Chinese tourists

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just taking a dump in the road

Chinese tourists

As soon as I heard that Notre Dame had gone up in flames, my first thought was that some half-witted Chinese tourist smoking illicitly had caused it. They infest Paris – standing on stools outside the pyramid at the Louvre or posing at the Trocadero with the Eiffel Tower behind them. I had a good laugh when one of the silly bints fell off the wall the last time I was there. Pity the drop was only a few feet.

There are two types – geriatric simian-like rejects from Planet of the Apes and younger ones – often drop dead beautiful girls dressed to kill – taking endless selfies.

They are everywhere – noisy, rude, spitting and hawking and showing no respect for the local culture. I visited the Cape of Good Hope earlier this year where everyone is constantly reminded not to approach the baboons. Within minutes a shrieking Chinese boy came rushing past me pursued by a baboon he had tried to feed. Behind him came his red-faced, sweaty father in baggy shorts, screaming in Chinese and trying to scare off the baboon with a plastic Coke bottle. Baboons can be pretty aggressive but, unfortunately, this one just let the Chinaman rant and rave before turning its arse on him in disgust and going back into the undergrowth.

Watching this, I wondered if Darwin got it wrong and apes are actually descended from Man.

Nominated by Mr Polly

59 thoughts on “Chinese tourists”

  1. Chinky blokes have this habit of pulling up a massive greenie, with all the noise that goes with it, and flobbing it all over the pavement. I believe that they see it as a sign of masculinity but they are dirty bastards anyway.
    Of all the tourists we have in London the Japs and Chinks definitely have the best birds. The Yanks, Krauts and Frogs all need to fuck off. They take up too much room and are far too noisy the cunts.

    • French women are hairy, German women have jaw lines like Michael Schumacher and yank birds look fake for the most part.

      • In my limited experience boning foreign women, I have to say Swedish birds are the best – tall, blonde, blue eyed, leggy, great tits, welcoming holes and don’t go on and on … and on in their broken Americanese-English! (which is another annoyance -when foreigners want to learn English they never speak proper British English, but American. Lazy cunts!)

        And they do have expensive tastes though!

    • When the Japs marched into Hong Kong, Christmas 1941, they put up notices, no spitting on the streets. The Chinese had been doing this for ever so didn’t take any notice. Boxing Day 1941 a platoon is sent out on patrol with orders to control the spitting. The first bloke they see spitting isasked to come over and kneel down in front of the officer to ask forgiveness. I am not sure if he did or not but anyway the officer took his sword out and chopped his head off. He did 5 more before he returned to barracks and not a cunt spat until we returned in August 1945. It was a beating offence at my school in the 1970’s to be caught spitting.

    • Yeah the inscrutable little yellow cunts are always snotting & gozzing everywhere! Hey! Jackie chan! Nobody told you? Punks dead! Get a hanky yer filthy twat

  2. Chinkies smell. I first noticed this when I had to stop going to a particular casino in Newcastle…. apart from their foul manners and screeching, I just couldn’t bear the smell. I thought that it was because they all,presumably,worked in take-aways. However, I discovered that Chink tourists are just as ill-mannered,loud and stinking when I stopped on the way back from the races at the burger van which stands in the layby at The Carter Bar (England/ Scotland Border).

    The daft old Cunt who mangles the bagpipes was ready for the busload of Chink tourists and started his catawauling as soon as they started to disembark the bus….cameras clicking,screaming at each other,blinking myopically in the sunlight….but what struck me was the sheer smell.Exactly the same sour smell of sweat and greasy food. It even made me forget the fucking bagpiper,it was so strong.

    On the plus side,at least Chinky tourists can be relied on to meet the ocasional sticky end as they try to take fucking snaps of every fucking thing…a fall off the walls of a castle,grabbed by a lion in a zoo, brained by an alcoholic beggar in Glasgow,that kind of thing. It’s all good.

    Fuck them.

    • Should add that not all Chinks smell. The Chink/Nip (No idea which) prostitute that I had in Dublin smelled as sweet as a nut…well she did when we started,not to pleasant by the time we were done……I’ve just read that back and it comes across as something a serial killer might write in a taunting note to the Police….I mean that I shagged her,that’s all.

      • Disappointingly, her Oriental Cunt was up and down and not side-to side as I’d always been led to believe as a child.

      • At least it wasn’t a Jap’s Eye nodding back at you!

        You can never be too sure what to expect when you disrobe some alluring Orientals!

      • well Thai tops the list for me, I made the mistake once of booking into a Korean “massage parlor” and guess what! I got a good half hour massage.
        I was beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable because it wasn’t what I had hoped for and was wondering how to pop the question to the nice lady, however things did go as planed although I am still slightly traumatised by all the toe pulling I endured.

      • I know what you mean about toe pulling, Lord B.

        A allegedly high-class massage place in Chongqing I ocassionally went to, our of sheer boredom (and it was cheap at £3 for 90 minutes), had all that toe pulling malarkey going on. It was clear that a wank off, a blow job or full sex would have been available as a small “add-on”, and quite possibly no extra charge. Quite a weird experience, seldom repeated.

