The National Police Coordination Centre. What a bunch of pointless, time-serving, overpaid cunts. Staffed with Commanders etc with eye watering salaries that would probably pay to actual police London with ordinary plod.
Below is their purpose. Make of it what you will: —
‘Co-ordinate and broker mutual aid in both steady state and a crisis;
•Co-ordinate a continuous testing and exercising regime to ensure effective mobilisation of national assets in a crisis;
•Co-ordinate, collate and act as a national repository for capacity and capability in relation to the Strategic and National Policing Requirements on specialist UK policing assets;
•Develop reporting mechanisms with the Home Office and Central Government crisis management;
•Support the chair of the National Police Chiefs’ Council (NPCC) in COBR during times of national crisis and for large scale events. ‘
Clear? Or can you smell civil service bullshit. This coordination is done from the danger zone of SW1.
They are warning of prolonged civil disorder, food and drug shortages and rising crime. What is the trigger for this you may ask? Go on. Guess.
No, not the mayhem from the bruvvers on London’s streets. Heaven forfend.
No, not the dry summer hitting agricultural production.
No, not the internal threat from radical and not so radical Islam.
Not even the ‘Far Right’ per se. Although I suspect this will come up at some stage.
Come on. All together now:
A no deal Brexit.
Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble
Yeah, the streets will be full of snowflakes, poofs , trannies, wimmin, slebs and remoaner MPs holding up their phones to film each other weeping and crying.
It will be fucking chaos, all those cunts pushing each other out of the way to get their ugly spiteful faces in front of the tv cameras.
Thank god we are blessed with brave men, women and non gender specific persons to deal with this impending crisis.
20
A veritable Centre of Excellence.
I can just imagine it; spacious, air-conditioned offices with glass, marble and plush carpets. Senior police personnel walking around with their stripes on their shoulders for all to see. Young, ambitious, prick-teasing admin girls, dolled up to the nines in their own self-smugness hoping to break into the world of the elite by fucking the married boss.
Young, aggressively ambitious, but hopelessly inexperienced male coppers plucked from the university circuit looking one day to pull the rug from under their senior’s feet.
All bathed in an air of faux superiority, bought and paid for by us.
Cunts!
31
Omfg.
Nice cunting and nicely done.
This marries the dual narratives of “any excuse to impose beaurocracy” and “if I don’t get my own way over brexit the toys are going well and truly out of the pram”.
They really are cunts.
13
“I’ll sqweam and sqweam and sqweam until I’m sick”
9
•Co-ordinate, collate and act as a national repository for capacity and capability in relation to the Strategic stockpiling of coloured nail varnish.
Top notch cunting Cuntstable!
11
They couldn’t co-ordinate a bumming session in a gay sauna.
6
Possibly not,hut I could.
3
The only “coordinating” some of these top brass, faceless cunts will be achieving is:-
buying the next round of drinks;
indulging in a few rounds of golf,
sitting on one’s arse all day shuffling a few pieces of paper from one tray into another;
a few 7 course meals for those really hectic days,
the odd “fact-finding” trip to the Bahamas, Barbados and the Seychelles (rather than Baghdad, Damascus and Kabul – where’ there’s no civil strife or conflict at all!);
“managing” one’s expenses,
and making sure they get a good golden handshake when they fuck something up and are forced to resign!
Cunts
19
When I worked in London, I lived opposite Hendon Police College. On my way to the tube every morning, I never passed anyone I would take to be an effective police officer, i.e. i would pass your run of the mill weedy beardies staring at their mobiles.
Before I left London, me and a mate happened upon the changing of the guard at Buck house. The coppers there were a disgrace – scruffy, unshaven and inarticulate. I imagine this is the result of snowflakery milenialisms in Hendon.
13
Let’s hope Commissioner Strapon keeps her cool and doesn’t get trigger happy again.
We wouldn’t want to see dozens of dead remoaner snowflakes cluttering up the streets, not to mention the hand holding candlelight vigils which would inevitably follow.
6
The Boris water cannon would have been perfect for hosing down any remoaner disquiet, but despite costing £320,000 were flogged for scrap value after fucking Mavis banned their use. I always feel a bit of envy when I see the Continentals with their baton rounds, water cannons and tear gas.
9
Heaven forbid any harm befalls the delicate and highly sensitive snowflakes!
Imagine one being slightly dampened by a distant water canon spray, or tapped on the shoulder by a heavy handed copper during a mild scuffle – they’ll be straight onto Fuckbook or Twatter giving it the old “I was brutally attacked to within an inch of my life by those vicious, totalitarian fascist thugs. I am in agony, boo hoo is me!”
Oh, and no doubt Lilly Mong will suddenly appear in front of camera (but not before barging lesser snowflakes out of the way first), wailing and crying (whilst checking her phone for Fuckbook likes); and then finishing off with a “Oh and by the way I’ve got a new record out; only £12.99. It will change your life. It’s great!”
