TV Talent Shows

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TV ‘Talent’ Shows
I reckon that television companies are due a massive cunting for their shameful, wilful neglect of aspiring British talent. Especially on Saturday evenings.
The country must be brimming with fresh, eager performers from John O’Groats to Land’s End. People who can sing or play an instrument. People with charming magic or ventriloquist turns. People who can dance or ice skate. They’re queueing up to show us what they can do, and surely deserve a platform to showcase their talents. Especially on Saturday evenings.
You’d think that tv bosses would jump at the chance. It’s a stunning opportunity to offer something really vibrant and original to refresh the jaded palate of the viewers. There’s also a possible cost incentive for them to take into account, as I imagine that it would be pretty cheap to stage such an event. No need to shell out huge fees to attract established stars; wannabees desperate to ‘live their dream’ will perform for fuck all. Just because something comes cheap doesn’t mean that it will be at all tacky.
There’s no doubt about it. TV bosses are total tossers for persistently denying the Great British Public its chance to see some new faces perform in front of the cameras. Especially on Saturday evenings.

Nominated by Ron Knee

43 thoughts on “TV Talent Shows”

  1. I like it Ron. I avoid this talentless shit like the plague. Clones of fucking boy and girl ‘bands’, performing fucking dogs and wanky dancers. However these cunts are totally eclipsed to the collection of talent and charisma free tossers that judge them. These fuckers are responsible for the formulaic bland shite that has replaced popular music.
    Cunts all.

    • So right, cc.
      That arsehole Cowell has already received the Knee household’s personal accolade of National Cunt. The rest of the talentless cunts like Barlow are almost as bad.
      Shit programming at its absolute worst; just the kind of thing to set you up of a Saturday night for the eleven millionth cunting episode of ‘Casualty’. No wonder I drink at the weekend.

  2. Is there not already a surfeit of such programming, Ron Knee? The likes of: Strictly (Come Up My Bum), The Voice, The Choir, (The Great British–) Bake Off/Sewing Bee/Pottery Throw Down/Fuck Off (&c).

    Do I perhaps perceive a degree of irony, Mr Knee? Who watches TV these days, in any case?

      • “Saw” and “was” are indeed not palindromes [of each other], Cheearse.

        My reference to palindromes was self-evidently an example of ellipsis. My exact meaning was along the lines of: “a quasi-palindromic erratum“, “a semi-palindromic typo”, or even more smart-arse-cuntishly¹: “a pseudo-palindromic parapraxis”.

        ¹ [to coin a phrase, also nota bene, not: “smart ass” – and don’t forget the hyphen when it’s adjectival!]

      • Interestingly, the pseudo-palindromic parapraxis itself (and its erratum) have now simply evaporated.

        Like those quantum fluctuations at event-horizons of Black Holes, referred to by Komodo recently, those “saw/was” comments have simply boiled away into the future “heat-death” of this parallel universe.

        Bit different.

  3. I know what you mean RK, if I don’t get to see a dancing dog soon, on primetime TV, I’ll need time off work with PTSD.
    Simon Cowell was bad enough and now were hear about his brat, Eric all the time. I’m a proud father but don’t feel the need to drone on about my child everytime I open my mouth, to answer an un-related question.
    David Walliams is a cunt , by the way.

  4. All of these types of shows are cunts, produced for different demographics.
    Strictly Come Poncing is X Fuckter for the middle classes.

    X Fuckter is Strictly Come Poncing for chavs.

    Fucking shit – the whole lot of them.

    A much better way of spending Saturday evenings is watching some Iron Curtain nubile opening her fanny on a webcam site.

    • Strictly come wanking is aimed at the senile old duffers who still opt to pay the license fee. I find it funny the coffin-dodger’s favourite forced Doctor MeToo over to Sundays, given the hype and noise the BBC made over its first Time Woman.

      That was before 2 thirds of the regular audience gave up on it because of the incessant PC wank.

  5. Yeah, I’m just dying to watch some street dance on TV, a group of youths that have spent hours learning to move their bodies to some hip hop music in a way that looks senseless to the less refined viewer.

