A Briefing From Our Friends in Brussels

Under Article 52 neither spontaneous penetration nor consummation between consenting sexual partners is permitted unless all parties are EU Nationals. Where the initiating partner is an EU National as provided under statute EU ect ect ect and the Secondary Partner or Partners is not, then full relations may be permitted subject to the provisos as follows:

An approved prophylactic or condom of EU origin is mandatory but rubber goods of non-member state origin may be used provided they conform to the Foreign Johnnies Directive and Dimensions Schema as specified in table iv) Foreign Johnnies For The Use Of and prominently display the EuroFlag logo with the imperator “We Can Fuck You But You Can’t Fuck Us”.

Member States are further referred to the Irish UK Border Provisions Document EU ect ect fucking ect ect elsewhere referred to as the Fenian Fuckers UK Non Consummation Agreement or Back Stop wherein the UK agrees to take it up the arse for no advantage whatsoever.

Where the initiating partner has Acquired Special EU Status (viz they are French or German Nationals) then the Secondary Partner (viz UK Nationals) is permitted one minute (sixty seconds) of sexual spontaneity upon payment of an undisclosed twenty billion euros, this sum to be in cash without receipts and left off the books.

Formal declaration of compliance: This advisory note should not be read as an official communication from the EU nor does it purport to be the same. It is, like the EU, a sad joke.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke