Allergy Sufferers

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Allergy Sufferers.
My cunt of an employer has today issued notice that any cunt at work can be stopped and questioned about what they are eating or planning to eat because an allergy sufferer might be affected. Call me an old cynic but the cunt in question has in a very short time proved to be workshy,indifferent to any rules and not above unprofessional conduct towards others,so when I overheard a conversation about how some cunt at their last job had been allegedly been trying to kill them with the offending foodstuff,I started to wonder if we were being set up for some sort of compo scam or tribunal.Beats working doesn’t it and would fund the eternal gap yah. I would like to know what the legal position is with this. What a pile of unmitigated gangrenous old cunt.

Nominated by Mary Hinge

65 thoughts on “Allergy Sufferers”

  1. Sounds like their biggest allergy is to work!

    I’m with Ricky Gervais on this one…

    “And so you sit down ready to enjoy a beer and a few salty nuts when the flight attendant will announce: ‘Unfortunately we won’t be able to serve nuts on today’s flight due to one passenger’s high intolerance to them. Thank you.’ So what I do now is rub myself with nuts all over before embarking on any flight – just in case.”

    • And professionally offended cunts actually trolled his Twitter account complaining that allergies are a serious issue… Blah! Blah! Blah!

      It’s a FUCKING JOKE for Christ’s sake you humourless twats!

  2. It appears nearly every cunt has an allergy nowadays? Well I’m intolerant of these cunts so I guess I’ve joined the club ……
    These fuckers love to tell you all about their allergies / intolerances to this, that or the other!! Listen cunt you needn’t worry yourself as you will never set foot inside my house for any form of refreshment , so bore off you absolute cunt …….

    • Guess we won’t be coming to your place then.

      Thanks for being so understanding…

  3. When I was at school with about 300 others, there wasn’t a single person who claimed to have an allergy. Probably just as well,because if we’d known that some Cunt would swell up like a balloon if given a peanut,we’d have been spending our time finding ever more creative ways of getting KP’s finest introduced into his system…especially if he was weedy and didn’t enjoy rugby….there were no Gays,they mustn’t have been invented then…or fatties,a few weeks of relentless “toughening-up” sharp shifted their “puppy-fat”.

    Fuck Off.

    • Most of The Gays exist on a diet of Fairy Cakes and cold tapioca. FACT.

      They also buy large amounts of cucumbers and marrows,but I don’t think that they eat them.

    • I wonder if there are many allergy sufferers amongst the “Starving in Africa”? Must remember to put that old tub of jumbo salted peanuts left over from my last exclusive dinner-party in the donation container next time there’s an appeal on.

      Fuck Off.

    • You make a very serious pont there Dick! When I think about it, I too never ever heard of allergies when I was a kid. And as you rightly ask, when were they “discovered” or invented ?

    • The only allergy evident when I was at school (1957-1970) was hay fever, and even that was rare.

      The current explosion of allergies could be down to the multitude of medicines and drugs cunts have been increasingly prescribed over the past 50 years, processed foods, a pathological desire to be over-clean and smothered in chemicals, chronic air pollution etc, etc, all combining to result in weakened immune systems, the effects and symptoms becoming more acute with each succeeding generation of cunts. It’s modern fucking life and I endeavour to avoid it like the plague it is.

  4. I used to have a friend who wasn’t at all allergic to anything (other than work, the lazy cunt!). But over the last 3 or 4 years the “allergy Syndrome” has become incredibly trendy on unsocial media. As a consequence my friend now says he has this, that and the other blah blah.

    So going to a restaurant or a coffee shop with him is like slow water torture as he interrogates the menu looking for certain things that he might “react” to and die.More so when the waitress comes round to take our order, it’s like the 3rd degree: “does it have this? does it have that? Can I have this, but not that. Can I have that but not this?”

    And when the food arrives he is constantly picking at it while telling me how close to death he could be if he eats something he shouldn’t.

    Lots and lots of drama for this attention-seeking “look at me, I’m different” cunt!

    So he can fuck right off and take his allergies with him!

