I would like to nominate Harvester “Restaurants” for a cunting.
Not only are these places the monosodium glutimate of the cuisine world, and let’s not forget their tasteless and shameless usage of the Isley Brothers’ “Harvest for the World” song to promote their vomit inducing wares (a song about famine nonetheless), no, I would like to nominate Harvester because of their latest “Don’t risk it all for a sneaky Harvester” advert.
Bunch of snowflakes twisting about the bank of Mam & Dad daring to grab a shite 2-for-1 shambles with a couple of finest Chandonrays without being plagued and pillaged by their ungrateful offspring.
Now, as real as the ingrate sentiment may be, most kids – flakes or not – would rather chew their own arms off than a) visit a Harvester and b) go there with their parents.
Utter fucking shite on so many counts that even Audley Harrison hasn’t heard them all!
Nominated by Rebel without a Cunt!
Harvester restaurants are more than just a shite chain of ‘family pubs’. They serve as a stark, bleak reminder of just how catastophic your life choices have been up to this point if you end up eating at these hellholes on the regular.
Always to be found in remote corners of loosely middle-class faceless commuter hellholes like Northolt, Ruislip, Reading etc, everything about these places is fucking vile. In the same way that spaceship from Event Horizon inadvertently travelled to hell and was infested from stem to stern with evil, similarly are Harvesters steeped in the detritis of the scum class.
From the beer-varnished joists to the piss-soaked carpets, these outlets make Wetherspoons look like exclusive franchises. Admittedly inventive in how many different fucking ways they can serve chicken and sweetcorn, the infinite salad bars are a hideously ironic foil for the infinite salad dodging cunts who swill the piss-warm Worthington’s creamflow by the flagon.
The few times I’ve eaten there, all I can remember is feeling like I’m eating at some grey, concrete surrounded grief-hole much akin to an Alan Patridge travel-tavern. It would be a more joyous experience to put a table and fucking chair on the hard shoulder of a motorway near Saffron Walden and eat some waterlogged Buxted and chips as the long hauls whizz past.
And they have put out some real humdingers for shit adverts – check out this fucking abomination!
Take it from someone who has been to these dives – ‘liberate te ex inferis’.
Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back
Took my boyfriend there once: His idea not mine.
Full of fucking chavs, pikeys and slaggy cunts. But enough about the staff.
Semtex the place.
14
Sorry, but you get what you pay for. If you go on a cheap package holiday on a cheap airline you can expect to be forced to mix with chav scum and their revolting screaming brats.
If you want to experience real culinary “hell” and an “abomination” you should try a Jamie Oliver restaurant. ( if there are any left….Jamie is having a problem with Brexit apparently)
There you can not only mix with aspiring middle class pricks and eat shit but pay through the nose for it.
Personally I prefer a Wetherspoons or battered sausage and chips on the bench outside the chippie but then i’m a State Registered Cunt and I know my place.
16
I confess to eating in Jamie’s Italian in Cambridge once.
The atmosphere was dreadful, the service slow, portions tiny, food tasteless, and it was WAY overpriced.
It’s closed now. I can’t say I’m surprised.
11
Yep been there too, what a pretentious place full of the typical cunts that the only reason they went is to brag about going there to their cunts of friends.
The same with the Carluccios in Cambridge, got dragged there too for a family occasion once, what a craphole, overpriced shite.
Way way better places to eat in Cambridge, Cocum for a start (great food, shite service) and numerous curry houses, the Oak Bistro, had great food at The Vaults before too.
Those were the days….
4
Decades ago I went to Pizza Express with my ex in Cambridge. PE is usually a safe default, especially in places that are otherwise devoid of eateries.
Slow service, boorish arrogant staff (food mercifully up to usual standards).
Mind you, when I worked for Norwich Onion after getting married (late 80s), I had to deal with an insurance broker in Cambridge (over the phone, thankfully).
Boorish, arrogant bitch. She bullshitted, I caught her out, and faxed paperwork to her to prove her mistake. Apology from the slag ? Not on your nelly.
I suspect it’s an attitude adopted by “local people” who WANTED to go to Uni there, but didn’t. Am not saying they’re all like that, but it looks like a phenomenon…
2
I used to manage one of Jamie’s eateries PC although not the one in Cambridge. Fuck me it was tough. No excuse for piss poor service or bland food though.
3
Did you ever meet The Cunt,Cuntbubble? Please tell me that you didn’t or we’d have already seen the headline “Jamie Oliver has pukka marrow shoved up his arse by irate Manager”
5
I did meet him Dick, although only briefly on my first day as back then he likes to travel to his restaurants to meet new managers. In fairness he was very friendly and quite a good laugh. However if I’d have met him again 6 months into my tenure I’d have twatted the cunt for being a tight fisted bastard
2
I did meet him Dick although only briefly, and in fairness he was friendly and quiet a good laugh. This was a long time ago so he’s probably a twat to work for now
1
Has anyone reported that advert to the ASA?
I might be wrong but I thought their salads were brought in in big plastic bags pre prepared and most of their food was cook chilled?
4
Many years ago I went to Harvester for a work Xmas do. Everything – meat, stuffing and vegetables- tasted of rosemary. Shite.
https://mikesplace2017.wordpress.com/2018/08/25/picture-of-the-day-18/
2
So you had the fish dish then ?
