Insomnia

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Lack of sleep is a cunt. I am currently running on around about three hours sleep as a result of once again not managing to fall asleep for ages. It doesn’t happen regularly enough that I’m an insomniac, but it happens regularly enough that it’s a bloody horrible cunt.

 

Nominated by Opinionated Cunt

29 thoughts on “Insomnia”

  1. I should mention that over the last week or so it has gotten a lot better. So I really don’t know why I have these spells of difficult sleeping every few months or so.

  3. You have my sympathy, Insomnia is a cunt. I recommend reading soporifically dull literature such as Julian Barnes or an EU Directives door-stopper. Failing that, invest in some Malbec or Pinot Noir.

    • It’s a fucking cunt, alright. I begged my GP for some sleepers, if only for 5 days, just to establish a “regular sleep pattern”, as they refer to it.

      No can do; sleepers are addictive. (Get this – a decent night’s kip is addictive, too)
      We can give you anti-hayfever tabs, which have the side-effects of making you drowsy.
      What a fucking waste of time.
      Eventually, when I went down on my knees and offered the luscious female GP personal oral services, a prescription for the real deal was forthcoming; sadly, though, I didn’t get to lick her pussy.
      3 days worth of tabs…
      Back to the Green Chartreuse cut with Polish Spirit, I guess…

      And a very Happy New Year to you all, esteemed fellow cunters. Plenty of Bah-humbugs left over after Christmas, too.
      Nipped into Tesco on way back from coleg this pm; 9th Jan, and the Easter (though not so religiously-labelled) Eggs are on the shelves already.
      Double bah-humbug.
      Did anyone see Treesa visiting the sick kiddies’ ward ? Guess she was after the rejuvenating blood of new-born infants. Her face looks like Jimmy Savile’s scrotum.

      • GP’s are cunts too addictive?! fuck off I hate when doctors play morality police especially when its for medicine I am paying for. Look the pharmacunts make the drugs if they are so dangerous no one should have them and the doctors can just use placebos and natural remedies. Doctors don’t seem to mind to sell other dangerous non narcotic drugs to you tho bloody hypocrites

  4. I sympathise, OC.

    I too suffer from this utterly frustrating shite. When I was a nurse, I did permanent night shifts for five years or so and it has right royally fucked up my body clock. I have been suffering from full blown insomnia ever since, even years after leaving nursing, as my brain is just so accustomed to being awake at night.

    I scraped about four hours last night….or should I say, this morning. I would say i average about five every night.

    I am either in need of a brain transplant or failing that, a fucking mammoth bottle of morphine to knock me the fuck out at bedtime (and for weeks after)

  6. Like I say in the cunting I’m not a full blown insomniac but I do get these sporadic periods of finding it difficult to get to sleep fairly frequently throughout the year. It’s fucking irritating.

    • Usually the following few nights after knocking alcohol on the head for a bit for me, patchy at best maybe 3/4 hours and some really bizarre dreams.

  7. I did 2 years night shift at Heathrow a few years ago. I only had about 3 hours sleep per day and was like a zombie even on days off. It was a cunt but I got mega bucks from them airport cunts

  8. Considering the state of the nation OC, am surprised you get any sleep at all!

    I manage about 4 hours on average… usually take over an hour to nod off… then it’s fairly light and sporadic… wide awake again by 4am, worrying about the past, present and future and every negative thought in between.

    And it can be a vicious fucking circle, the less sleep you get the more anxious you become, which leads to further sleepless nights. Like you, I tend to suffer in bouts, not sure why… mostly down to the subconscious I reckon.

    Relaxation exercises can be helpful, and hypnosis CDs. Probably some good stuff on Youtube nowadays if you’ve got the time to look.

    As a retired cunt I have the luxury of being able to catch up by taking naps during the day, but when I was working my doctor prescribed antidepressants and diazepam, which helped to some extent, but never really got to the heart of the matter.

  9. RTC avoid eating fruit at night as you will buzz from the sugar.
    Fuck knows how the PM can sleep

    • Probably very good advice Cuntancurou s – I never eat anything after around 8pm anyway, but thanks all the same.

