Sarah Millican [2]

Posted on by

Sarah Millican is a mammoth Geordie cunt.

Her grating voice annoys the fuck out of me. She voices those current Tesco food love adverts on the wireless and the idiot lantern. I am sure you fellow cunters have heard these and like me, reacted somewhat badly to them.

“Howay pet, tender steeeak matoored for tweny woon days, pet. You can taste the steeak through wor ears pet, listen to the fooker sizzle. Yummy I’m off to fill wor fat guts pet with half a fooking dead cow pet”

Every time I hear that fucking advert I want to beat fucking cunthole Millican to death with a whole frozen T bone steak. Irritating, Geordie cunt.

Nominated by Paul Maskinback

89 thoughts on “Sarah Millican [2]”

  1. Not nearly as grating as that fucking :and at 2:39 we were maisie too…
    Oh, we rake a pulse, agree a plan, make a cuppa.

    More like, take a pulse, go on strike, vote labour…..

  3. As a Geordie and proud of it( not to many sand dwellers in the toon). I must say you interpretation of said fat cunt is rather poor, she is much thicker than that, infact I would suggest as thick as a 3 day old pan of mince. She failed at comedy as she clearly isn’t funny so respect to the fat cunt to eat shite all day to feed her fat fuckin carcasse the fat cunt

    • Fuck me! The toon is infested with our sand angels.! West End looks like Bangla, and try finding a white taxi driver outside the central station!

      • once you’re over the Tyne bridge you see the skies darken, the dust clouds blow and the non whites proliferate. I like – durham which is full of student cunts

  4. My daughter got us tickets to see her a year or so back. Mildly amusing but seemed to talk about her minge a lot. Not a subject that interested me.

    • She’s twat addicted whether the functional or fucktional aspects.

      That tells me that her (based on her description of the cunt) dull as dishwater bloke is a “meat & two veg” type who doesn’t go in for a bit of bean Flicking with the auld tonguey-lingus she so desperately craves.

      Mind you if you listen to her (ever more descriptive each year) appraisal of her lady-bits then it can’t be all that appetising with pissflaps like John Wayne’s saddlebags and a clit like Frank Bruno’s punchbag!

    • She would be the only person in the world to give it that much attention. A cunt of diabolical proportions. Between andy murray and Robbie Williams, Whk are ust under Adele and the beckhams.

  5. Got a nose like Mr Potato Head. Cant stop looking at it when she is on.

    Mildly amusing on the odd occasion, which is more than be said for the majority of female comedians. Or even the male ones come to think of it.

    • I often wonder if unfunny Jenny Eclair was born with a different name…
      Lardy-Cake, Jam Tart, Fruitcake ?

    • It’s a bit like an arsehole only the majority of the shit comes out an adjacent hole about 4ft north from it. You should try it sometime.

    • It’s the frizzy hair Jezzer Corbyn wears around his mouth. Hence the expression……”he talks like a cunt.”

    • Kravvy me auld Old Testament ally.

      The minge encompasses the area of the vagina and the coiffured region of hair.

      I bet Millican has the full on growler (like David Bellamy’s lost city). I like the landing strip myself.

      “Cunt” is a derogatory term for vagina so if you need to know the difference between the two then the vagina is the bit between ladies legs that straight guys love to play “hide the sausage” with.

      The “cunt” is the bitch that it’s attached to!

      —-

      Sorry, sorry couldn’t resist…

  7. Oh, and that 2 bit slapper Stacey Solomon is a two faced bint.
    Complaining about media coverage? A bit rich, love.

    Get your mouth back round Joe Swash’s cock….

    • I had the misfortune of being in ear distance of Joe Swash in the Marlborough Arms pub just off Tottenham Court road.

      I was only 2 rooms away.

      Noisy, gobby, cunt!

      It was just after his appearance on Sleb Big Brother.

      Thankfully I’ve seen fuck all of the cunt ever since!

      Can’t believe Solomon tolerated the fucker. He’s a fucking gargoyle compared to her!

      Mind you can you imagine the pillow talk between that pair!?! It’d be quieter at 8.45am in Warren Street tube station!

  8. I’ve met her and her husband. You never seen a bigger and fatter pair of cunts since Bella Emberg flashed her gusset on that one cooperman sketch.. both of em… Funnily enough (or perhaps not) , I met Russ Abbot about 20 years ago in one of the seediest strip clubs in Birmingham. Also a cunt.

  12. Oh Paul, Paul, Paul… I can’t emphasise enough just how much I utterly fucking despise this monolithic shitcunt for the ages.

