Retailer Stickers

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This is a bit of a weird one and no doubt stupid and irrelevant to most, but I need to cunt stickers…
Why do manufacturing or retail cunts feel the need to stick fucking paper stickers (that don’t peel off) onto everything I fucking buy? It’s boiling my piss.

I recently moved into a new place. As I’d just lived in house shares down south, I only had my bedroom to worry about, so when I moved in I had to buy a house load of stuff.
Everything I bought had (and in many cases still has) stickers in stupid places that don’t peel off…

I bought furniture … stickers on the drawers and the top. After lots of swearing and huffing I ended up with loads of bits of ripped paper and sticky gum on my new stuff.
Cutlery … stickers.
Plates, cups, table lamps, washing machine, fridge … stickers. (wm and fridge did peel off to be fair).
Sofas and armchairs… stickers.
There was even one on the front of the fucking kettle. It came in a fucking box for fucks sake. Why the fuck is there a sticker on the front? Apparently 1.7 litres is the maximum that the kettle will hold. IT HAS THAT PRINTED ON THE FUCKING THING ALREADY YOU CUNTS.
I even bought a lemon sqeezer, like a garlic mincer but for lemons. It has some small holes in it to let the juice out. Some cunt stuck a paper sticker over the holes. Fucking thing wouldn’t peel off, just ripped, and when I did finally get the paper part off, the thing was still covered in sticky gum that won’t come off … even with a fucking scourer.

No doubt when they bury me some cunt will stick a fucking sticker on the front of my coffin and the grave stone will obviously need a paper sticker with a fucking bar code on it.

Cuntitude.

Nominated by Deploy The Sausage

31 thoughts on “Retailer Stickers”

  1. That’s such a pedantic and obscure cunting that I have no choice but to endorse wholeheartedly!

    Morning cunts.

  2. I feel your pain Sausage. My first seriously negative encounter with stickers was on record albums, which I tended to spend most of my pocket money on in the 1960s. Invariably the cover would be ruined trying to get an ugly “double album special price 39/11” sticker or similar off the otherwise aesthetically sublime cover art. Cunts.

  3. With you all the way on this, Deploy. This cunting is in the true spirit of ISAC, and a welcome relief from Alan’s Snackbar, Brexit et hoc genus omne.
    Your beef with the nimiety of these redundant ancillaries seems to be chiefly predicated on the difficulty of their elimination or excision; they are hard to peel off.
    A suggestion in this connexion is naphtha. Ronsonol™, Swan™, Permaflex™ are all good brands of lighter fluid, widely available from good tobacconists (and Pound World, B&M etc). For larger stickers on non-food items, just use unleaded. Swab the sticker with the petrol, then “push off”. Another suggestion is to invest in an ultrasonic cleaning bath. They are excellent, if a little pricey, and you can even clean your old LPs with them.
    Obviously, if you have access to a purveyor of fine chemicals, then dichloromethane (DCM), xylene, toluene, acetone or even carbon disulphide will work better than Ronsonol. Be careful with CS₂ – it’s toxic and ideally you’d use a fume cupboard. Refractory cases usually succumb to a long refluxing with chromic acid, but again a fume hood is advised, due to carcinogenicity.
    [Note: Nitromors™ paint stripper used to contain DCM, but the EU banned it. Don’t waste your money on that.]
    Taking a longer view, obviously none of this should be necessary. But life is what it is, and we must make the best of it.

  4. I suspect the stickers are a reaction to all the cunts who get things and then fuck them up because they either cant be bothered or too fucking clever to read the instructions.
    In the example of the kettle I guess it is quite important not to overfill as we are dealing with a 3 kw appliance with a 13 amp fuse and boiling fucking water.

    You know for sure what would happen if someone is injured or dies due to an accident with an appliance and the manufacturer hadnt put fucking shit loads of “stand out” warnings all,over it they would sued.

    I agree that pointless stickers are a pain but those highlighting safety are worthwhile if only for the lazy/clever cunts who cant read instruction.

    • Isn’t natural selection a preferable outcome in sych cases? I’m not sure that Donoghue v Stevenson has progressed so far as to actually require these notifications to be quite so difficult to remove, if indeed there in the first place.

      • Natural selection is a good.

        I can remember years ago some woman in the US tried to sue max factor after she injured her eye applying mascara while driving.
        Her arguement was that there wasn’t any warning on the product to say not to apply while driving.

