Craft beer is a right pile off piss
‘Craft’ beer is a product of our times and is an absolute cunt drunk by cunts. Time was when there were two types of beer drinker: lovers of proper hand-pulled ale and those who preferred lager. Fair enough. Now, though, pubs are awash with bearded hipster twats, with Peaky Blinders haircuts, stupid specs and skin tight jeans, wanking their way through ‘beer flights’ and third of a pint measures of sheer piss masquerading as ‘craft beer’.
Stupid flavoured beers and IPA’s full of pungent hops that mask the actual inadequacies of the product.
The most ironic thing of all is that the big brewers, who were supposed to be left behind by the ‘new wave beer revolution’ are now taking advantage of the gullible twats who drink this shit and are punting out piss water on the supermarket shelves at £2.00 for a 330ml tin, next to their normal stuff at £1.10 for a 500ml can. They’re laughing all the way to the bank.
When the trend for craft beer passes, as it surely will, the proper stalwarts of good brewing will still be there: Hook Norton, Timothy Taylor, Samuel Smith, Shepherd Neame, Batemans, Deuchars and the rest.
Craft Beer is a cunt and the people who drink it are cunts.
Fuck off the lot of you.
Nominated by CuntyMcCuntface
And not a craft beer in sight:
https://youtu.be/YIuVlQQhNcU
3
The beer at Bernard’s Embassy club was not exactly CAMRA standard but went well with the club and his instruction to staff: –
Get em in.
Get em pissed.
And get em out.
Happy days.
9
Could you imagine what Bernard would make of the current pile of cunt ‘comics’ on the box today CC.
You can only imagine.
I used to work on Oldham St at the end of the 80’s. Most nights I’d drive via Cheetham Hill / Crumpsall to get to the M66 but occasionally I’d go up Oldham Rd and through Blackely passing the Embassy on the way.
On 2 or 3 occasions on the bounce I passed Bernard who was driving his big white Cadillac.
The first time I realised too late but the next day I saw him coming so flashed my lights, he stared at me, I think he possible thought he may know who was flashing but realised he didn’t.
The next day almost same time same place I flashed again and to my absolute delight he lent over and gave me the middle finger just like on the cover of ‘Ungagged’.
Years later a customer of mine put on a do in a Hotel called The Lord Hill in Shrewsbury and booked Bernard.
He wasn’t in the best of health but gave a good show.
I got the opportunity to speak to him and couldn’t help recalling the story.
He said ‘oh yeh I remember that’ I said ‘do you’ he said ‘no piss you dick head’.
I was in stitches.
12
I never saw him live, sadly. He was a very funny man indeed, but an even better singer. (As part 4 of “Shootin’ from the Lip” on Youtube amply demonstrates.)
He’d be having a field-day if he were still with us.
2
Brilliant!!
Only saw BM once on Worthing pier and he was fantastic
I laughed so hard my fucking ribs ached!!
Thanks for that 👍
4
Hmmmm, pouring a pint of “old ISIS whore”?
Fuck me, I’d rather have watneys red barrel.
6
I am a craft brewer. There, I’ve said it. I have a micro brewery and brew Pale Ales for my own consumption. I am thinking about getting a quiff and a topknot but the Peaky Blinders style mentioned does appeal.
What a cunt I am.
8
Do you have the now obligatory neck tattoos an armful of ink, nose-ring and the now mandatory wanker-beard, the sort that is worn by pussy-whipped wimps trying to salvage something out of their beta-male eunuchism? The wanker-bearded look is epitomised by the truly execrable VW Tiguan advert.
8
No, but you have given me some ideas.
2
Likewise…this image of looking like ‘Big Issue’. vendor has been going on for ten years..fuckin sick of this scruffy image…same with women with tattoos.. they look a mess and create ‘kamikaze cock syndrome’….and why is there so many fat, ugly munters these days?….culture and fashion is fucked nothing aspiring or inspiring….cant be arsed going out anymore…
1
Watneys Red Barrel? Now that was a crime against beer. The worst beer ever concocted by the chemical industry.
