Scotland’s Currency

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Scotland’s Currency
Those gurning airheads in the SNP are at it again. It seems that hard-liners want to set up a separate Scottish currency rapidly following independence, but First Muppet Nicola Sturgeon came under pressure at the party’s conference after economist Richard Marsh stated that people’s savings, investments and pensions would be damaged by such a plan.
Delegates therefore voted to set up a separate currency ‘as soon as practicable’, rather than within the first five years. Wee Jimmy Krankie added that Scotland would use the pound ‘until concerns are not there’. A classic political fudge then, which offers little real clarity and leaves everyone to wonder just what the fuck ‘until concerns are not there’ actually means in practice.
When quizzed about Scotland joining the Euro, Wee Jimmy offered the following by way of further enlightenment; ‘I am not personally in favour of joining the Euro. I can’t see into the future but that is not the position I think we will see in the foreseeable future’. Right…
Well thanks for clearing that up, Wee Jimmy. Concerned Scots can now sleep peacefully in their beds, knowing that the matter’s in your capable hands. Awa an bile yer fackin heid.

Nominated by Ron Knee

74 thoughts on “Scotland’s Currency”

  1. Someone should educate this moronic dwarf that a independent Scotland would have no choice but to join the Euro. And only then after a period of proving it’s currency was stable.

    • How can they demand independence but still want use our currency? The woman’ s clearly demented and delusional beyond words.

      • Any country can use any currency. Lots of non-american countries use the US dollar, but have no control whatsoever on the central management of that currency.

      • Of course this is not independence but then again neither is hitchin your wagon to the EU.

      • Yes, she’s nearly as bad as that crooked back cunt, theresa the dirty ugly fuck pig. Just die theresa you’re a cunt, and no mistake.

    • Stupid, fuckwitted munter desperate to suck Brussels cock, but “doesn’t really fancy using their currency.”

      Listen, Deary, if the EU says “Swallow !”, that’s what you do. And enjoy it.

    • I like the scots, top people! I like scotland, beautiful countryside. So feel sorry for them that wee jimmy is representing them, must be bit embarrassing? Like having that hunchback dozy cunt May is for us.

  2. Who says the Jocks could keep the pound anyway?

    In the event of Scottish independence, sharing the UK pound would need agreement with the UK Government. In 2014, during the referendum, such an agreement was ruled out by the Tories, Labour and the LibDems, who all argued that such a ‘currency union’ would be bad for the UK.

    As usual the SNP want to have their cake and eat it – independence, but to be reliant on a foreign currency. What’s wrong with the Euro you EU cocksucking dipsticks?

    And the SNPs dream of joining the EU as an independent country is far from a shoo-in. As things stand Scotland probably wouldn’t qualify to join, they have too high a budget deficit. To join under EU rules, a country’s deficit must be no higher than 3%. Scotland’s deficit is around three times that much!

    Mind you, Barnier, Druncker & Tusk Associates would probably be prepared to bend the rules, just to snub the UK. Dog knows how many times they’ve changed the previously unchangeable Article 50 rules…

  3. Scotland’s currency is very acceptable thank you very much, and so very easy to understand and work with.

    1 Mars Bar = 1/2 bottle of Irn-Bru
    1 Mars Bar ( Fried ) = 10 Regal King Sized
    5 Mars Bars = A shag wi’ naebody half decent ( but a shag’s a shag )
    100 Mars Bars = 1 Rolls Royce
    And naebody a Knaa has more than twenty !

    • One Mars Bar, past its sell-by date = a quickie with Wee Jimmy Krankie.

      • HbH, nobody would want relations with LegoHead even if Sturgeon promised to wear a condom.

      • I first heard it referring to identikit male yanks in thier polo shirts, chinos and square heads.

    • I’m lovin’ it

      Pheasant Plucker’s superbly accurate equivalence table for a splendidly-prophetic future Mars™-Bar-based¹ currency issued from Auld Reekie reminded me of the Big Mac™ Index.

      There is one small drawback, PP.
      The Western Hemisphere’s supply of the Mars™Bar is controlled by a large chocolate factory in Slough, Berkshire (and an even larger one in Veghel, Noord-Brabant in the Netherlands. I just double-checked on Google.)