    If they were called, oh I don’t know ‘diversity’ lets say? I might just give myself a yfront full of jizzum in awe of such talented street urchins.

    Said talent show could be followed with the post code murder lottery and the county lines shopping quiz show.

  6. The trouble with these talent shows is that they give ridiculous Wankers the idea that they do actually have “talent”. Ninety-nine per cent to the contestants will never be heard of again,unless it’s to announce that they’ve had a breakdown due to the “bullying”, decided to have a replumbing job done or some other desperate attempt to stay “famous”.
    Children are growing up with the idea that they don’t need worry about getting a job because they’re going to be a star. Doesn’t matter how tone-deaf, fat,ugly or stupid….they’ve got “star-quality”. The Judges are to blame,they should tell these deluded fools the truth that they have no chance and should shift their ambitions to getting a proper job. Of course, most of the judges are sexual miscreants and/or Dark keys who are on the prowl for fresh meat.

    I’d still love to bend “wor Cheryl” over the bonnet of the Hilux and do her right up the exhaust-pipe…I’d give her good reason for those agonised screeches that she fondly imagines is singing….yep,up to my nuts in guts…”Gan on,Pet, tek it all n then ye kin get yer lipstick on me dipstick”

  7. In all of my 60 years can honestly say I have never watched a talent show.

    Embarrassing untalented wannabes on stage being patronised and laughed at by a panel of cunts with overinflated egos.

    Fucking horrendous, cringeworthy TV, wouldn’t watch it if you paid me.

      • Is there no beginning this mans talents, and does he have no fucking shame? A disaster of a human being. No obvious personality whatsoever.

        I would certainly pay to watch Tusk and his beloved EU cunt colleagues to be carted off and lynched when their deluded and warped project inevitably crashes and burns.

        One can but dream.

      • Disturbing,i just wish his forefathers had been crushed under the jackboot, in the Warsaw ghetto. The complete cunt.

  9. The stupid cunts that appear on Cowell’s shit show clearly have no talent. Didn’t family members or friends beg them not to go on tv ? The whole debacle is nothing more than performing chimpanzees.
    It’s all been dumbed down to the lowest of low for the amusement of thick cunts watching Saturday night tv who couldn’t recognise real talent .

    • I think recognising any ‘talent’ is only half of it, a decent sob story of a cancer-ridden granddad or bullying/mental ‘elf issues is a winner for the inevitable emotional incontinence of the bargain basement celebrity judges and Twitter twats.

  10. I would welcome a prime time Saturday talent show provided the panel of judges was drawn from ISAC cunters of impeccable taste and infallible judgement, each to be accompanied by old friends of mine, Smith & Wesson, .38 wadcutter rounds. Selection of judges will be facilitated by Sir Limply’s South Coast Flasher. Six rounds dead centre of the fat cunt’s ring piece from 10 yards and you’re in. Sorry cunters, numbers limited to 20 for any one episode.

  11. It’s not the programmes, it’s the retards that watch them. Primetime Saturday and the dross is fucking unbelievable. There are so many, sewing bee for fucks sake, 10 million tune in to watch a Muslim bake a cake, masterchef celebrity, masterchef professional, masterchef Tottenham supporters. portraits, landscapes, voices, 30 scrotey kids dancing. They should at least have one programme for us intelligentsia, somethink like best MILF stripper.

  12. I can assure you that millions of people not only watch this shit but spend the rest of the week talking about it. It’s all they’ve got to fill their empty heads and it’s very important to them.
    I discovered this a couple of years ago when my mate’s wife threw me out of their house for ripping the piss out of “The Voice.” I’d never seen it before (or since) and ridiculing and laughing at it just seemed the natural thing to do. The more she told me to shut up the more I thought I was being entertaining. Shows you how much I know. The final straw came when I said “ Calm down it’s only a Karaoke contest.”
    I’ve been banned ever since and I have to meet him down the pub now. Of course whenever he gets home late and/or pissed he blames it on me even when I wasn’t even there. She believes him, of course, because she fucking hates me. Fucking hell, anyone would think I voted leave or something!
    Don’t take the piss out of people’s lives, my friends. It’s a dangerous business and they never forgive you.