  5. Cunts with allergies and suffering from the Gayness went to private schools in those days Mr Fiddler. They didn’t mix with trash like us and we couldn’t afford peanuts anyway. Allergies, poofery and trannyism didn’t exist until some soft cunt invented them, probably that fucker Quentin Crisp.

    • Yes, Freddie…..The Naked Civil Servant indeed. I’ve never read his book of deviancy and dissolution,but I wouldn’t expect that his behaviour would raise as much as an eyebrow amongst today’s civil servants.
      Bunch of lazy Cunts. I hope that the money runs out before they get their “bulletproof” index-linked pensions.

  6. Your “work” colleague sounds like a whiny, remain-voting, millennial hipster. Is it a he, she or gender-fluid, snowflake-powered unicorn?

  8. You’re cunting the wrong people. People with genuine allergies are not cunts, the people who go over the top to protect them are. At my kids’ school there is a list of things they can’t take in their packed lunches just in case some of it finds the way down some other kid’s throat. Segregate those cunts with an allergy instead! Or provide lunches for the kids then you can decide what goes into their food, you lazy cunts.

    My wife has an allergy to pollen and cats and dogs – the summer and furry animals are a nightmare for her. She is not a cunt. I am allergic to dairy products – milk or butter gives me zits all over my face, chest and left (!) leg (seriously). I am not a cunt, well, most of the time.

    • Try goat in place of cow for dairy.
      Rochefour cheese (sheep) or goat cheese
      Goat butter

      St Helens Farm is a good brand for milk, cheese and yoghurt. All made from goat milk.

      Dove Farm cereals and flour are non wheat.

      Oatly for oat milk or Alpro organic milk on your cereal.

      Try Swedish Glace for non dairy ice cream. Comes in vanilla, raspberry and chocolate, the latter is particularly good.

      Be careful of dairy because there’s milk whey in loads of stuff you wouldn’t expect. Just because it’s ‘free from’ doesn’t necessarily mean it’s free from the stuff you have to avoid…

      • Thanks for the advice Dioclese, I appreciate it. I would go for the Goat’s milk and cheese but unfortunately my taste buds are allergic to the stuff – tried it and can’t stand it I’m afraid!

        I now use Alpro organic soya milk. I struggle to notice the difference in taste between that and cow milk. I know it sounds a bit hippy/leftie/veggie but it works for me with no adverse effects.

        I have read various articles about dairy produce and it would appear that it is the hormones in the milk (which are, obviously, intended for baby cows, NOT humans!) that are playing havoc with my body.

      • I know it sounds a bit pathetic whining about a few zits, but I am in my 50s now, and was getting the sort of zits that I never got as a teenager. On some days they were so bad I could have been mistaken for someone working at McDonalds!

        All sorted no though!

      • What do you mean ‘intended’? Is lettuce ‘intended’ for rabbits and humans should avoid too?

  9. Allergies are trendy and much beloved by the Islington hipster set.
    Gluten intolerance – bollocks unless you are a coeliac.
    Likewise dairy and egg unless you have a genuine condition.

    All part of the world of right-on cunts.

    • Good point Cuntstable

      My Mum’s a coeliac. Double-edged sword with the hipsters – Their latest gluten free fad means there’s a much bigger range of foods available to my Mum now than 15 years ago but the prices are fucking outrageous. £3 for a fucking small loaf of what passes for GF bread ?
      Be off with you !

      • Indeed. The prices are higher because its low production but also because of the hipster effect.

        Been suprised how easy it is to get substitutes for dairy and wheat. Good selection of non cow cheese. Goat milk is indistinguishable from cow and whips up better for a frothy coffee.

        Soya ice cream is interesting. Oat Milk is good on cereals. Lots of oat based cereals as a substitute for wheat.

        Of course there’s always corn flakes and rice crispies. All a bit bland though so we chuck some fruit on them.

        Biscuits are a problem as they contain milk but the Nairn oat ones are quite good.

        Interestingly since we’ve switched over we’ve lost weight…

      • That’s interesting – since I switched to the Soya milk I definitely seem to be a bit less fat around the waist too.

