Lawyers

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Lawyers. Cunts to a man, woman and non-gender specific entity.

Millenia ago when Hamurabi set out the first laws there was undoubtedly some sliimeball, Babylonian chancer thinking ‘Hmm. They seem straightforward enough. How can I fuck them up and overcomplicate the system?’ The first lawyer was born.

Now we have them in all aspects of life.
Fallen over on the way to the Jobcentre? No win no fee will sort it out.
Illegal immigrant rapist? Don’t worry, a lawyer will look after your Yewman Rights.
Buying a house? A lawyer will get his secretary to do the work and charge you an eye-watering sum.
Divorce? A lawyer will ensure your assets are split 3 ways – you, spouse and the lawyer.
Possible libel in Russia? London is the world centre for libel tourism where an army of grasping, overcharging reptiles will take the case.
NHS made a mess of your tattoo removal? No win, no fee are there to fleece the taxpayer.
Whiplash from an engineered or non existent car crash? You know where to go.

There are multi layers of courts to go to, each more expensive than the last, each with it’s own overpaid charlatans and all existing to line the pockets of parasites.

If you are not swayed by any of the above, let me give you just 2 names:-

Cherie and Tony Blair.

I rest my case.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

63 thoughts on “Lawyers”

  1. Two more of our Learned Friends :
    Chuka Umbongo
    David Lammy (had a friend who died in Grenfell)
    In fact 15% of MPs are lawyer scum. Not exactly representative of the general population is it?

    • Sadiq Khan-Human rights lawyer (Dadee wuz a bus dwiver) and . Emily Thornberry, Christ if you looked hard enough you could find enough MP’s to make up a whole legal firm of grasping parasites.

      • I figured that, as MP’s, they already are grasping parasites and can’t imagine how they could make that worse by getting involved in a firm.

  2. More stains on the toilet bowl.

    Kier Starmer
    Wee Jimmy Krankie
    Suckdick Khan (specialized in yewman rights, otherwise known as keeping illegal immigrant criminals in the country)

    Fucking marvellous innit?

    • Excuse me, it’s DAME Kier Starmer, if you don’t mind Freddie!

      And while we’re at it might I add:

      Jack Straw (war criminal)
      Harriet Harperson
      Anna Sourcunt
      Emily Thornpiggery, aka Lady Nougat

      Thank you for your kind indulgence.

    • I’m surprised you’ve forgotten Alex Salmond. Also Dominic Raab, Domimnic Grieve, Nicky Morgan, Yasmin Qureshi Harriet Hormone QC, Afzal Khan, Fiona Onasanya, both Keith and Valerie Vaz, and literally scores more of serving MP’s. By far the HoC’s best-represented trade.

  3. Blowjob Bill Clinton
    Killary Clinton
    Barry O’Bummer
    Michelle O’Bummer

    Anyone notice a pattern here?

  4. An MP who cant be named for legal reasons is so busy being a lawyer and lining his pockets he can’t be arsed to respond to his/her/transgendered constituency who voted this MP into office.

    Not only are the fees they charge staggering, the “admin” fees they add on for the privilege of printing off a document copy/pasted with just some details changed/added, I didn’t realise paper and ink were so bleeding expensive. Cunts.

    • Yes indeed, it’s amazing how many letters need to be sent to convey a very simple message.
      For the same price I could have bribed the pope to have the correspondence written in unicorn’s blood on part of the Turin shroud.

  5. When I went to college ahead of Polyversity, the course I did coveted a number of subjects in the first year before specialising in the second year.

    One of the modules was “Business Law”. After a couple of weeks we were given an assignment to do where we had to form an argument for or against (you could choose which) a breach of legal contract.

    With rose tinted glasses I put forward a case for the claimant. I was really satisfied with my work – being keen as mustard and all that – and was expecting a fanfare from said lecturer on my genius and complete grasp of the argument.

    I got a C minus. And that – I am reliably told – was down to my formatting and layout rather than my (IMO) excellent content.

    The comment at the bottom of my paper read thus: “DO NOT CONFUSE MORALITY WITH LEGALITY!”

    And since then I have never trusted one of the cunts ever since!

    Lawyers and solicitors rank #2 in my list of pond life scum, second only to MPs. Cunts like B.Liar are double cunts in this respect as they were both MP and Lawyer – which shouldn’t be allowed IMO.

    Here’s my list of cunt professions pop pickers…

    1. MPs.
    2. Legal cunts.
    3. Financial (mis)advisors.
    4. Estate agents.
    5. Employment agents.

    Not ‘arf!

    • I had a similar experience with ore mineralogy. Though, as usual with the cunt, I got no hint, before or afterwards, of what he was actually hoping to elicit from me.
      Can we add,
      6. Academics with attitude?

