I write from the grand auld toon of Edinburgh, a place richly steeped in culture, history and legend. It boasts superb vistas, charming streets and gardens, fascinating sights, and pubs brimming with character in which to enjoy a refreshment, all offered in a genial atmosphere of hospitality.
It’s also a great place to sample traditional Scottish dishes, such as stovies, Arbroath smokies (delicious!), cullen skink, charachan, and Scotland’s greatest contribution to the culinary arts, the, er, deep fried Mars Bar.
Now the very notion of a deep fried Mars Bar has always struck me as dubious, but when in Rome… Anyway, while out and about, I chanced upon a chip shop advertising this strange yet exotic delicacy, and curiosity drew me in to make a purchase. It turns out that they can be bought on their own or as a ‘supper’; that’s with chips, add salt, vinegar or sauce to taste. Cleanse the palate afterwards with a can of Irn Bru, ‘your other national drink’.
What’s it actually like then? Well, it resembles a crispy turd. It has the consistency of chewing gum left on the bedpost overnight, and each bite settles on the stomach like a golf ball. The matter of how it tastes is something I’d prefer not to go in to; let’s just term it ‘rich’ and leave it at that.
All in all, I’d say that the deep fried Mars Bar is an acquired taste. Given that most of mine ended up in the nearest bin, it’s a taste that I for one am unlikely to acquire any time soon.
Scots have long been admired for their powers of invention, but let’s face it, it takes a mad as a box of frogs type of genius to come up with the idea of taking a confection made of chocolate, toffee and nougat, dipping it in batter, and tossing it into a deep fat fryer.
‘Here’s tae us. Wha’s like us? Few, an’ they’re a’ deid’. Yes, a good few of them after consuming this wannabe shit sandwich, I’d imagine. Land of the high endeavour all right, just not where deep fried Mars Bars are concerned, you barmy cunts.
Nominated by Ron Knee
Truly never understood how the fuck anyone could find this concoction appealling. I remember first seeing these on a local news segment when I was a teenager and literally borked throughout the report.
I can only assume this ‘dish’ is some kind test to see what someone can put up with; in the same way you always get that one tosser in your group at Wetherspoons curry club night who insists on displaying machismo by ordering the red-hot Faal, despite sweating profusely and wretching his way throughout the fucking ordeal.
These desecrated Mars bars look as appetising as cold vomit, which can sadly be said for several of Scotland’s signature dishes. It baffles me how a nation who could invent the telephone, the steam engine and the laws of electrodynamics could also come up with these Deliverance-tier calorific abominations.
Definitely concur with this deep-fried cunting.
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🤣 ECB: “Deliverance-tier calorific abominations.” Cue the banjo.
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“I can only assume this ‘dish’ is some kind test to see what someone can put up with”
My granny always said that all scottish food was based on a double dare…
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I love them think it’s a Scottish west coast thing. Wife’s English and she can’t fuckin stand them
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Delicious, and with a dollop of ketchup…well, that raises it to a new level !
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Ketchup on a deep fried mars bar ASA?! jesus thats just mental, now i’m seeing why sir limpy is a antiscotcite
What a twisted concoction that you scots eat burns supper is all and well but a deep fried mars bar, fucking gross I’m not exactly a health nut but eating a deep fried mars everyday is a quick way to lose your teeth anda winning ticket to the diabetic lottery
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Bizarre. Brought to you by the nation that twice elected Fat Alex as its leader then topped that with Wee Jimmy. Apparently, when she was at university, Sturgeon was known as ‘seaweed’ because even the tide wouldn’t take her out.
Been ranting about fat cunt Philip Green and various other pointless ‘knights’…
https://mikesplace2017.wordpress.com/2018/10/27/the-mark-of-cain/
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A Knighthood: The mark of a bona fide CUNT.
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Agree RTCP
It’s almost a cast iron guarantee the people bestowed with the title sir are indeed Cunts!!
Sir Vince cable
Sir Richard Branson
Sir nick Clegg
It’s an almost endless list……
Gongs get thrown around like confetti!! How long before ginger spice gets something?
Fuck it give all the spice girls a gong for services to British music? Sir Harry styles from 1 direction? FFS there’s no end to the cuntery……
That cunt Phillip green has always reminded me of Danny de Vito,s penguin from Batman!! A vile sewer dwelling scum bucket…..
Didn’t blair turn down a life peerage? Hilarious!!
What was blair thinking?
“ I don’t want to be associated with that bunch of Cunts “ 😂
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Precisely Q – Blair may be Cunt of the Century, but he’s not stupid enough to accept a knighthood or a peerage!
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Funny thing is RTCP
Blair’s lack of self awareness knows no bounds, you can just imagine him thinking that he doesn’t want to be labelled a Cunt by taking his peerage?
As if it’s possible to make himself look a bigger Cunt?