      • You’ll have to be careful RB. That stuff contains quantities of estrogen. Before you know it you’ll be growing a pair of tits and transitioning over your bowl of cornflakes.

      • Reply to Bluntspeakingcunt (below):

        Thanks for that. I have read up on it and apparently studies have shown that although it has estrogens in it, the concentrations of them in soya milk are not sufficient to affect testosterone in men.

        I won’t worry too much until I need to get a bigger bra for my moobs!

      • VIZ TOP TIP

        Go to the shops when they’re reducing stuff to the point that it’s being “given away”. At my local Asda around 7pm they always have boat loads of reduced bread, a lot of it gluten-free stuff.

        I’ve only tried the gluten-free because it was almost free, and it is tolerable – pun intended. Buy the lot, rinse and repeat until your Lec™ chest freezer is full. If you don’t have the latter, acquire one on eBay for around £20.

      • Gluten-free bread is minging enough without it being short dated. Being 6′ 4″ I am able to reach to the back of the shelving to grab the freshest loaves (where stock rotation actually occurs). Cheers for the tip either way.

    • I was diagnosed with Coeliac disease a few months back…. The 9 days of chronic diahorrea was the big give away.

      I think it was the 6 six years of heavy wheat beer consumption what done it! Erdinger to be precise.

      God I miss proper beer. Gluten free beer is over priced piss water.

      I’ve come to terms with being a Coeliac but don’t like the fact that I sound like some beardy hipster bell end when I enquire as to the the gluten content of a food or drink.

      Those trendy hipster wankers have essentially gentrified my dietary requirements because it’s…… Like….. So good for you and shit?

      Cunts.

  10. Folk with allergies should be extinguished from this earth on the third offence. Perhaps on the first offence, they should be singed, but lightly, with a soldering iron. On the second offence, a ferret should be inserted into a suitable garment and left for a period of no less than 60 minutes. Fair, but harsh.

  11. Isn’t that a breach of human rights, you have to plan your lunchtime sandwich to avoid anything that may cause an allergic reaction to some cunt.
    So basically a glass of pure water.

    Where i used to work there was one office which had a note on the door saying please do not bring any product containing peanuts into the office, I guess some cunt had an allergy.

    You have to feel sorry for people with very severe allergies, the young girl who died after eating the sandwich from Pret (i think it was pret).
    I would add that if someone is that sort of position it is their responsibility to make sure they dont eat anything they arent 100% sure of, asking some coffee shop barista if it is safe wouldnt do it for me.

    • I have to agree there. I do feel terribly sorry for the girl who died, and obviously her family too. Truly awful thing to happen.

      However, if I had those sort of allergies I wouldn’t be buying sandwiches from anywhere – i would make my own and take them with me. We’ve done it before to avoid Easyjet’s rip off prices so it’s not that difficult.

  12. I declare an interest on this one as Mrs D has intolerance to wheat and dairy.

    Problem is she can’t eat cow milk. Goat is good but not cow. She also cannot eat wheat.

    The bigger problem is that the current trendy fad for gluten free gets in the way. Everyone assumes she’s gluten intolerant but it’s not the gluten it’s the wheat. Same with milk. She is dairy intolerance but she can take lactose but not milk. Cunts keep flagging her for lactose and giving her lactose free cow milk but that’s no fucking good.

    Fucking millennial hippies are causing us all sorts of grief…

  13. My sister in law is 49 but only in the last 5 years she has discovered (self diagnosing) that she is intolerant to

    Wheat ✅
    Milk ✅
    Peanuts ✅
    Peppers ✅

    Unfortunately she’s not intolerant to moaning and has turned it into an art form…..

    • Ah, diagnosed by Dr Google. In our case it was diagnosed by a doctor. Not quite the same thing.

      I remember a recent case of a girl who died after being fed nuts by someone who assured her there were no nuts in the particular food she was given. That wasn’t quite so funny was it?