  13. How many more times do I have to annoy you? Stop bitching about the fucker and

    BIN THE FUCKING BOX.

    (and take up model engineering/macrame/writing novels/quantum physics…any fucking thing involving independent thought)

    If you complain about the poor quality of the brainwashing, btw, that just encourages the cunts to make it even more effective.

    • There’s one issue with dumping the TV , and that is the other half. The amount of women who watch this tripe – and quite intelligent women at that – is beyond my understanding.

  14. I remember years ago my idiot then girlfriend was watching some bollocks Cowell show. I was trying to explain to her that Simon Cowell was a closeted iron. She wouldn’t have it.

    Anyway. At that exact moment, Sinitta sashayed into the kitchen (on the telly) ina high camp manner dressed as a red Indian.

    Which didn’t exactly kill my argument.

  15. Oh Christ, this is true. The programme makers know full well that the fat sofa cunts will suck their shit up like a pipe sucking crap out of a drain. Made by cunts to be enjoyed by fat couchbound Asda cake-munching fucks on a Saturday night.

    There’s plenty of people out there who have very good and genuine skills, but these people get binned in favour of yet another forgettable oily twink boyband or some fucking cunt orange Gemmapottamus pile of lard who has a singing voice similar to gastric patient’s arsehole in mid drop.
    All it is, is promotion of so called talent acts that’ll be forgotten and buried in a very short timeframe. A total load of fetid bilge. Cunt it off and away.

    • The talented ones are usually out in venues, playing gigs. Not on the fucking telly.

  16. The shows are truly awful but if they were to show the palladium again it wouldn’t be anyone any good, more than likely the Ginger Gremlin and shouty Fish Wife show. I’d rather watch that old cunt with a pair of spoons!

    I think that after 6pm the TV channels should just show war filums and sports. Anything else is just a waste of airtime. Maybe the odd science or history programme. That’s it.

    I see they’re pushing Britain’s Got Talent with Drunk and Dec headlining. Another cunt gifted more chances than a game of Monopoly!

    Abbott is going on as a magic act. A 20 piece family bucket, 3 minute slot and TA-DAAAAAA! It’s disappeared!

    • Let’s face it, Rebel, if those two absolute cunts Ant and Dec can earn a mill just for standing around looking like wallies and gurning at the camera, then any cunt with the talent of a cricket stump can get an airing.
      It always makes me laugh as well that none of the prats are ‘pursuing an ambition’ or ‘trying to make a career’ or whatever. They’re always trying ‘to live their dream’. Live their dream. Wankers.

      • “On a journey” is another favourite, a journey to where exactly? Bridlington in November once Cowell has milked your ‘talent’ and pocketed a fat wedge.

      • Yes that’s another cringe-making cliché of wannabee no-marks on this type of ‘show’, LL. As you say, most of them will do well to make it to the end of the pier somewhere. But they’ll be doing it ‘for my mom’ or ‘for my dad’. Or something.

      • What’s your *journey* Mr Rebel?

        About 5yds over there. I need to take a shit.

        — THE END —

    • Isn’t that old cunt with a pair of spoons Mr. May ? Or is he the one that sings “When I’m cleaning windows” ?

  17. I never watch freak shows. They’re in very poor taste in my opinion and fit only for brain dead cretins. I find it alarming that anyone is actually stupid enough to waste money on telephone votes for any of this shite.

  18. Scum tv, watched by scum, starring scum, and judged by worthless scum. Did I miss anybody?

  19. I’m sure back in the day C4 screened a b+w film called Freaks, basically about circus freaks from the early part of the 20th century. The people on that film were more balanced individuals than the cunts on x factor/ the voice, even if they had really fucked up bodies.

  20. I dont watch these things because none of the judges are themselves talented enough to know. What. They. Voted. For.

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