The BAFTAs

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The BAFTAs

I’m surprised no one has already cunted this.
The highlight of the evening was Andy Sirkismyass, stating “film without music is like Queen without Freddie Mercury”……..Funny they’ve toured several times as Queen without him. Anyway he then made a weak reference to Britain without Europe or some such bollocks.

At the end of the day just by looking at the nominees you knew it was either going to be the black person, the woman, a film no one has heard or or some Johnny Foreigner.

BAFTA, acronym for

Bring
Another
Fucking
Twat
Along.

Nominated by Halloween Cunthook

50 thoughts on “The BAFTAs”

  1. Much like the Oscars or any other backslapping luvvie shitfest its less to do with recognising achievement within the industry than providing a soapbox for some bedwetting cretin to whine about social injustice/wimminz/Brexit/Trump and have other cunts validate their opinions.

  4. It must be some sort of miracle that virtually every employee in this industry has the very same opinions as each other on brexit, Trump immigration etc.when opinion is split in other walks of life.
    Couldn’t be because they are all cowardly sheep by any chance could it?
    Tossers.

  6. Brown-nosing Actors Felching Tossers’ Arseholes

    “And the winner is….the unctuous flatterer who’s felched the most Directors the most this year!”

    All awards shows are tedious backslapping events and this is only seconds to the shitty Yank bore-a-thon. It’d be easier if the obsequious cunts by-passed the politics and just thanked their agents and idiotic, lachrymose fans.

  8. I always remember the ’92 one where arch lefty cunt G F Newman* made a speech hailing the imminent change in government come the April election, by which of course he meant Kinnock’s mob were going to walk it. Result = victory to the man in the grey Y-fronts.

    What an overconfident cunt eh?

    *In fairness he has written some good books and TV, but not much of interest lately and certainly not Judge John Fucking Deed.

    • I will never forget the Sheffield speech. Electoral suicide. Well, allright. Only it wasnt all right, cunt.

      • Yeah, the Sheffield nonsense, dreamed up by the genius now known as Lord Handlebum, was a disaster for old Big Nose. A load of American Presidential bollocks the public wasn’t ready for.
        I have to say I think it would go down a storm these days, especially among the millennials.
        Still, if the Great Turncoat had won that election he wouldn’t have his offshore bank accounts stuffed with our money. Some cunts always come up smelling of roses.

  9. Just as a precursor to a total cunting once its done, (as I am sure some cunt like Stormzie, Jessy Jay, Little Mix, or some camp cunt who won X Factor are sure be totally grandstanding themselves to a point the ISAC board will light up) – We are in for a force 9 with the Brit Awards next.

  10. As I have always maintained you cannot get Dafta than a Bafta. Been to a few (before getting me old arse kicked oit by the Philistine bastards) and had a very serious time getting pissed with some legendary piss artistes. Gave many orf the cunts their first employment in the business but no gratitude comes Yours Truly’s way. Cut and ignored, an embarrassment, an unwelcome reminder orf times past when they were delighted to get their tits oit for one orf me shows in celebration orf the female form and to take me money.
    Thus I drink the booze, I eat the salmon terrine and the canapes and take a bag home, an old Bafta bum like the others luvvie luvving it in the scrum to get the freebies. Art, oh sweet expression orf the soul? Not a bit orf it, a display orf the venal and the tawdry. So homeward bound, if a trifle unsteadily, leaving later generations to cut the crack in the khazi.

    • I think I may have seen one of your shows, Sir L. A truly sublime celebration of feminine pulchritude, unhampered by garments. Off Old Compton Street, it was. Your reminiscences evoke an older, happier world, and I thank you.

      • I too think I’ve seen a Sir Limply original production. It was a cracking masterpiece, a dramaturgical tour de force. It had it all, glamour, panache, plenty of naked energy, and right in the heart of London. Oh yes, “Raymond’s Revue Bar” was a theatrical delight.

      • Dear Hearts, I think you all for your fond remembrances and unsolicited testimonials. For us humble servants orf the Muses, we who dare dally with the humours orf Dionysus and the immortal Thespe, we that toil to feed the furnace orf creativity, it is orf no small comfort to know that we too are blessed by a kind orf immortality – that we have lit a fire orf desire in a horny punter or two that will endure for as long as thee have life.
        If an old man may share an anecdote in his dotage. Was privileged to present Miss Mandy Rice Davis, a sweet little Welsh girl and her charming little daughter Dana in a number orf me shows. Miss Davis had generated some box office through her association with Miss Christine Keeler and certain members orf the political classes in the early ’60s. Blighty knew how to do scandal then. Got to know them all rather well.
        https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B5NskhnCIAAQGWk.png

  11. Sort of related to this cunting. Our dear slaphead chum Patrick Stewart is set to star in a “Picard” Star Trek spinoff series.
    Given the PC finger-wagging nature of the recent Star Trek Discovery series, any guesses about the kind of subjects that Captain Baldcunt will get to pontificate about endlessly?
    The shit will probably get a BAFTA…

  12. BAFT nomination for Angela Smith, only an hour after becoming a memeber of this new “real” values Independent Group put her stupid northern foot in her stupid northern mouth

    On politics live quote “its not about skin colour Black or mmmmm a funny tinge”

    Woops a bit of subconcious racism there,

    Not a good start Angela, also admitting she mislead her voters, or cunted corbyn, whichever you like.

    Waht a fucking cunt this bitch really is, could be a cunting in her own right.

