Small dogs are fucking cunts.
My neighbour down the street has two of the little pricks, and thinks nothing of leaving them in the garden for hours on end, where the will yap the whole fucking time. Occasionally, the fat cunt pops out to shout at them, which does nothing but add his mongoloid voice to the cacophony of noise emanating from his humble abode. Dogs barking in general get on my tits, but it is the little cunts with the high pitched screetch that make my fucking blood boil. I know most of it is down to shit, cunty owners, who mollycoddle the noisy little twats, and think discipline Is feebly saying ‘don’t bark, petal’ every two minutes, with absolutely no effect. If these thoughtless twats don’t want to kick the little cunts, I will gladly do it for them, at no cost.
Nominated by Gutstick Japseye
I love dogs but hate those yappy little Cunts (apart from the odd terrier that’ll go down a fox-earth,of course).
Years ado I took a trailer load of logs to an old biddy in the village. The old bag wanted them all barrowed around to her log-store which fucked me off to start with,but while my mate was stood talking to the lazy old bitch ( I wasn’t going to stand listening to her whitter),I started to shift the logs. As I started to barrow,I noticed what I took to be a particularly bold hairy rat,but was,on closer examination, a tiny dog growling and clinging on to the heel of my safety-boots, a gentle shake with a “Fuck Off,you little shit” didn’t shift it….a fucking right good one did though. I swung my leg like Johnny Wilkinson going for a conversion, the little bastard went flying past the old Granny at fucking head height,nearly took her wig off. That shut both the yappy little dog and the garrulous old biddy up,and the old trout decided that discretion was the better part of valour. They both retreated..the dog winded and obviously stunned into silence by it’s first experience of man-powered flight,and the old witch to start casting a spell against me for molesting her Familiar,presumably……..never got offered a cup of tea when we were done,not that I’d have been stupid enough to drink it.
Fuck them.
19
Owners of small dogs 🐶 suffer from The Gayness.
I’m surprised Professor Fiddler failed to mention this well known fact.
10
The fact that they keep other unfortunate animals has paled into insignificance after the revelation that they harbour spunk-eating worms up their rings,tbh., Freddie.
Perhaps those tiny little dogs are used in some bizarre “Hide the Bone(r)” sex-game…..good…serves the yappy little Cunts right…and those little dogs,too.
8
I can only assume he thought it so obvious as to be scarcely worth mentioning.
6
I hate these noisy little handbag bastards! I have a american akita, massive bearlike well behaved dog, that these little gaylords yap and square upto, most of the time she ignores them but occasionally gets the hump and goes for them (protecting me?) trouble causing little fuckers! Like Danny devito offering out Eddie Hall
5
It is testament to the depth of Dick’s compassion for the old biddy that he did not beat a hasty retreat the moment he realised he was in mortal danger of contracting the Gayness.
8
I wonder if Opinionated Cunt and Mr. Bamboo’ll be along soon? They had quite strong views on the last “Dog” nom.,if I remember correctly.
Morning,RTC.
6
Morning Dick.
I can’t recall Mr Bamboo’s position on dogs, presumably it was of a negative stripe. I do remember OC received a far from enthusiastic response to his vitriol fuelled ‘Dogs’ nom though…
5
I knew it would be a polarising subject, but it was written on a day that I’d suffered the incessant yapping of the cunts dog for most of the afternoon. Perhaps the cunting should be for thoughtless cunts, but that covers to many bases, and life is too short. Never mind carbon footprint, it’s the Cunt footprint that I find important, and I try to keep mine as small as possible. But, if was looking to enlarge it, a small yapping dog would be a good start, followed by taking the baffle out of my bike exhaust. Then I’d invite the hardest drinking people I know around for a barbecue……👹
8
Talking of irritating, small dogs forever yapping, why is Amber Rudd flirting with the spotlight again? It’s almost like she has her beady eye on the top job. She has the determination of a Jack Russel, the brains of a Chihuahua, the face of a shih tzu, and the breath of a Scottish terrier.