        Nearly all of the “dedicated” knocking shops there were ostensibly hairdressers/barbers. I got my hair cut in Beijing.

  3. Down here in the lucky cuntry, Charlie Chan and his fish head clan are buying up property in a big way. City centre is infested with their chubby offspring, roly poly cunts wearing puffy sleeveless jackets and fukd up gold and purple high top basketball shoes. I look at the cunts and think that if Mao Eats Dung ever tried a military invasion, there would be little to fear.

    • The problem with the chinks is that Mao murdered 65 million of them (still made him a good bloke according to the harridan from Hackney) and they were all the decent, educated cunts. What you get now, with a few exceptions are people who were bought up in a paddy field and the Chinky equivalent of Chavs.

  4. Chink women are always gabbing on like an old fashioned record played at the wrong speed. It’s all “bing bong bang ying yang hong tong ting” but at such a high-pitched din its enough to vibrate screws and bolts out of steel frames!

    They go on and on and on remonstrating over something extremely trivial even though they’re fucking tourists and trying to tell you how to live or conduct yourselves in your own back yard!

    Well fuck off back to your kitchen and get me a 23, 43, 102 and a diet coke to go, you gobby short-arsed cunt!

    fuck ’em!

  5. Off topic,but…
    Labour wants to declare a climate emergency. Why? Did Diane Abbott let one off? This would be a complete non-entity. Labour councils approving coal mines whilst Piers Corbynski is a climate change denier.
    Acutually,there is no such thing as climate change denial because climate change is a load of wank. Climates change:fact. Greenpeace,
    friends of the earth,extinction rebellion and all those middle class delusional cunts can go and fuck themselves.
    I will give up my car the day Justin Bieber gives me a blow job.

    Good morning Cunters.

    • It’s so fucking opportunistic, Krav. Typical Labour. Find a recent “cause” then jump on it. I suppose that 4 eyed fucker Tom Watson dreamt this one up. What an arsehole that wankstain is. I suppose he was captivated by that little Swedish 16 year old do-gooder last week. He recognised another human talking out of it’s rectum, just like him.

  6. Joke:

    Q, What to you call a China man with a big willy?

    A, Me Hung Lo.

    I’ll get my coat.

    • Or the Chinese bloke who came to London to get laid, failed and went back to Wan-King

      Camel for the Sheikh…..

  7. When I was a lad I thought bluenose cunt and diving champion, Francis Lee was Chinese…
    Because every time I saw him mentioned in the Evening News or the Football Pink it would always say ‘Lee Won Pen’….

    Then again, I always thought George Graham was called ‘Below Par Graham’ for similar reasons… What a useless cunt he was…

  10. I saw a Chinaman in London sitting on this outdoor stairwell. He said, “I become father. Triplets.” He reached into his pocket, produced a handful of coins then hurled them down the stairs. As I watched them ping and ting down I asked, “Is this a Chinese tradition?”

    “No” he replied, “I just naming children.”

  11. Remember once sitting in a hotel’s grand reception area in Yokohama with my twodaughters.

    A “gentleman” walked past in front of the three of us, and as he did so broke wind quite loudly. I mentioned this to my then girlfriend (now wife), and she told me he was Chinese, Japanese would NEVER act in this way. Asked how she could be so sure, she told me he was at the customer service counter immediately before her.

    Also remember on the holiday seeing a Chinese gentleman shovelling rice down his throat, rather reminiscent of Woody Allen in Play it again Sam:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upm444PAxyo

      • I’ve read that some of our peaceful friends like to do that on the London Underground.
        Less dangerous than exploding backpacks, but still very unpleasant behaviour.
        We can do without this sort of cultural enrichment.

    • I believe the Japanese despise the Chinese addiction to garlic, among many other things (and see DF above). Had a Chinese student living next door, mercifully not for long, and every evening when I returned from work I, and a 200-metre, radius were treated to the reek of frying garlic.

      Japs every time for me. Possibly the last civilised race on the planet. My best regards to your good lady.

  12. RT, I’ve seen a glut of these awful incidents on the informative news website XVideos.com

    • Gah, this should be for Creampuff above.
      My eyes are as closed as a sleepy Chinaman.

      “You could blindfold these fuckin’ people with dental floss.” (Andrew Dice Clay)

    • Ha ha, the Japs are really funny – they blur out all the cocks, cunts and arseholes, but leave the spunk dripping from their mouths or wherever uncensored! 😂

      • From Urban Dictionary:

        “Bukkaké is when a Mommy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy all decide that Mommy needs some special facial moisturiser.”

        (Apparently from the verb bukakkeru which means to splash some liquid)

      • The Japanese are odd people at times.

        I visited Tokyo years ago, and I was astounded to find in some newsstands freely visible kiddy fiddler magazines and such like. And the Japs do have a thing for schoolgirls over there!

        But at least they’re courteous, polite and suck cock at competitive prices. Give me some Japs/Chinks over Eastern Europeans any day of the fucking week!

  13. I actually saw chinese tourists taking pictures of the pavement slabs on Hampton Court Bridge once. Don’t think they were smart enough to realize Henry’s red brick palace and the dull grey chewing gum infested Marshalls paving were centuries apart.