7
Watney’s Party Seven! 😂 Happier, simpler times.
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Ah yes, Party Sevens, leg it from the Off Licence to the party, open it up and the Cunt would eject a third of its contents like a mini Vesuvius, which would then drip from the ceiling into waiting, hungry mouths.
Happy days.
Good morning Mr. Creampuff.
7
Afternoon Jack.
According to the Mail Online, Party 7s “revolutionised” beer drinking 🤣
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1243660/Hunt-unopened-Party-Seven-celebrate-50-year-anniversary-great-leap-forward-beer-drinkers.html
2
Yes Ruff Tuff. Many a time I was at a party clutching my Party 7 without a tin opener in sight. Puncturing it with a screw driver always sufficed. Great days .🍺
2
🕺Evening Fenton! 💃
1
Indeed, the Austin Allegro of beers
7
No, that was Watney’s Starlight. It could barely dribble out of an inverted glass under its own steam and had probably been through several sets of kidneys already. The circus unicycle of beers.
6
If you go to liverpool there is a gun club where you can shoot at Shitty Begum (sadly its just a picture)
Back to beer , Timothy Taylors
7
Tim Taylors Landlord my favourite mainstream beer. Cracking.
The gun club has been condemned for their insensitivity. ISIS however used real people for target practice, so fuck the bleeding hearts.
6
I find that Olde Head-Chopper has more body, but Jihadi John Smith’s is a good general replacement.
2
Stellar cunting CMC. I remember when you just had the choice of lager, cider, bitter or mild! All this poncey over priced shit is typical of your average beardy, man bun metro sexual, trendy prick. And the shit on the back of some of the cans! ” Our small independent brewery in Devon was founded in the late 90’s by father and son team David & Richard…………..! Who gives a fuck! 1 question am I gonna get absolutely fucked if I drink 16 pints of the shit ? Special brew or Tennant’s super for me please,CUNTS!
6
AAAh, Tennant’s cans…
NUDEY GIRLS !!
4
I remember Double Diamond, Mackesons, and they were all horrible
4
Either Whitbread or Bass, I forget, used to sell a ‘Burton XXX’ in proper barrels. Worth the extra pennies. The George, Wanstead, sold it. Happy days.
2
There was a pub in Plymouth on the Ho that sold Bass straight from the barrel. Fuck me that gave a headache.
4
off topic sorry Its nice to she a shooting range are using a picture off Shamishitta Begam on their ranges, wait for the snowflake uproar……cunts
9
I can imagine a table of snitch and snatch, bearded hipsters all sitting around a pub table drinking their half pints of Brewdog Gnatspiss, all saying how good it is whilst trying hard not to wince with every mouth full and not a single one of the conformist cowards having the bollocks to say what they all think which is:
“What the fuck is this bollocks?! Barman! A round of Guinness please – PINTS!”
5
There is a Brewdog micro brewery neat my office. 100 percent populated by cunts.
Mainly former Fosters drinkers who all of a sudden are now “beer connoisseurs” solely due to the increased availability of these cunt taverns
8
Did you manage to keep a straight face whilst typing ‘Fosters’ and ‘beer connoisseurs’ in the same sentence?
5
You seem a bit heated and passionate on the subject of beer McCuntface tho I dunno some craft beers aren’t so bad some are a few pennies to a few pounds more but i agree some are vastly overpriced or overrated. Flavored beers are a cunt tho no disagreement there
5
It’s not craft beer that fucks me off Titslapper, it’s the way it’s been sort of commercialised as a wanky ‘movement’ has grown around it.
It’s the constant gentrification of everything the working bloke once had unto themselves.
Cunts seeing themselves as ‘edgy’ as drinking ‘ale’ marks you out as being ‘different’ and hence ‘independently minded’ hence ‘cool’.