Pipe down, bitch.
19
Shows how much of a cunt Sourberries is, that Rudd almost looked normal in comparison on question time the other night. Almost….
9
The whole programme was a pantomime with Rudd pretending to be the voice of reason. Horrible, conniving cunt.
5
Fiona Bruce is an incredibly annoying cunt too, with that stupid rictus smile. Irritating voice too.
7
Fiona was a poor choice. Jo Coburn has a bit of gravitas.
5
Fiona ‘cuntface’ Bruce is so fucking smug & irritating. It shows how fucking crap the BBC is, that this was their choice after the retirement of David Dimbleby.
I’ve noticed he used to end the programme with “thank you to the panel and this audience. Next week we will be in….”
Smug Bruce says “thank you to MY panel and MY audience” – who does this self important bitch think she is ?!
Jo Coburn would have been a far better choice….or anyone other than ‘cuntface’ Bruce.
8
Good cunting GS,
To think that all domestic dogs came from the Wolf.
Another example of us humans messing things up, how do you get from the glorious wolf (top predator an all that) to a Sausage Dog or any other of these little rat cunt dogs.
Round up all these overpriced ‘Pedigree’ cunt dogs and send them to Alaska as Wolf prey.
These tiny handbag dogs Lucinda and her Chelsea friends own are cunts… Give me an Alsation any day.
Go fuck yourself.
9
A sub contracted cunting for the drug dogs… The cunts.
I was going in to a rave a while back (to relive some old school tunes from yesteryear).
Security hanging abaaaaaht but I had my party bag stashed so thought all was good.
I get near the entry bit to see a drug dog sniffing the poor drug smugglers trying to get in to sell their product.
I see a load of poor cunts dropping massive bags of various white pills and powder into the ‘you’ve been caught’ bag which the ‘security’ no doubt passed on to their dealers inside to sell.
I couldn’t use the race card against a dog so I had to unpin the bag from me boxer shorts and put it in my mouth. Clever cunting drug dog almost ruined my night.
I’ll carry a tin of pedigree chum next time as a diversion for the cunt.
7
It’s rarely the dog’s fault, always the owner’s.
Any cunt thinks it’d be a clever idea to boot my Jack Russell will be tracked down and fucking battered.
12
Agreed, and that goes for any small dog
5
A spot on cunting GS. Do you have visibility of said dogs from an upstairs window? If so, have you considered purchasing an air rifle?
5
Shoot the neighbour, eventually the little scrabsters will get hungry, and eat him.
2
Had a daft cunt neighbor bought a husky to keep a Yorkshire terroir company, daft cunt left them day and nite in the garden . Some Bastard got sick to fuckin death of the fuckin noise. Rat poison in a warm sausage what a cunt
6
Not to mention those bimbo Hollywood types who go around with a chihuahua sticking its head out of their designer handbags. The bags must stink of piss and shit…..and the inside of their handbags.
By the way “The Gayness” rhymes with “Anus”
Good day.
7
I fuckin hate most dogs – human playthings. I do make exceptions for working dogs and guide dogs. How often do you hear the refrain “It’s not the dogs fault, it’s their owners or I prefer dogs to people” – I’m fuckin sick of it. If you must get a pet, get a goldfish or a hamster( now all the fashion since Freddie Starr deathpooled) – anything that won’t chew up a child or bark all day like the fuckin creature over the road from me. However, I do rather like my neighbour’s brown labrador which has been properly trained and has some respect for youmans.
8
By the way, the peacefuls hate ’em so when the final day of capitulation arrives be prepared to hide yours away. I’ve already taken steps to conceal my Vietnamese pot bellied pig at the bottom of the garden.
7
@ Bluntspeakingcunt
I’m beginning to suspect you were telling porky pies when you said you are a Muslim. Go on, cüm clean, you spoke with forked tongue, didn’t you?
