A cunting for all the weak cunts over there in the UK moaning about a spot of warm weather. FFS, we in Oz get about two months of 40 degree + days in summer and bloody well love it. When will these cunts wake up to the fact that reverse cycle air conditioning is the cheapest, most efficient way of warming a house in winter and cooling it in summer?
Nominated by Grumpy Old Cunt
I am not your usual Englishman who moans when there is no summer and then moans like fuck when it is lovely and hot for weeks on end.
Nor am I your usual Englishman because I (usually) have better things to talk about than the Weather… and, yet, here we are..
So, dear Weather, you absolute Cunt:
You send us glorious sunshine, blue skies and clear nights for week upon week, without break, due in no small part to one of your relatives milling around out there over the Atlantic Ocean called the Gulf Stream, causing all kinds of mayhem and shenanigans with the weather patterns.
In Fact we became so used to the skies being clear night after night after night that we took it for granted; but, oh lucky stars, you are not content with just being a Cunt, oh no; you are a Funny Cunt!..
On the ONE DAY in a CENTURY that we should be able to see one of natures greatest wonders, namely a bright red Blood Moon caused by a total lunar eclipse that lasted hours, you decide in your infantile wisdom that tonight, of all nights, will be the time when you finally decide to grace us with your pissing (see what I did there?) clouds!
So, whilst every other cunt on planet Cunting Earth gets to see Nature’s Cunting Glory; this Englishman was not so privileged.
Nominated by Multiple Migs
Remember Grumpy Old Cunt, we’re British. Unlike you Aussies we can’t cope with hot weather.
6
Rather you refocused your cunting on the fuckcunts who blame the first decent summer for 42yrs as ‘overwhelming evidence of climate change’. I won’t be around for the next one in 2060 thank fuck.
As for Australia, wild horses wouldn’t drag me to that fly blown, culture free (P.Hogan and D.Edna apart), desert sauna. And given how many Aussies live here these days I reckon they agree with me!
12
Hear hear,
Aussies, like yoghurt, will one day develop a culture, of sorts . As for the weather I couldn’t agree more with multiple migs . Its our Englishness that sets us apart and the subject of weather has possibly been responsible for more births than the leccy going off at 10 in the 70’s and the three day week. How many relationships have started with the old “fucking shite weather we are having”?
8
Yea and you’ve got the old “would you like my coat?” trick.
Tried that a few times…
When they say “I’m not freezing, I’m just a bit cold” I say “good, I’m fuckin freezin. I was only being polite, I don’t want to lend you my coat anyway. Cunt.”
Yea didn’t really work much.
6
Austraalia = a nation of entitles cunts. HOp over a bit East though and you’ll land in New Zealand, a nation of good cunts. Real relaxed and the best fish and chips in the world. We don’t get that mushy pea shite but by fuck we do a good curry sauce.
3
entitled cunts I mean. Feckin’ fat fingers.
2
And the Fergburger, Queenstown. Hogan’s ghost its good eating.
1
“The night we burnt my Mother’s things”…
One of the best comedy songs ever.
“Why not bung them off to War on Want, or in the Oxfam box ?
I said “No self-respecting refugee would wear my mother’s frocks !””
Barrie Humphries is a genius, especially for the Grimsby joke.
And I rather like Germaine Greer, although I remain alarmed by the large number of toxic biting things that lurkdown under.
Should like to visit Oz.
3
I think the general population like a bit of sun and warm weather, the whinging comes from excessive news coverage of buckling rail lines, melting roads , grassfires ect. The average Pom gets on with it, I work outside and at 35 degrees it was toasty but I don’t need some nannying Met Office clusterfuck telling me to stay hydrated or wear a hat.
11
There are cunts who just like to moan for the sake of moaning; as they have fuck all else to do in their sad lives. They spend the whole winter moaning because it’s ‘too cold’ and wish for it to warm up; only to moan about it being ‘too hot’. Fucking enjoy it you miserable misanthropic bastards. You can save yourself the expense of a holiday plus heating bills and you can get a tan as opposed to looking like a pint of milk. There’s no pleasing some cunts.
Good afternoon fellow cunters.
7
Guilty as charged jaynino….
Gidd afternoon.
2
Unfortunately, I’m one of those people. I know, I’m a cunt.
2
I’m probably a hypocrite. Let me off tho; I’m a builder.
4
I manage property. Husband is a Silicon Valley Cunt. The stress of working here after relative chillaxing in New Zealand has got to him so he’s taking a couple of months off. PTO. Paid Time Off.
2
If ever I feel like moaning, I just fap instead.
Especially if VirginRail is late again.
Beardy twat-cunt.
