Food Snobbery

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Movers and shakers of today’s go getting world prefer cuisine that has already been eaten for them.

Food Snobbery and Pretentious fucking Menus.

Long overdue a cunting.

Sumptious organic pearl barley risotto walks ‘hand in hand’ with a ‘delightful’ English courgette flower beignet – that’s deep-fried in batter to you and me. Fuck off.

A ‘Pacific Ocean black cod fillet’ is ‘delicately balanced’ atop this melange like some brilliant gymnast. Fuck off

Hand Dived Scallops. What the fuck. You mean scraped off the retreating waters in Morecambe Bay. Fuck off.

To die for, triple-cooked Maris Piper chips’. Fuck off

Just fuck off.

Nominated by CuntyMcCuntface

71 thoughts on “Food Snobbery”

  1. A well deserved cunting Mr Cunty. As pretentiousness goes this subject tops the bill.

    Now excuse me while I go off to eat my Cannon of English Lamb stuffed with Wild Woodland Mushrooms and Truffles, imprisoned in a pastry cage with a Sauce of Wild Rowan Berries and a Plume of French Bar-le-Duc
    Black Potatoes from the Ardennes
    Bundles of Vegetables gathered fresh from the garden

      • Or foam.

        Have always detested pretentious dining and everything associated with it. Particularly the cunts that eat it.

      • I hated myself for eating that shite on one occassion, especially when seeing the gourmet pub menu after ordering from the fussy ‘restaurant’ menu.

        Like choosing Gillian McKeith over Nigella Lawson.

      • I’d do Gillian McKeith. She puts me in mind of a young blonde Fergie, which makes my sexual tastes even more inexcusable.

        Am going for a Greek kebab tonight, to be washed down with a cheap bottle of Chilean red.
        If any fellow cunters are into them, some Tescos have Lindt mint truffles on clearance at about half-price, which seems realistic.

      • I think Krav and Mince Pie Guy would choose Gillian over Nigella. Gillian really enjoys examining turds.

    • Several years ago, I had the misfortune to stay in a hotel (work related) in Sheffield or there abouts.

      It was called the Kenwood Hotel, i’ll never forget it, firstly as I had a little joke with the receptionist….’who invented the KenWood mixer’, looked at me like I’d just spoke in tongues…

      Ken Wood I said, because it was.

      Straight over her fucking bleached blonde head.

      Later I sat down for tea or dinner depending on where you’re from.

      On the menu it said ‘local catch of the day’, intrigued I asked the waiter where locally was the ‘local catch of the day caught’, was it the heavily polluted river Don?

      He saw the funny side and agreed it was a steaming pile of cunt menu.

      But from that point on I couldn’t help but pick up on this shite and it’s got to super charged piss boiling levels of cuntitude as ever year goes by.

      For me, you can ponce it up as much as you want but ‘hand dived scallops’ remains the biggest pile of cunt I’ve ever read.

      Fucking fuck off.

  2. Unless you are a fucking shark anyone who eats raw fish is some sort of cunt. 🐠🐟

  3. Great cunting.
    Like art, food has some of the most stupid and laughable sales jargon in the world.
    …love the caption under the image.

  4. Long overdue.

    Poncy snobs on masterchef who get a hard on when a TV chef walks in.

    Fuck off you Cunts.

  5. Never visited a posh cafe where you pay a small fortune and get fuck all on your plate.
    Food for cunts on a diet. Eateries for people with too much money.
    The world is full of idiots.

  6. Sorry to go off topic so soon, but….

    Idris Elba, please SHUT THE FUCK UP. No one cares what you think about knife crime. Also, you George Clooney:ditto.

    On the bandwagon about Brunei quicker than I would shoot my load over Justin Bieber.

    This from the man who said that Donald Trump would never become president because he would not allow that to happen…

    And finally, the at the rate the mini umbrella bongo’s are totalling each other this country will have a massive shortage of architects for decades.

  7. A meat and potato pie, smothered in HP sauce, enveloped in a deliciously fluffy, heavily buttered, white barm cake.
    Side salad ?
    Get to fuck.

  8. Jaycinda is at it again! No, not a hijab this time (a burka would be better). No, this time she is wearing some sort of Maori carpet.