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I’d imagine ginger spice has had quite a lot…although not necessarily anything that could be pinned on her bosom.
Probably quite a few “marks of lust” on her denims, though…
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Your blogs always make for interesting reading of a morning, and certainly more truthful than some of the shit I read on the usual news media sites.
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Excellent piece CMC……
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Maybe it was a simple typo at the printers ? Aiming at Crispy Duck , not Crispy Dump…
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I bet that “Dr. Cameron” enjoys sucking a deep-fried Cadbury’s Creme Egg out of Wee Nicola’s sweaty box. Probably has the speech from Braveheart playing at the same time and that Cunt with the bagpipes who stands on the Carter Bar(England/Scotland Border) ready to give it Hell as she juddders to an eye-rolling climax while screaming about Sassenach Cunts….The filthy Fucker.
Any thoughts on this “Doctor”?
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You are one fucked up cunt Mr Fiddler.
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Rare praise,indeed. It’s nice to get the odd kinder assessment of my character, C.M.C,, some people have been known to make the odd hurtful comment about me.
🙂 .
Good to have you back.
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Careful Mr F. We can’t be seen to be too closely associated after what happened at Elton’s last soirée.
Sorry about the state of the curtains in the spare room at Fiddler Towers last time I came to visit your delightful sister Fanny.
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Indeed I do. In Tannochbrae, we only eat guid Scots fare like tattie scones, square sausages, porridge and haggis, all delightfully prepared by Janet´s fair hand for myself, Dr Finlay and Dr Snoddie. None of us has even been tempted to sample traditional English delights like slimy jellied eels, steak and kidney pie tasting of urine, lumpy Yorkshire pudding or your fish and chips which contain the kind of mud-dwelling, shit-eating bottom feeders we don´t even give to our cats.
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Good to hear, Dr. Of course,I tend to stick to the modern English classics, frozen lasagna,chicken tikka marsala,spaghetti bolognese, KFC. etc. None of yer foreign muck for me.
I do hope that you only use salt on your porridge, a true Scot would never be so dizzily extravagant as to use sugar.
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We had spaghetti bolognese this evening.
For breakfast tomorrow I will be having porridge with a pitch of salt and a desert spoon of fairtrade demerara cane sugar. Scrummy.
The wife doesn’t eat breakfast, silly cunt.
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Apparently the Scots also deep fry Cadbury’s Creme Eggs.
Make of that what you will. Clearly some of our friends north off the border have little respect for their own digestive tract.
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What doesn’t kill them makes them cuntier.
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I wonder if Ruth Davidson’s eggs were deep-fried…
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Looks like a dog link that caught a little too much July sunshine.
Struggle to finish a regular Mars to be honest. Never quite understood how it became so popular given it’s just a brick sized turd of processed gooey shite. It’s made in Slough as well, basically a dog link on the map of England.
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Half a Mars bar was a rare treat when I was a boy (1950s).
Yawn…
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Tell that to all the behemoths jamming up the checkout lines perusing the offers on display.
The word ‘treat’ was lost on them about 150lbs ago.
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Morning Chunky.
I’d like to see them jammed into gas chambers. A rare treat to behold.
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Morning RTC.
That certainly would be a treat. Think we may have to skip the chambers and go straight to furnace, can’t have anyone busting their backs moving 250lbs blobs of cyanide blue.
Forget coal, these cunts could power our future!
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Neat idea. Green Party should be interested if no-one else is.
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“Jammed in to gas chambers” RTC. What a treat of a phrase. Warms me up on a chilly day. A tin of Mackintosh’s Quality Street and a can of Zyklon B.
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Classic stuff TBCC……
“ the word treat” 😂
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Hydrogen cyanide very nasty to clean up – I have a greener idea: gas chambers powered by farts.
Also, i am certain that all the hot air produced by wetminster might play its part.
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How about gas chambers fed by the guffs of vegans, particularly the blue haired unwashed smug antifa types? Would give them what they need most, a job they can take pride in.
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Firstly I’ve lived in Scotland all my life and not in poncy Edinburgh or Glasgow I wouldn’t eat one of those if you paid me a kings ransom or allegedly sexual harassment money from Philip Green !
Secondly the “ dr Cameron “ cunt who is into riding wee jimmy krankie etc doesn’t represent me or ANYONE I know
She and the SNP are utterly deluded and CUNTS to a man and women ( and any gender fluidity that you care to add)
So Dr Cam – go fuck yourself with the thick end of a ragmans trumpet !!!!
Cunt
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here here , ditto Cumnock
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Aye , we have to take this one on the chin fellow Scots cunts
I did walk past a battered womans hostel recently and thought.. ” Us Scots cunts will deep fry ANYTHING “…………
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Pure entertainment Squint. 🤣
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Speaking of disgusting things, dripping with grease and fat, that come from Scotland what has happened to the Alex Salmond case?