3
I enjoy whinging about the weather. Of course, I just enjoy whinging about anything really.
Carol Kirkwood has floppy tits and she is old. They should sack the old bag and get Lucy Verasami instead.
Fuck her.
10
I would smash the granny out of Lucy Verasamy. Right little bit of skirt that one.
6
Agreed. Not bad for a hadji; although strap up as to avoid having curry kiddies. Seema Jaswal is also a decent bit of haj totty. Look er up.
4
Not bad at all Jay, I wouldn’t be sticking her in a burka.
3
She claims to be ethnic English, although Verasamy suggests a Hindu rather than Muslim ancestor. Born in Norfolk. Very nice, whatever.
3
Jaswal’s maiden name is Pathan, otoh, which suggests the Punjab, although not necessarily Muslim.
2
Spot on Dick. Lucy is even hotter than this weather. Carol Kirkwood is an old saggy munter. Funnily enough I’ve developed quite a crush on Helen Willetts. I imagine her as an ex Head Girl who is quite a boy toy after a few sherbets!
3
I’d still fuck the arse of Carol Kirkwood. You fuckers are just a tadge to choosey !
6
I wonder if Carol can swing her tits over her shoulders?
4
..and all the way back again!
3
Ah…..wondered why the forecast turned all cloudy when she blocked out the sun doing that!!!
1
I can honestly say I have never in my entire working life given the tiniest of shits about the temperature of the office. These people just like to whinge for the sake of whinging, but on any normal given day they lack the varied lifestyle and mental capacity to moan about anything other people are likely to care about. Let’s just say the temperature Nazis have been out in force. Idiots, all of them.
4
It’s part of British culture to moan about the fucking weather, it’s what we do best.
Well, besides moaning about the fucking price of everything and every cunt trying to rob our pockets.
Oh, and moaning about the number of freeloading fucking poncing immos pouring in every week.
To be fair we are also always moaning about the stinking lowlife politicians and their friends stealing our money every fucking day of the week.
And we are also always moaning about the fucking telly……dozens of channels and it’s nothing but shit. And look at the cunts they employ on there!
Er……..now I come to think about it this site is nothing but cunts moaning about something or other. So why are you coming on here moaning about it?
Fuck, i’m all confused now.
11
Hotter in oz eh? Yeah but it’s a dry heat.
8
Cardiff stinks of guano at the moment. And overheating daleks.
3
There’s fuck all dry about Brisbane.
0
Or cairns……….
0
I loved the recent heatwave. I find you can get so much more done to the garden/car and exterior of the homes etc. with residual sunlight and in the dry when you arrive home from work in the evening. Makes a change from cold, squelchy lawns, damp and soft mud up to your arsehole.
Bearing in mind we usually have around 8 months of the year dominated by rain and cold weather, I really couldn’t find any reason whatsoever to grumble. Bring on more I say.
6
I’ve been moaning for months about the cold and the fucking snow in spring, now I’m bitching about the heat. In a couple of months time I’ll be moaning about the cold and rain….
It’s never right for me really and I do love a good moan. Moaning is part of our culture.
What’s the point in being British if you can’t moan about everyone and everything and call it a cunt…
Working in lofts has been a fucking killer lately though. Half an hour and I look like someone’s tipped a bucket of water over my head.
….and no I’m not just a fat sweaty cunt before you cunts say it. 😁
7
Thank Dog we had the Met Office to warn us not to go out much in the sun recently.
However, it’s a pity they didn’t have the nouse to advice us to put on a coat and that when going out in the recent extreme cold snap – I could have avoided hours of unnecessary misery wrapped up in bacofoil receiving treatment for hypothermia in A&E, day after freezing fucking day, if only they’d had the decency to say something.
I mean, what’s the point of these publicly funded blockheads if not to dispense common sense advice to the citizenry?
And don’t get me started on climate change. Cunts.
9
I thought my radiators were a piece of modern art.
6
Might as well be. I’ve noticed the bills go up if we turn on the radiators, so we don’t bother with them.
6
On the night of the lunar eclipse we had rain, a thunderstorm and enough lightning for a dozen Hammer Frankenstein films.
“Igor, get my electrodes out!”
“Errr. Beg pardon Master?”
9
More interesting than a lunar eclipse, then. The lightning was pretty well continuous at one point – last time I’ve seen that was in the US. TY, God. Great production!
4
It wouldn’t be half as shit if we didn’t all expect it to be so. Swear we all affect it somehow.
This hot weather is ace. Love it. But I love the bright clear daylight and endless blue skies more. If our summers were always like this I may actually stop being a cunt, possibly.
