ISIL Public Relations: Alright Jihadi Jack, you want to return to the UK.
JJ: Yes, I’m bored of kidnapping and murdering innocent people. I want to collect my benefits and have proper drinking water.
ISIL PR: Well don’t make the mistakes Begum made. Be contrite, do a sad face, don’t talk about heads in bins.
JJ: And then say, “Death to non-Muslims!”
ISIL PR: No, then mention your Mum, that always tugs people’s heartstrings.
JJ: My Mum? That unclean bitch. She’s a woman.
ISIL PR: No, speak sweetly about her.
JJ: And then say, “Death to non-Muslims!”
ISIL PR: No, no. Then mention a popular tv programme. Strictly Come Dancing or The X-Factor.
JJ: Hmm, no brown people and not pc enough.
ISIL PR: Alright, what about Dr.Who?
JJ: Perfect. And then say, “Death to non-Muslims!”
ISIL PR: No, never mention that. Keep it hidden.
JJ: Right. I miss my Mum, Britain, and Dr.Who. Blah blah blah. Hide my hatred of Britain, its history, its culture, and non-Muslims. That’ll get me returned.
ISIL PR: Then join the Labour Party
Nominated by Captain Magnanimous
Is that a nomination for a cunting Captain M? Seems the ISIL PR Dept. are doing a “good job”, depending on your point of view.
Far be it from me as a novice fledgling in these parts, but more a (decent) shaggy dog story, perhaps from the Dave Allen school.
14
Suggest they retain the services of Saatchi & Saatchi.
7
No! The Jews are the infidels!
6
Perhaps Jeremy could put in a good word for them?
6
It’s rather annoying that fellow cunters will go purple with rage and perhaps throw the t.v through the window while watching the news of this kind of person being returned to a life of luxury. It’s a shame coz 99% of the country are posting chav and dinner photos on face lad and looking forward to daft cunts dancing on some fuckin channel. We are fucked
23
“Don’t worry Jack, it’ll be a few months in segregation at a Category C prison, then a sit-down with Compo Corbyn for some ‘dialogue’. Don’t worry about that, the IRA, Hamas, PLO, in the grand scheme of things you are small fry. Next a cosy chat with Matt Baker on the sofa of The One Show, a sympathetic interview with Owen Jones from the Grauniad about your trauma and subsequent PTSD then a guest appearance on the Dr Who Christmas special”. Fuckin ace.
14
c cat is a low level ready to move to to D cat open prison in the UK I think you probably meant A
2
…And here it is pop-pickers, this year’s Christmas No:1, fresh from winning Strictly Come Kneeling, it’s Jihadi Jack with, “I Wish It Could Be Ramadan Everyday.”
14
Fuck me captain! I’ve been on this site for about 8 months, there’s been some fantastic cuntings but this fucker is fuckin the best by far! Time to raise our game fellow cunters 😁
7
Ho ho, nice cunting Cap’n.
Perhaps as a combined act of attrition and punishment he ought to prove his loyalty to Britain by going down on Shamima Begum’s rancid, peaceful pussy?
Surely a terrible thing to have to endure.
12
A heavy punishment, Judge Cunt Engine.
Evening Tommy. Are you out on the prowl? Is it a ‘Lock up your daughters’ Friday night?
5
Alas, no Cap’n. My car was written off yesterday and my leg is as fucked as the car.
The mighty £250 Toyota Carina is no more thanks to a bloody wimminz driver!
And what of yourself? Will any ale be making its way down your neck this weekend?
6
Sorry to hear that, Thomas. I hope you’re not too badly done in and will be back in the saddle soon. It’s a bloody gamble going out driving.
Perhaps it’s time to ditch the Toyotas and buy yourself a Land Rover. At least you’ll be safe from emotional drivers.
I’m on the gin by myself, alas, watching the Andrew Dice Clay tv series which is hilarious.
2
It’s called, “Dice” if you wish to…erm …download it.
2
No mention of the mouse limb peer arrest on bbc news at six.
