I want to Cunt people who begin every spoken sentence with “Basically” and finish it with “You Know”
A minor irritation in the grand scheme of things,I’ll admit, but it’s something that I’ve got stuck in my head. Every interview on the radio or telly and I’m poised,waiting for the vacuous Cunt who can’t express themselves without bracketing their inane gibberish with “Basically” and “You Know”.
My neurosis about such a meaningless thing has reached the point where I’ve begun to count how many “you knows” people can pack into one lungful of speech. It’s become some kind of a bizarre fixation with me. When the men in white coats tun up to remove me, I’ll probably be gibbering about it basically,you know,all being the Cunts fault, you know.
Fuck them.
Nominated by Dick Fiddler
A very good cunting, sir!
It also grinds my teeth when arseholes say things like
“So,….”,
“If you ask me…”, (when no one clearly has!)
“If I were you…” (but you’re not and therefore whatever you say is just conjecture)
“to be honest with you” (which suggests you’ve been bullshitting the rest of the time) and
“At the end of the day” to name but a few irritating expressions.
But the worst one of all is “Absolutely!” – everything is “absolutely” these days, and just sounds retarded.
15
“So” really gets me… for some unfathomable reason they all have to prefix their every fucking worthless utterance with “So” – no matter how out of context it is! Often several times in the same sentence ffs!!
I caught myself saying “absolutely” a lot about 10 years ago and vowed to punch myself hard in the face eveytime I said it in future. My subconscious soon got the message.
11
Yep that is ‘absolutely’ my pet peeve. Imagine a phone call to your daughter doing penguin studies or some fucking thing in Antarctica.
‘Is it cold down there dear?’
‘Ooh Absolutely mam’
“So it’s -273 degrees C there then is it?’
8
Aaaargh !
No !
“So it’s LIKE ?, etc.”
One advantage of living abroad was that although I spoke tolerably good French, inanities didn’t bother me.
Returning to GB after 10 years away from “English as she is spoke, innit” means my piss starts heating up as soon as I leave the house…
7
I was on the bus coming home from the boozer and there were these teenage girls talking shit as they do, the one thing that struck me was after EVERY sentence they would say LIKE. Or even in between sentences. What a lack of vocabulary.
8
If I had a magic wand, “like”would be turned onto “lick.”
Could be inneresting, innit ?
3
Damned right Mr F, and a good morning to you.
I have to interview people every 3 months or so and have rejected applicants (with undoubtedly impressive CV’s) for this very reason.
Also sprinkling their “y’knows” with lots of “likes”.
Insufficiently strict parenting is the cause.
In my house, both my children have been given lines for the occasional bout of idiocy. When a child has to write two pages of A4 “I will not talk like a dullard”, it most assuredly dissuades repetition!
14
Totally with you on counting the “you know’s” Dick. Don’t know if those morons who are afflicted with this nonsense are able to help themselves (whether a form of Tourette’s) but whatever (another word I cannot stand) the reason it gets on my bloody tits whenever I hear it,
In addition to counting the number I of ‘you lnow’s” I also find myself saying in my head “no, I don’t know, no I don’t know”.
Extremely bloody irritating to say the least.
5
Tha knows lad….
2
Fuck it Willie I say exactly the same thing when I hear ‘you know’; only after the fifth utterance I’m fucking Shouting ‘NO, TELL ME’ at the fucking telly or radio.
3
The expression that gets my anger sap rising is, ‘Can I get?’. Always used by some fucking student-bearded / chuff munching retarded millennium when attempting to purchase beverages or a spot of nosebag.
For example “Can I get 2 flat white triple brewed spunk infused pints of cupcake juice?”
Do they mean, ‘I don’t want to be served by you so I would like to GET this order myself’ or what? I feel like whacking these wankmops around the head and telling them that they may ‘buy, purchase, have’ but not FUCKING GET.
No doubt another bastardisation of our beautiful British language imported from Americunt.
Cuntin’ buffoons.
9
Spot on TS: boils my piss every time.
2
I’m exactly the same when it come to use of the word ‘like’.
When I get a rubber fuckhead repeatedly using the word ‘like’, no matter how important the conversation I just zone out and subconsciously count the amount of times said shitheel will intersperse his or sentences with the accursed utility word of our age.
I’m sure the copius use of that particular word, from memory, originated from the mid/late 90s and was possibly due to that utter fucking banal dross Friends, with one of the shitcunts repeatedly talking like some hipster valley girl.