      • Tricky to do a top 5 when the greasy scum who would do anything for a story are not on the Top 5 list:

        7. Journalists.

      • Same here, got into an argument because I answered the question. Under the impression that was the point of coursework. The lecturer said that wasn’t what the question asked. I told her that’s precisely what the question asked and she said that it wasn’t what it meant. I told her if she wanted me to answer what the question meant perhaps she should have asked that fucking question and saved me the whole weekend working on a spurious project, the cunt. She couldn’t really bollock me as I was a mature student a couple of years older than her

      • How about just plain ‘academics’ – every one of them I’ve ever known takes great delight in spouting utter bollocks (you don’t need common sense when you live in a ivory tower) whilst ensuring that their snout is as deeply planted in the trough as possible.

        Naturally, most of them are devout ‘socialists’ (of the type that have a flunky – paid for by the university or college, natch – to scrape the poor off the soles of their shoes) who devoutly pray to the Great God EU for research grants…

      • Ah yes, Academics.

        More degrees than a compass and not one ounce of common sense.

        Like the doss cunt who could recount the molar mass of every element on the periodic table but waited 15mins at a door that was open that he thought was locked because when he pulled the handle it wouldn’t open.

        It was a “push”! Hahahaha! Useless cunt!

  6. Combine 1 and 2 together and you get……Senior Police Officers.

    May I also add supercunt and cry baby remoaner, former Attorney General, Dominic Grieve QC, MP.

    • Keith (I didn’t use a condom up his bum m’lud) fucking Vaz; an oily, lactulose turd that smears the toilet bowl.

  7. Lawyers stock in trade /USP = Lying and Dissembling. No wonder the sociopathic parasites are so over-represented in the Commons and the House of Cunts…

    Sublime Cunting Cuntstable!

    Morning all.

  8. Lawyers created corporations using laws meant to help newly freed slaves, and gave their exploitative organisations the same rights as human beings.

  9. “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”
    – William Shakespeare

    (Dick the Butcher chatting to Jack Cade, Henry VI)

    • The first people the peasants went after when they revolted in 1381 were the lawyers, when the next revolution happens, let’s hope the legal cunts get the same treatment

  10. Sorting out a “Lasting Power of Attorney” for an aging relative in danger of losing their marbles costs less than £100 if you do it yourself (fairly simple to do, as it involves filling in a form and sticking a stamp on an envelope), or anything from £1500 upwards if you use a Solicitor to fill it in and post it for you!

    The legal profession are sponging bastard leech cunts from top to bottom.

  11. A well timed cunting, there. For today, a judgement is expected in the matter of Todoric et al v Croatia. Ivica Todoric is the former CEO of Agrokor, a company which accounts for 15% of Croatia’s GDP. Croatia would like to have him back from London, where he is currently escaping their enquiries, to try him for massive fraud, as far as I can tell involving siphoning off millions from the company accounts and spending it on the usual luxuries. His extradition was authorised by the courts in July, but he appealed. His appeal was turned down, but he requested a hearing to review this – apparently this is possible. The hearing was granted, a date was set, then delayed for 40 days in order for the defence to prepare its case, allegedly involving new evidence.

    At 1030 today we will know whether Todoric’s lawyer, Cherie Blair (or Booth) QC has managed to get him off the hook. Kerchinggg! either way for her. And ‘oh fuck, where’d our money go?’ for HM Taxpayer. Again.

    Utter bloodsucking cunts. And I so cunt.

    • It took a bit longer, but I am pleased to report that Mr Todoric will, under a binding extradition order, be returning to his Balkan home – or a Balkan jail – quite soon. Cherie was unable to save him. That’s one less undesirable immigrant, anyway.

      • I suspect old wonky-jawed Cherie doesn’t give a gnat’s fart whether she wins or loses as long as the bill will be paid. She might’ve obligingly taken it to demonstrate she’s still one of the peeple.

  12. Lawyers like estate agents are just legal thieves, only because its within the law dosnt make it right, and some cunt who gets to charge you a fortune to probe the very edges of whats legal make them a cunt.

    Most of what they do is collaborate with other cunts/lawyers on how to beef up the final invoice for the clian/victim.

    What do you call a demolished building full of dead lawyers = a fucking good start…

    Utter cunts

  13. Great selection Cunstable, and I am amazed that Lawyers haven’t been picked before, at least based on this entry not having a wee bracketed number after.

    Mindful of solicitors and QCs under the cuntly umbrella of lawyer, I can categorically state from professional dealings that these fucks are truly worthy of all their famed contempt. Primarily making their fortune from human fucking misery and despair. It is one of the oldest professions in the world but certainly the cuntliest.

    In agreement with esteemed cunters elsewhere, I knew several law students during my own studies and all to a man were obnoxious scumcunts, even then. There was always that pervading, self-satisfied smugness about them which obviously stood them in good professional stead during later life.

    The other thing I hate is the glamorisation of the law profession on TV and film. Big cunts, erudite and flawlessly eloquent in delivering their cross-examinations – nothing could be further from the fucking truth. These cunt lawyers are, in reality, more likely to be scrutinising a design specification for a nursery refurb to allow the equally cuntlike highwayman contractor to make extra money from claims; or low-level profiteering by offering letters of recommendation for passports ‘4 ca$h’.

