Old Cunts in Cars (how topical)
So the Dook has mangled a top orf the range Land Rover and got away with it apart from a pool orf Royal shite in his pants – but whichever cunter has him in The Pool, their tender heart must be beating pitter pat…and they are glued to the news. Bit like a sub plot with a cliff hanger ending to revitalise a flagging East Enders. Brexit has gone to shite so lets all focus orn the Dook, end orf.
Meanwhile what is largely going under the radar is the geriatric carnage orf collisions, blood, piss and shit going orn on our roads. Speak as an old cunt meself who has never taken a test but whose method orf driving has never let him doine yet – gun me old Bentley up to max, leave it orn overdrive orn the steering column, all headlamps orn full blast and let the other fuckers get oit the way. Works for me.
Have seen some frighteners over the years, old cunts coming at me orn the wrong side orf the road and hooting me, Yours Truly. Me bumpers get them cunts orf the road double quick. Came oit into the car park orf Waitrose once to find another old cunt repeatedly reversing between a wall bang and other car bang. Mincers at Waitrose – what a fucking shower – not a clue what to do, old cunt refused to stop or get oit so wedged a shopping trolley under his back end. Hauled el cunto oit who was as mad as hell, took his keys and left him aiming kicks at the mincers. His motor stunk like a rancid ladyboy’s jock strap and the foam in the driving seat was squishy with old man’s piss. Lovely. Started the motor up and immediate lurch stall. Tried agin’, same thing then clocked it was an Italian auto box and all was not well. Took all me considerable heft orn the pedal (and YT is not a small man) to shift it and get any sort orf gear and there was no way orf knowing which other than let it lurch backwards or forwards.
El cunto starts yelling at me not to drive it that way but put it in D, forget R and accelerate like the bejusus then jump orn the brake. Bugger me that sort orf worked and eventually got the motor (fucking ancient Fiat) oit the bay and into the road. Old cunt was happy as larry and pissed orf max revs catching a few more motors on his way oit. YT was knackered after all that and I mean knackered, sweating buckets, groin strained and me old hernia popping oit. Bastard. Cap it all me hands were covered in some rancid sweaty cheesey fuck from the steering wheel.
Naturally Old Bill then show up after the event having been called by the mincers and try and do me! Sort that oit double quick but salutary lesson learnt. One old cunt should never get involved in the miserys or misfortunes orf another old cunt. Let them go to fuck. Every man for himself in this life. Oh and many a story on this subject but not got all night cunts.
Nominated by Sir Limply
This is Mugabe’s second half arsed vehicle related assassination fail. You cannot beat the master. Praise be unto Yasur the volcano god.
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Is this the parking lot for Country Kitchen Buffet??…
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Shameful perhaps, but I can’t help being impressed that an old goat in his 90s managed to total a Range Rover…
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NFN…
I remember my Norfolk’n’good days well.
County’s roads look like a destruction derby. On the only occasion I was a passenger in an ambulance in that foine county (twinned with Groundhogstown, ‘murica…), we had to stop to pick up someone from a RTA. I’d only blacked out about six miles from the old N&N hospital…
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The vehicle is pretty much intact, note all the glass is fine, none of the pillars are bent.
Think about who was driving it……..
I think I would put money on that being armoured, so not your average Range rover.
Fact it got taken out by a KIA or whatever the fuck it was is amusing but I have seen AFVs go on their side on a number of occasions.
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Off topic but…
Re that fucking Gillette advert.
Pack of ten Bic disposable razors, a quid at Poundland.
Fuck Gillette, the equivalent of an Audi in your bathroom…
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Them BIC razors are lethal. My face looks like I’ve done 5 rounds with Freddie Kruger after using them.
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Decades of riding a bike wearing an open face crash helmet have made me all leathery… 😆
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Alas I got a rake of Gillette products for Xmas.
Having seen the new ad (I wonder what Xmas sales would have been like had it been aired prior to Xmas) I now feel dirty when removing the auld stubble.
Gillette, the best a flake can get. If they can muster a bit of bum-fluff in their testosterone deficient devolution!
Chicks with beards still swear by them however.
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I’ve been working with a group who help young people suffering with Hypertrichosis. Also know as werewolf syndrome, the victim grows excessive body hair from an early age, sometimes from birth. A truly appalling condition which needs funding for further research.
If you’d like to help, donations can be made to “Shave the Children”….
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Old cunts doing 40 in a 60. Then slowing down to do 30 in a 40. These cunts piss me off daily on the run to and from work. Some of the cunts go so slow tractors over take them.
Fuck the coffin Dodgers.
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It’s what makes my daily commute such a pain in the ballbag. Old cunts taking their fucktard grandkids to school, Sunday driving style during rush hour. Add to that the scummy mummies, half of them in onesies double parking the motability mong bus people carrier so they can get the reasons they got a bigger house on the state, and it’s almost gridlock. That’s when all the other commuting cunts reach for their phones to update all their imaginary friends on twatbook that they are stuck in traffic, angry face emoji. Cunts.
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This is an article about a bit of Grey on Grey we had here, how the old fuck managed to somersault the car down the high st (30 zone) at peak crossing times is amazing . They had to get through 3 crossings to reach that point.
Maybe they had some back to the future fuck off turbo on their car they blasted in at the end of the high street who knows.
https://www.getsurrey.co.uk/news/surrey-news/cranleigh-crash-pedestrian-hit-killed-10297574
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Apparently plod reckons they’ve breathalysed him? Fake news for my money….
The doddery old cunt would have told them to “ fuck orrrrf “ had one had a tipple…….
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At least 60% of his body is made up of alcohol. It’s not exactly rocket science Q.
