Firstly, I’m a fat cunt. I could do with losing weight. I’m not a housebound obese lardy fatberg though. There is some self-restraint. I work outdoors and pay tax. I can fit in a hatchback. I really don’t mind my doctor telling me to lose weight, or anti- obesity campaigns. It’s a social issue that’s only getting worse.
The problem is the ‘professional’ fatties (mostly women, and most of them are feminists) whose whole identity is around being fat twats. They want unconditional acceptance. They want to be told they’re beautiful and believe in ‘health at any size’.
They don’t want to be harassed for their weight, or shamed for wearing tight clothing. The don’t want doctors telling them they need to get rid of bingo wings, jellyrolls, muffin tops and cankles. That they will keel over and die by 45.
Tough. Stop being so fucking fat.
You can ignore abuse, confront it or act on it. Don’t expect some empty-headed, top-down awareness campaign on clickbait sites to magically alter the near- universal perception of fat people as lazy, stupid, greedy and clumsy. It’s not going to happen. Stop demanding men date you (same for fat neckbeards and incels who whine that ‘government’ isn’t providing them with a girlfriend – disgusting, creepy entitled, semi-castrated wankers).
Try getting off social media, posting affirmative memes and saccharine Upworthy/Buzzfeed videos about being ‘plus-size divas’, and being told you’re beautiful ‘just the way you are’ by soft-headed, creepy liberal men with bum fluff moustaches. As a slim woman once pointed out to a fatty on some reality TV show (I saw a clip, not the programme).
‘For someone who says they’re really happy with their body you spend a lot of time crying’.
Stop reporting hate crimes because Katie Hopkins made fun of you, or have a twitter meltdown over a cancer research campaign. (Sophie Haagen, bloated feminist ‘comedienne’, of course.)
Suck it up, you tubby useless fucks. Get out there and waddle.
From a fellow fat cunt.
Nominated by Cuntamus Prime
When I was at school there was this right massive fat cunt, about 25st at 15!!!!! Bright green hair and always wore a bright orange shirt for some reason, also had black knuckles and fingers because he never washed!!!!! So one day during a fight outside the science lab we was all standing around cheering the two skinny kids fighting when this said fat cunt got me in a head lock with my ear right in his armpit and to this day nearly 22 years later I can still hear his sweat moving around the pit of death
12
I’m a fat cunt too. I accept it since I simply can’t be bothered to put too much effort into losing weight although I eat fairly healthily and do some exercise every day. I’ll die young and that’s the end of it. I don’t expect special treatment and will happily agree with, the so far absent, calls of ‘oi, fat cunt’.
9
There was a fat bird on the Tesco Metro till last night. Only till open. Massive queue, ten minutes to buy some Pinotage which was, subsequently, a tad disappointing. Finally, it’s my turn.
“Sorry about the wait” she says.
“Have you tried Salad?” I replied.
22
Only joking! I would never indulge in behaviour that vulgar!
It was Shiraz I bought from the fat bitch.
17
Might I suggest an Argentinian Malbec. They do grow a good grape those greasy little fuckers.
6
I’ll see your Argie Malbec (which is indeed good) and raise you a Chilean Cab.Sauv. But in Chile, not what they export.
4
Where Oz fails lamentably in the beer stakes, it does bloody well in wine.
Although the sparkling red is definitely a wine to lay down and avoid (as M Python said); it turns your guts inside out before you’ve drained the glass.
3
Ha ha! Great posts Captain.
😂
4
“Hello, IAC Wine Merchants. Please fuck off!”
I thought the Malbec grape was the same as Shiraz. All good choices, gentlemen. Pinot Noir gets it too.
2
Diane Flabbott is so fat when diagnosed with a flesh eating disease the doctor gave her ten years to live.
19
Time has taken its toll on my missus. She came waddling out of the shower, bollock naked and asked, “If you could do just one thing with my body that would really excite you, what would it be?”
“Identify it”….
17
Superb, JR!!
5
Afternoon all
Going to the complete opposite, there was a kid at my secondary who was six four tall at fourteen and weighed about seven stone. The killer thing is that his surname was Twigg. Imagine the slagging the poor bastard used to have to put up with.
8
I saw an ex recently who was always banging on about losing weight and she’d ballooned! Went from a Size Zero to a Shape Zero.
Afternoon, Ron.
5
My weight constantly goes up and down. My belly starts to get fat (don’t seem to put on any fat anywhere else), then I diet and exercise until it goes down, then give up, start stuffing my face with shit again and go right back to square 1.
I don’t understand how it gets so far with some people. At what point do you decide to do something?
The more this “being fat is ok” bullshit goes on, the more people won’t recognise a problem and do something about it.