6
Or Sky… It’s here though:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-south-yorkshire-47413418
Meanwhile, in other news, Scotland Yard have asked the Home Office for another year of funding for their ridiculous so called investigation into the disappearance of Madeline McCann…
11
So I guess we’re funding another holiday … sorry … “investigation” in portugal for the detectives.
Personally I think we should do away with the detectives and just have sf take out every known nonce in Portugal. …. we’d be bound to get someone connected.
Or even better, snatch them, waterboard them for leads, and then have done with them.
….or I guess they’ll just do the same as usual; put up posters, talk to people that say “huh? Don’t know mate” and sift through dirt until you find out that the cunts won this time.
It’s a shame, but I’m afraid we’ll never find the cunt. Not after this long.
5
They are consistent. If it was a White peer allegedly fiddling it would be front page news. No negative peacefull headlines.
5
All inclusive in Portugal.
2
Madeline McCann is probably in the basement at Langham Place, being “debriefed” by John Sweeney…
I believe they’ve still got the masonry by Eric Gill (of buggered dogs and daughters fame) above the front doors. How appropriate.
I wonder what they’ve got above the back doors ? Stephen Fry’s gaping anus ?
3
He was a bit of a card, our Eric. You have to forgive him; he was after all a staunch left-footer. Had he lived longer, he could have enjoyed my brother’s back numbers of Dog Satisfaction.
I greatly admire his woodcuts– his famous “Eve” is superbly evocative –and his fonts were pretty cool “back in the day” (aaargghh).
Having never tried to take Broadcasting House from behind, HBH, I wouldn’t know about Mr Fry’s contributions.
2
Just feel that enrichment and shut up everyone.
Peace be upon them.
13
If only they needed a PR department. We have a whole fucking establishment doing that for them.
Even when he government tries to do something some human rights court overrules them.
Latest is we can’t stop illegals renting a place to live.
Fuck me sideways. If you’re in the country illegally you get sent home? Nope you just go around with all the rights of a natural born citizen.
ISIL are a pin prick compared to the cunts running the country.
13
You only have to look at the Grenfell nonsense to see the truth in that. A council property and nobody knows how many people are living there and who the fuck they are. Thus any fucking foreign cunt comes along, claims they were living there and gets bunged thousands of pounds.
Fucking snowflake cunts stopping deportations by kicking off in aeroplanes or chaining themselves to the fucking wheels. More Libtards picketing restaurants because they grassed up their illegal staff.
A country on the path to self destruction.
No wonder the world is laughing at us and taking the piss.
32
You’re right Freddie. We could’ve won the war on terror, we could stop jihadis, the rape gangs could be stopped….. just lefties won’t have it. We all know what side they’re on.
I’ve said it before, we’ll never deal with any of these problems until we’ve dealt with the “liberals” first.
They’re the cookoos in the nest.
24
Its a farce, landlords (agents) just outsource the background checks, salary, work, credit score to a specialist company so unless someone is renting a property direct they dont have to do any checks.
I dont see how it violates someones human rights to prove they are legally allowed to live in the country.
9
“I’m A Jihadi Get Me Out Of Here”….
12
Ok………BOOOOM………sorted
9
Well done AC , that’s really funny, innit?
3
In the absence of other interest, check out this gradely nugget from 50 years ago:
https://youtu.be/h2fGlT7HWus
A more classic critique of all that’s still defective in British class-ridden culture would be hard to find. “Enjoy”.
Were fucked all right, and this Brit-exit struthious maundering may prove itself to be the dénoument.
Get to fuck, Mr Rees-Mogg, Mr Farage et al, you’re having us over.
[¶|§§ð]
3
Happy days, and hugely gratifying. .
I enjoyed putting down these intellectual pygmies, then-unfashionable shirt-lifters, and generally socially-inadequate embarrassments-to-their-parents during my lengthy Varsity years.
Thicko cunts then, and smug, sad old twats now!
[¶|§§ð]
2
Unfortunately it always works. They just stroll back in, say sorry, and have a nice life.
I was (rather naively, I guess) under the impression that murder, rape, genocide and enslavement were illegal, but I guess not.