      Also not quite so funny to see your wife doubled up in agony for several hours at a time crying her fucking eyes out from the pain…

      • Exactly right dio …..
        some individuals just want to join in as
        They think it’s so trendy….
        fucking idiots

      • Bang on the money, Dio – To witness my Mum shedding weight until virtually skeletal, shitting through the eye of a needle and fearing (until diagnosed coeliac) bowel cancer, thanks to numerous endoscopies – she’s now been eating a gluten-free diet for 15 years and (I’m delighted to say), thriving.

  14. Good morning, Mary!
    Smith v Leech Brain [1962], R v Blaue [1975], Meah v McCreamer N°1[1985] are the head cases which lie at the heart of the eggshell skull rule in English law, whereby you “take your victim as you find him”.

    Out of this doctrine in tort law has now emerged the legal notion that allergies are a form of disability, therefore employers are required to make reasonable accommodations per the Disability Discrimination Act 1995 now the Equality Act 2010. These reasonable accommodations can include restrictive practices in the workplace of the type you mention in your nom, Miss Hinge.

    However, those restrictions must be made explicit in any agreements (verbal or written) between employer and employee, and are therefore contract terms within an employee’s contract of employment. As such, the Unfair Contract Terms Act 1977 (UCTA) applies to any restrictive practices which the employer puts in place in his attempt to provide reasonable accommodations for the “disabled” employees, ie the “work-shy, indifferent… unprofessional” allergy suffering shyster(s).

    This legislation is extremely powerful, the late Lord Denning’s frequent weapon of choice, and certainly will be relevant in combatting any excessively restrictive, unnecessary or otherwise unreasonable proscriptions (and indeed all working practices) in the employment contract, whether verbal or written.

    Get a free half hour with a High Street solicitor, and an appointment with Citizen’s Advice (formerly Citizens’ Advice Bureau), mentioning the Equality Act and UCTA. That’ll get them sitting up straight and paying attention. Probably a good idea to familiarise yourself with the bare bones of the Acts first.

    Good luck, and hope that didn’t get too hairy, Mary!

    • Cheers CS,all noted. I don’t even like sodding nuts but apparently someone at the manufacturers might have looked at one once so there is still a risk. I got a hard look off someone today for criticising Harry Potter ( I said he was a precocious little cunt who would have got the mother of all beatings at my school) it would be easier to take a vow of silence like them baldy headed monks. Fuck me,whoever thought it would get this complicated down in the West Country.

  15. I am allergic to idiots and politicians, reality TV ”stars”, chat show hosts, the younger generation of the Royal Family, the DVLA, the HMRC, the Mayor of Londonistab, rap “artists”, flathead, mongrels, Romanians, Albanians, Joe Dakis, wimmin and the wimminstruggle, mincers, trannies, pee-doughs and telephone salespeople.

    I’m sure there are many more. An allergic person I am!

  16. Good morning Mary Hinge. I was going to ask if you are a swinger but on reflection ….. Your employer is indeed a cunt. Unless it is a specific provision in your contract of employment, which you have read, understood and accepted by signature then the gangrenous old cunt has no right or power to stop and question you about any matter unrelated to your work. You are under no obligation to stop or answer such questions. What you have in your lunch box, pardon the expression, is none of the cunt’s business. If I were you I’d start planning my retirement based on the compo you’re going to get after suing the cunt for infringement of human rights and privacy plus harassment. Make sure you carry your mobile to record and film the cunt when you’re stopped. It would greatly increase your chances of winning litigation and the amount of compo if you are afflicted with the gayness, lesbianess, non-specific genderness or just simply black. Or peaceful. Disclaimer – the forgoing is opinion and not legal advice. I have to ask Mary….,do you?

    • One thing I will say is that these eager to please middle class cunts in middle management are so desperate to be right-on you can wind them up good and proper. I told one the other day that I worship my Shed and they just nodded “yes, yes I see” . Christ on a bike.

  17. My mother was allergic to my step father, often she would come out in lumps and bruises after she had been near him.

    He died on mothers day the cunt.

  18. I wouldn’t have been allowed to have any allergies, if I had said I’m not eating that, I would have been dragged from the table and thrashed.
    And then I would still had to eat it, it didn’t do me any harm.