The last I heard he had closed his crowdfunding appeal and stuffed a hundred grand in the pockets of his spunk stained trousers.
Is the cunt living it up in the Reeperbahn or has he gone to the real powers that be and begging his EU masters to get him off?
Anyone got any news on the fat , hypocritical old fraud?
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You mean they actually do them?
I thought it was something Frankie Boyle made up…
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On the subject of Deep Fried Mars Bars, I was thrilled yesterday to see obese rug munching Scotch Tory mental Remoaner Ruth Davidson (author of ‘Why Women Own The Future’) has just dropped one.
Next stop: Prime Minister…
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The mother and mother of the child are said to be over the moon.
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Not to mention the jumbo turkey baster!
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Haha brilliant cunting Ron. The description is perfect!!
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Never tried the mars bar, not because the sound of it is bad but because I’m not a sweets person.
Deep fried pizza slice. Yep done that (usually after several pints o’ heavy).
There was also a gaff near Anstruther that did “Deep fried piece”.
For those not in the know a “piece” is a colloquialism for sandwich (or “butty” south of the border).
They had a range of sandwiches which you could take out as is, or, have them deep fried.
The result is akin to the bastard child of a toastie crossed with prawn toast.
Sounds dreadful but a deep fried chicken, onion and mayo piece, or a corned beef and onion piece, on a driek, cold night somehow just hits the spot.
I shall now retreat to my hole in shame…
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You a fellow Scotch cunt Rebel ??
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Alas I don’t have that privilege but both my Grandmothers are Scottish (MacBeths and MacDonalds) one lot from Paisley, t’other from Aberdeen.
I used to summer up there when I was a kid. Some of my best times up there were in the early 80’s (after narrowly avoiding being beat up and being accepted by the local kids).
Remember when iced cream vans used to be mobile shops selling fags, bread, fruit/veg, etc.
The happy days of buying 5 No5 and five matches for 50p as a 13yr old and no cunt giving a fuck…ah the nostalgia.
When I got back to my own stomping ground no cunt would believe me that there was such a thing as “The Ice Cream Wars”.
Doss cunts!
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Never come across these fuckers. The description will ensure I don’t in the future.
Don’t they deep fry just about anything? Pizza, pork pie etc? Or is that a vile slur put about by Brexit voters?
I wet to Edinburgh on business once. Stayed at the Radisson and at night drank all the way up one side of the Royal Mile, then all the way down the other, ending with a curry. Fucking brilliant.
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Anyone here surprised that oily heap of shit Philip Green is a bit of a cunt?
Recently exposed via ‘parliamentary privilege’ by another oily heap of shit, Lord Hain, the media is full of horror stories of the nasty things this nasty man has said and done. Sorry that I don’t have any examples of said nastiness, but I’ll be fucked if I’m going to read any of this meaningless tripe. The cunt is obviously a cunt, and well known as a cunt too. The only fun to be had was before he was outed, when all the other big businesses cunts like Sugar, Branson and Ashley were protesting their innocence, well this time anyway.
The other cunt whose been getting the 24/7 treatment from the media this week was that strange old knob that had a hissy fit on a Ryanair flight. Wall to wall coverage about how his extremist racist bigotry has ruined lives, etc. Contrast that with the reporting of that grooming gang verdict last week, which had vanished in less than a day. Funny old world isn’t it?
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The grooming gang story was one al-Beeb desperately wanted to shelve GJ, and not a peep from the usual foghorn wimminz rights feminazis. It was almost written in the stars the woman was descendants of Windrush, probably survived Griefell and distantly related to Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King with a bit of creative bullshitting. Lammy and Flabbott were all over it like a two for one bargain bucket of course.
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Too fucking true. I’m no fan of racism, but even less a fan of hypocrisy… especially when said hypocrites are blatantly racist themselves!
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Nigella Lawson once deep fried a Bounty on her TV programme. Mmm…smell my fingers…
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Forgive my feeble imagination but would that be dark pubes on the outside, spunk on the inside?
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Can we invite Dave back some time soon?
http://is-a-cunt.com/2014/11/meghan-trainor/
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No. He’s clearly a weapons grade cunt. Whereas we are somewhat lower on the cuntitude scale.
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Our old pal Dickie. The meds must be working.
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A couple of Rennie’s, and the bad smell has gone…
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Its times like these that old sworn enemies are our friends… That old cunting takes me back totally forgot about flaxen saxon wonder if he still has his blog
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A picture speaks a thousand words. Or in this case one – turd.
Red or white puddin’ supper sir? What’s the difference? One’s red and one’s white ya wee fuck. (Dundee fish & chip shop c. 1970).
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Just had some A&W, a burger and fries and my stomach is already gurling could only imagine what it would sound like after a deep fried mars
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