    Straight off the fucking shit-smeared bat – Sarah Millicunt is not by any yardstick anything approximating a ‘comedian’. She is a one-trick carthorse for dragging out the shittest of shit observations, delivered in an embelished accent which only lobotomy outpatients could love. She then swivels her fucking jamjars around the room post-‘punchline’ in wide-eyed expectation until punters feel obliged to laugh.

    Up there with yeti-sized colostomy-bag Miranda Hart as a token, unfunny cunt peddled as a comedian-not-comedienne, Sarah Millicunt is one of the few people on Earth who could bring mainstream appeal to beheading videos.

    This matriarch of four-eyed simpletons is the entertainment equivalent of taking a rolling pin to the bollocks. The sooner this cunt is forgotten about, then the sooner I can harbour a vestige of hope that humankind isn’t wholly composed of braindead cunts.

  13. A voice excruitiating to my my ear. It is truly torture. Not only bowels my whole being recoils at the sound of it.

  14. I see Labour have caused Frank Field to jump before he was pushed.

    Fucking cunts. Probably one of three decent Labour MPs ousted by the Momentum crew of certifiable nutcases.

    • I wonder if he’ll have a John Smith-esque medical issue or an “accident”.
      Hope not.
      Kate Hoey next, presumably.

      • I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again – COMMUNISM 101! They did it in Soviet Russia, and now Liebore are doing it in 21st century Britain. Its a purge of all the wrongthinkers, 1984 style.

  15. I am a bit vanilla when it comes to cunting the fat lass. The ad doesn’t resonate with me to the point I want to kick the idiot lantern in or rip it off the wall. What does are the multitude of adverts which contain blambos who are neither likely to use the product or are featured just to tick the old equality / diversity box. Prime example being the Nationwide mud coloured flared nostril pubic haired headed half chat speaking of metalworkers in Birminghamabad meeting in coffee shops in the 1700’s and referring to them as peepwe, another trait of the mud coloured Soros infused Kelergi “new Europeans” – the speech impediment. It seems like a new fashion to bastardise the English language as much as possible to make their shit adverts relevant. Living in the North of England the language makes fuck all sense – innit blud? Know what a mean? Another cunt who drives that point home like a fucking sledgehammer is that Brummy blambo Benjamin Zephaniah.

  16. Cunters, cunters, cunters… be fair.

    She has at least taught us “how to taste food with your ears!”

    (Sorry, can’t do the accent, soft Southern cunt that I am.)

    Another spectacular Cunting Paul!

  17. Well I think she’s lovely…..
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Imbibing…..
    Good afternoon / evening or whatever the fuck it is.

  19. Is there one single funny woman? Jo Brand’s been telling the same jokes about cakes, jamrags and smears for the last hundred years. Well ladies, if only the useless men had to stick their legs in the air for 2 minutes every 3 yrs and have a spatula stuck up em then they’d know our suffering eh! No fucking comment. Grumpy old men prog, the guys moaned about the shitty world out there. Grumpy old women prog, the wimmin moaned about themselves and how the young totty were replacing them. I rest my case!

    • Joan Rivers was pretty damned funny. Especially making jokes about Michael…er I mean “Michelle” Obummer (supposedly what got Rivers bumped off).

    • I liked that foul mouthed old bitch Joan Rivers a lot, Tony. She always made me laugh, as does Tina Fey with her brilliant Sarah Palin take off. Amy Poehler’s not bad either, I reckon. All Americans, you’ll notice.

    • Agree with TtCE on Joan Rivers, but definitely before her later years.

      I’ve seen a few now-forgotten women on the stand-up circuit over the years who could be funny, without resorting to talking anout their klunges or their periods. Those two from Australian show Kath and Kim aren’t too bad either.

      I struggle though to name a British woman that has made me laugh. Felicity Montagu, who played Lynne in Alan Partridge, she’s the only one I can recall.

  20. Big-conked Gérard Depardieu (possibly the only decent Frenchman) is the latest man to be accused of rape.
    Fucks’ sake…yet another guy with his name plastered across the press before even being charged, if he’s ever charged.
    Another man’s name dragged through the mud.
    And another accuser gets to remain anonymous.

    • He once pissed in the aisle of a plane.

      If it was AirFrance, “Chapeau!” to him…

    • Anyone who’s charged with rape especially if your famous is fucked even if your exonerated mud always sticks. Unless your Pete Townsend, he got off by the skin of his teeth.

