Neckbeards

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Neckbeards.

Flaccid, flabby (not necessarily fat) young men unable to manage decent stubble growth due to low testosterone, who address their close friends as ‘sir’ and ‘madam’ and in other overly deferential terms . They usually have dirty, long unstyled hair, and go on about wearing monocles and cravats and spend their social life snorting and hooting about the latest shit memes and the comedy of Richards Herring and Ayoade at the back of a Games Workshop branch, but have never visited a pub, raised their voice beyond their bedrooms or wargaming club, or a pint glass.
Can’t make eye contact with a woman who isn’t their mum, or whatever obese, shrill and mentally ill blue-haired thing they call a girlfriend, even when merely ordering food or drink, mumbling and murmering their order to the increasingly appalled barmaid/waitress, who the neckbeard is now convinced hates him.
The neckbeard has trouble holding down even a minimum wage job or working full time. He finds ‘traditional masculinity’ (which he abbreviates to ‘trad. Masc.’ offensive (threatening) and doesn’t speak to his father. He is careful to avoid contact with any older male who looks like they ‘work/worked for a living’. He is also hugely resentful of men his age with well paid, full-time employment and good-looking girlfriends, who he will denounce as a ‘normie’ or ‘chad’, if his involuntary celibacy has completely crippled him to such a sorry, infantile state.

Fucking neckbeard cunts.

 

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime

52 thoughts on “Neckbeards”

    • Just been reading an earlier Nomination of yours-‘Unregulated Capitalism’. I agree with you 100%. Couldn’t agree more.

      • A few soap opera actor-duckies are firm fans of LFC according to Mrs. Boggs. A bit like the pooftah Blairites in New Labour’s day I suppose they think a connection with the *beautiful game* will deter anyone from thinking they are irons. We all know though that they, and them, just enjoy watching pretty boys in shorts, who might just, as an extra inducement, take their shirts off, for no apparent reason.

      • I always thought “the beautiful game” was prostitution…

        I stand corrected – in the corner, hands above head, me arse striped loike old school tie…

  3. Highly unusual but entertaining cunting
    It’s probably an age thing but I haven’t noticed these particular individuals but that’s most likely because I don’t hang around out the back of a games workshop….
    Agree FTF definitely a solid remoaner
    And owner of a worthless degree……

  4. For me they probably blend in with the millennial’s and soy boys. There’s a craft beer bar 100 yards down the road from me, has a choice of 12 beers. Full of bum fluff beardy types wearing checked shirts and tight trousers on exceptionally skinny legs. All drinking fruit beers, pilsners (lager!) or pine and citrus infested ipa’s.

    The only reason I go in is that they usually have 1 imperial stout on which will be 9 or 10% abv and tastes divine.

    Just a shame about the excuse of men around you. And yes all the girls seem to have either blue or pink hair and weigh twice as much as their boyfriends.

    • My Son runs a successful craft Brewery. We have to disagree and draw the line when he produces a caramel and citrus IPA . Fuck me i cry , i would rather drink Watneys Red Barrel than that pretentious slop. What the fuck is Watneys he shouts back ? It comes from a time when beer tasted like beer Son and it didn’t cost £6 a pint.

      • Caramel and Citrus! Sounds disgusting. Why are most craft beers IPA’s and end up with citrus and pine. End up tasting like fucking disinfectant.

        Like you Fenton I want a proper beer. It should be brown or black in colour. A good strong ale, stout or porter every time.

  5. In support of this cunting, I concur that the Neckbeard does exist in the form of my brother, although he does shave. CP has got the wargaming and social awkwardness off to a tee. I’m sure my brother’s still a virgin too. He still wears black Queen or ACDC tshirts.

  6. That’s either food or lice in the back of his hair haha. This specimen would have trouble getting laid with Abbot The Hut!

    Does Games Workshop still even exist these days?

  7. O/P
    Apparently farage is making a comeback? The newkip as one paper called it is unsurprisingly called
    The Brexit party…….

    • Well Quislings, Brexit Party aye ? that’s very creative isn’t it ? Will they still be calling themselves that when its all over ? Should of called themselves The One Trick Pony Party.
      I suppose if Nigel gets pro active again it can’t be a bad thing.

      • Yeh FF my wife and I were both laughing about the highly imaginative name, farage is indeed a one trick pony but this news will resonate with the conservatives especially and could refocus some minds of certain MPs who aren’t representing their constituents wishes……

      • Morning Q. Morning Fenton.

        How about calling it The Provisional Conservative Party?

        Or The Real Conservative Party?

        Or The Democratic People’s Party Of The United Kingdom?

        Roll on Rebel’s Common Sense Party.

        Don’t think I could stomach voting for something as unimaginative and crass as The Brexit Party. Can’t stand the word Brexit anyway. Hey nurse, where’s my fucking Prozac?