        C’est la vie.

      • Ideally, her assertion that “she was applying mascara while driving” would have enjoined the district attorney to seek a prosecution for the “class 1 misdemeanor” of reckless driving.
        Nuts.

  5. Totally agree sausage. Some of the cunts are nuclear proof. It won’t come off in cold water, boiling soapy water, won’t bake off in the oven. All you can do is pick off three molecules each day so that hen your great grandchild dies, it will finally have worn off.

    • Hello Dick. I hope you’ve upped your game and e-mailed a video of you and your new dolly to Gemma Arterton, rather than just keep sending her outrageously exaggerated doodlings of your manhood.
      When she sees you giving your inaminate ‘ fuck buddy ‘ a sustained two minute scuttling, her resistance to your persistent overtures must surely crumble.
      Either that or the Court Order will go live.
      Get to fuck.

  7. An excellent and well-chosen cunting, Deploy, I feel your pain.
    I did make some practical suggestions in a comment just now, but it’s got lost in the pipework. No doubt it will show up after luncheon.
    pif

    • I observe Sheikh Anvakh (quod vide below) has de facto beaten me to it, although my suggestions were rather more comprehensive in scope.
      [As an aside to His Excellency, may I recommend Sebo Duo-P™ or Vorwerk Kobosan™ in preference to His Excellency’s rug treatment of choice?]

  8. An absolutely pointless and stupid display of cuntitude. As irritating as those nuisance phone calls.

    Brilliant cunting.

  9. Use either lighter fluid or brake cleaner to get the fuckers off. Mother damage the surface. DO NOT use air intake/carburettor cleaner, it dissolves everything.

    • Rubbing alcohol will work. No, not rubbing in gin, actual Rubbing Alcohol. Cheap too.

      I bought a mega size bottle of Fairy Liquid the other day. I was so pissed off with the label reminding me it was a mega pack that I took the whole bloody label off.

  10. Seems like this nom is causing much empathy; we seem to be jointly and severally in vicarious discomfort “feeling DtS’s pain”.
    How queer.

  11. What really arses me orf are the individual stickers orn fruit and veg which some minimum wage cunt has been paid to label by hand. I know what an apple looks like, know what an avocado (don’t eat the lefty luvvie toss, smear it orn me piles) looks like and do not give a toss if it is part orf me five a day and fuck the serving suggestion. The bastard usually peels orf but not the fucking adhesive jollop. How much orf that ends up gluing me guts up?

  12. Label remover freely available online. Used to use it to remove rental labels from ex rental TV sets during refurbishment.
    Smelt like lemon juice but probably best not to drink it, just in case.
    Ironically, they never put a warning sticker on the can…

  13. What about sticky notes on your forehead? So you can fell people’s prejudicial attitutes towards you? I suppose the best one for me would be ‘JEW’.

  14. I bought a car and when I went to collect it the dealership had stuck one of their advertising stickers in the rear window. I asked how much they were going to pay me for this advertising and the sticker miraculously disappeared.

    Goodbye for now.

    • With you on this one RC. When I bought mine I told them that on no account did I want to find a fucking ‘Arnold Clark’ sticker on the back screen. The cunt in the showroom seemed a bit miffed, would you believe.
      I’m also with Sir Limply; those fucking things stuck on apples and bananas by supermarkets are shit.

  15. How about that tesco cheapo non-stick frying pan where you had to use a scourer to get the fucking label off.

  16. Brilliant and very worthy cunting, Mr Sausage.

    I loathe these bloody stickers too. I used to hate it in ‘ye olden days’ when I bought CD’s and one of those superglued bastards would be defacing the front cover. All the picking in the world would not get rid of it and it was left with a misty, scratched spot where the glue was.

    I resent buying anything brand new and having one of those gits attached to it, so you are left with something distinctly USED looking once you remove it. The retailers are totally inconsiderate doing this to customers.

    CUNTS.

  17. I knew I was being discriminated against. How the fuck do I get them off when all my fingernails are bitten of to the quick from reading #metoo shit, we are all going to die from global warming and that I could be arrested at any moment for the slag I fucked in the toilet at a party 30 years and now has regrets? With all this shit to worry about how am I going to grow my fingernails back so I can get these retail skid marks of my purchase!

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