Good morning btw….. 🕺
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Is it not a bit of karma for Phil the Greek for ordering the bumping off of Princess Di as punishment for getting knocked up by a dirty (albeit rich) peaceful?
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“Meghan, get in the Mercedes”
“Mercedes? Oh shit I’m dead…”
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And here starts a 20-year campaign by the Daily Express, exposing how Diana’s ghost is seeking vengeance. (I expect one of the birds in the car was Maddy McCann).
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Big admirer of Phil the Greek. His insults and gaffes are the stuff of legends.
But at 97 should not be allowed to drive. Unless within the confines of an one of the many royal estates.
Daft old cunt.
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Lol poor old JOB, he’s not happy this morning. JRM has only gone and got himself a regular slot on LBC ( lots of initials there! I’m a lazy cunt). Starts tonight at 6.
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I was just about to post that! Great minds, etc. Details below if anyone’s interested:
https://radiotoday.co.uk/2019/01/jacob-rees-mogg-to-present-weekly-show-on-lbc/
PS: JOB’s currently trying to decide what should be on a 2nd referendum ballot paper. Amazingly no-one has yet phoned in to suggest a choice between (1) May’s Deal, and (2) WTO rules.
Naturally O’Shithead thinks it would be “logical” for “No Brexit” to be an option, though appears to admit “No Deal” should also be represented.
That said, he’s not keen on a 2nd referendum because he thinks there’s a strong chance No Deal could still win, ha ha.
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At the risk of ressurecting him from the dead i’d Just like to mention that total and utter buffoon the SPIV. Remember the Shoreham air crash? Fool that I am I read his entire and boy was it lengthy ‘ investigation’ into that incident. Obviously I realised at the time it was complete and utter bollocks. Yesterday the trial of the pilot started which will prove the SPIV yet again has got it totally and completely wrong. Will he humbly apologise.? Lol. On the news last night there was a very high quality close up video of the plane seconds before it hit the road, they froze it before it actually smashed into the cars but the whole thing was shown in court . Explain that away.. SPIV you thick cunt.
I posted something. Similar to this on his ludicrous site. Funnily enough it hasn’t appeared.
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Hi one of the engineers working at Heathrow T2A was killed at that air show. On the Friday before he said he was going to take photos. But changed his mind on the day he said he was going. If he hadn’t changed his mind he would still be on this earth.
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Prince Charles – “Bollocks, I thought mummy was using the Land Rover or I wouldn’t have had the breaks cut”.
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Old, opinionated, non-PC geezer who lives in a big house and drives like a cunt.
Surely a bid to get himself a job as a Top Gear presenter?
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Fuck, the old fucker pulls out onto a main road and is hit by a car travelling on the road, so now…. i guess cos its him
Speed limit to be reduced to 50 and speed cameras……
Will see what plod decide on, due care and attention maybe.
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No, no, no, the anti speed campaign will ensure that ALL roads in Norfolk will be reduced in speed just because of one silly old sausage was no longer able to judge distances properly. Adjoining counties will follow suit meaning the whole country will be reduced to a crawl.
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I hate this fucking country sometimes.
Does my head in , the constant pandering to the elite.
Many people across the country campaigning to reduce speed limits due to the death of family or loved ones are totally ignored for years.
A daft 97 year old cunt who shouldn’t be driving responsible for causing an accident and rolls his car, within 24 hours swift action is taken,
What should be taken is the doddering old cunts driving license away.
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Let’s not forget the Duke is “fiercely independent,” until a door needs opening….
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Silly old cunt, piloting a motor car on the Queens Highway at the age of 97 indeed.
Paarp, paarp; Toad of fucking Toad Hall. I bet the silly old cunt bemoaned a peasant’s Kia getting in his way before he turned both the Kia and his Land Rover into a scene from a breaker’s yard.
The old goat is reminiscent of Mr Magoo.
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Well I’ll take my hat off to the old cunt if he actually was driving.
I’m not much more than half his age and it’s all I can do these days to wipe my arse.
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Was thinking about pinching Phil The Greek for my Deadpool but the old bastard just refuses to die He is a cunt and should not be driving take his licence off him and give the other driver and her passenger some Compo big Compo House of Cunts can afford it
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I’m just amazed as to how a fucking Land Rover managed to do a double flip.
Phil’s got skills.
They should book him for the next James Bond. He could knock out a repeat performance of the somersaulting car in ‘The Man with the Golden Gun’.
Silly Old Duffer.
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New Range Rover delivered to Sandringham today ! I ‘ m not joking it really was.
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Norfolk Police say they have spoken to the Duke of Edinburgh after he was pictured driving without a seatbelt, 48 hours after being involved in a crash near Sandringham in Norfolk.
A spokeswoman said “suitable words of advice have been given to the driver”.
Meanwhile, Emma Fairweather, who broke her wrist in the crash, has told the Mirror the duke has not apologised.
Can you imagine this course of action being taken if it were a normal 97 year old member of the public? Of course not.
TAKE THE DANGEROUS OLD FUCKERS DRIVING LICENCE AWAY
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The Duke of Edinburgh
What is wrong with this old cunt? Love him or loathe him, he was lucky enough to be back on a replacement horse within hours of totaling his previous high speed Chelsea tractor (something we common plebs can only aspire to with the cunts that legally rob us of money – insurers) and after only a couple of days the old cunt has been caught on Norfolk’s roads driving alone and with no seat belt on.
This old git must think he is bombproof, and it appears he certainly is. The Police have apparently ‘had words’. Well I don’t give a shit who he is, given the events of the last 72 hours, this cunt needs reining in before he kills some innocent victim or himself. You can bet if it was me or any other cunter on here, we would be hauled over the coals for such behaviour and made an example of.
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