Fuck off all it does is inflate the price for the real audience making it unaffordable.
They’ll be coming after darts next. You’ll see
6
“all it does is inflate the price for the real audience making it unaffordable”
Fair point Cunty price inflation is a cunt and the trendy IPA hipsters drive up their price by adding some obscure ingredient haven’t been drinking much beer lately it gives me the burps too much and i piss like a racehorse so i never really enjoy my buzz cause i’m always going to the bathroom every fucking 20 minutes.
Just been drinking gin, winee and whiskey when the mood hits me because a little goes a long way Craft beer drinkers are snobby twats true
4
We used to have the now long defunct Norwich Brewery.
On the wall outside some wit spray painted NORWICH BITTER TASTES LIKE PISS in very large letters.
How did they know?
7
Guinness and Frosty Jack Black Velvet…a man’s drink. Port to follow when too bloated to drink any more Guinness. Port should always be drunk by the Schooner glass.
Fuck Craft beers.
3
Afternoon, DF. That would be a Guinness snake-bite of yore, the true Velvet being a vehicle for disposing of indifferent Champagne, obviously.
Much treasured by patrons of Berni Inns, Aberdeen/Angus Steak Houses and Abigails Parties in the 70s, the now-passé schooner is for sherry, not port as we all know, and I was surprised at you; but then I realised my mistake! As a Northumbrian, you’re referring to the more capacious Geordie Schooner.
I now understand why you got the shits, DF – you can squeeze most of a bottle of Warres 1963 into one of those!
3
Afternoon, CS.
Most pubs wont actually serve “Snakebite” up here (at least not to me),but have no problem serving a Black Velvet made with cider. I must admit that my brief flirtation with Special Brew mixed with Frosty Jack didn’t end well. Fucking spectacular results according to witnesses..I,luckily,have no recollection
You’re right about the Schooner glass. Newcastle Brown Ale was always served with a Schooner…wasn’t always used,but the offer was there.
5
Anyone asking for Black Velvet in a Berni (pre- 1970, anyway) must have been an unmitigated chav cunt. They took particular care with their sherry, a better reason to go their than their (not bad) food.
1
I’ve always enjoyed Greig, especially his Peer Gynt suite, Mr K:
https://youtu.be/dRpzxKsSEZg
I fear you incorrectly elide my first paragraph with the second; rather unlikely they sold Guinness pre-1970 in Berni Inns, but being perhaps of more tender years, I cannot be certain.
0
Drinking alcohol is for cunts anyway but telling people , like one guy here has done in the last few weeks, that his “go to beer” is Goose IPA , is ubercuntery
Go to beer !! CUNT.
How I restrained myself from saying anything I don’t know
4
I’m afraid drinking alchohol, any alchohol is the only way to stay even a little sane.
We’re surrounded by and ruled by an occean of cunts so sobriety just ain’t an option.
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It’s alcohol is’nt it?
I now own up to being a cunt.
4
It does sound like it could be alcohol, SH, and indeed an ocean of it.
2
One of the most accurate caricatures ever…….Real Ale Twats in Viz. Just drink it and stop talking about it as if it’s a badge of masculinity. Nearly as bad as those “I can take a hotter curry than you” wankers. Nobody cares you cunt.
And nobody cares that you’re a vegan and saving the world. Just fuck off and bore somebody else.
12
“4.8 ABV. The landlord’s name was Reg…”
6
Ah yes, Bury St Edmunds 1974. We quaffed a merry tipple – Auld Minge if memory serves.
6
Had half an hour of guffaw and chortle, re-exploring the Twats. Thanks very much for reminding us. Drawn from life, especially the Murderer’s Arms.
0
I HATE these fucking fruit and spice infused offerings pertaining to be beer or cider. These rancid abortions, without exception, taste like well fermented Ox Piss with a hint of lion shit.
If I buy a beer, it must taste like BEER, not like “Blackberry and fucking Nettle flavoured bitter sodding Domestos.
