Dogs are cunts. I’ve probably raised a lot of heckles just saying that, but I’m sorry – with the exception of sniffer dogs, service dogs and guide dogs, they are. They frequently bark at night when I’m trying to sleep, whenever I pass one on the pavement I usually have to either cross the road or, if it’s clear, go into the road in case the mutt in question tries to lunge at me, they smell, they slobber, they shit everywhere, they destroy property, they’re a nightmare to deal with on a paper round (which I help my mother with whenever I’m back here) from both a noise perspective and the fear that they might bite off your fingers through the letterbox, they’re dangerous and even fatal if not properly controlled, they frequently growl at people in the street, they bark aggressively at each other in the street (much to the chagrin of surrounding pedestrians), they’re extremely loud… Then there’s the whole ‘no such thing as a bad dog’ crap – fuck off! I understand that the owner does play a large role in determining a dog’s behaviour but not all dogs are the same and saying as much is just as absurd as saying that men and women are the same. I know a lot of you like dogs and I understand your reasons why, but to me they are foul, disgusting, unhygienic, annoying, vicious mutts that I want nowhere near me.
Nominated by OpinionatedCunt
Dogs are great.
Only cissies and muzz1es don’t like dogs.
That is all that needs to be said.
Onto the next cunting, OpinionatedCunt!
26
Afternoon Mr Cunt Engine – agree 100%.
Dogs don’t waste their time feeling sorry for themselves, whinging on about non issues like like gender fluidity and other PC nonsense, they just get on with it.
And as the saying goes, “There’s no such thing as a bad dog, only bad owners.”
19
Damn straight.
0
Yeah, but they’re useful for annoying the peacefuls. They fucking hate them, especially black ones like my Patterdale. I try and steer him in their direction whenever possible. Much fun to be had.
25
Yes, lots of fun to be had with the Primitive Ones .
When they’re in groups it’s like Moses parting the Red Sea, but a lot smellier.
Get to fuck.
17
I saw a group of peaceful women screeching and carrying on because a crow was walking up and down in front of them on the pavement,fucking pathetic. You’d have to be frightened of your own farts to get worked up about that.
5
Well at least there’s something good about them then.
11
And so it begins, respect your opinion of course OC but quite a few dog lovers on here so this cunting may be as popular as a fart in a spacesuit but good to get away from the ongoing Brexshit mess and keep things interesting.
15
Good morning Mr. Cunt Engine.
I couldn’t agree more. I have more trust in my faithful old dog than any human being.
The vast majority of the Human Race are cunts and can fuck right off.
Dogs are great.
As an aside Mr. Cunt Engine, will you be spending your new found freedom ‘ cruising for twat ‘ on this Saturday night ?
I believe the retro look is in at the moment, so I would recommend a pair of two tone flares, a floral shirt and lashings of Brut 33.
Go get ‘ em tiger !
13
Mr. Cunt-Engine and his “wingman” out on the tap…note the rainbow shirt to double his chances of a successful pull….Any hole’s a goal,eh Mr. Cunt-Engine?
https://goo.gl/images/kyBTGB
Morning, Jack.
8
Ho ho, as long as I can be the ponce on the right…that chap on the left appears to have no external genitalia.
3
You really shouldn’t be eyeing up his cock, Mr. Cunt-Engine. Normal men won’t appreciate it if you ask to view their “external genitalia” when you start cruising for a new partner.
7
Hello Dick. Can’t fail to score ‘ something ‘ wearing those duds.
I must say though, at first glance I thought it was your village florist and hairdresser.
☺
3
Go on a cruise (ask our resident travel expert Mr. Dio), and you’ll get to meet some cracking birds…like Jane McDonald…!
I enjoyed the views of Greece last night, but she’s a right munter. Very camelid.
1
Afternoon Jack…I’m not free yet, alas. The house is going up for sale next month but I’m trying to keep it friendly so she doesn’t rape me too hard in court…and as fof “cruising for twat” ..if you saw my comments last weekend about what I think of wimminz, you’ll understand that I want nowt to do with a horrid, middle-aged fanny….bleeuurrgghhh! I’ll stick to my colossal p0rn collection…
7
Whorehouse it is then.
Have a few pints, then go for a Baltic.
We had one busted in our area a couple of years ago.
An old house full of Lithuanian fillies,making money hand over fist (ing).
Saucy.
5
Nah, my dog is awesome, even when it feels like the whole fucking world is out to get me, he’s right there by my side. Sure some people don’t like dogs, but them people got no soul.
19
Have to concur with the other cunters I’m afraid, OC.