2
Ok. Rtc.( I noticed the umlaut! )Yeh, I admit I tried it for a day or two but got really pissed off praying, fasting and chasing virgins all over the place. You’ll be pleased to know that I’ve now reverted to Orthodox Kuffirism! The Imam,however, has reassured me that I can rejoin at any time!
3
Ha ha, you’re so naive Bsc!
You’ll be brown bread before the weekend’s out.
2
Pray for me! 😊
2
Talking about “Anus”, according to the tv ad for an itchy bum cream, it seems to be “Ann-use-ole”
Las time I asked for it at the chemists’, I said “Ainus-ole.”
I guess the cream is not to be confused with Agnus Dei… except in the Vatican’s bathroom cupboard.
2
Winds me right up when people call for an ambulance, are told by the call-taker to lock all animals away but when you turn up to treat their ‘chest pain’, the fucking little shite is barking and jumping up at you, putting hair all over your uniform so the next mutt you meet just might go for you as it can smell the other little cunt on you. They get pissy when you ask them to put the dog away so it stops dribbling all over our medical equipment, for fucks sake!! I don’t give a flying fuck if it’s their ‘home’ – you called us, we’re not going door to fucking door touting for trade – have the good fucking manners to do as you’re fucking told in the first place.
18
I must be a cunt as I have got a Jack Russell and they seem to occupy the Van’s and forges of a lot of farriers, I’ve had 3 of the little feckers over the years,top dogs, a character the size of a rottweiler in a handy sized package I love them.
13
When I was abroad in a post communist republic that was falling apart, I worked with rather simple folk in a harsh environment, I also learnt the language from them.
I understood that “Pizdo lizac” was the breed/term for small non specific dogs.
Later in more civilized surroundings i was happily conversing with a local who mentioned his little dog ” Ah Pizdo Lizac!” I said, he looked rather insulted and left.
I later found out that there was an myth propagated that ladies of birth had these tiny dogs (Of no use to man nor beast) for a little undercarriage oral fun, So Pizdo lizac didn’t actually mean “Little dog” it meant “cunt licker”.
8
May I recommend ex-lax? If you have access to, or can throw it over the fence, this will give the dogs something else to focus on. Mongoloid owner has to get new carpets or live with the stink. You bathe in the warm glow of a job well done. Win Win
7
By the way I would like to Plug Greyhounds if you don’t mind, they don’t normally bark, they are very loyal and totally aloof to strangers, have an amazing physic for an animal that does fuck all.
https://youtu.be/IB9lfradrJs
They are very good at keeping rats and cats out the garden
5
That sounds like my type of dog Lord Benny!
2
I’ve had a couple of ex-racing Greyhounds over the years, Lord B. Grand dogs. As you say,very little bother,friendly and loyal.
4
Small dogs should be banned as a serious choking Hazard for real doga.
4
Really not a dog person, much prefer cats.
Many years ago my late wife and I inherited a Yorkshire Terrier from her brother which we had for several years.
Very small as you would expect, but as brave as they come. Would thing nothing of taking on a German Shepherd.
6
For about 4 seconds.
8
I am a dog lover, but like Mr Stroker, I am more of a cat lover as they are so damned entertaining, funny and elusive animals. They basically don’t give two shites which really makes me laugh, but I digress. I too am not a fan of small dogs and this is a very valid cunting indeed.
I have just returned from Gran Canaria and for some reason the Canarians love their small dogs. I have never seen more chihuahuas in my life (not that one goes looking for a shitload of chihuahuas as a life goal, but anyway)
I was staying on a quiet, residential bungalow complex, or at least it would have been quiet were it not for the shitty, yappy, neurotic little assholes barking every single time the bloody entrance gate opened and closed. I don’t know what it is with small dogs…..whether they compensate for their diminutive stature by barking like fuck as a defence mechanism or to make everyone believe they are actually a rottweiler in chihuahua’s clothing.
It is so bloody annoying, especially when they are on a roll and won’t stop yapping.
As much as I like dogs, this is one area where my cat Del Boy is much more preferable. No yapping, no neurosis…..just an indignant stare that burns into your soul and says ‘Feed me, human’…..
7
Now this is a proper Canary Island dog!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perro_de_Presa_Canario
Here endeth today’s lesson.
Grrrrrrrrrrr!
1
I can’t agree about this, it’s down to the cunt that owns and “trains ” the dog
I’ve got a patterdale, who unfortunately is reaching the end of his life he’s 14. Never been any bother he only barks when somebody comes to door, or when somebody is somewhere they shouldn’t be.
Fucking trick or treat night went mad and found some little bastards in back garden.
Even now still gets the odd rat, but too slow for squirrels, which in the past he had enough nous , and speed to catch and kill.
But understanding about fluffy happy cunts, with women, especially when they’re on a pink lead.
4
Should say fluffy, yappy cunts, Samsung think they’re been clever predicting what i’m thinking. They’re not, they’re just been annoying cunts.
0
My favourite dogs are other people’s dogs. Don’t get me wrong I like most animals but I’ve never wanted one.
Anyway, five weeks ago the rest of the family came home with a puppy. They knew I was dead against it and were briefed that I wanted fuck all to do with it, that includes feeding it, walking it, cleaning up after the cunt, trips to the vet, vet bills, insurance premiums, anything.
Predicting the whole thing to be a disaster hasn’t been proved correct as of yet.
A strict boot camp style training regime seems to be working, much to my annoyance. Only one piss and one dump on the tiled kitchen floor in the first week.
Still not totally happy but am slowly warming to the little cunt but keep it to yourself….
7
My house being almost surrounded by these fucking creatures, I have a theory about dog owners. My theory is dog owners think the rest of us can’t hear their fucking dog barking.
The only other possible explanation is they think their fucking dogs can bark their fucking heads off and the rest of us should just put up with it because the owners don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves. But that can’t be it, surely?
10
We’ve kept/rescued both cats and dogs now for decades, though I will admit to being more of a cat person than a dog one.
In general, this cunting has to stand, almost every second house here has at least one dog, there’s at least 6 huskies who might occasionally engage in a spot of howling at the moon, otherwise?, nary a peep, but guess what we hear every fucking day?, yup, the one wee yappie bastard in one of the houses across the park..yes, it’s ultimately the owners to blame, the dog’s still being a cunt though when it doesn’t have to be as barking like a moron is not an inherent trait, we once had a small terrier (amusingly, pinched/rescued from some pikeys down in London..but that’s another story…) who was a deadly but silent hunter, in fact, the only time she ever growled or barked was at anyone in uniform, specifically police (an unfortunate hang-over from her earlier pikey upbringing that we could never change).
A couple of decades back, one of our old tomcats had a way of dealing with the then local small yappie dogs, he’d get them to chase him until they were out of sight of the owners, then beat the crap out of them, over the following weeks he’d visit their gardens and mount a psyops campaign against them, sit on fence and stare, go into the garden and stare, inch closer and stare, if they reacted they got the crap beaten out of them again, they eventually stopped yapping when they were left out as they learned it only attracted his attention. We had a couple of complaints about him terrorising dogs..his other trick with larger dogs he couldn’t handle himself was to lure them back to our property where his friend, our Dobermann, would be waiting.
7
Hey Magnus –
Firstly, thank you for rescuing those cats & dogs and giving them a loving home. Makes you an absolute saint in my eyes.
Your tomcat story is classic. Really enjoyed that. Cheers – IY.
4
Retired Major: What’s THAT?
Matronly woman: it’s a lapdog
Major: hrrrmphhh can’t imagine that dragging down a reindeer!
3
Im not keen on small dogs, especially the noisy ones that look like rats. Anything that needs to be carried about is not a dog.
2
However, i do find Pugs amusing, but then they’re usually quiet.
2