Despite participating with the regular cuntings on grammar here, I am not a fucking speech/grammar nazi; people can talk and type how they want and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. The exception comes when idiots are deliberately apeing stupid and moronic repetition of certain words, including ‘you know’ and ‘basically’.
Fucking cunts deserve to be beaten unconscious with a sturdy, hardback copy of the Oxford English.
11
The shitfest known as “Friends” is also responsible for “Oh my God!” now abbreviated to OMG!
Anyone who uses that phrase in front of me immediately turns into a lump of dogshit. ( in my mind anyway )
8
Oh Christ, yes, I think you are right.
And yes, anyone who actually spells out an internet acronym like ‘O-M-G’ or similar during real conversation deserves nothing less than a Scum-style snooker-ball-in-sock tolchoking. Fucking cunts.
8
I don’t so much mind ‘oh my god’, it’s more ‘oh my days’ that gets on my tits.
5
Especially when the person saying that, rather than being a Miss Marple spinster is about 16 years old and hasn’t had that many days.
Another thing that annoys me is the token white (usually male) teenager in a group of lads *with colour* when they start talking patois in that sing-songy W.I. way. I saw some on a bus today – the white lead was fair haired and looked more Dorking than Detroit.
2
Spot on DF. There was once an ‘athlete’ asked to comment on some British drugs cheat being allowed back into the sport. His response was, “well, you know, I dunno, you know”. I fell about laughing at the fuckwit and realised that his sole purpose in life was to run round in circles.
Add to the list people who can’t say the word “sixth”. Even people who read the news say something else and should never have been given the job in the first place. Cunts all.
13
I once watched an interview with snooker player Mark Selby, and the amount of times he said the word ‘obviously’ made me wonder if he was doing it for an in-joke or bet.
British track and field athletes especially are often illegilble basicallycunts in front of the camera.
5
Mark Fucking Selby…grrrrr.
Snooker’s biggest cunt since the eminently punchable Peter Ebdon.
And they both play the same negative, close-down style of game.
3
His wife is a bit of OK, a little reminiscent of the lady who plays Will’s mum (MILF) in the Inbetweeners.
I wonder if she wears earplugs when she is around Selby. Obviously?
2
Don’t fucking start me off on “at the end of the day” prefixed or suffixed to a sentence. The penalty for the use of this one should be gang raping by sex starved silverbacks sans lube.
The rising intonation is also a major groinache.
Good morning happy cunters.
7
GOD BLESS TOMMY ROBINSON
13
Well basically there used to be some cunt that talked about all things tech on Steve Wright in the Afternoon called Miles Mendoza, I know cunt of name, and without fail he’d begin every explanation with the dreaded phrase. Not only that but the cunt had a speech impediment, another one of my piss boiling hates, and pronounced it ‘baythickly’ and ‘that’s right Thsteve’. CUNT. I don’t listen to Steve Wright much anymore because of the other two snivelling annoying, childish, politically correct cunts he has on with him, Tim poncey Smith and obviously Green Party voting know it all Jamie Lee Grace. Tim’s style is that of a fucking Blue Peter presenter telling kids how to make a space rocket out of an old squeezy bottle and some fuckin sticky back plastic. Oh and don’t forget to ask a grown ups permission! Cunt. As for her she’s seems the type who would let her kids eat melted chocolate and berries with their fucking fingers then let them put their little hand prints on the wall so she could show the other mums when they come round for coffee. Fuck off ‘Basically’ you cunts.
8
Steve Wright is a pucking fonce and really needs an urgent and dedicated cunting on these hallowed pages.
7
Always loathed Steve Shite, even in the 80s and 90s he irritated the fuck out of me… The classic ‘talk crap over a song’ tosspot DJ, and an inspiration for Ginger Cunt Evans… I hated his show, hated his ‘firm’ of ‘afternoon boys’ cunts and then his cretinous ‘posse’, I hated his shite ‘characters’ like ‘The Pervy at the Window’ and that mockney mong who kept singing/shouting ‘Mister Spoons’, and I disliked Wright himself… He was and always will be a very poor imitation of Kenny Everett (who really was a radio pioneer) and a total cunt… Steve Wright is arguably one of the worst radio DJs of all time….
