Lloyds Bank Adverts

Posted on by

Lloyds Bank Adverts ‘We’re here for you’ the inspirational music…is it Fatboy Slim? The majestic horse galloping over the beach..then it cuts to the funeral of a fallen soldier…’We’re here for you’ Lloyds Bank-where the money is stored, the deals are done.

Nominated by Miles Plastic

37 thoughts on “Lloyds Bank Adverts”

  1. Adverts of wank. Pure wank.

    How these financial shyster goblins can even try to pretend a majestic landscape and etheric emotional soundtracks represent their essence is a fucking disgrace, and the marketing cunts who try it on should be lined up and shot with old coinage.

    • Thanks for the link Willie. I was particularly shocked at the greedy cunts demands for further funds, but also to include “bonus’s” Now forgive me for being a senile twat, but I thought bonus’s were a reward for success, attaining a target, contributing in someway to success?

      Doesn’t seem like it though ?

  3. Also off topic but there is hope. The Swiss have refused citizenship to 2 peacefuls because they wouldn’t shake hands and therefore were unlikely to integrate. Puts those craven Swedish cunts to shame.

    • Good news.
      Reportedly, peacefuls are beginning to leave Austria as, being well-paid surgeons, engineers and architects, they cannot afford the anti-rag fines. Every time they try to cover up their innate ugliness, they get fined…so unfair !!

      Bad news.
      They’re heading our way.

  4. Welcome back Nigel. Shame you left it so late.
    Stick it to the Westminster cunts (and Channel 4 News and the Guardian whilst you’re at it!)

    • Too fucking late.

      Like most of those who post on this site am a huge fan of Sir Nigel.

      Not sure what even he can do now.

      Easy for me to say but he should have never trusted the establishment to deliver a true and proper Brexit. Pressure should have been brought to bear and applied to trigger article 50 immediately.

      Post the EU referendum result the Remain campaign has continued momentum and to me has been relentless, whilst the Leave movement has stagnated.

      Personally I cannot see what Nigel can do now other than rally the troops and instigate marches and demonstrations.

      At the end of the day he is up against the establishment, the multi national corporates, the government, the EU and big money.

      It is in my opinion difficult to see how he will be able to stop the governments plan.

      But if anyone can, Nigel can.

    • Sir Nigel? On here? Nah. They’ve been looking for the skeleton in his cupboard for twenty fucking years. He doesn’t have to worry about getting his bins emptied….. some cunt from MI6 does it every night. If they haven’t found any dirt on him it’s because it’s not there.
      His insurance premiums must be fucking expensive.

      • I find the thought of a disheveled Daniel Craig’s Bond rooting through Farage’s dustbins and getting potato peelings and curry sauce all over his Tom Ford suit rather appealing.
        Perhaps Danny Boyle could use that in the next (and I predict last) film…

      • Nah, Norm loves his footy too much and is far too knowledgeable about United. Not even Nigel Of Farage could pull off such a cunning stunt 😉

    • Alas not but I’d more than happily share my Common Sense Party policies with him FoC.

      There’s some winners in there.

  6. The new Lloyds commercial with whooping piccaninies, brown, yellow and fuck knows what. Oh! and of course the obligatory token white honkey. If you look closely he’e the one right at the back…a log way back…very difficult to see….

      • Kalergi and Soros planned and would prefer the new European to be a little dim on the spectrum. The Nationwide advert is a true blueprint for the 21st century mud European – a dim cunt with a slightly flared nose, tight curly hair more pube like and a speech impediment. “Steelworkers from 1750 meeting in coffee shops” – the pol pot year zero plan right there. Rewrite history to erase the fact that a white race ever existed. Its also indicative of the “yoof” progressing from Uni into marketing and coming up with these fucking shite ideas to start with. Airbrushing the white man and declaring Nirvana for the new blambo.

  7. Banks – bunch of bastards ever since their bail out back in 2008. They fuck up, but because they hold billions in personal and business savings they’re not allowed to sink, and either get absorbed into other banks or temporarily taken over and bailed out by the Government (read, the Taxpayer)

    The banking watchdog is like all watchdogs – a pissy little bark and no fucking bite. Plus the banks hate the riff-raff public – we’re just here to bail those fuckers out! Other than that they’re after the rich cunts and creative accountants. So all these wanky TV adverts are nothing more than fairly tales because as soon as you want something from them they’ll make life incredibly difficult and expensive, with all their complicated charges and other needless fees.

    And that fucking horse should be replaced by a fucking pig with its snout in the fucking trough!

    Cunts!

    • Banks have been cunts since the time Jesus pissed into their cornflakes.

      What’s terrifying is that the global financial landscape is so interconnected yet absolutely dominated by a core of central institutions, who own nearly every corporation through stocks, that one ripple could bring it all down.

      It’s beyond stupid. But there we are.

