British Weather
Those who perceive the British weather in a series of myopic delusions are stoopid cunts aren’t they?
Now that winter is here, every five minutes people are going to be harping on about that imminent snowfall that’ll make the country look like Santa’s north pole.
Three millimetres of icy slush will settle and the whole workshy country will have a day off school and work. Apparently people can’t drive in the snow. Hardly Swiss snowdrifts though are they? It’s just a bit of oily slush.
The reality of course is a never ending misty drizzle that permeates everything. So bad in fact that nobody will even go outside. Every dog in the country is taking a shit on the lawn because their owners can’t face a bit of rain. Fucking pussies, it’s been raining for thousands of years here, you’d think we’d be taking it in our stride by now.
These same people will be the first to start wittering about the mythical Indian summer during the April rains.
Fucking deluded cunts.
The same ones who actually think a bit of wind coming in from the Atlantic constitutes another alphabetically named storm. Or a bit of an icy breeze necessitates an entire sentence.
“Beast from the east” my fucking arse.
Why must we all pretend things are all so much more dramatic than they actually are?
Nominated by Cuntflap
Was in Shropshire in 1982, when nearby RAF Shawbury recorded something like minus 25, was a bit nippy, but we still got to the eagles in Whitchurch, trains a bit iffy but stuff carried on, work as usual. Genuinely read comment in Graun from student snowflake, insisting that as it was minus 3 elf and safety dictates that ‘uni’ close down. If you say anything, the reply is yawnsville grandad, the olden days eh, when you called esteemed colleagues in the LGBTQ community pooves. Just no point with the snowflakes. No point
16
‘Elf and Safety is another reason schools close at the slightest hint of a snowflake or two (ironic)
A) because of the potential for kids to slip on ice while on school premises
B) pupils throwing snowballs on school premises
Both could result in compo claims
In fact I seem to recall a few schools near me closing for the day because of the heat (this was June of 2018 I think). Kids were fainting in the classroom or some such bollocks.
And as the trains – expect the usual crap later this month when snow falls and the tracks buckle!
And of course our roads will fall apart at the first signs of ice, resulting in more potholes and shitloads of road works,
Same old shit different season
8
British weather is excellent. Moreover the climate is the best in the World. Variety makes life more fascinating and our clear, four seasons aren’t bettered anywhere on the globe. A bit of Autumn, a bit cold, a bit of Spring followed by a bit of Summer. There’s nowhere better than England in the Summertime.
It’s too extreme abroad. Either minus 40 or plus 40. Fuck that. Living in a hot shithole trying to convince yourself it’s paradise with the air conditioner permanently set to 20 – the ideal temperature. I love British weather.
15
The Express has been promising we’ll be SLAMMED by an Artic breeze since October. Last I heard it was a triple polar vortex on the way. There’s a cunt at that paper who writes this shite, forget his name but he’s got his own website and he likes Madonna. I was going to cunt him but all my fucks to be given simply evaporated under the strain.
We love the drama and exaggeration of temperatures that aren’t shit compared to non-island nations because the truth is our weather is 90% gloomy overcast and/or rain. It’s a pile of humid muggy bollocks.
I like the rain. But it has to fucking rain, not just drizzle piss for a fortnight. Piss properly ya fucking clouds, then get out the cunting way!
10
Beast from the fucking East, my hairy arsehole indeed!
As recent as the mid 80’s we had around 12″ of snow in the south east and still went to school/work. It was winter back then. And in winter it snowed sometimes.
I blame the reptilian press – the shitehawks will stop at nothing to sell their bullshit to a gullible public. Filthy cunts.
9
My parents used to bang on about the winter of 63.
Now that was arctic conditions, with several feet of snow and all sorts of bad shit – and yet most people still managed to get to work and the country carried on (not sure about schools as they never mentioned that, but still)
9
To be fair NCFOM in ’63 everyone worked on their doorstep.
3
But nobody “worked from home”
3
Your parents weren’t wrong NCFOM – the winter of ‘62 /’63 (known as the Big Freeze of 1963) was one of the coldest winters on record in the UK. Lakes and rivers froze over. I was 10 at the time, no central heating, most days during January and February there was frost on the inside of the windows. Beautiful, but fucking brutal. And yes, schools were very rarely closed.
Then came the ‘70s and the predicted new Ice Age… then Global Warming… that didn’t cut it, so they changed the name to ‘White Middle Aged Man Made Climate Change’… wimmins not to blame…
Scientists are cunts.
13
I was at school then. Damn sure it never closed. Still got there everyday. Hands frozen stiff inside three pairs of gloves on my bike, mind. The cold lasted for about three months. No central heating at home either. We wuz tough then.
7
You remind me of that terrific Monty Python sketch called “The Four Yorkshire men” and how that described how tough their lives were when they were kids.
For example “Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o’clock at night half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us and dance about on our graves singing Hallelujah”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ue7wM0QC5LE
5
It was fucking cold in winter, single glazing, no insulation, one fucking coal fire in the kitchen…..
