Mars Rovers

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The sight of people grinning inanely and taking photos of themselves has become a familiar sight since mobile phones first got cameras bolted on to them. These geeks can even get a ‘selfie stick’ to add to this life enhancing experience.

Still, ‘selfies’ are a pretty inexpensive pastime; or so I thought until I opened my paper earlier to find one sent by (wait for it) the Mars rover ‘Curiosity’. This shows, in fascinating detail, a collection of wheels, gears and cables, against a stunning backdrop of, well, nothing much really. A cost of a cool $2.5 billion makes it the most expensive ‘selfie’ in history by a factor of a very large number.

Now if the American government wants to spend its taxpayers’ dollars on these mobile tin cans, that’s their prerogative. But ‘Curiosity’ is just the latest in a line, and I’m buggered if it will tell us anything that we don’t already know about the Red Planet, to wit; there’s NOTHING there beyond an arid wasteland of rock, dust, and rubble for mile upon endless mile in any direction. Zippo. Nada. Rien. $2.5 billion? I could have told NASA that for the price of a decent bottle of malt and a couple of tickets to the Villa (on second thoughts forget the tickets; Villa are gash under Steve ‘I don’t do tactics’ Bruce’). For an appropriate fee, I’ll make them up a dandy certificate on my computer, something along the lines of;

To Whom It May Concern
This is to certify that there is the thin end of the square root of fuck all on Mars
Signed
Ronald Knee (‘O’ level physics and chemistry, 1966)

Okay, I understand that need to ‘boldly go’, to push the boundaries of scientific endeavour. But in this particular case, just how many rock samples do we need to confirm that Mars is indeed nothing but 50 million sq miles of utterly barren and hostile wilderness? Apparently Europe is now planning to get in on the act, with a rover scheduled for launch in 2020. The Chinese probably have ideas as well.

Just a thought, but couldn’t we spend the money on something that might be of a more tangible benefit to the people down here on planet Earth who actually foot the bills, maybe environmental or health care projects, or cheap, safe energy alternatives? Ah, but I suppose this would turn off the gravy train of dollars, pounds and euros, and the nice big pay cheques these yield. There are vested interests to be defended here, so the tin cans will continue to scrape up dust at inordinate cost, leaving Joe Taxpayer to wonder what the fuck’s actually in it for him.

C’est la vie.

Nominated by Ron Knee

40 thoughts on “Mars Rovers”

    • The fact that a Mosque exists anywhere in Britain is an abomination, and a clear signal of the horror to come!

  2. To boldly go, Ron. Think about it. It’s what made us what we are. Africa, the Americas. We boldly went. This glorified tipper truck could be used to explore Bradford. At no risk to humans.
    It would be great if that grinning, bearded, hippy cunt Branson ‘Boldly Went’. It would make it all worth it.

    Ramble, ramble. Where’s me tablets?

    • Maybe NASA could send that egotistical cunt to Mars next time; it’s one way only for the first cunt daft enough to make the trip, and they’re queuing up apparently. What’s the betting that a migrant would try to sneak on board?

  4. Sorry, Mr Knee,but I reckon that there is far too much money is spent on Environmental and Health care projects already. Building fucking windmills or shovelling money at the latest Starving Darkie crisis holds no appeal for me. I’d burn it before I wasted another penny on all that hippy shit.

    I’m actually fascinated by all this space exploration stuff. Absolutely incredible what has been achieved. My only regret is that Cunts like Branson have got involved and cheapened the last noble quest to expand our horizons.

    • Don’t get me wrong, Dick; as I say, I totally get the point about ‘boldly going’. The Hubble scope for instance has shown us previously undreamed of marvels. It’s just that in this particular case, I wonder what more of any practical use can be learned from sending these rovers to Mars, at about $2.5 bill a pop, to scoop up more bits of dust.
      Also, I’m totally of the view that any money thus saved should be spent purely for the benefit of the punters who contributed it in the first place, not sent to Somalia for the ultimate benefit of the local warlords or corrupt officials.
      I think we really kinda agree…

      • We do agree, Mr. Knee. It’s just any subject that brings fucking Branson to mind sets me going. Dreadful man. The Cunt sent me a copy of Street Survivors in approx 1978 which arrived damaged. He has continued to wage a vendetta against me ever since. Late trains,dreadful mobile phone signal,appalling television etc…the man is a Bastard.