      • Still placed on the sex offenders register for 5 years though. “I subscribed to a child sex site purely for research purposes” – Yup, and Keith Moon smashed up hotels, drumkits and parked his Roller in a swimming pool did it for experimental purposes.

  21. Can I do a sub-cunting for her fellow fat Geordie cunt Steve ‘I don’t do tactics’ Bruce, current Aston Villa Manager, but not for much longer, I suspect.
    Villa play a laboured, disjointed game with a fair bit of punt-it-to-the-big-lad-up-front about it, which seems to typify Potato Head’s approach at every club he’s been at.
    Watching a Bruce team is like having your fingernails pulled out, only marginally more painful. It’s not his fault, of course. He’s only had about a hundred games in charge at the Villa, and times have been tough recently with uncertainties over the club’s ownership. In spite of having one of the most highly rated squads in the division, he needs yet more players of the 35 year old, can deal with the pressure type journeyman, in order to get Villa out of the Championship. If I hear this cunt excuse his own failures one more time by claiming that ‘we’re lacking that wee bit qualit-ee’, I swear that I’ll hurl my computer through the window and send the bill to Villa Park.
    This guy is a fucking football dinosaur, and Villa’s new owners should fuck him off yesterday. Get lost, Mr Fucking Potato Head.

    • Steve Bruce is a useless, mash-potato of a cunt who couldn’t lead a blind man a few yards without fucking up. He looks like he should be driving the team to their away game, not managing them.

      So shit he makes David Moyes look acceptable.

      • No, Ron, not Villa,Liverpool all the way. Red Men at the top of the League!

        Haven’t you got John Terry playing for you?

  22. It is at moments such as this that I am grateful for no longer having either satellite or terrestrial TV.

  23. She’s so soft and flabby. A true representation modern England. Flabby and flaccid. The only only woman I ever admired comedically was the great Joyce Grenfell with her monologues. That was forty years ago. (I mean stand up humour.) Our society has become too feminized. The biggest joke of all women in the military.

  24. Anyway, on topic – what the fuck is that Trigglypuff-esque land whale on my screen? Are you trying to traumatise us Admin?

  26. I suspect they were money grabbing criminals long before the night of the big fry up.

    🇹🇷🇹🇬🇹🇱🇺🇦🇺🇬🇹🇿🇹🇯🇿🇼

    • The fry up wasn’t big enough Freddie. I would like to see Londonistan a ball of flames. I wouldn’t shed a tear or a penny. I despise the blambos and new European mud coloured cunts with passion

  27. I wonder if her Cunts as big as her mouth??
    When this Geordie imbecile pops up I instantly hit the remote……..

  28. Is nobody going to talk about her necklace?

    If you’re courageous enough to look closely, she has what looks like “No” round her trunk-like neck.

    NO? THAT’S NOT FOR YOU DECIDE, DARLING! I WOULDN’T SAY “YES” IF I WERE BLIND AND HADN’T HAD IT IN YEARS – I COULD STILL SMELL AND HEAR YOU.

    Unless she wears a “No” because she keeps being offered salad.

    • Sorry mate it’s on back to front. It says “ON”.

      No doubt in reference to her 3wks out of 4 menstruation cycle.

      • SM: Sohree pet, I cannae shag ya toneet as Ah’m on the blob. Ah’ve reet got tha bilders in.
        RWAC: Thank fuck for that.

  29. I read in The Mail just now that everyone’s favourite kitchen-dwelling spastic, Jamie Oliver, has publicly stated he ploughed £12m+ of his own money into his failing Italian restaurants; prncipally blaming Brexit for the downturn.

    The benefits of the leave vote just keep mounting up.

    • Dawn Butlers ‘jerk tantrum’ must seem like a walk in the park, like cabbage faced cunt Ramsay, they believe their own hype in the belief people give a shit and spread themselves too thin on mediocre talent.

    • The fat tongued cunt!

      We all know what his secret ingredient was don’t we… saliva!

      I hope the cunt gets wiped out and Jules fucks off to shag one of the twats out of the dire Toploader band leaving him with his ridiculously named kids!

      “Now ven Baddy Bear you be a good boy in sthate sthcool. I know you loiked Daddy’sth packed lanchesth bat naar we’re sthkint and stho you need to eat your turkey twithlazs loike a good boy. An’ if theresth any spare, sthee if you can nick a couple of cartonsth of blue pop for Petal Blossom, Poppy Honey, Daisy Boo and River Rocket.”