  19. Sadly, I think I’m just allergic to life. Apparently, there is such a thing, with one lady living in Hartlepool who goes in to anaphylactic shock if she has so much as a shower or a drink of water ( seriously ). Mind you if I lived in Hartlepool I’d be in a fuckin’ permanent state of shock.

    • Got a feeling Sir Rod (see below) originated from there.

      Which explains the man’s sheer brilliance.

      • He actually comes from Sidcup IH. Hartlepool hasn’t got any claim to famous people except Jeff Sterling from Sky Sports who is ace.

      • Sorry, my mistake. I’ve just found out that Andrew Taylor, Micky Young, Darren Morfitt, Warren Tute and Scott Henshall all came from Hartlepool – all listed as famous people. WTF? I rest my case. This fuckin’ age of slebrity has got a lot to answer for.

  20. I’m sniffing and snuffling with tree pollen at the minute. The trick is not avoiding the offending matter like so many children do now. The body simply becomes more reactive and now airlines are banning peanuts simply because opening a packet can release the dust and set someone off.

    Get somd antihistamines and get on with it.

  21. I’ve got an allergy to Magic Grandpa (copyright : Sir Rod Liddle) who, whilst seldom having anything remotely to say of relevance to most of the country, is all too quick to jump on the “Save Assange” bandwagon.

    I’m hoping The Saj has already deported this cunt on the first available Boeing 737-MAX nonstop to Guantanamo International Airport. He’s already cost you and me millions in unnecessary security so I don’t want to see a penny more wasted whilst he plunders our legal aid budget and racks up £100k a year on remand in Belmarsh Isolation Wing.

    Just to grease the wheels I am asking ISACs to contribute

    Crowdfunddeportacunttoday.com

    (Any surplus proceeds I will use to treat Lady Jemima Goldsmith to whatever she most desires)

    • I think the copyright to ‘magic grandpa’ is actually that otherwise odious cunt Julie Burchill. Rod borrowed the fucker and it has taken off.

    • The cunt’s Australian. Why the fuck are we involved? When he’s done his time* for jumping bail here, deport the cunt to Oz as an undesirable alien and let his own folks negotiate the most painful terms possible ( for him) with the Yanks and Swedes. They’ve probably got some questions to ask him, too.

      *A fine would make more sense, and sequestering his assets to pay it, even more sense.

  22. All this bollocks is pandering to the attention seeking cunts. Put any one of these ‘Allergy sufferers’ on a desert island long enough and their allergies would disappear quick enough.
    For the human race to survive we need to get rid of these soppy cunts.
    Send them all to downtown Mogadishu and see how long they last there.
    Piss off.

  23. I couldn’t give two shits if the ‘ailments can be cool’ brigade want to self-diagnose all manner of marginal and imaginary allergies and intolerances; they are welcome to make their own lives as awkward and expensive as they like.

    We do clash slightly whenever they expect me to buy into their fantasies; “No thank you Gunner, I can only eat it if its poached in reindeer tears, cooked in a silk-lined room, no four-legged animal has ever been in the house and no-one has smoked nicotine within 25 miles since 1984”. Oh really?

    What does grip my shit, however, is when they impose these same imaginary, narcissistic conditions onto others, especially those who can’t tell them to fuck off. One young lady, a friend of my daughter’s, has already created a list as long as your arm of the things that her young kids are allergic to or ‘don’t approve of’. The kids are both under 3 years old.

    Even her dog, a scrawny mongrel from a rescue home, has ‘mental health issues’, ‘attachment issues’ and is allergic to about five different food groups. Allegedly.

    Soppy, attention-seeking cunts, the lot of them.

  24. I have 1 allergy and 2 intolerances, I am allergic to zinc oxide, found in shit soaps and sticky plasters, so I use plain soap and never use plasters, job done.
    Intolerances, well dairy (milk/cheesecake) upset my tummy a little bit, really really bad farts and eventual frothy shit, I like to drink Latte coffee to piss my co workers off.
    I am also intolerant of a good 30% of humanity

    • You do yourself a great injustice my liege. Only 30% of humanity? In my book that’s the definition of tolerance your Lordshipness.

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