6
That blood moon biz was a fucking let-down. Weather-wise? Doesn’t rain here between Spring Break and Thanksgiving. Unlike the cunt of a city that all my kids were born in. Wellington, New Zealand. Weather is even cuntier than in the UK. With the exception of Scotland, maybe. It fucking snowed there in August 2011 and I got caught in a snowdrift 500 meters away from my house. Oldest son almost got frostbite coming down to save me. At that point I was like: “Fuck it, let’s move to California”.
5
I hate all the softarsed cunts who are complaining about the glorious weather… These are the same fannies who whinged about the ‘Beast From The East’ and all that crap… Then we get the finest weather since 1976, and the cunts still aren’t happy… Softarse snowflake Britain in a nutshell…. This weather has been great and I’m loving it, me….
7
The bitch is drowning not waving.
The EU don’t want to compromise and why should they? They’ve got us where they want us. It’s gradually coming to a head ladies and gentlemen.
2
God bless Tommy Robinson.
6
Which reminds me, Vogue have the racist cunt and anti-white patron saint of chippy darkies and libfuck turds, Oprah (photoshopped to buggery, of course) on their cover and no fucker bats an eyelid… But imagine the snowflake mushroom cloud if just Tommy Robinson’s name was on the front of a high profile publication… Oh, I see… Oprah is allowed to be racist cuz she is black and has had dun hard life an been sure oh-ppressed… Lordy fuckin’ Lord!
2
Hahaha. I just saw this cunting. Brilliant. Just checked ye olde weather stats on the interweb and it’s 94 degrees outside or 34 degrees in old money. Lovely. My short walk to my mailbox earlier felt like a stroll through a sauna. Wonderful. Back in doors I went where my brilliant AC was humming along keeping things a comfy 72 (22).
Just to piss her off, I sent my sister in Kent a pic of my thermostat. She sent me back a pic of a fan. Hahaha.
3
You’re luck IY – my sister keeps sending me pictures of her fanny!
2
lucky…. ffs!!!!
1
Fuck me! Are you Boris Johnson?
2
@ Freddie the Frog
No comment old boy…
2
LOL. You bastard RTC – I nearly passed out laughing so hard at that. I can barely see my screen through the tears. Just utterly classic – thanks mate!!
3
lucky…. ffs!!!!
1
OK,off topic but a very serious question:
Because of my mother’s failure to control her temper, she had an incident at Halifax which resulted in her being told that the joint account she holds with the old man can no longer be held there and will cease to operate on the 27th. However, seeing as my father wasn’t involved in the incident at all and was at work at the time is there any way he can keep the account by assuming sole ownership of it himself, given he had nothing to do with the incident in question? Apologies for darkening the tone but this is pretty urgent and given many of you are on the older side so to speak I figured at least some of you lot would know something about this.
0
Close the account, take the money, put it another bank/ building society con or piss it up the wall. If they don’t want your money what’s the problem?
There are plenty of cunts more than willing to take it off your hands and make a big fat profit while you get fuck all.
5
OC – irrespective of the prevailing circumstances, if that’s their attitude, walk away. Close the account and move the funds elsewhere. That relationship is over. Don’t waste any more nervous energy on it. All the best – IY.
6
Agree with both replies OC
👍👍👍
4
Best summer we have had since 1976 and we moan all the whole country breaks down but that’s just us Who cares a fuck what you cheating Australians think about us and our weather mind your own business.
6
Off point ( road captain 😂)
After getting patronised from pillar to post by every weather Cunt sky could inflict on us during the last few weeks they have decided to move on to this mornings revelation that people are addicted to their mobile phones? Say what!! Well cut my legs off and call me shorty!!
In a groundbreaking? survey by ofcom Came the staggering discovery that people use their phones all the time! Apparently within 5 minutes of waking up most people LOOK at their phone, some even use it as their alarm! , with this in mind sky have invited orianna fielding from the digital detox company to tell us where we are all going wrong?
Hey orianna FUCK OFF !! And that includes SKY CUNTS
With the hot weather returning I’m expecting normal sky service to resume on Friday , lots more weather experts with their doomsday models …… CUNTS…
5
Also, on average, Britons check their phones every 12 minutes… ffs!
2
Britain is a small, wet island which also contains lots of rivers and thus our hot summers are also humid meaning there is no respite in the shade due to all the hot moisture in the air.
Australia on the other hand is a hot, arid sub-continent/continent near the equator with fuck all water sources and thus you get dry heat rather than humidity and therefore some relief in the shade.
Plus you guys have mild to hot weather all year round as you are aclimitised to it. We have extremes of weather (also known as seasons to those outside of hot countries) so we don’t have time to aclimitise one way or the other.
Bunch of convicts don’t know you’re born.
5