    Virtue signaling leftie Doris.

  9. Food snobbery? Never go anywhere near it. Pretentious crap which boils down to barely enough to eat with some chef’s saliva sauce dribbled over it and served up on huge largely empty plates. Why people are prepared to pay for this rip-off shite I just do not understand. Feeble-minded undiscerning snobby cunts. In desperation called at a Mitchell’s & Butler’s Harvester two evenings ago after nightmare drive on M25 from Gatwick (J19-21 closed. 2 hours to travel 6 miles to Dartford tunnel). Ordered fish & chips. Served fish on plate along with metal bowl contain chips, metal saucer containing peas and metal dish containing white sauce. It looked like a fucking scrap yard rather than a meal. Was asked to leave after being uncomplimentary about the presentation. I thought this harsh as my request to the waitress to take the pile of metal shite back to the kitchen and try again was eminently reasonable and very restrained in the circumstances.

    • Nothing like roast beef roast potatoes Yorkshire puddings and lashings of thick gravy.
      Fuck me im starving now, I’m off to Weatherspoons for a pig out.

  10. Straight into moderation. What the fuck was even slightly dodgy about the comment? Between Admin and Wordcunt it’s a wonder anything gets posted. Fuck it. Time for coffee and a bacon sarnie.

    • Its not Admin, its wordcunt, we pull your shit out the fire and put it back on the shelf.
      Be nice

      • Be nice? My shit? How very dare you! I am being nice. You want to see me not being nice? I do not post shit. I post comments or noms. OK so it’s not Admin, my bad, but you be nice too OK?

  11. Upon reading the menu, it occurred to me that I really did not know what to expect of the fancy food at all. Clearly I’ve been out of touch with sophisticated cuisine and should have taken a dictionary with me (or at least my pink IPod nano loaded with the movie Ratatouille). For example, “Wild Fijian albacore sashimi with pea tendril salad, toasted hazelnuts, garlic chips, scallions and melon cilantro vinaigrette” roughly translated into “raw fish rolls with pea pod shavings in a flavorful dressing.” About the only fancy food starter I easily recognized was “Caesar Salad with shaved Parmesano Reggiano and garlic croutons.” I’m sure it was delicious.

    My sampling entree consisted of “Seared New Zealand Elk Tenderloin with Parsnip Mousselin”(Elk steak with whipped parsnips) and “Grilled Texas Nilgai Antelope with Caramelized Apricots, Apricot Agri-doux, Glazed Couscous, Ginger Infused Apricot Puree, Asparagus Tips and Red Wine Jus” (Antelope steak with apricot couscous, apricot sauce, and asparagus tips).

    Credit to Erin Miller for the plain English Translation

  12. As James Martin said to his non chef guest – after being presented with a sweet including a “quinell” of ice cream: “Do you know what the difference is between a quinell and a dollop?”

    “No?”

    “About £15 quid!”

    Here endeth the lesson on food snobbery!

    • I like James Martin. Being from Yorkshire, his cooking tends to more straightforward and delicious than all the Nigellas and Olivers. The 2 Fat Ladies or the Bikers are the best cooks. Great food, no BS.

    • Exactly Northern, how the fuck can you eat your Sunday roast off a fuckin bread board. Everything falling off the sides.
      Fucking laughable.

      • Good morning Mr. Fistula. A piece of four inch plastic guttering, with end caps on, to stop the gravy from running out ?
        How trendy would that be in Islington ?
        Sooò working class Ya ?

      • Morning Jack,
        You could be starting a new craze amongst the Islington chattering classes.

      • Imagine if it had come fresh from an “ethnic” estate….
        Oh ya…
        With cutlery gathered from the latest knife amnesty…
        Oh how thought provoking. Ya ya …. I can see what the chef is trying to say ya … we’re so in touch with black people and so not racist for this.
        …even though everyone in the restaurant it white and earns 150k plus and every one in the kitchen is black and earns a tenth as much.

      • If only I’d thought…
        On site as a gen. labourer today, could have eaten my cheese and pickle sarnies off a piece of Cardiff rain-infused plasterboard, lovingly air-festered in the atmosphere that stinks of mercaptoethanol.