      —-

      No, that really is what he named his five kids! Pretentious, nouveau-rich, doss cunt!

      Total class isn’t he…

      • Funny that the ‘Fackin Pakka’ cunt Oliver should say that… I have known and frequented an Italian restaurant in Whitefield, Manchester since 1977… Great family and a great place which is still doing very well today…. What Jamiekins probably means is pizza takeaway places run by those lovable parking stanley chappies…

      • Like we had an “authentic” American hot-dog joint in Cardiff.
        No pork…and no possibility of a Bud or three to wash it down.
        I wonder why?
        And I don’t wonder that it’s now closed down.

      • Norman, that wouldn’t be the one that was originally owned by Colin Bell would it? Bury New Road on the bend comimg up towards Unsworth & Bury? Cant remember the name from so long ago.

      • It’s Petal Blossom Rainbow, which will be hard to carry off if she is flavoured with old chip oil and essence of haddock from Daddy’s workplace.

    • Anyone who has experienced the delights of one of Jamie’s restaurants knows exactly why they have gone down the shitter and it’s got nothing to do with brexit. Quite a few people in this country have actually been to Italy and know what real Italian food is like and it’s nothing like the overpriced shit he dishes up. The cunt should stick to his books, crappy TV programmes and adverts and refrain from venturing out into the real world the fucking fraud.

      • I had dinner tonight at Jamie Oliver’s latest venture, “Jamie’s Brazilian.”

        Very thin strip of food down the middle of the plate….

    • And I remember all this shit… Cunt snowflake fannies would also no doubt find some (if not all) of these ice lollies ‘incorrect’ or ‘offensive’… One can hear them now… ‘But, but that Gone Bananas one mocks mental health and is also racist!’ ‘The Mr. Men one is so sexist! Where’s the transbender or ‘Me Too’ lolly?!’ ‘ ‘That horrible Jubliee lolly promotes Brexit, Trump, right wing scum, and everything else we don’t like!’ And the Lolly Gobble Choc Bomb is a deliberate dig at black homosexuals and is also offensive to our peaceful muslamist friends!’

      Seriously you know they fucking would… World’s gone bloody mad…

      https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DjraGWOX4AASN70.jpg:large

      • The frightening thing is you’re right, they would. I used to love an oyster ice cream, the fucking vegans would go ape shit over that. Encouraging children to accept the inappropriate consumption of defenceless and sentient bivalves. In fact I’m so pathologically consumed by this lunacy I reckon I could write the article myself!

      • Victory V lozenges, with Diethyl Ether.
        Absolute classic, now wrecked and disgusting without the special ingredient.

        Pass another ketamine jelly, please…

      • Just a fragrant memory. Never did work out why the ether hadn’t evaporated long before it got to the shop. Fortunately I never tried lighting a fag while eating a Victory V, but imagine that would have been risky.

    • Black Jacks and Mini Mojo’s, two forra penny! The skint kid’s favourite.

      Hey speaking of nostalgia, any cunter remember those Germaline flavoured chewing gums with the the smiley face lick-on tattoos in them??

      • Remember the lick on tattoos but not smiley face. Get sweets, dad’s pack of ten players no6 tipped, go home, watch Captain Scarlet, feel quite odd pre pubertal stirrings at the Angel Interceptors. Am I the only person to get turned on by puppets? Should I seek counselling?

      • Black Hacks and Mini Mojos! I remember them. Also Fruit Salads were cheap as you like.

        Sometimes I was so brasso I had to buy Refreshers ….or Parma Violets.

      • Bazooka Joes!
        A thin wafer of yellow bubblegum and a shitty waterslide faux tattoo.

        I preferred the superb Anglo Bubbly.

      • I thought Bazooka Joes were a rather large lump of chewing gum Paul? I remember the bubble gum picture cards featuring everything from Mars attacks, the American civil war (used to get a fake confederate bill and one of those small thin strips of chewing gum). WW2 pictures – they were so fucking violent they wouldn’t make the over 18 aisle = never mind kids collecting them.
        Spangles, Stimorol chewing gum for sportsmen, Aztec bars, coltsfoot rock, liquorice twigs that really were twigs infused with liquorice, Rishy crisps,

        A&BC cards brought out sets, some of which were banned later. Fuck me I had the lot – wish I did now.

        https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/A-BC-Battle-Cards-Full-Set-73-Unmarked-Checklists-With-Without-Banned-Cards/372405998569?hash=item56b52093e9:g:QlEAAOSwdPBZw~vX

Comments are closed.