      • If they could boot the gurning motherfucker Grieve out of Beaconsfield, that actressy-whore Soubry and brown hatter Nick Boles out of their constituency, all of whom voted Leave, I don’t care what they call themselves. And I’d like to see old whelkshell tits Yvette Cooper out too so she would be able to spend more time sucking Ed’s balls.

      • Single issue parties never even get close to gaining power. UKIP in it’s heyday, with 4 million votes, only got one seat.

        Mind you, if we’d had the more democratic system of Proportional Representation, UKIP would have won 12 seats, but that’s another story…

        PS: Dominic Raaab urging May to “rule out extending Article 50”.

        MeToo.

      • Hi RTCP,
        All worthy names but seeing as us leave voters are all as thick as pig shit Nigel knows he needs to keep the party name simple…….

      • Good point Q… I was too thick and stupid to think of that… 🙄

        Btw, does anyone out there know what Brexit means?

      • According to pseudo cockney wanker Danny dyer “ its a fucking riddle “
        Being a dumb as fuck leaver I haven’t got a clue what he’s talking about…….

      • The name doesn’t need to be imaginitive, it simply needs to spell out its aims and if Brexit is the only one that’s fine by me, there’s no policy clutter or contradiction.

      • How about

        LEAVE MEANS MAYBE PARTY
        A party for all the faux quisling cunts who stand on one mandate but if they get the wrong answer might not deliver

    • And no doubt AlBBC will call it the Breggzit party. Grrrr! Probably followed by a weather forecast in which any hint of cold weather will be referred to as “a touch of frost”, Arseholes.

  8. Excellent material for the new British Army. Right you ‘orrible little gender unspecified person. Slouch to attention! Shave off that pubic hair on your face! You look like a diseased cunt! And get yourself down to the barber for a rinse, tint and perm! On the double! Lefty, lefty, righty, righty!

    • What about the ‘huge moustache with no beard’ look that yours truly is currently sporting, FF?
      It’s a highly effective wimminz repellant.

      • Oh,in your case,I feel sure that the ‘tache has very little to do with it…merely the gilding on the lily, I suspect.

        Morning, Mr.Cunt-Engine.

      • Good morning, Mr F.
        People at work have started calling me “Freddie”…
        It’s weird…I look nothing like Andrew Flintoff.

  10. Comes from Hipsterism. Always looking for the ‘authentic’. The most inauthentic of all fashion trends. Even the Goths have a better time than them fuckers. Talking of Goths-is Fiddler’s Towers like Castle Dracula Mr F? I have heard a lot of these illegal Romanisns can shape-shift and some disguise themselves as bats?

      • They wouldn’t be very comfortable if I was, Miles. My fucking immersion-tank split the other night and the turn-off from the large cold-water tank in the attic wouldn’t work so I had the contents from it gushing through too. Brought the ceiling down in the room below. Luckily,it’s not a room that ever gets used,just full of old junk,but if there were any “valuables” amongst them,they’re trashed now. Got the plumber coming on Monday to replace the immersion tank.

      • Your immersion tank…that could have been caused by an electrical fault? I have a theory-,what is happening the illegal Romanians in bat from are vociferously gnawing at your electricals-they have found out your political views are not amenable to their position here. I’m afraid to say Mr Fiddler you’re being got at.

      • And tell the plumber not to bring his hammer and monkey wrench. All that can fix the problem now is some garlic and a crucifix.

      • And tell the plumber not to bring his hammer and monkey wrench. All that can fix the problem now is some garlic and a crucifix.

  11. I used to work for a client who had a rather odd looking neckbeard. There was not a whisker above the clean shaven jawline, but a greying fuzzy neckcarpet below.

    A nice chap and not a youngster. Would have looked better sans neckbeard.

  12. Unfortunately i have known a few of these specimens and the cunting is based on those barely-functioning people. Ive since cut myself off from contact with them as they have no redeemable qualities.

    I’m not having a pop at those who who happen to enjoy a bit of Game of Thrones or Star Wars, or any other genres. It’s more those who go full throttle into this escapist world of ‘geekery’ and its pointless arcane knowledge, while abandoning any pretence of behaving like an adult or taking on responsibilities or jobs. None could drive or owned a car, and all are men in their late 30s. Their girlfriends were jobless and house-bound with ‘anxiety’ (with one exception) , and desperately needy, not able to be left alone for more than a few hours, lest they ‘self harm’.

    All very tragic, and part of the reason i ditched Facebook.

  13. .. and yes,

    They all voted remain,and one had a meltdown over it of facebook, swallowing and regurgitating the deranged stories from the Guardian-reading Jocastas about foreign children experiencing flash mobs of British classmates singing ‘So long, farewell’in the playground.
    The mong just ate it up.

  14. You are being too cruel. Well maybe not.
    Their real problem is that being chinless, having multiple chins or having a fat, short neck which morphs into the lower face they do not know where the edge of a beard should be.
    There is a business opportunity here for tattoo artists who can put a dotted line round the ambiguous neck/face area showing where the shave/no shave boundary is.

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