterfeit coin.

        Ditto Corbyn.

      • True. I hope I didn’t come across as sticking up for the hunchback, as she has proven to be worse than useless. Perhaps little Owen will one day put his popularity to the vote. I’m sure Corbyn has an ‘opening’ for him.

      • Poor Mrs May. You weren’t moved just a tiny little bit RT? You must have heart of stone.

      • Afternoon Miles.

        I was moved to almost put my foot through the television… fortunately Nurse Cunty was on hand with a shot of rhinoceros tranquilliser.

  8. All these smart motorways are a too late idea to try and deal with the sheer amount of cars on the road.
    Britain 2025…all motorways are ‘smart’ two cunts a week wiped out by lorries as they try and get out the broken down car on what used to be the hard shoulder as the Highways England patrol jeep was too slow getting to them.
    Britain 2034… All cars are now online and controlled by the Internet… All cars go a maximum of 50 on the motorway and your watched the whole time.
    Everyone is hoping that some nerdy computer geek doesn’t hack into the network and send you down the motorway the wrong way…or our Russian friends hack in and send cars off the white cliffs of Dover.
    The future is bright… The future for motorists is a cunt.
    Go fuck yourselves.

  9. Gotta disagree with that figure for Cunts, I think it’s actually higher ….
    last week some prick in a Range Rover overtook myself and the car in front on a blind bend! Unfortunately there wasn’t a combine harvester coming the other way What a complete and utter cunt…..
    Anybody regularly using any motorways will be used to the sight of cretins moving lanes with no indication, tailgating and my personal favourite pulling into the gap you left between you and the car in front, then having misjudged their speed and the gap size panic and hit their brakes!!! CUNTS
    Smart motorways won’t save us from the brain dead cunts using them……

    • Range Rover drivers I have found to be amongst the worst on the roads. Especially those driving the Range Rover Sports. Usually with the personalised number plates.

      Shouting out to other drivers what a fucking cunt they are.

      • ‘‘Twas a sport WS ….
        Range Rover drivers are definitely cunts
        But for pure tailgating cuntery it gotta be BMW and Audi drivers ……

      • Yeah well the good thing about cunting Beemer and Audi drivers, is that they’re top most on carjacker’s hit lists.

        So fuck them if they end up at the pointy end of a knife.

      • I saw a BMW M4 the other day with the plate U R 10SER and I thought, yeah but not a cunt like you. He was driving like the utter prick he is.

      • Plus he’s too fucking thick to realise the plate is illegal with that spacing. Cunt.

    • Afternoon CF …… Never give any cunt the benefit of the doubt then your not gonna feel let down 😂

  10. It won’t be long now before our motorways have become like the bloody awful ones in France where you have to pay every 40 miles or whatever that is in kilometres.

    • We do now, but it’s in the form of car repairs. The state of the roads are so bad, most normal vehicles are shuddering to bits. Can’t fix potholes, but they can find the dosh to lay these plastic speed bumps everywhere. On my road, actually next to a pothole, which made you slow down more than the fucking speed bump. And don’t get me started on those rumble strips, the yellow lines that cross the road before junctions. One by me has my poor car coming apart like the last fatal shuttle re entry. Cunts

  11. We won’t need motorways soon because HS2 will take anybody from anywhere to anywhere with no problem. And it will no doubt be free. Don’t ya think?

  12. The smartest motorway in this country would be the one that whisks lorry loads of peacefuls back to wherever the fuck they came from.
    Cancel HS2 and start building that fucker.

    • Agreed Freddie

      Unfortunately Chris Graylings your man.

      The guy who paid a shipping company £13.8m, the only downside was that they had no ships.

  14. Anyone who thinks fining people will quell the cunts on the road is sorely mistaken. Space the people out by building more roads, that is the only way to ease the pain of motoring.

    As for driverless cars can you imagine the rage filled people trapped inside these little pieces of shit as they try to organise themselves? Shuffling us through the little channels to our destinations. I for one would emerge ready to rip the nearest cunts head off. I reserve the right to ram anycunt off the road if I decide they are worthy of it, although, I normally refrain from doing so.

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