    • I’ve been to a few ‘gastro’ pubs ; chips (all 8 of them!) in a little wire ‘chip basket’ ?
      Took my mom to one I’d never visited before last week – ordered the butterly chicken breast – my mom said “that doesn’t look like much” when it arrived. I asked the girl where the described ‘cheese mash’ was, as all I could see was a chicken breast and some salad garnish ; she gestured beneath the chicken – as I pushed it aside, a small circle of potato appeared !!
      and why is there half a sliced tomato with everything ?
      I swear to God, if I ordered soup of the day, half a bloody tomato would be sitting next to the bread roll !

      Not quite food snobery, but I went to a ‘Toby’ Inn last December with some family for a ‘Christmas dinner’ ; No sprouts – “we’ve run out” they explained, half hour into the lunchtime service. When I asked if they’d ‘run out’ of pigs in blankets, I was told “they are extra, £2.50 each” – call me tight, but I declined their magnaminous offer – robbing bastards !

  14. The menus and prices have me chortling , as does the wanky presentation.

    Then again, i’m not eating flabby chicken portions, stringy ‘tenders’ and chips that smell of burning oil out of a cardboard box.

    Sad that some families pay eighteen quid for a big bucket of that crap as a ‘treat’.

    Do yourselves a favour; get down M&S or waitrose, buy the chicken portions and a bag of oven chips. The end result will be about six-seven quid cheaper and taste much better than mutant corpses covered in cornflakes and grease.

  15. Like M&S selling “sumptuous cauliflower steak” , i.e. a fucking slice of cauli, for £6.
    Or 59p for a fucking whole one in lidl.
    Get fucked.

  16. “Double-cooked” chips ? Chef at the beer shop insists that’s the proper, nay only way to cook chips… Oh do Fuck Off – Been making chips in a chip pan since I was 13 years old – raw spud, smoking hot oil – Bingo.

    The previous Fanny Craddock was touting a bowl of chips with a scraping of cheese and some bacon bits on, as “Dirty Fries” on his menu. Dirty Fries my arse – If you’ve dropped the cunts on the kitchen floor, just say so.

    • Double cooked chips used to be unsold chips which were re-heated in fat to clear out after a slow day. Fucking genius to make them special and charge ten times the price. Respect.

  17. Have a look at the S Times restaurant reviews. Fucking hilarious. Pretentious shite about knobhead eateries (Usually London, natch) where you pay £150 for lunch or £250 for a ‘tasting menu’. The cunts who eat here deserve to be fleeced.

  18. Don’t get me started on ‘avocado toast’. The grammatical error aside, I’d been mashing avocados onto toast, usually with beans on top, for years before the Hipsters ‘invented’ it.

  19. Heston fucking Blumenthal or Bloominguseless

    Serving up whale vomit.

    Enough said.

    • Blumenthal, formerly known as Heston Services.

      Is Farting Corner services still going ?? The h had dropped off the sign about 50 years ago, when my Da, sis and I were out motoring one day. We couldn’t stop laughing all the way home (to leafy Surrey with the minge on top)…

      Maybe it’s now a pit-stop for camel and goat checks, or flying carpets to have the jizz beaten out of them.

  20. I went to a gastro pub and had a lunchtime meal. I ordered a burger and chips.

    The burger was tiny and there were 6 chips stacked up like Jenga.

    I told the server that there had obviously been some mistake and I had been given a childs portion. ‘This is how it was supposed to be’ she said. I told her that I didn’t want it and was offended by its size. Furthermore I told her if the pub was so hard up it couldn’t afford to feed people properly, it should take a long hard look at whether it should be in business at all.

    We left without eating.

    Goodbye for now.

  21. It’s the Supermarket snobs that get me. “oh I’d never be seen dead in Morrisons, Asda, Tesco/Jacks, Lidl or Aldi. It’s Waitrose or Snobsburys (at a push) only for me”
    Utter cunts!
    All the shit they buy is bloody branded anyway and the people (staff and customers are shitheads) no-one has any manners at the snobby supermarkets, I know Lidl and Aldi checkout folks are quick (they have to be), but at least they acknowledge you and I know for a fact they have it drilled into them that the Customers ultimately pay their wages.

    • A lady we know used to work in a chicken factory.