8
All jokes aside people; Brexit may cause a shortage of dubious quality halal slaughtered “chicken”. As you are aware many parts of our major cities have large numbers of establishments providing fried chicken a very important provider of sustenance to large numbers of the local people. Now not all of these outlets are money laundering fronts for drugs and other serious criminal offences; some of them really do open all hours to supply food to the natives. Imagine the chaos and confusion if they run out of “chicken” towns like Dewsbury could tear themselves apart as gangs of hungry residents of certain areas prowl the night looking for fried chicken. I an sue this is one of the scenarios envisioned by our wonderful top police men.
8
That could be a serious problem. On the other hand that could be balanced by a large reduction in domestic violence cases due to the shortage of Belgian Wifebeater (brewed since 1366)
5
Courage “Imperial Stout”
Uncle Nobby went to some bible-bashing meeting, and heard the words “Take courage”…and he’s been taking ot ever since.
Steptoe & Son.
2
Excellent cunting Cuntstable Cuntbubble. I see some similarities in the formation of the early SS. Perhaps even worse than said SS.! What does our future hold eh?
6
“Police are helping Aston Villa identify the fan who threw a cabbage at Steve Bruce”.
I repeat- a cabbage.
This was inside the stadium and thus the responsibility of Villa’s own security ….oh, and it missed.
Meanwhile back in the real world, stabbings, robberies, fraud and burglaries continue unchecked because, we are told, “there’s insufficient resources to pursue this”.
Welcome to the face of modern-day politically correct policing.
7
Top marks for originality though. Who ever heard of smuggling a cabbage into a football ground to throw it at some cunt?
This could start a new trend. I can see vicious battles being fought with cauliflowers, carrots and parsnips at grounds all over the country.
6
Perhaps Bruce will sign a Swede instead!
I suppose this will mean being checked at the turnstiles for fans carrying anything remotely suspicious packed down one’s trousers, like a parsnip, cucumber or sprouts!
There were three stabbings here in Brum city centre last night, but the police won’t give a shit because it was black-on-black. Of course if an angry old white bloke walking past had said something terribly offensive to these gangsters, he would have been thrown into a paddy wagon, given a good drubbing, thrown into a cold cell and generally fucked about with to within an inch of his life!
Such is the priorities of the Old Bill these days
5
Turns out Bruce has now been given the sack (probably full of cabbages!)
Time for Villa to turn over a new leaf (another cabbage presumably!)
1
Along with the cabbage, a pound coin was also thrown.
Police are yet to determine wether it was intended as a missle or a takeover bid….
7
The few police stations that haven’t already been sold off are now refusing to accept lost property except for things like phones and I pads where the owner can be easily identified.
So if you find a gun or a bag stuffed with tenners or drugs then it’s yours. Too much trouble to do all that paperwork when there are trannies being called cunts on Facefuck.
7
God the Guff. Reams and reams and reams and reams and reams and reams of it I bet. Poor plod. Who writes it I want to know. It takes a very special kind of brain to use big words to say absolutely nothing. Maybe there is a computer progamme that produces it. The funny thing it uses language, terms appropriate to the military- ‘strategies’ ‘co-ordinate’ . And military language or orders rather should always be brief and to the point.
5
Years ago ended up in despair at colleagues discussing whether something was an aim, a target or an objective. We weren’t at Iwo fucking Jima, but an office in Northallerton. Thank fuck nobody said they needed a sitrep asap or I would currently be residing at her majesty’s pleasure.
5
Loving the bullshit – er, bullet points*. I assume it takes at least 4 highly-paid senior police officers to support a chair when it has died as a result of being restrained for its own good.
But that’s management worldwide. Whose function is to:
. Chair and populate extended muti-actor contact events (‘meetings’) and ensure null outcomes from these.
. Redesignate and rearrange functional personnel structures, transferring all positive benefits upstream, while prohibiting supplicants’ access to the Management Pillar (or Pipeline).
. Generate a universe of boxes, and ensure that these are all ticked, going forward.
. In association with IT, multiply user despair by adjusting networks ,hardware and software at irregular intervals in order to reverse expected outcomes for users…
…etc, etc.
*’Loving the…’ deserves a special cunting of its own. Here used with malice aforethought.
6
K
I think you need a thought shower to momentiate your band width and make a paradigm shift on this one.
3
We thank cunt bubble for his feedback and cascading his contribution to the cunting community. Going forward, with forward planning, we look forward to cunt bubbles horizon scanning, his facilitation of current thinking on issues around accessing, uh, issues. We will source groundbreaking creatives to drill down, double down even, with granularity on this topic. I am sure we are all woke on this issue, we will not take a swerve, pivot, or throw shade on this. Mr cuntbubble will no doubt be curating further blue sky thinking and we await his next iteration. I am sure we will all be singing from the same hymn sheet and landing on the same runway. It’s challenging out there service users. Take care, and keep snapshotting social media for brand issues, keep on trend, and on point. Monitor those spaces. Digest the take aways. Remember our mission statement. Change or die. I’ll take the latter thanks!
4
So. Sublime. Our organisation can certainly utilise your obfuscational talents!
1
Pass the thought talcum, please…*sniff*
2
Amen brother.
1
I’ve always been sad that im a bit of a thick twat, but after reading the nom and most of it going over my empty napper im now seeing it as a benifit.
3
Ah contraire, it marks us out as men and women of considerable perspicacity. We can see it’s fucking gibberish, they can’t!
2
Police brutality? More of it.
0