Sorry…..couldn’t resist that one.
Back to school in a couple of weeks.
4
http://noahpinionblog.blogspot.com/2012/07/something-big-happened-in-early-70s.html
This chart explains part of the problem, post war till the 70’s economics policy was targeting full employment which ended in a inflationary bust in the 70’s, one can see the correlation between productivity ans wages map each other till that point, I remember it, high wage growth and high inflation all the problems etc.
Then Thatcher and Reagan era policy targeted price stability and breaking of the union/ power of labour in the workplace (union power had got out of hand) along with financial deregulation created the divergence between wage and productivity as shown in the chart, with the spoils going to the top 10% to 20% or so and the massive inequality problem. This then all blew up in 2008 and we have still not solved the financial crisis with banks on life support.
In real terms workers are no better off now than they were 30 years ago.
An anecdote but if I took my wage in 1998 and added 4% wage growth (just above inflation) it would come out at 30k a year today, there is no way a insurance clerk at a brokers would be paid that today, I would guess just little more than I was earning back then.
2
Insurance clerk ? Brokers?
Today?
Do those jobs still even exist?
2
When i was in hospital for months and was nil by mouth for 5 weeks every fecking ad on the tv was for food and Harvester were advertising big time i tell you those places with their Wurzel Gummidge salad cart and annoying “have you been to a Harvester before” looked like cordon bleu palaces to me, then I got well and they didn’t.
6
Having never eaten in a harvester can’t comment but recently I was going on the overnight ferry from harwich and accidentally stumbled into a brewers fayre whilst waiting to board, the placed was stuffed top to bottom with utter reprobates all jostling at the bar whilst their feral offspring ran around screaming like banshees, as I turned to pass a friend some beers I was confronted by a peroxide blonde middle aged lady who appeared to be wearing the entire contents of a Spanish galleon, she had her finger buried deep inside her nose and was having a proper fish around, on seeing me staring she withdrew the offending finger and rolled the bounty from her nose between her finger and thumb before depositing it on the floor!!!
BTW…. I’m not joking!!
We took our beers and sat outside……
My question is are BF similar to harvesters?
13
Another chain in same league is hungry horse where the chavs get confused with quality and quantity.
6
Quite like a H H but only to eat the 20oz megasaurus steak.
Cooked to my specs and rather tasty.
Wouldn’t touch another thing on their menu mind
1
I had the misfortune of eating at a similar gaff last week. I knew the place and it was run by a mother & daughter team. “Was” being the appropriate word as I would discover.
Daughter front of house and doing the beers, the Mam in the kitchen doing the snapping.
It was just short-order stuff but it was always done really well and her burgers were mint.
So I made the mistake of convincing a friend to go there. The girl at the bar I knew from before and so I thought everything was the same.
The warning signs should have been there when my friend asked for the fish and chips and we were told that they didn’t have any portions of “fish and chips”, not just fish…
So he had the chilli con carne option and I had the burger I was looking forward to.
After 1/2hr of no service, said bar bird comes over to apologise for the wait and that they had a new “chef”. When I enquired about the Mum & Daughter duo they had been gone for 6 months.
NOOOOOO!!!!!
Needless to say when the food eventually arrived after an hour (we were “hoping” that this was a good sign), delivered by the “chef” (some scruffy Roma looking cunt where English wasn’t a first language) it was dreadful.
The burger even Birdseye wouldn’t put in their chav box of 24 for £2 quid served with McCain oven fries, and the chilli con carne was volcanic around the edges and a ice pop in the middle, served Dolmio microwave pasta. It was truly disgusting.
And now to the point of this story…
When we’d had enough (which wasn’t long into the dining experience) my mate said: “If I’d wanted a meal as bad as that I would’ve suggested going to a Harvester gaff!”
10
I shudder to think what goes on in kitchens out of public view . Best and safest option is fish and chips, cooked before your very own eyes in sizzling , bug destroying dripping.
Fuck knows what goes on in ‘ Indian ‘ restaurants, they probably all toss themselves off in the curry pot, then serve it up with a false sly smile.
Peaceful spunk spurters .
Gruesome.
Good morning.
8
Sussex police have revealed that the man who fell into a combine harvester while attempting to steal it, has now been bailed….
10
Had the misfortune of joining a mate and his missus in a fucking Harvester near Dartford for a spot of sunday lunch a few years back.
The screams of feral chav kids running riot and beating the crap out of their siblings are still ringing in my ears to this day.
4
Got to give this a like for the Event Horizon shout out
4
I scared the shit out of my dog when I cackled after reading that.
2
They could use Sam Neill’s famous Event Horizon line in Harvester adverts…
“Where we’re going, we won’t need eyes to see.
Or taste buds for that matter…”
1
I am very happy that places like Harvester exists as eateries like this ensure that the chavvy scumcunts do not go to nice restaurants where I will be dining.
Long live Harvester!
6
Every cunt has a slippery lining, I guess.
1
Also, have been to more funerals (at crems) than I care to remember. The jollities after always seem to be at Harvesters. The proximity of so many of them to crems worries me a bit.
Mind you, so long as Harvesters don’t actually employ the Grim Reaper…
2
The only place I’ve ever been to on a Sunday that didn’t do a roast. And only went there because the place we’d booked, as we were moving the following day, neglected to tell us they were fucking CLOSED that day!
1