      The company used to supply (for example) Asda, M&S and Waitrose. In their own branded packaging provided.

      Exactly the same quality and quantity of chicken but Asda £1.99, M&S £2.99 and Waitrose £3.99.

      Only cunts shop at Waitrose, their own brand food expensive and not that great.

    • Very true. Waitrose in Cardiff Queen St. were good for cheesecake (but only when yellow-stickered, which was most of the time, considering the exorbitant original price); however, it closed some time ago, and the only “Cardiff” Waitrose is about halfway to Newport, and I just cannot be ARSED. Tesco cheesecake is now v good, and cheaper than M&S, tho the latter do a superb Cherry Pie, and pairs of individual Steamed Ginger Puddings.
      Lidl is great for ground coffee – 1/2 lb. bag about half the Tesco price, and rough oatcakes for 55p a box.

  23. It’s down to jaded palates and the absence of manual labour from the lives of anyone cunt enough to pay over the odds for the likes of Blumenthal to arrange half a green bean saute’d in snake oil and covered in jism a la chef on a hand-fashioned Patagonian roof tile. If they dug ditches they’d be happy with a raw turnip at the end of the day. I blame the customers.

    Let the buyer beware, and best of luck to the ripoff cooks, but pay your staff a bit more, hey? You’d never miss it, you fraudulent plutocratic cunts, and you’re damned if you’d soil your hands washing up.

  24. I went to a pub that had “Squirrel and beans ” on the menu (reasonably priced for a tree rat).
    Any way I mentioned this to my aged mother in passing and said I might try it as I had never eaten squirrel before.
    At this point I found out that when I was a kid she bought a burger making device from lakeland plastics and used to mince the squirrels she shot in the garden and feed them to me.

  25. Remember this article? Diners at the Ritz paying a fortune to eat McCains frozen chips. “Oh no,’ said the Ritz when caught out “only our low class serf-like workers actually eat them” but that´s not what the review says.

    athttps://www.thesun.co.uk/archives/news/1154026/do-these-pictures-show-how-posh-diners-at-londons-swanky-ritz-hotel-were-served-up-budget-supermarket-fries-at-6-a-portion/

  26. All I need is meat and lots of it with chilli and burger sauce mine none of this poncy bollocks .

  27. I shall be shortly dining on the following:-

    1. Haricot pulses, traditionally steamed in a reduced tomato infused jus.
    2. Fried cutlet tubes of strained and seasoned pork.
    3. Deconstructed potato pulp massaged lovingly with a manual strainer.
    4.All to be washed down with a malted barley extract, given a gentle teasing of a biotic reactive.

    Delicious

      • Sounds like English taught by Romanians… It only lacks the “intrusive apostrophe” in beens… I’d love to see how they cope with spelling “soap.”

        Have a good weekend, Mr. F, and try and bag a few politicos to feed to your local wild boars…

  28. Excellent cunting.

    I have never understood food snobbery or snobs. Those assholes are always a certain type…. some speccy bastard carrying a man bag and waxing lyrical about ‘the texture of the exquisite jus’ (which in normal people’s terms is a nice, thick tasty sauce) or some snot nosed cow, who permanently looks like she is sniffing shite, critiquing the ‘fruits de mer’ (seafood, for normal people, or if you have ever visited Gran Canaria, ‘fruits de mer’ has an entirely different meaning, usually involving the copious poof tourists having a swim at the beach)

    My opinion on food has always been that everything – no matter how it is cooked, ‘plated’ and served, goes in your piehole and comes out the other end AS SHIT.

    Therefore, who fucking cares about the cuntery?

    I don’t.

  29. I was in Saddle worth…could I find a straight towards café that sold straightforward food?…could I fuck ..I went to 5 different places that sold the same hypster puff sandwiches that were about a tenner a go…it was ‘pannini with goats ch3se and unappealing similar bland bollox…

  30. I hate their moronic terminology. What does “frying-off” mean? is it different to normal frying. I’ve even heard the cunts using the term “roasting-off”.
    At the risk of sounding pedantic, why do they call a bass a “sea”-bass, when it’s the only bass found in British waters (unlike that shithole,the USA which has freshwater bass as well)
    What a bunch of sea-haddocks!

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