      ¹Similar problems over the control of hard currency are extant with a putative scheme to base their new forex on Buckfast Tonic Wine™.

  4. More Scottish pain in the arse bullshit. Their banknotes are issued by three retail banks (Bank of Scotland, Royal Bank of Scotland and Clydesdale Bank) and they are not legal tender but promissory notes. The issuing banks by law have to keep in reserve the value of notes issued in either pounds sterling (issued by BoE) or gold. It would be much simpler all round if the Scottish banknotes were done away with. But oh no. We’re Scots and we’re different. Silly cunts. I resided in the land of deep fried mars bars for several years and recall English shopkeepers/publicans/petrol stations refusing to accept their shitty notes. Only place you could offload them was a bank.

  5. Sorry for the diversion, the Met Office have just announced when 5G phones are rolled out, the interference will affect weather satellites, thus affecting their ability to make accurate forecasts. What the fuck will change then?

    • Must be a cushy job being a weatherperson – just throw any old shit out there and if it doesn’t happen just blame a quick-moving low pressure cyclone bollocks that we missed on our £1m super computers.

  6. They had their once-in-a-lifetime referendum almost fifty months ago, surely it’s time for another one? After they lose the second once-in-a-lifetime one, there’ll probably be another once-in-a-lifetime one fairly soon , then another until they finally bundle a victory and then there won’t be any more.

    Once they’ve been denied Pound Sterling and await joining the suicidal Euro they’ll need a stop-gap currency. Could I suggest The Sturgeon? It could have the symbol: 🐍 which is an ‘S’ and not at all a snake or a serpent.

    It could be kept in your top pocket next to your breast or in your back pocket next to your arse. However, it won’t be clean like the £1 coin.

    Wait….dirty, touches your arse or breast? Best call it The Salmond.

    • Loaf of bread – 🐍 1.50

      Haggis (per stomach) – 🐍3.50

      Bag of nasty skag – 🐍50

      Defending accusations of two attempted rape charges, nine sexual assaults, and two indecent assaults – 🐍500,000

  7. The Jocks will use the wee bawbee as currency. They will then tie the price of skag to this currency. Problem solved.

    • The ‘Scots’ do not want independence , we rejected it. What is it about this your stupid thick as pig shit brain cannot understand?

  9. Why the fuck is a diabetic offering to “sweeten the deal” for Labour as the Hunchback has just done re. the Brexit deal?It’s completely irresponsible and can only result in further strain on the NHS

    • Ah, I know the answer to this one Blunty, it’s because she’s a cunt.

  10. The Scots would be voting for independence on the basis of wanting to be in the EU.

    Therefore upon “winning” the vote, the SNP would seek Scottish entry into the EU ASAP.

    The entry conditions for any application to join the EU by a state are acceptance of the Euro and the economic jurisdiction of the European Central Bank.

    Or am I wrong?

    • It’s a special type of independence, demanded by the fish, where you’re actually not but shhhh, don’t tell anybody.

  11. Excuse the intrusion, but I’d just like to say that death warmed over mong government minister Rory Stewart is a Treasoner May ringpiece /Corbyn haemorrhoids sucking CUNT.

    Just seen him hobnobbing with that Sly tart Sophie Ridge. He appears to be under the impression that the country is crying out for Mrs May’s ‘Deal’ to be ratified in Parliament. Deluded or dissembling? Both imho, but a grade A cunt first and fucking foremost.

  12. Ajax have won as many Champions League knockout away games this season as Manchester City have ever…..

    • Sick to death of arguing with magoos online Norman. All fell silent when I asked how many of them were at that colossal battle of the giants at Maine Road in the stupendously world famous Auto Windscreen Trophy against Mansfield which the Berties lost 2-1 after an extremely tiring trip to play York City which they also lost. The “crowd” was a hefty 3007. No, no digits missing or typo, 3007 fans. The football may have changed but the crowds remain roughly similar.