I love dogs and cats and all furry pet things really, though the little Westie next door does have a propensity to get on my tits when he endlessly barks at his back fence as squirrels run along it. I never understand why the silly mutt keeps barking at it when they are long gone and stashing their nuts in their hidey hole, but I digress.
I think that the problem is not dogs but OWNERS. It totally depends on how the dog has been cared for, trained and what kind of person is doing all of that or not, as the case may be. For example, so many of the ‘hard’ type of dogs, like Staffies and suchlike are owned by yoof fuckwits with the brain power of a house brick, who are only interested in having and raising a hard looking dog, one that they hope screams that they too are hard and not to be messed with, fucking chav cunts. They are quite happy to have an aggressive, noisy dog that winds the whole neighbourhood up at all hours.
Dogs are beauts, but it totally depends on their human companions. My cousin had a Staffie who she bought when she was a 6 week old pup and she was the most docile, quietest, softest little beauty that you have ever clapped eyes on. She was raised WELL and in a loving household. It makes all of the difference.
15
I agree, it’s the selfish owners that are cunts, like my neighbor who can leave his dogs bark their back legs off in the garden, occasionally adding to the racket by shouting at them. They know there is no consequence, so carry on as if nothing happened. As much as the yapping little cunts annoy me, it’s the owner who deserves a large cactus rammed up his piss pipe.
11
The Westie won’t bark at squirrels if you pop them off with an air rifle first. Also good for repelling the pigeon and crow menace, extra points for a Maggie.
1
Sorry OC, but not all dogs smell, slobber and shit. My little beauty has three walks a day and most people love him because he is a very gentle and small dog (a Jack Russell) and if it was a question of either him or Mrs. Boggs going to a new home, I am afraid it would be Mrs. B. Also he rarely barks, and is never aggressive to anybody.
I bet my dog doesn’t stink as much as some of those politicians who stink of KY Jelly and Germaloids cream
7
A bad dog is the product of a cunt owner who doesn’t give the time, effort, affection and discipline that these noble beasts deserve. A cunting for bad owners certainly, but for dogs? Never!
14
Completely agree LLC well said!
1
There are quite a lot of dogs in parliament
There should be a rule that to stand as an MP you need to be at least a 5
Got to put some male bigotry into this cunting to make it interesting.
7
I have a dog it’s predominantly brown, a little bit black & has a white spot. I call him Bradford! Haha
13
Over the years I have been let down,at one time or another,by every person about whom I ever gave a shit. I have never been let down by a dog.
When I used to employ lads to do the tree-planting for the Forestry Commission,if they didn’t pat the dog or speak to it when they first turned up, I’d tell them that we didn’t need them after all. I don’t trust people who don’t like dogs. They are invariably highly suspect characters.
Fuck Off.
19
I woke up the other morning to see a German Shepherd shitting on my front lawn. I wouldn’t have minded but he didn’t even have a dog with him.
Christ, OP, have you gone a bit Alläh? Personally I think dogs are exceptionally brilliant. Apart from their emotions and intelligence, they just make me smile. To quote “The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time – “Dogs never tell lies.” Ace. Also, they’re bloody hilarious.
Why does a dog lick its balls? Because it can.
8
A woman came running across the park shouting “Crystal meth, crystal meth”..
I asked her if she was ok.
She said, “I’ve lost my dog, can you help me?”
I said “That’s a strange name for a dog.”
She said “Not really, she is a Lab…
10
My own smelly Labrador read this and chuckled. He reckons that we, the humans, are the cunts and I think he has a point.
I give him free board and lodgings, drive him everywhere, walk in cold wet fields while he leaps about, pay for his medical care and holidays, walk behind him and pick his shit up when in town.
He is fully aware that some of his personal hygiene and behaviour, and that of his four legged friends, can be more than a bit irksome for their two-legged stooges.
When he had finished reading the nomination properly, he folded his reading glasses, licked his bollocks and pronounced, ” You dog owners are soppy cunts!”.
10
In the film John Wick, he goes on a mad, killing spree, probably doing away with hundreds of bodyguards to eventually reach the fucker who….killed his dog! It’s a shitty action film but funny that the deceased dog is his driving force.
Funfact: The cowardly fucker who kills his dog is Lily Allen’s brother who had his hampton cut off in Game of Thrones.
2
Glad someone else thinks John Wick is shitty.
2
CP, to call it shitty would be to compliment it. There aren’t many worse actors than batty Keanu Reeves.
Nonetheless, it’s still funny that hundreds die because of his dead hound.
2
Looks like I am the only one to agree with Opinionated Cunt!