Looking back it does appear primative but it was normal back then so no one thought about it. Ouside bog, no fucking bathroom, tin bath in front of the fire.
I was 10 years old before we had a house with a bathroom, still had the outside bog though…. Kids today…. dont know they are fucking born!
9
I was lucky… had a paraffin heater in my first bedsit. It fucking stunk and billowed smoke from arsehole to breakfast time. And we chain smoked Sovereign tabs – you could barely see Pan’s People through all the smoke of a Thursday night on Top of the Pops. I only had a little Fergusen portable B&W telly at the time, sob, sob, boo-hoo… what didn’t kill us made us stronger.
11
Another thing about our weather:-
Too hot for the time of year – climate change
Too cold for the time of year – climate change
Too warm/cool for the time of year – climate change
Too wet/dry for the time of year – climate change
(and you may as well throw in Brexit against all those as well)
11
I have an hour’s walk every day unless it is pissing down. I do notice that most neighbours don’t walk anywhere, even though we are in the countryside with lovely open spaces and views.. Apart from defrosting or occasionally scraping snow from their fucking cars, weather has no affect on the fuckers.
A no-deal Brexit will have the fuckers walking to work when we run out of fuel, cars, electricity and au-pairs in April.
Lazy cunts.
10
In other news….
Parties searching for flight MH370 which disappeared while on route to Beijing believe they have found the wings.
A spokesman said “Once the weather has improved we hope to find the Wongs, the Chans and the Lees….
18
The Express exists purely to shriek a daily ‘imminent weather disaster’ headline. It’s bloody ludicrous.
There’s been a lengthy period of calm,cool and dry weather recently mostly due to a very High Pressure system sitting over the U.K. since 26 December.
The resultant “MILLIONS OF LIVES AT RISK FROM DANGER PARTICULATES “ Express headline must surely be imminent.
And I’d express myself daily with Lucy Verswamey in a heartbeat too.
6
Lucy Verasamy! Watching her weather forecasts brings a milky tear to my third eye every time.
9
Especially when she wears one of her very tight sweaters!
5
Hows the weather, good question…..
British weather must be the most discussed topic ever, even more than Brexit
Especially up north!
Off topic Nancy Pelosi……The wall is an immorality, its not who we are as Americans…… What a Cunt!
6
And god fucking bless her for it. She, too, is a cunt’s cunt.
3
With all the workshy cunts could you imagine living in canada? believe me it is arse weather especially wintertime, -40 with extreme wind chill is a good reason to be lazy or workshy but -12 with drizzling light rain just fucking isn’t
Pelosi is a utter cunt would like to see her being ripped apart from limb by limb by a pack of wild dogs Trump should throw pelosi and schumer from a helicopter I hate both sides of the political parties nowadays tho republicans aren’t much better democrats are still more unlikeable for being virtue signalling twats
4
When it was hot last year the head of the royal college of nursing was on screaming how awful things were because a nurse had collapsed partly because of lack of water. I thought well, surely she must piss, have a swig from the cold tap. They then idly threw in that the nurse had done two 12 hr shifts back to back. Hang on, hang on, where I’m from that means one after the other. 24 hrs, then she conks, genuinely, words fucking fail me.
6
Get over it weather’s the weather. Look oot the window don’t listen the 3 hour bbc weather program every morning. It rains wear a jacket. If it’s cold do a bit to warm up. If it’s boiling hot batter down the cider end of ya cuntz
4
Enough of the weather….. next week (and the week after) back to fucking Brexit….
Snowflakes, Labour, Greens, Liberals, SNP, Conservative traitors, Bank of England, Media, all waiting to stop us leaving at any cost…..
The BBC…… anti Beexit progaganda, another fucking Academic on today ….. no deal would be a disaster, what!!! you mean you dont have contact with anyone who isnt in Europe, silly cunt,
Its just fucking bullshit…. Fucking Maybot needs to go to the EU cunts and say we are leaving on the 29th March, no fucking deal, we will have a transition 6 months to WTO, if you want a trade deal with the UK it will cost you 39 billion Euros.
On Northern Ireland, we arent going to have a hard border, shit will move across the border as normal…. so fuck off!
I should have been a politician 😀
9
It’s a fact that we’ve had a lot of weather recently, but concerned citizens should be made aware that there’s a lot more to come.
3
’63 was indeed a cold one. But then again my parents said the winter of 1947 was evil. One day my grandad went to leave for work but the snowdrift covered the whole door and halfway up the house. And this in the middle of Coventry.
Eeeh but they were ‘appy.
4
Having lived in Nottingham for half my life (bloody hell; ’62/63 was fucking cold up there; I was only 6 and you feel it when you’re a nipper), I now live in consistently the warmest and sunniest place in mainland Britain. Fuckin’ ace!
2
You feel it a damn sight worse when you’re old and wretched!
4