  8. Given the time they’ve been using that horse, I’d say they’re flogging a dead one. Pig, yes indeed. Or a very fat cat crapping on a taxpayer.

  9. Surely it should be ‘Black Lives Matter?’
    Because in every Lloyds window there’s a black kid with the black horse, two black blokes/pooves (with a ‘He said yes’ blurb printed across it)(?!!), a black woman with the black horse and so on… Why don’t they just put up a sign that says ‘White working people can fuck off’ and have done with it?….

    • There was a time Norm when banks were fucking monolithic gargantuan establishments and a law unto themselves post crash. I had the pleasure of witnessing this first hand during the tech boom of the 80’s and the clamour for the hideous ACD (or callcentre as (un)lovingly known. Nat West had a HQ at Goodman’s Fields in the East end of the City. Pre Fred “the shred” Goodwin’s takeover I never witnessed such spending on vanity projects and opulent overspend on virtually everything. Have a meeting? At least 10 or 12 would pitch up – most said fuck all – added nothing to the debate on whatever it was the meeting was called for. Nat West also had a little place in the City – Coutts Bank on the Strand and fuck me did they know how to spend its brass or should I say the brass of the well heeled. The wealth management side of the business was so top heavy I often wondered how the cunts actually made any money.
      At Goodman’s there was a licenced bar in the basement with subsidised ales, wines and spirits. Silver service restaurant with a la carte meals to melt the taste buds and a host of fine dining areas – in one fucking building. The senior managers and Directors dined in their own private restaurant and you wouldn’t find any cunt at their desk / office after 1 pm. If you did, the cunt you wanted would be half cut in the basement bar – an account managers dream – the cunts would sign almost anything and the pickings were easy and very profitable. They didn’t just spend money they literally chucked it away in copious amounts with little or no governance – they all had sign off on anything that took their fancy.
      Fast forward to Fred the shred taking over and it was a total shock to the system. He paid off about 500 managers and senior managers within his first month, closed the bar and made one canteen they all dined in and meetings were attended by just the people it involved. The downside to that was every supplier was under the cosh and had to do a 1 hour presentation on the platform, purpose and an up to date snapshot of the estate and who did what. Goodwin was such an ubercunt it was said when he left Clydesdale bank they celebrated for a month. His cuntishness knew no bounds. He actually came out of retirement at 46 to run RBS and purchased anything he wanted – his downfall being the purchase of ABN Hambro – the big Dutch bank for cash – no fucking around – in an afternoon he spent almost £20b and all of it cash despite repeated respectful requests from his money men that it was the worst decision since the Jocks invested in the Patagonia Ponzi scheme – with the same result. He bought high, couldn’t absorb it and his chum the one eyed lunatic Brown the Clown took us all down the shitter. Banks have had no interest in Joe public whatever, they treat us with contempt and rip us off at every opportunity. All done with the smile of a Boa Constrictor that is just about to eat you.
      I cant cunt banks enough, in fact any institution that takes money off you like a fat lad eating iced buns and shits on you from a great height with pomposity and total disregard for you. A wall of cunts nomination if ever there was one.
      PS – Fred the shred played a massive part in the crash. He bought Citizens bank in the US and plundered the market with junk bonds and mortgages on properties that were worth fuck all. Or the sub prime market as it became known. Ever asked yourself where in the name of fuck all that money went? It went somewhere – money just doesn’t disappear – Nick Leeson knows more than most – the cunt is on that Big Brother bollocks bragging about fucking Barings up. Cunt.

      • Thanks for that obviously informed insight into the world of high finance, Cunto. Doesn’t seem to have improved much, either. Just had a flyer through the door advertising something called Royal London – with a name like that, you read the small print first, don’t you?

        This offers life insurance for the over-50’s. Ferretting through the enclosed guff, you discover, if you have any sense, that when you turn up your toes, thanks to your prudence in making monthly contractual payments to the company, not only do your executors get not quite all of what you’ve paid in over the years, but the interest applied is 0.5% below the BoE base rate. If Royal London hasn’t crashed in flames in the next 40 years. Any bets?

        Should anyone be thinking of biting, I’d like to suggest that The Bank of Under The Mattress offers considerably better security and returns.

      • The problem is Cunto, that the VALUE disappears. It disappears after the thieves have got actual cash out and there’s not enough real money left to pay the bills. Then the mopup brigade turns up to go looking at so called “assets” on the balance sheets and find that they are fucking worthless.
        Bernie Cornfeld did it with his oil field assets up in Alaska.He simply revalued them through one of his own appraisal companies and, because no one knew what the fuck they were really worth, the finance industry just accepted the revaluation and lent him more money on it.
        Slater and Bond were just the same, whatever they said , the Bankers believed them.
        And yes I was there when the bankers were spending money like it was a fucking monsoon. One of the bigshots had a special dais built for his table in his favourite restaurant, higher than all of the other tables so he could look down on the peasants . Lunch bills were in the thousands of dollars with wine flowing like piss in a French Urinal.
        Like my brother used to say; It’s only when someone has the nerve to say “no I don’t want to roll it over, I want my money back” that the trouble starts.