I hate dogs, stinky smelly bastards, sniffy, jumpy uppy, endlessly enthusiastic shit machines.
One can always tell when someone has a dog as their clothes stink of dog, their house honks like fuck but of course they don’t notice the pong, that’s the part I find disgusting is that the owners just don’t notice. … Oh yes then they touch them, stroke them etc and then maul food or drinks that they offer you with the same hands! Disgusting, the dog could have been doing anything, rolling around in the dirt (or worse), makes me wretch just thinking about it.
Go to a dog owners house? No thank you.
No time for dogs, if I never see, or most likely hear, one again I would be very happy.
Dogs are indeed cunts.
Long live cats! Cats are cool.
14
Right there with you, Dick. And OC.
As a kid, we had a house full of pets including dogs, cats, rabbits, guinea pigs, goldfish, gerbils, etc. So I grew up in a pet/animal loving house hold. So not anti-dog at all per se.
I assumed I’d have a dog when I got older and had a place of my own. Never happened. A 6 week old abandoned kitten adopted me 14 years ago and I’ve never looked back. He’s awesome. I actually think he’s part dog. He plays fetch with a little paper ball. He wrestles with me by play attacking my hand, kicking it with his hind legs and play biting me. Never breaks the skin – he knows it’s a game. He likes to be chased around the house like some feline hide-and-seek thing and when he’s done being chased, he’ll chase me. He pounces on my leg, play bites my calf and tries to bring me down, completely unfazed by our size difference. It’s funny. Then he’ll curl up on my chest and go to sleep while I watch telly. I love that little boy. He’s awesome.
Dogs on the other hand…there’s a old retired couple who live behind my house. They have some tiny yappy ball of fluff that yaps its fucking head off at thin air. They like to kick it out in the garden at 3AM so it wakes all the neighbors. Cunt! Has my cat’s meow ever disturbed anyone? Nope. In my neighbourhood there are no pavements (Yanks call the road a pavement ‘cos they’re thick). So fucking cunt dog owners walk their fucking oversized vermin on a leash up the middle of the street. How convenient. Do I walk my cat on a leash and fuck with traffic? Nope. As they make their way up the street, they trigger all the other dogs into a barking rage. It’s like a domino effect. One dog walker after another. What right to these cunts have to disturb the peace? None. Cunts! Some of the slightly more responsible dog owners carry a grocery bag around with them to scoop up their bastard dog’s turds that they’ve just deposited on your lawn. Two things. One – ever heard of the trespass laws? Two – what about the residue left behind? Just disgusting. When was the last time my cat’s litter tray deposits bothered anyone else? That’s right, never!
Dogs are noisy and dirty. End of.
14
I’m torn on this cunting for reasons that are my own but I will pick a side with the use of a very useful tool…… A survey.
To all dog owners on this forum I ask one question – do any local cats regularly shit in your garden? If the overwhelming answer is no then this nomination will be shown to be bollocks (to me anyway)
1
True but you’ve forgotten one thing – Cats are nasty, humourless, insipid cunts that smell of catshit.
6
And cat-piss.
1
Couldn’t agree less. There are no cunt dogs, fact, only cunt dog owners who fail to train their dogs how to behave because these owners are too lazy or too fucking stupid. The op excepts service, sniffer and guide dogs, this is because they have been trained.
This nomination should be re-worked as ‘cunt dog owners’.
12
I’m really fond of dogs,but don’t think that I’d have one if I had to continually pick up it’s shit. My dogs have hardly ever been on a leash,never mind have me trailing them with a plastic bag ready to catch their shite. They’d be appalled,as would I.
1
Dogs should be employed as a community service punishment for muzz1es. They should be forced to pick up dog shite in their local park.
5
16) ANY cunt that buys a ‘fashionable’ breed such as pug, French bulldog etc. that will almost inevitably have serious and distressing breathing problems for its whole fucking life, poor things. But hey, it looks good on my Instagram, plenty of likes. The fucking cunts.
7
Pugs are Nazis.
2
I’ve got a strange picture of No.11 in my head!
3
I hate dog owners who just let their mutts shit around the place. I often walk around our local park, and there are a number of owners who vaguely rustle a plastic bag as their pooch is having a dump, then when you’re past and they think you’re no longer looking, they walk slyly away. Fucking cunts, but that’s the owner, not the dog.
5
And what about weirdos who pick it up and then hang the bags from trees and bushes?!
When I’m out with my dog, I thoroughly enjoy telling people (who try to avoid picking up the poo – usually middle aged wimminz) that the shit isn’t going to clean itself up. And I take extra bags along to give the selfish cunts. Occasionally, they require following and berating loudly and unpleasantly, especially in a public place.