    There’s a famous joke – what do you call one thousand lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? ‘A good start’. No, that isn’t even close to what I would consider a good start. Try 100,000, or even better, torch them with fucking flamethrowers before dumping them in the Atlantic. Cunts.

    • I have never seen a TV programme that comes within a parsec of accurately portraying life in the legal profession or showing the merest understanding of court procedure.

      That said, far too many lawyers buy into the hype and glamour that such moronic shows so gleefully portray. The decline of the legal profession mirrors that of the banking industry, in that probity and rectitude have largely been replaced by designer handbags and shiny Italian suits.

  14. What’s the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
    One’s a blood-sucking parasite. The other is an insect.

  15. Here’s another legal cunt……. solicitor Anjem Choudray. Studied the law, at your expense, didn’t like it and decided he wanted to bring in some new laws straight from some backward, medieval shithole full of goatfuckers.
    You paid for his defence, two year stay in Butlins, his slave wife, brats and council house.
    This bloke has cracked it.

  16. They basically invented a whole new language and decreed that no one may use it without paying a hefty sum for training and seal of approval.

    That wouldn’t be a problem if it weren’t for the fact they can send you to get your cornhole maximised in prison using this language. Or executed in other countries. Or arrested and extradited.

    Want to defend yourself against it? Sure, that will be £58,000 please.

    Fucking top league bullshit.

  17. Talking of MPs. Was reading this week about one who at the same time as being an MP is working 20 hours a week as a hospital Doctor!. Aren’t they forever fucking tell us how fucking hard they work and how underpaid they are ? It should be made illegal for MPs to have second jobs.

    • Correct me if I’m wrong but doesn’t Chuka Umunna trouser £65000 a year for ‘working’ 12 hours a month for a ‘Progressive’ think-tank. That works out at a mere £450 an hour or so.

      Imagine how much he’d charge if he wasn’t a socialist…

      • Correct. Boris Johnson reportedly gets £275,000 for the 10 hours a month he spends writing his Telegraph column. Or about £2,291 per hour, for time he is already paid for to represent his constituents.

  18. Oh, btw today is Agincourt Day (25/10/1415)

    Suck on that Macron you snivelling, snail eating, white flag waving cunt.
    Never forgive, never forget.

  19. Who is worse: the lawyer who eschews morality, decency and justice in the service of a client or the client who instructs the lawyer to do so?

    The correct answer is, of course, that they’re both utter cunts.

    Cuntish lawyers and judges exist in direct proportion to the number of cuntish clients. There are some decent (in every meaningful sense of the word) lawyers out there, but they are a diminishing breed. A bit like the people who retain their services, wouldn’t you say?

  22. My solicitor (a lady Indian) said to me regarding my enquiry concerning ongoing child arrangements: “I don’t want to do that for you Alan, a mere email will cost you £25 and I am mindful that you are self funding.” Nice one. Lovely. Most of them are cunts and can fuck off though.

    • For fuck’s sake! I mean I know there fees are exorbitant but the brass neck of the feces-tinged cunt to say that to you!

      I am sorry you need to have any of these scumbags involved, Fistula. Reprehensible cuntfucks.

      • Child arrangements. I needed a lawyer RTCP. My ex wife got legal aid because I thumped her and spent a night banged up. The police at the time were kindness itself. I had to pay for representation myself. My solicitor is a very nice lady acting more on behalf of my children than me. It did cost an eye watering amount of money just for my ex, the cunt, to walk away without a resolution never to see the children since that day. I have no redress for costs. During the case enough shit came out regarding our history for me to be legal aid funded for any potential future litigation. I’m just about flat broke but I have the children. The police were kind at that timd not just because of my acceptance and compliance but because, I found out later, my ex missus had previous for assaulting a police constable. £25 for an email is illustrative of the ridiculous amount of money the cunts charge.

  23. Lawyers, the Law and the Establishment are currently conspiring to keep secret the name of a prominent businessman accused of sexual and racial harassment. Need we say more?

  24. Snooty lawyers grow up to become even snootier judges and elevate themselves even further above the rest of us common scum. Remember this famous address to the jury by Lord High Jerkoff Mervyn Guthrie Griffith-Jones, CBE and MC in the “Lady Chatterley´s Lover” case:

    “…when you have read it through, would you approve of your young sons, young daughters – because girls can read as well as boys – reading this book? Is it a book that you would have lying around in your own house? Is it a book that you would even wish your wife or your servants to read?”

    Thankfully the jury waved two finger at His High and Mightiness and threw out the case, thereby allowing all of us – and our servants – to read a dirty, boring book.

    • The judge only wanted the rest of us not to read up the practice of uphall gardening that him and his upper class deviants practiced on a regular basis.

  25. Another bunch of robbing feckers to go on the list, veterinary surgeons, is it insured madam? Yes , oh good lets see how long we can keep the corpse breathing to run up the bill, not a lot of money in a bullet/injection

  27. My sincere apologies to Jack, above, for stating that Salmond is a lawyer. He is indeed a fucking (ex) banker, and I am a misinformed cunt.

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