      • It was a great laugh in the Great Tits Up of `08 watching the bankerbastards leave their sinking banks holding a cardboard box; go on, bastards, the JobCentre`s that way. Then the tsunami they created hit the real people with real jobs and still is.

        But the parasites were and are protected by the government, the political arm of the City, from the lumpen, lurching Bongo Head Brown to the present beak nosed crookback.

        Banks should be nationalised, no compensation, debt written off and all banker bastards and similar dosh juggling parasites report to Yardarm`s Job Centre where I will lead them like the fucking Pied Piper to pick fruit in East Anglia. ” Come on you clerks, won`t need your tie for this job or your little suit….wave goodbye to your little desk and little keyboard….do you really need a cardboard box for just a spider plant and a P45….no more bonuses now, you`re gonna have to work for a living…. lose that sense of entitlement you financial terrorists….

  12. Good news.

    He’ll get torn into the architects of Project Fear and the morons that heed their puerile utterances. And he’ll do it using the one weapon they have no answer to: the truth.

  13. ‘Chistmas-Morrisons makes it’. ‘Family-Morrisons makes it’. Even the sacred word ‘Love-Morrisons makes it’. ‘Today, tommorrow and into the future we will be with you’. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be. Amen.

  14. Mourinho to the press: “Please don’t say lies”……..Mourinho now: “Matteo Darmian is a reliable player”… Do fuck off, you Portuguese cunt…

    • I cannot stand to even watch the miserable cunt Mourinho any more. As soon as I see his face which resembles a spoilt kid who did not get his own way, I have to switch off. You know what’s coming every single time.

      The referee got it wrong, the other team cheated, my club won’t let me spend yet another £200m on yet another two players I need, all the other clubs have bought all the best players.

      So hard done by. NOT.

      He is “earning” £1.5m every month FFS.

      STOP YOUR FUCKING WHINING AND JUST GET ON WITH IT. BORING.

      • Mourinho soon about to sulk and or to throw a strop blaming everyone else for his woes.

        I reckon gone before Xmas.

        Cunt.

  15. Lord Kerslake

    This fucking treacherous cunt told BBC Radio 4’s Today programme that, if the government was unable to strike a deal with Brussels, there would have to be a “pause” in the Article 50 process. under which the UK will leave the EU on 29 March 2019.

    The crossbench peer said in those circumstances, the European Commission would likely insist on some “re-examination” of the 2016 referendum decision to leave.

    “The consequences of a no deal would be so serious as I think Parliament would have to seriously consider whether it could contemplate this,” he said.

    “The question people need ask themselves is: is this a risk that they think we should be taking?

    “If the government can negotiate a good deal, then so be it.

    “But if they can’t and we end up in this position, then we have to reopen the question of whether we go forward with Brexit at all. It is not too late to do that.”

    No you cunt- article 50 has been triggered and we are leaving- either with a deal or without. Article 50 is irreversible- the unelected wankers at the EU told us that just before article 50 was eventually triggered.

    Scrap the house of Lords- more unelected out of touch with reality and democracy wankers.

  16. All banks are cunts, to their front line employees, to their customers and to their communities.
    The latest advertising game tries to trick the punters into the idea that corporations have feelings and give a fuck about what they do.
    Before the big bust in 2008 there was a bank called “Washington Mutual” who billed itself as “A friend of the family” Then there’s Hongkong and Shanghai “The World’s local Bank” and Citibank “live richly”
    What bunch of Horace Mcnure; these organisations are sociopathic in their internal workings and if it was legal to destroy their staff and customers after they no longer serve any usefulness, they would do it before breakfast.
    Banks and corporations don’t have consciences, their only raisons d’etre are to make money and be immortal.
    That’s the real problem with the PLC system, but if you tie the directors with legal liability for their actions , then you might get one or two who are actually scared enough to worry that something might happen to them

  17. There was a time when the bank/customer relationship was reciprocal, I.e. we’d give them capital to lend in return for interest on savings. What happened to decent income on savings? CUNTS.

    • It’s because a customer in debt is vastly more lucrative than one in credit, Sir. Not only does his debt to you appear on your books as an asset, but he pays you whatever the market can be made to bear in interest. You and your fellow bankers can agree not to compete on interest rates. You can run a huge debt-to capital ratio, such that the capital you hold (savings and property) are insignificant in comparison to the money you conjure out of thin air. You can even repackage the loans you know aren’t going to get repaid as something else and flog them off to someone even greedier. A bank is the ultimate objective of any savvy Ponzi schemer, but the timescale is longer before everyone notices the Emperor has no clothes.

      Savers? Schmavers. Necessary only to provide the illusion of solvency.

Comments are closed.