  11. I fucking knew it, the stabby cunt on the train is a fucking darkie.
    The cunt has been whining that he’s innocent until proven guilty and that he’s been ‘ hearing voices ‘.
    The cunt should be hearing rifles being cocked.
    Fucking savage.
    Good afternoon.

    • When I heard it was an act of ‘senseless brutal violence’ I had the same suspicions.

      All that’s left is for his mother to come forward and proclaim ‘he iz ma angel and he dindu nuffink!!’

    • Yep, as soon as I heard this news I said ‘I would lay money that is a black’.

      I have just heard the news again on the car radio. The neanderthal fucker appeared in court in ‘a grey tracksuit and crouched down in the dock with his head resting against it. When asked what his plea was he stated ‘Innocent until proven guilty’…….doubtless with a shitload of bastard attitude like the psychotic piece of turd that he is.

      That poor man was stabbed NINE TIMES. What kind of nutjob does that when they get into a trivial ruck on public transport?

      I agree, JTC. They should waste no prison space or tax payers money on this garbage. Just fucking euthanize the cunt.

  12. One of my defining talents is being able to fall asleep. I believe it shows my lifelong dedication to giving less than a single fuck about this world. Embracing oblivion is great.

    I have this thing called ASMR too so listening to particular sounds on youtube puts me in a hypnotic state and I’m out in 5.

  13. Just last night I lay in bed for hours unable to sleep, probably because I’ve just had to have my pet put to sleep. I slept eventually and I had this weird dream. I was on this horribly run-down council estate and decided to buy some food at a chippy. It was a detached building, almost in ruins, and although there were grotty types stood around eating chips I couldn’t find the way in. I got in round the other side and queued up to get served at a small hatch in the wall. When it was my turn I asked what they had, and I was being given the run around, so I swore at them and asked to see the boss. There was a fit piece stood near me and she brushed against me and I dropped some coins on the floor. I was very conscious of holding everyone up behind me. The boss was a foreigner probably from eastern Europe and he wasn’t helpful either. Then I looked behind me and the queue had disappeared completely.

    I don’t usually remember dreams in great detail. If anyone has some insight in these matters and can provide an interpretation, I’d like to hear it. And thanks for letting me waffle on, it’s been a very stressful weekend.

    • Dream analysis is bollocks. I believe it’s just a jumble of images with some present emotions and therefore nothing in to what to read, just pleasant/odd, meaningless situations.

      However, sorry to hear about your pet, especially if it was a dog.

    • Probably means you’re going to end up in the deep fat fryer. Without the benefit of batter.
      Genuinely sorry to hear re the loss of your pet. Was the vet E European, by any chance ?

      I hope matters improve – doesn’t sound as if they can get much worse. Losing pets is a total bastard.

  14. if you can’t get to sleep try counting backwards from a 100. it’s surprising how the mind wanders and you find somehow you have stopped counting but persist , start again from a 100 , it eventually works.

  16. Listening or reading anything from former PM John Major, might do the trick. He has the most monotonous, tedious and lifeless voice imaginable.

    Or

    a long & teasing wank might overcome (ha!) your sleep problems (just so long as you’re not tugging off to John Major, in which case you need help!)

    • The sort of help that might be offered by a visit to Matron Edwina ??!

      AudioBooks of John Major reading Trollope could shorten the NHS waiting list by about 100%. Stick a photo of the grey major on every other lamp-post, and people will be leaping into inflatable dinghies and heading for Africa…

  17. I know the feeling OP… kinda like right now, I have always had shite sleep even when i was a kid I’m lucky to get 4 hours a night. There is a range of things you can take natural stuff like camomile tea, warm milk, reading can help but if you’re mind is racing or you are stressed you are probably out of luck. Better break out the dope if you want a quick fix tho, half glass of wine, smoke some pot, or a valium pill will definitely do the trick

  18. Im fairly lucky in that i can nod off within minutes if having a busy day. I sometimes fall asleep with the bedside light still on.
    Reading by the lamp always sends me off.

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