HEY CUNTS: Cider tastes of APPLES, not raspberries, elderflowers, tincture of oak galls OH TES and BULMERS, NO FUCKING ASPARTAME, that shit has completely fucked up Strongbow so that it now tastes like over-sweetened fermented badger piss. YOU CUNTS.
3
And Jasus only knows what’s happened to some gins…
Juniper seems to be off the radar.
0
A pet hate of mine. A good friend of mine laugh about the quadrupled hopped IPA’s that taste of pine and grapefruit. Smells like detergent and tastes no better. There’s the odd good one, but the bulk are crap. Give me a good old fashioned ale, especially a stout or porter. Fillers do some great strong beers. Their imperial stout is glorious but at 10.7% and in a pint bottle it’s not for the feint hearted.
2
Should be Fullers. Cunting phone. No beer for me today. Been pissing rusty water from the sheriffs badge all day.
1
Anyone for a Milk Stout ?
3
Remember nips of Barley Wine?
1
Just give me spirits or red wine. Beer is mostly a fucking bread-flavoured panda pop.
2
“bread flavored panda pop” lol thats true it is, beer works best for when you are coming down or a next day hangover Also not to be a calorie counting cunt but beer really increases the waistline won’t be long until you got a big santa claus belly on you
2
Supermarket shelves are now full of this cunty shit. Robinsons Old Tom or Theakstons OP is proper beer.
1
Good cunting.
In my yoof we used to drink ales, stouts, porters. Properly balanced and most you cud do a session on. I particularly loved the varied Milds particularly around the black country, and they were cheap as well.
Now a days everything is fucking hopped to the kilt and looks like pale lager. Most are like having lemon stuffed in your mouth and sucking on it for 10mins. Some of the prices they charge needs a sharp intake of breath that makes you look like you’ve just swallowed a lemon.
What the fuck is all that Ponce shit about “we only serve 3 quarters of a pint” ? Fuck off.
Give me a good London porter or mild any day, in a pint glass, alas because of these stupid bearded hipster muppets you can’t get a decent dark beer anywhere these days. Cunts.
4
Timothy Taylor very good , Tongham T E A a fine drop but ……….. Harvey’s Best Bitter —- that’s the dogs dangles for yours truly.
My God these thoughts have set me up for a good nights sleep just dreaming about the subject. 20 years ago it would be some sordid and unexpected encounter when I was attacked by an older woman ( quite fit still) demanding I provide her with satisfaction grabbing at my matworst – so on and so forth. No Nowadays I prefer to dream of Brewery tours and foaming pints of cleansing Ale. In Cornhill tomorrow night for some Shepheard and Neame – can’t wait I am so excited. ( Been dry since Sunday afternoon).
Goodnight cunters sleep well!
2
Over many year ago I was in a town in East Anglia and drank about four pints of a beer I had never heard of Greene King Abbot. I woke in the night with a raging hangover and went off in search of some water. I had to go outside the room and while clutching around in the dark unknowingly set off an alarm at the local fire station. I went back to bed and promptly fell asleep only to be suddenly wakened by shouting and banging and the pounding of firemen´s boots as the hotel was evacuated. I had no idea at the time that I – or rather Abbot ale – was responsible for the chãos. It was only later when I put two and two together I realized what had happened. Presumably there is a record of this incident somewhere. I just hope I don´t get tracked down and charged with wasting firemen´s time.
4
I tried Abbott once. Hated it. Dunno if it was just because it was a pint from the bottom of the barrel but it tasted even worse than Fosters. And that’s saying something.
0
The Champion of the Thames (in Cambridge) was very near College. They had Abbot in kegs behind the bar, usually four or five of them, in the late 80s. A really superb pint, although double the price of Newnham bar happy-hour, where the totty was also rather better.
Thirty years on, and the Champion’s still there, similar-ish atmosphere, but too many wanker beards now, and the Abbot not a patch on former days.
1