        🙂 .

      • With any luck the little green men and wimminz will research on him, and take him apart.
        And not bother reassembling the beardy cuuuuunt.

      • Only travelled once of Virgin trains. Manchester to London in exactly two hours and five minutes. Fucking excellent. My best rail travel experience outside of Japan.

        Who needs HS2.

        Used to travel Virgin Atlantic each and every time I went to Tokyo. Probably about a dozen or so times. Fucking excellent and very competitive, before they withdrew their Tokyo route. BA and others immediately jacked up their prices.

        But because Branson is an avid, outspoken anti democratic Remainer, that in itself as far as I am concerned makes him a cunt.

      • Nothing excuses the disappointment he caused by sending me a duff L.P. The man is a shameless wanker. I bet the Cunt deliberately warped that record when he saw it was addressed to me.

        I bet him and fucking Beckham phone each other every night to discuss just how they can raise my blood pressure to critical levels,and laugh while they do it.

        Evening, Willie.

      • Evening Dick.

        Branson sent me some brilliant, impossible to locate elsewhere albums in the early ’70s. For that I will be forever grateful to the bastard.

        On one occasion he even sent me two copies of an expensive double album import by mistake, so I was quids in.

        Doesn’t absolve him of being a massive cunt though.

  5. Wot a waste! That $2.5billion could have been spent searching for Appeaser May’s spine… or Madeleine McCann.

    Another MeToo type bitch whining on American TV right now trying to ruin some cunt’s career. Piss well boiled. Good afternoon.

    • That would be the biggest turd hunt in history RTCP…..😂

      Saw amber dudd talking about a” people’s vote” yesterday !!
      Unfucking believable shite……..
      How many more Tory quislings will feel emboldened to start talking that up?

  6. Sorry, I can’t agree. I find space exploration fascinating, always have since the moon landing. and I don’t care how much money they chuck at. Rather that than spend it on cunts down here.
    Now beam me up Cunty .

    • Wakey-wakey Fenton – where you been living?

      The moon landing was faked… every cunt and his offensive wife knows that!

    • I unequivocally DENY being a moon landing denier Fenton!

      Have to confess though as a 16 year old I thought the moon landing was rubbish compared to Space Patrol & Star Trek…

      • Mmmm… but just how did the astronauts get through the Van Allen radiation belts in a glorified tin can without being fried alive…

      • Saw some boffin from a Yank uni on youtube, claiming that the tin can would be about as much use as tissue paper; he reckoned you’d need lead shielding at least a foot thick to be effective. Conspiracy!! We need to get Mulder and Scully on this one

      • RTC
        isn’t Icke the daft cunt who thinks the Royals are lizard people or something? Mind you, looking at Phil the Greek lately, it may be that the mask’s slipping…

      • David Icke has more common sense in his arse grapes than May & Corbyn have in their entire front benches combined!

        And their front bottoms.

      • It takes one to know one, and I can assure you with certainty that Blair isn’t a lizard. He is simply undead. Less of the antilizardism, if you please, or I’ll grass you up to the Board of Deputies of British Lizards.

  9. Loved space stuff, still do. As a kid I was impressed at an Apollo launch, when Gene Krantz went round, medic, go flight, engines, go flight. Et al. The buck stops with me, I’m a bloke, my judgement, my decision. Their life in my hands maybe. Why I hate the Grenfell shite and Lammy, blaming firefighters decisions with despicable hindsight. I made the decision with the information available, to the best of my ability. Try it sometime Lammy, you chicken shit.

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