      • Or the Full Members Cup Final in 85: where the Chelsea firm made Noel Gallagher shit himself and he never went to City away again…

        Has Radi Antic been knighted yet? If he hasn’t, he bloody should be…

  13. Wow, there are some really clever cunts on this thread.

    They just fucking assume everything.
    They assume they will win the referendum.
    They assume they can keep the pound.
    They assume they can join THE EU. On this point , the EU have already had their fingers burnt re losing the UK as a net contributor. One hardly thinks they are going to welcome Scotland with open arms as they are as far from a net contributor as could be.

  15. As per fucking usual, a post critical of the SNP becomes a hate fest on Scots per se even though the majority of us despise the SNP and wish to remain in the UK. With friends like you lot who needs enemies. Cunts.

    • Don’t take it personally Jack. You can always move south! You’ll be welcome.

      • Jack, most English people don’t hate the Scots, it’s all a bit of jocular ribaldry, which the Scottish dish out more so, especially every two yeas around May/June.

        Sturgeon though, like Salmond before her, has been so divisive, exploiting emotions and ignoring the result. They are poisonous cunts doing Scotland a great disservice.

      • The SNP in Wetminster must be a huge embarrassment to all right thinking Scots. Sanctimonious little shits.

    • Nothing personal Jack, the noisy minority constantly slagging off the English generates some irritation down here, get a reasonable government and we will all be mates again, if it’s a really good government we could dissolve Parliament and let your lot run the UK.

    • Try being an Englishman ordering a beer at a bar in Glasgow – not the cosmopolitan wine bars – just a boozer. Can Scots say the same in England? The bile and shite dealt out because I was English and 6ft 3″ was like asking an alligator to shut its trap. Why would any sane person challenge a man to a fight or tell him to sup his drink and fuck off by the Landlord simply because of his accent. I was up working in Glasgow and United were in the cup final that day. I went in the pub for a beer and a packet of crisps – once the Landlord had served me he changed the channel on the telly, I asked him nicely if I could watch the footy – fuck off was his casual reply – you were lucky you got served in the first place. Served with a few Jocks too. OK kind of lads till they were on the drink. Nearly got killed in Nimes one night – a Jock had kicked off an argument with some mental Parachute Regiment guys from Carcassonne. After creating the mother of all fuck ups he thinned out and left his oppos to get a fucking good hiding. Jocks are all right – left in Scotland.

    • Yeah no offence, but if the English created an English parliament elected a nationalist government who never stopped banging on how everything wrong with England was the fault of the Scots you’d find yourselves being a bit resentful too,

  16. The SNP don’t really want Independence.

    They simply agitate for it as its what helps to keep them ‘current’ and electable to a sizeable chunk of the Scottish electorate who also don’t really want Independence themselves but fantasise about a more greener and pleasant land that doesn’t exist but would have done if the bastard Tory’s hadn’t robbed them of their Oil and the bitch Thatcher hadn’t closed down their highly profitable ship building industry.

    The SNP based their entire economic policy and separation from the rUK on the price of Brent Crude when it was at an all time high, they promised Unicorns and free fucking everything forever and still lost.

    Almost a year to the day after the vote Brent Crude had more than halved in price and the had the vote have gone the other way the SNP would have been dealing with a budget deficit in the region of £8bn.

    On top of this these bastard liars would have had no Central Bank to underwrite their colossal debts, the BofE, CofE and all U.K. political parties made it abundantly clear the rUK WOULD NOT underwrite their currency, despite Jabba the sex pest proclaiming Scotland could ‘shadow’ the pound.

    Jabba the sex pest took great pleasure in proclaiming ‘the Tory’s were finished in Scotland’ but then along came Ruth Davies who campaigned on a promise of no IndyRef2 and fuck me the Nats lost overall control of Holyrood and the Tory’s won 15 seats.

    The Nats have control Education and Health and it’s a fucking shambles, far worse than in England, they have the power to raise income tax and yet haven’t done so.

    They don’t really want Independence, they know they’d be fucked if they won it but equally they’d be fucked if they didn’t pretend to want it.

    Hopefully wee Krankie will contract some antibiotic resistant disease similar but more powerful than the one Pauline Cafferkey got.

    We live in hope.

  17. If the Scots ever voted for independence the pound, supported by the bank of england, would/could be a trade off for keeping the nuclear fleet in scotish waters and maybe a a cut of the oil revenues .

