We’re all familiar with the cliché about opinions. They’re like arseholes, and we’ve all got one. This seems to be particularly true where luvvies are concerned, and they’re never slow to ride their hobby horses in public. Allow me to offer a few illustrations so that you get my drift.

Take ‘the refugee crisis’. We had heart-on-sleeve thesp Carey Mulligan whining about being ‘ashamed to be British’, and accusing the country of ‘failing to address the issue’. Benecunt Cunterbatch stuck his oar in, until challenged by someone to take a few peacefuls into his lush £2.7m. pad. He ‘seriously looked into it’, but didn’t act on the suggestion as ‘we had a very new baby at the time’. What about now, or has it become someone else’s problem after all?
Then there’s David Tennant. The actor formerly known as Doctor Who recently presumed to let Donald Trump know ‘on behalf of the Scottish nation’ that ‘Scotland doesn’t fucking like you’. There you go; the people speak as one.

Of course Brexit draws these wankers like flies to shit. When in Germany a while ago, slaphead Patrick Stewart took it upon himself to ‘apologise’ to the EU on behalf of the British people for ‘the disastrous mistake’ of Brexit. He’s now fronting up a bunch of Metrocentrics who want a ‘People’s Vote’ to supersede the referendum, which was invalid (ie. they lost). That heavyweight political commentator Graham Norton has just decided to jump on the ‘speak for all’ Brexit bandwagon, claiming on Irish tv that ‘everyone knows it’s a bad idea’. As if that wasn’t bad enough, cultural giants such as Ed Sheeran, Sting (of course) and Rita Ora are now warning that a no deal Brexit will put Britain in ‘a self built cultural jail’, no less. ‘Awa’ hame an’ throw shite at yersel’ ‘, as they say north of the border. Tell that one to Shakespeare. Tell it to Austen, Turner and Elgar; hell, tell it to four lads from Liverpool who you might have heard of. They were called The Beatles.

Now let me be clear. As far as I’m concerned, any celebrity is welcome to any opinion they choose to hold. What fucking hacks me off however is their smug presumption that their celebrity leads us to value their opinions, or care to hear them. Why? Because they’ve been on the telly or made a record? What they need to do is stick to their very well paid jobs and stop pontificating to the rest of us. To put it simply, I don’t give a fuck. I wouldn’t trade the skin off a fart for any luvvy’s view on anything. That goes for you too, Mr Alan Cumming, so stop spouting your tiresome drivel on the question of Scottish independence.

In short, stick your unsought opinion up up your arse, as far as it will go.

Nominated by Ron Knee