That fucking shamima begum cunt has now tried to become the victim by moving camp because all the other jihadi cunts want to kill her….
GOOD (if it’s true).
Unfortunately I know it’ll work. Now she just has to say that her life is in danger and she’ll be shipped back, new house, new identity and a wad of my hard earned, just so she can raise little jarah (or whateverthefuck) to plot a future massacre of hard working, law abiding, brits.
I feel my piss boiling again…. I’d better put on some soothing music or something.
11
How about a bit of Cat Stevens to soothe your cares and ease your worried mind?
Oh wait….
10
🎶
Oh Peace Train take this country,
Come take me home again 🎶
😂
5
Ah yes little Jarah, she is so remorseful she named her new born after a 7th century Islamic warlord.
15
Thought I’d go for some 80’s. No lie, I’m on “everybody wants to rule the world”.
Not me.
Can’t be arsed. Rather me than the crock of cunts we have now though….
6
This Jarah cunt is named after some sort of 13th century goatshagger warlord.
Anyone know anyone with a baby boy who needs adoption?
I’ll call him Richard the Fucking Lionheart just to see if I can get away with it.
10
You might, if he was black.
6
They’ll do you for cultural appropriation of lions or some shit.
Call him rickvinda of jihadabad and they’ll probably give you a medal.
And a job.
And some taxpayers’ cash.
The cunts.
If I ever have kid I’m gonna name it Tommy. Even if it’s a girl
Or maybe Jordan (after Peterson) …. that can be a girl too I guess.
8
I actually went to college (about 10 years ago mind) with a guy called “jihad”. No lie. His name was actually jihad…. he was actually ok but he must’ve changed it by now.
Imagine going through passport control with the name jihad.
9
The shit will hit the fan when one of these cunts does a suicide job in a city centre.
why weren’t they monitored, where are the security servces, we need to learn lessons blabla.
Well before we get to that point
DONT LET THE CUNTS BACK IN
10
Who’ll hold them to account though? The media are part of the club, and the only one that will report it is Tommy. ….presumably the reason they censored him
11
What gets my cock is ariana grande is coming back to blighty hey cunt last time you came to sing your putrid lip synced shite some mouse limb blew himself up with i think 20 other innocent victims died and this tart just wants to stroll on back like business as usual fuck the stupid cunts who pay for this tat seriously
8
Yes, a good cunting and very jocular but ohh, how depressingly true. Next we’ll have Bin Laden’s son handing in himself to collect the $1 million ransom to donate it to these Stone Age fanatics.
9
Tommy can you hear me?
5
Fuck them all off!
You’re not coming here!
Unless they make it to the channel to be ferried here FoC courtesy of UK Border Farce!
I see my emergency cunting request of those cunts fell on deaf ears…
9
Katie Price is banned from driving for 3 months,she got loaded and she was drinking a hideously named cocktail called pornstar martini waht a cunt
5
the pornstar martini is fucking vanila vodka, passionfruit liqueur and a slice of passion fruit for garnish I dunno but it soiunds sickly sweet what do you cunters think have you tried it yet? how bout you Mr Fiddler have you had it
3
I think i’m gonna get drunk too actually its been 3 weeks since and this last month I’ve become increasingly depressed from all the cuntiness I’m surrounded with and political theater giving me a headache cheers cunters don’t do anything I wouldn’t do unless your a cunt like me
7
Corbyn has already made his position clear on letting these fuckers back. Why not? He supports terrorists of all stripes so what’s one more?
12
1 large gin gimlet, 1 full old fashioned, 1 mango infused gin shot and 1 normal gin shot , 1 large whiskey swig from the bottle, 1 dubonnet gin cocktail and red wine as a chaser feeling nice and fucked right now cunters think i’ll smoke some hash too lol hahaha
7
I wanna bust my spunk load on victoria batemans blowfish face and sassy braided hair there I said it lol but shes got to wear her sexy brexit body writing too lol
8
Bro, These Jihadi cunts can come back as long as their flights are arranged by Cardiff Titty and they are picked up from the airport by His Royal Highphuqness the Phuq of Edinburgh
0