7
Could make a few candles out of the fat cunt in the photo. What really annoys me about these lard arses, like gays and lesbians is their shrill demands to be regarded as normal when being a gross revolting fat cunt is not normal. Just like a man sucking another’s cock or a woman going down on another woman is not normal. You are what are called “outliers” under the Normal Distribution curve. You don’t conform to the values of the majority of the population. You are, statistically abnormal. The remedy for your gross lard problem is simple. Stop eating buckets of shit food. Start eating healthy food in small portions. Exercise and before you start whingeing that you can’t afford to go to the gym (separate cunting deserved) that means buy a pair of trainers and start walking. Running comes later. It’s not rocket science. If you keep pouring fuel into your body and you don’t burn it off it accumulates as F A T! Got it ? Good. And a special cunting for fat bastards on mobility scooters who park up and waddle across to the ice cream cabinet in the supermarket. Fat annoying cunts. Looking at the female variety has always induced a temporary erectile dysfunction in yours truly.
9
The overweight are another minority who need to be understood as part of the communidee who have a contribution to make to a sociedee which rejects prejudice and raaasism.
Unless they voted for Brexit , in which case they can fuck off the fat lardarse bastards.
7
As much as I like her, Dawn French is a prime culprit in all of this ‘fat is healthy too’ nonsense.
No dear, fat is NOT healthy and if that is what you TRULY think, why has your weight yo-yo’d over the past few years. Oh yeah, that will be be because some medic has advised you to lose weight for your health.
Porkiness leads to a shit load of health issues – heart disease, joint problems, higher risk of diabetes, high BP and can even bloody stop you breathing during sleep. These fatties like to delude themselves that they can go against the grain and still be healthy at fucking 18 stone, but the only ones they are kidding here are themselves.
Maybe ths delusion makes them feel better about themselves and what they see in the mirror. They know damned well that their weight is NOT GOOD, but they simply brush that thought away by saying that society is the one with the problem with their weight and not them. Yeah right.
Since I stopped nursing I have gained about a stone and my weight is around the 11 stone mark now. I am 5′ 7 so still just in the healthy BMI range, but I still feel like a fat cunt with far less energy and am careful what I eat as my life is way more sedentary now, so God only knows how fucking debilitating it must be and feel for those who are obese.
Proclaiming that fat is beautiful is simply a cop-out. It is a way of putting blinkers on to the reality of your size. IMO, they are just lazy bastards who don’t want their lifestyles or diet to change.
GET A FUCKING GRIP……as the expression goes, ‘denial is not just a river in Egypt’.
14
In a nutshell, Nurse. The only people I’ve ever heard proclaiming that ‘fat is beautiful’ are…………..fat.
8
Don French is just a deeply unfunny cunt.
3
What gets me about fat cunts is why, if my airline baggage is over the limit I have to pay an extortionate amount for every excess kilo. Yet some fucking salad dodger in my queue might be 10 stone heavier than me and has to pay fuck all extra.
Charges should be applied for combined weight, that would make the fat cunts think twice.
I believe Ryanair tried this (or wanted to) but I guess they couldn’t because of the pc fallout
7
I’m a salad dodger but I make no excuses: I drink too much and eat too much. I hate sugar but love crisps and pork scratchings (aka Muslim garlic).
My Mrs said to me: “When did you last see your cock?”
“Last time you did!” – cunt!
I felt like saying: “The same day you last used the cooker!” (which was the day after Petrocelli’s house got built).
But I didn’t much fancy going to a job interview with a black eye!
7
Slightly off topic but have you seen that ‘My 600lb Life’? I’ve only seen the trailer and I won’t watch the actual show. I have no sympathy for these cunts who do it to themselves.
1
My other half records this for me. I love it. I don’t know what I enjoy most – seeing their massive dinners or watching them whinge about their awful lives.
I never said I was a nice person.
3
I watched the 2003 documentary “Fat Girls & Feeders” a while ago. Mother of Jesus, what an eye-opener. For those who haven’t seen it, I quote: “A look at the sub-culture of “feeders” ie, men who continually feed large women to encourage them to gain more weight to the point where the women become immobile and risk their lives”. Basically these idiot women allow their inbred partners to overfeed them (even drinking cooking oil through a pipe and funnel) because “they love them” but risk dying. It’s a puke-inducer and begs the question….why?
5
I have the misfortune to work in an office environment in a Local Authority. All you hear amongst the women day in day out is ‘Slimming World’ this and ‘sins’ that. You want to scream “Just go for a shit when you need one instead of keeping it in for days at a time”.
3
I fear there might be some poetic encouragement going on…
Am sure A A Milne wrote a po about a fat teddy and a king of France…
But one thing I am certain of – I don’t want Don French or Gemma Collins in my bed.
In fact, a “Gemma Collins” might be a new cocktail (the embarrassing sister that Tom Collins never wanted…)
Something like vodka, cherryade and dripping.
4