8
Yes that’s seriously ‘odd’, Thomas!
2
I see what you did there! 🐶
2
Before I was an imitation Yank, I used to play football on a Saturday afternoon. Local village level stuff. Mostly enjoyable, but one thing that really pissed me off was finding dog shit on the pitch. The pitch was part of the local public playground/playing fields. However, the local team’s pitch was roped off. A clear visible barrier to say ‘please keep off as there’s plenty of space elsewhere for you/your dog to enjoy’. But no. The fucking dog owners would let their shit machines off the leash and let them crap on our pitch.
Game time on a Saturday afternoon and certain areas of the pitch became no-go areas because of the dog shit deposits. To the people who let this happen – you are cunts, get AIDS and die you bastards.
6
I agree, dogs are horrendous. They’re like having a needy child constantly begging for your attention but they never grow up and fuck off. Who wants to be on constant guard because the little bastard is hovering over your food at all times waiting for an opportunity to fuck you over. They stink, no matter how clean you are with them. They eat faeces of other animals when you take them for walks and if your lucky they’ll roll in cow shit. The little ones are under your feet all the time begging for the boot and the bigguns try to hump your legs to death. Dogs are for people that need constant reassurance that they’re important to something despite not being so.
14
Enjoyed that, JN. Ta much. Cheers – IY.
7
Nope, my dog, now two years of age, does not beg, does not stink and no longer eats faeces. This is because I excercise it, train it, feed it appropriately and clean it. I shit ye not.
Comes back to my original point about cunt dog owners rather than cunt dogs.
4
I was brought up as an Alsatian (not a German shepherd – it was too soon after the war) and I strongly disagree with this cunting. Dogs v. humans? Dogs win every time, much rather have one by my side, but sadly can’t due to work requirements.
Except spaniels.
4
Ohh, leave the Springer Spaniels alone, Komodo. They’re my very favourite. Intelligent, hilarious, funny-looking. The only downside is that they are NEVER tired. Brilliant dogs though.
3
I repeat, except spaniels. Unless you’re into waterfowling and I’m not (I’d use a standard poodle anyway) You may have been lucky, but inculcating the ghost of a clue into the one I briefly owned proved impossible, and the ones I see around are similar. The word would be ‘demented’.
I’m also agin the fancy breeds, handbag dogs, and a majority of dog owners, sadly, for reasons already cunted above.
2
OC, how will you recover from exam and Facebook stress without a dog to pet in your safe space?
13
Even our cat doesn’t shit in our garden (she comes running in to use the litter tray) but I’m forever cleaning dogshit off the drive. If i ever catch an owner I’m going to make the cunt eat it.
11
This was a supposed to be a reply to Two in the Stink a few comments ago, fucking WordPress.
2
I have loads of dogs and prefer them to most people. If one of my dogs doesn’t like someone then there’s usually a good reason, they are a good judge of character.
Goodbye for now.
10
You just haven’t met the right one, OC.
I’m sure you wouldve loved my flatulent, gay, white boxer, as aloof as he was.
5
Great to see I’ve put the cat among the pigeons with this one. I understand totally why you all like dogs but personally they’re not my cup of tea.
9
Some people like dogs, some don’t. I’ve never had a dog. My old feller wouldn’t let me have one when I was a kid, and when I got my own place I wouldn’t leave one shut in there all day while I was at work. Dogs that are treated right are wonderful friends, they’re happy just to be with you and share their lives with you. They’re better than people. But then all animals are.
7
Can’t agree on this one. Never had a dog before. Bought one about 6 months ago and he’s awesome. Loves me unconditionally. Always goes mad when I come home. Owners on the other hand are cunts. It’s them that don’t pick up the shit, train them or keep them under control. I also hate the fact that walking a dog means you have to talk to every other fuckwit out walking theirs. My pup is brilliant and an excellent judge of character. Was out walking last week and a friendly in a full on tent was walking towards us. Pup went fucking mental.
10
When the day arrives when I can no longer take care of a Dog. That will be a sad day for me a very sad day.
10
Surely the important question here is……what the fuck is OC doing sticking his fingers through people’s letterboxes?
Weird.
4
Can’t get on board with this, dogs are fantastic creatures, I love them and fully intend to get one once I’m in the right environment.
Once again, the reasons some people dislike dogs is entirely down to the owners, humans. Humans are cunts, from screaming babies up to OAP’s, cunts, all of them.
However, I do agree that this has been a somewhat refreshing given everything has been either a lefty cunt this or Brexit that.
5
Agreed, m’lord. it’s always nice to get a bit of the other!
3