    Think the smell issue may be kimchi related? Or possibly dog.

  14. A genuinely fabulous cunting, and if I might make so bold: IsAC at its best.

    Mr Fiddler got there first, but I add:

    http://www.ejinsight.com/20160314-man-falls-to-death-trying-to-take-selfie-of-a-lifetime/

    and more generally:

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_selfie-related_injuries_and_deaths

    The reverse “✌️ salute” is ubiquitous. On my bucket list is witnessing a drop-dead gorgeous, but horribly vapid Korean/Chinese/Japanese chick falling into the “Smoke that Thunders”¹ in Zimbabwe whilst sticking such a pose on its verge. I have been there already, but no one fell in.

    Having been a “laowai”² in Chongqing getting on for three years, I am more than slightly acquainted with the Chinese and their habits, odious or otherwise. In addition to the spitting and hawking mentioned passim, what first struck me was ubiquitous pandiculation [or: yawning]. Everyone does it, all the time, and it is curiously infectious. In a “small” hotel in Chonkers, the YuDu, I once smartly punched on the nose a puce, pissed up businessman who was drooling and hawking in a four person lift/elevator. Nasty.

    On the plus side, as I found after my divorce, Chinese chicks are a good poke, tight as a crab’s arse, although incredibly bossy and strangely parochial and old-fashioned in their singular desire for long-term relationships. Mr Fiddler’s mileage clearly varies here, but then I’ve never been with a lady of the night.

    ¹ Mosi-o-tunya, or: Victoria Falls between Zim and Zambia

    ²老外, or: lao wai [pinyin]: literally “foreign devil” a mildly pejorative term used to describe foreigners. Also 大鼻子，or: da bi zi [pinyin]: lit. “big nose”, ditto

    • Koreans have a similar insult: Ko Jaeng-i (코쟁이) meaning “Big Nose).

      진짜요

  16. “They are everywhere – noisy, rude, spitting and hawking and showing no respect for the local culture”
    Even the North Koreans don’t like them. I was in North Korea last year and our guides told us that this is how the Kitchen Sinks behave in their country.

  17. We’re being over-run by them now they’re trousering a few quid, post Mao.

    Boxing Day TV news always but always leads with the sight of Selfridges front doors being battered down by thousands of the overexcited, sharp-elbowed grasping cunts.

  18. I don’t mind the old Tiddly-Winks. At least they’re not blowing anything up. Also, the tourists are spending money though I don’t know why, it’s all made in their factories anyway.

    Hoo-ee, the irony.

  19. The Chinks are ok. I would rather them over Muzzies or Eastern Europeans any day of the week, who bring far more trouble and deviant behaviour to these shores and anywhere else in the damned world that they infect.

    If you have ever watched a porn video with a Chink woman in it, it is frankly hilarious. They fake their orgasms whilst doing an uncanny impression of a freshly neutered cat sucking helium.

    I also take issue with their vile habit of eating every fucking animal under the sun, on the verge of extinction and endangered or not, fucking greedy, noodle-slurping cunts.

    I also dislike them because like Pakis and Indians, they somehow have the very irritating talent of being able to make shitloads of money out of their sell-everything-including-the kitchen-sink shops or Chink Takeaways, fucking jammy bastards.

    Hong Kong Phooey Cunts.

  20. There was a sign at Uni that read :

    “Free Aung Sang Suu Kyi”

    I always thought it was a free cocktail or something .

  21. The worst Chinese tourists are in the US that arrive by the coach load. Those little yellow perils don’t help the stereotype of being devoid of common sense and armed with a fucking camera. And they’re fucking rude.

  22. I don’t mind the chinks. You never hear a peep out of them and you’re never reading about murder and rape and bombings etc carried out by them as you do with some of our more ‘favoured’ imports……

  23. Hong Kong though, what a shithole. Expensive, overcrowded, polluted, ruled by a self serving elite, and did I mention expensive? The population are like ants, compliant workers with no right of redress living in tiny boxes, working 14 hour days to pay for those little boxes and some sweet & sour dog at Chung King mansions. This place is a modern Conservative politicians wet dream, this is the plan for the UK make no mistake. Now Singapore I do like more, the only multi cultural society that works, because they take no crap and a fair days work gets a fair days pay, rights are balanced with responsibilities. Not like the UK where rights seem to outweigh responsibilities these days or other third world shitholes where responsibilities far ouweigh rights.

    • Ironic that Labour should accuse the Tories of plotting to remodel the UK economy on Singapore. Rather that than Corbyn’s vision of utopia that is Venezuela.

      • It wouldn’t be a bad idea to model the UK, on Singapore! It’s spotlessly clean here, and the awful Chinese practice of spitting carries a hefty fine! Kids are for the most part respectful and good mannered. No chewing gum allowed, and if you piss in the lift, the doors lock, and when they open, the Police are waiting for you. Awesome place to live!

  24. At least the ‘Barton Finks’ are mostly grafters and work their arses off… I would rather have them here than the on the make Parking Stanleys, Bogo Bogos or Eastern Bloc leeches….

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