“…blah blah, nah-ah prob-lerm, blah blah…”
‘Not A Problem’
When the weather’s reasonable I like to take a long walk through the park, then pop into my local café for a coffee. The pleasure of this has been heightened of late by the appearance of a new waitress, an exceptionally nubile young woman who’s in possession of a mesmerisingly stunning décolletage. It’s wonderful to behold and an attraction which splendidly augments the establishment’s excellent coffee. What’s not to like?
Well, this marvellously endowed babe has an annoying habit. She responds to every comment with the teeth-grindingly irritating ‘not a problem’; viz,
Her; ‘Hi what can I get you?’ (‘get you?’; we’re off to a bad start!)
Me; ‘A cappuccino and a croissant, please’.
Her; ‘Not a problem. Do you want butter and jam?’
Me; ‘Just jam’
Her; ‘Not a problem. Would you like our choca mocca micka macka blend? No?
Not a problem’ (etc etc)
Just why the fuck would any of this ‘be a problem’ in the first place? Beats me. Her persistence with this verbal tic is bad enough. What makes it worse is her bimboesque Estuary chav delivery, complete with glottal stop; ‘nah-ah prob-lerm’.
Now I’d happily endure this mutilation of the language (and in addition offer a considerable financial inducement) in return for the bliss of laying my hands on those awesome assets for a while, lascivious old dog that I am. Sadly such joy exists purely in the parallel universe of the mind as far as I’m concerned. I’m left with the worst of both worlds then; forced to linger over my cold coffee with my tongue hanging out while she chants her litany to customers. ‘Nah-ah prob-lerm, nah-ah prob-lerm’.
Not a problem, my arse. My palms are sweating, and a cunt is what it is.
Nominated by Ron Knee
I hear that everywhere these days, especially from call centres.
They start off with a “not a problem (NAP)”, because they’re safely thinking inside the box thanks to a 10 point “what if” cribsheet in front of them; but as soon as your “nap” starts to manifest itself into something outside of their script they’re fucked!
All of a sudden their cheery disposition disappears and they resort to the tried & trusted Plan B – which is to try to get rid of you asap because all of a sudden your issue really is a fucking problem and they can’t be arsed with it!
And when they sign off with a “have a nice day!” I just want to do bloody murder on them!
Fuck ’em
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Oh, and that bird in the headline pic.
Wimminz and Feministaz would see that as :-
a) sexist, misogynist, offensive, gross exploitation, dated – if it was for the entertainment of men.
or
b) empowering, offering freedom, expressive, an example of the beautiful female form etc – if it was for the entertainment of those very same wimminz
Cunts
8
That pic something of an optical illusion.
Initially, it caught my interest, but after looking at it for a few seconds longer, didn’t look quite so appealing.
A naked Penny Mordaunt, bringing me a cup of home-made hot chocolate in bed would be a different matter indeed.
1
Just enjoy her tits! Coffee & croissant? Like some left bank parisian intellectual! Fuck that! Get a full english & builders tea, be less inclined to get upset at her accent, yer just half starved is all.
5
Mate the coffee and croissant is my elevenses; I’ll have had my full English earlier! Lol!
1
Headphones and enjoy the view old chap!
0
It’s not a problem Ron if she talks like a Mongoloid. She obviously makes up for it with her physical attributes.
4
🎶
Mongoloid she was a mongoloid
Happier than you and me 🎶
Morning Fenton.
5
Good afternoon RTC. Devo if I’m not mistaken ?
2
Anyone who drinks that stinking filth is a cunt in my world. If I were this tasty young bird serving that shit to a dirty old fucker like you I’d gob in it and leave some bogeys floating on the top.
So think yourself lucky.
12
I just choked on my coffee laughing at that!
Now I’ve got to wipe the keyboard &monitor down.
Thanks, you cunt!
5
Thanks Fred! Morning to you as well!
1
This nom. is nothing more than a vehicle for Mr. Knee to inflict his vile fantasies onto a wider audience. I fully expect to read an expanded version of this “nom” in the fantasy sex story section on some porn site. It’ll probably involve whipped cream,jammy doughnuts,milk-jugs,a naive young waitress and an elderly Gent giving her money… ” I’ve got a large tip for you,my Dear,and if you can handle that, I’ll slide the stalk in too….” and end with a request for some absorbent napkins.
You’re an utter disgrace.
🙂 .
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Thanks Mr F. Praise indeed!
4
I bet as stood next to a fat ugly bint in Costa Coffee this week.
The fat salad dodger said “can I get blah,blah,blah”
Very poor English.
5
‘Can I get’? Yes, a kick up the cunt.
7
What can I get you?
I’d like to kiss your nipples.
Not a problem.
And then fuck you.
Not a problem.
And then a small black coffee, please.
Sorry Sir, black is a racist word. You mean Americano.
Fuck off you PC slapper.
Not a problem.
7
What a delightful example of the plastic surgeons art in the nom pic
2
Even more irritating is the shortened version of this – “no probs.”
3
The cousin of “Not a problem” is “Why not?” said with a smile.
Why not? Why not?
Loathsome individuals.
4
The exact location of this delightful creature, and her rota would be extremely welcome Ron. I await your response while I sit and enjoy a goodly wank!
1
Reminds me of Harry Enfield in love with a Polish waitress.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vkE5ZkIMmpE
2
I encountered this irritating mannerism during a conference in Jamaica some years back. Every time you asked for something the answer was “no problem maaaaaan” although the requests were so straightforward that there should never have been a problem in the first place. They often added something like “irie maaaaaaan” which means OK or something.
The Jamaican guys were the most unreliable, untrustworthy and lazy people I have ever met. They spent their energies in trying to con people for money or finding ways of getting out of work.
A group of us once went into a bar in Montego Bay which was empty apart from two guys having a drink. After a while it turned out that they were the barmen. They then said we had to pay in advance and when we objected they said “OK no problem maaaaaaaaan” but continued to sit there having their own drink and chatting.
When I told the organizer of our event who was a Jamaican he was not surprised and said this was typical. In comparison, the Jamaican women seemed responsible and hardworking and several told us that Jamaican men were only interested in getting stoned and making babies.
6