    • Fuck off you soft bastard! We’ll keep our bases and ALL of the oil revenues and the fucking jocks can fuck off. A “trade off/cut” indeed!
      Are you on the brexit negotiating team? Cunt.

      • No. We’ll get the Mexicans to rebuild & pay for Hadrian’s wall. They need the practise.

  18. The SNP don’t want independence, they just want to piss on the country that’s kept them afloat for 300 years, good luck in the EU Scotland, you’ll be forced to take the Euro or you won’t get in.

    Then you’ll be truly independent, good luck with that you bitter cunts.

    • The SNP would give their eye-teeth to join the Euro!

      If they weren’t all rotten that is.

      • Not sure the EU want another basket case economy on their books though.

      • That’s not the point and not what they’re after. What they really want is the break up of the UK, to teach us to defy and break away from their rule.

  19. A Jock takes his wife to the A+E at the local hospital. She has two black eyes and blood streaming from her nose.

    A nurse sees her and asks, “What’s happened here?”…

    Her husband replies “It’s one of the symptoms of going through the change.”

    “This isn’t a normal symptom of going through the change” replies the nurse.

    “It fucking is when it’s in my pocket”….

  20. Can’t add anymore over than the demented fish would have to adopt the euro. Until then they would be in a currency vacuum cus as long as the BOE sticks to its 2014 promise they would have to give up the pound. I love Scotland, but in this case – Fuck off.

  21. The problem here is that most people have no problem with the jocks, apart from the odd incident. It is the krankies and the fucking SNP that fucks the rest of us off.
    An independent Scotland would be fucked. Only the SNP are deluded enough to think otherwise.

  23. If all Wimmins were as obvious cunts as Sturgeon, I wouldn’t have wasted my time getting married. There is simply not enough gin for me to thumb in a softie to that fucking witch, let alone wake up next to it. Like some demented tiny tears doll, you pull the string, and it only has on saying, ‘referendum, referendum referendum’….cunt.. Sorry, I’m drunk..

  24. Nah, time to let the Jocks go, they clearly hate us English and want independence so that they can be dependent on the EU instead. That’s the average mentality of an SNP cunt with shit-for-brains.
    As for a currency, they can fuck off having Sterling, let them have the Euro or better yet their own. Unfortunately that huge oil revenue dream isn’t there plus the EU will still want to plunder their fish and add in Wee Krankie Sturgeon’s death wish, shell close Scotland’s nukes and fuck their energy industry at a stroke. The Scottish National Socialists have already hinted at a State land grab of Scottish estates which will render property rights worthless and inward investment will screech to a halt as the natural instinct of socialists is to tax and regulate the bollocks off of all and sundry. Even their biggest earner, scotch whisky will be taxed to death and may see many brands either merge, die or fuck off elsewhere the revenues going with them.

    Krankie’s people’s Republic of Alba will go down the crapper faster than the passage of last night’s booze and deep fried mars bars.
    As for the New Alba currency, it should be called the Neep, because that’s about all it will be worth.
    Sturgeons politburo will blame it all on England and set up border posts to prevent the black market smuggling of commodities into the New Caledonian People’s Utopia or any backsliders going south to buy alcohol far cheaper than in Scotland due to the nannying shitbags “minimum alcohol price” thereby driving the money south.
    Finally as an act of “solidarity” the Scottish National Socialists and first Führer Sturgeon will, as the cunts of Glasgow Cuncil did, raise the Palestinian flag in solidarity with murdering genocidal shitbags, because it’s what the cunts of the fascist left do. Should auld acquaintance be forgot and fuck off to England, you’d better kiss old Junckers arse when to go there cap in hand.

  25. I don’t know the technical gaba goo but making a new currency would probably cost millions there is just no point

  26. The Scots charge too much for there exclusive high end single malts 100 dollars for a bottle of Ardbeg?! 90 for Aberlour? look i don’t care how good the whisky is, thats way too fucking much a bit of hubris in there pricing is alll i’m saying not that the whisky isn’t good

  27. Please stop calling her Jimmie – it’s an insult to the Krankies. her real nickname – as disclosed by the MOGS, ages ago is SEAWEED. Why? Because when she was at Uni, even the tide wouldn’t take her out. True!

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