    • The whole Independent Group should be cunted.
      We want Democracy! Erm…except for by-elections; oh, and respecting the 2016 Referendum. Oh, and the 2017 General Election manifestos.
      Strange times indeed.

      • A new place in politics for people without a home, come to us, the new hypocritical party

        Haha.

        I think the cunting is coming soon, just had a look at the nominations page

      • Pity the other 165 Labour MPs who voted No Confidence in Steptoe can’t find it in themselves to fuck off too.

      • Three of the seven had no-confidence votes passed on them by their constituency parties last year – Leslie, Smith and Shuker (Shuker – 33-3 for the motion, 5 abstentions) A total of four Labour MPs have been subject to no-confidence motions, and lost them. Joan Ryan* was the fourth. Berger was about to face one last month, but it was dropped.

        Coffey was PPS to Blair in 1997, and in 2009 hit some squally weather re. her expenses claims. She still employs her husband at ÂŁ40K a year to run her office. On exes, of course.

        Also perhaps relevant, Gapes is a former vice-chair of Labour Friends of Israel, while Berger was for three years a director. Umunna, Leslie and Smith are members, though this s less unusual than you might be led to believe in the interests of smearing Corbyn: 80 evil antisemitic Labour MPs are members of this completely uninfluential group.

        So it’s really hard to see what the seven dwarfs have in common, apart from their obvious desire to remain in the EU at any cost to anyone else.

        *Joan Ryan has effectively left Labour already, although she sticks like a meat feast pizza shit to the bowl currently. Chair of LFoI, and her expenses record is hugely amusing. Wikipedia notes: The Independent reported in March 2012 that “at least 10 attempts” were made from computers on the Parliamentary estate to remove information about Ryan’s expenses from her Wikipedia article. A further 20 attempts were made from inside her former constituency of Enfield North”

        Reckon she’ll be #8…

      • Another thing they may have in common is the recognition that a Labour Party ‘led’ by a loony left, antisemitic, terrorist sympathising Jeremy Corbyn is unelectable.

      • I’m definitely missing something here. Would you care to itemise your specific reasons for considering Corbyn to be antisemitic, please?

        (Note: being photographed with Arabs of dubious affiliations doesn’t count. CF Blair with Gaddafi, Assad, etc)

        The problem is encapsulated here:

        The CST claims to have recorded 148 incidents in 2018 “that were examples of, or occurred in the context of discussions about, antisemitism in the Labour Party.” But you provide no evidence to support this assertion, merely stating that they occurred largely during two months that were characterised by “repeated allegations of antisemitic statements and behaviour by Labour Party figures, including Corbyn himself” and that the alleged victims were “prominent MPs and peers who were either Jewish or who had spoken out against antisemitism” and who “received direct, targeted threats and hate mail.”

        You produce just four examples of the above—two internet posts and two anonymous letters that could each have been written by anyone. “

        https://www.wsws.org/en/articles/2019/02/16/comm-f16.html

        Apologies for linking to the, er, far left, btw. But they, unlike Blairites parroting the ‘antisemite’ libel, have obviously done their research on this one.

      • You cannot be serious K?

        There are none so blind as those who will not see.

        In your own words: “I will leave it there, (in the certain knowledge that you won’t) because this is a very boring topic.”

      • I won’t leave it there until I see some evidence for your repeated claim that Corbyn, specifically, is antisemitic. Enlighten me, please.

        You can have the last word as usual if it’s credible.

        Thank you.

  13. Fuck me, Gary Taxdodger has flown back from Syria , wiped the tears from his eyes, and is actually doing some work for the BBC.
    Why does Jimmy Floyd Cashinthebank always look like a cornered rat?
    Why is Shearer such a boring baldy cunt?
    So many questions.

    • Why do Chelsea always hire Poundshop mafioso, has Abramovich got a discount at Goodfellas R’ Us? Though at least Ancelotti did look like he could throw you though a woodchipper and not think twice about it.

    • Freddie fill your boots but in this neck of the woods shearer is a folk hero so fuck off 🧐

      • Yeah, but he’s a folk hero at the BBC now. Times change, people change….. know what I mean ‘Arry?

  14. Off topic…
    Wikipedia has removed all references to John Sweeney’s recent expenses abuse and ‘cannibals from the Amazonia’ comments. Seems fishy…

  15. All we need is gerbils and a bog role tube , Freddy and Elton in heaven get on that the dirty twats

  16. I think the only cunts who watch this shite and The Oscars are the fuckers who are sat in the audience.

    Viewing figures have tanked over the last 20yrs (especially since 2008) when they simply become sounding boards for neo-liberal (old fascist) echo chambers.

    Hollywood refuses to accept that it’s because of their preachy bullshit (that ordinary folk are fed-up of hearing) which is turning folk away, instead they all think that the very people who foot their lifestyle – through patronage of the various shite they spew – are all “undesirables” who should have no say, because they’re not rich like the glitterati are!

    Cunts!

  17. The only prize that a film needs is the endorsement of the viewing public which is through through the box office receipts.

    How many Oscars did Jaws, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Debbie Does Dallas etc win?

    These “Ooooh, look at me, it’s all very lovely” Cunts need to recognise the low esteem that the real world holds them in.

  19. When I was a kid I would pretend to be a soldier or a cowboy. Grew out of it before I was ten. These cunts are still pretending to be someone else and think that it makes them important and intelligent. Well it doesn’t, it makes you a cunt.
    And why would anyone stuff a rodent with sharp teeth up their arsehole? Surely a frog would be safer, or maybe a goldfish?

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