Actually, this can go in the noms section…
8
Agree Norman, how do utter cunts like Steve Wright stay on the radio ? Has he got some dirt on the BBC hierarchy ? He’s been churning out the same repetitive scripted spunk for the last 40 years. The worst cunt on the radio. Followed closely by the dulard Ken Bruce and his obsession with the 80’s. Oh by the way Steve, hate the fucking show.
3
The only DJ I ever liked was Alan Freeman. But then I was only 9 at the time…
I’d given up listening to anything involving DJs by the age of 14. Discovered most of the best music through word of mouth and friend’s record collections after that.
Radios Caroline & London were ok in the mid ’60s.
3
Peter Willsman has made a right cunt of himself ranting like an editorial from Der Strumer…
https://mikesplace2017.wordpress.com/2018/08/02/labour-and-anti-semitism-update/
Think I’ll write him up over at the nominations page.
5
Fucking hell! That’s amazing! Talk about stitching yourself up!
3
There is a thread of real anti-Semitism running through the Labour part. I don’t mean criticism of Israel, god knows it has a lot to answer for, but real old fashioned jew baiting. Corbyn’s support for any bunch of savage Islamic groups underpins it and it plays well with their peaceful electorate in the cities.
7
The hard left have always been anti-semitic. Anyone who is successful in business, aspirational, or wealthy through their own endeavours and hard work is the enemy of the hard left. And because the Jewish people have historically punched well above their weight in almost every field, they have become the natural bogeymen and handy symbol and scape goat for the hard left who blame the Jews for all the ills of society.
Nazis /Hard Left: two sides of the same coin.
12
Willsman is an utter cunt. Fine, no quarrel with that. But what, exactly, is antisemitic about alleging that some Jews are Trump fanatics? Some Scientologists are Trump fanatics. Hell, some Christians are Trump fanatics. Some Jews, including Jared Kushner, are undoubtedly Trump fanatics. Come onnnn…ffs.
As to media control, maybe, maybe not. Here’s a little blast from the past which may help to illustrate why the Jewish community is being nudged into being appalled by Labour. It has to do with the demonstrable fact that Labour is no longer neutered on the subject of Israel-Palestine:
https://wikispooks.com/wiki/Michael_Levy
In 1994, the then shadow Home Secretary Tony Blair, and his wife, went on a trip to Israel at the Israeli government’s expense. Two months after returning, Blair was introduced to former pop promoter, Michael Abraham Levy at a dinner party by Gideon Meir, the number two in the Israeli embassy in London. A month later the leader of the Labour Party, John Smith, died, and Blair won the leadership election contest with Gordon Brown – in some accounts with financial assistance from Levy who then set about raising money – the figure of £7 million is widely quoted – for the personal use of his new ‘friend’, Tony Blair, leader of the Labour Party.[15]
The big early contributors to the ‘blind trust’ which funded Blair’s office were:
‘a group of businessmen involved in Jewish charities whose decisions to give to Labour have been crucially influenced by the party’s strong pro-Israeli stance under both Tony Blair and his predecessor John Smith… Levy brought the world of North London Jewish business into the Labour Party… some of the names whom Levy persuaded to donate include Sir Emmanuel Kaye of Kaye Enterprises, Sir Trevor Chinn of Lex Garages, Maurice Hatter of IMO Precision Control and David Goldman of the Sage software group… it is clear, however, that for this group Blair’s (and Smith’s before him) strong support for Israel is an important factor, especially with those such as Kaye, Chinn and Levy himself, who raise large sums for Israeli causes. Nick Cosgrave, director of Labour Friends of Israel, says Blair “brought back Labour Friends of Israel into the Labour Party, in a sense … before the majority of supporters of Labour Friends felt uncomfortable with the Labour Party.'[16]
The Levy money enabled Blair to begin expanding his private office (he hired Alastair Campbell as his press officer in 1994 and diplomat Jonathan Powell as his chief of staff in early 1995), creating the biggest opposition leader’s office in history, employing some 20 full-time staff on appreciable salaries.
That’s how it’s done. Levy’s still stirring it, btw.
5
Everything Blair touches has shit on it. Campbell ensures an extra dollop of crap. I do wonder if the latest Labour unhapiness has anything to do with trying to get David Miliband back as their leader to show how inclusive they are. Let’s face it he will never get there through talent or popularity
Just a thought..
3
And, oddly, there was something about the liebore spreading falsities via social meejah a couple of weeks ago, to smear Cap’n Jap’sEye, if I remember rightly.
2
Off subject but please spare a thought for the talented musician stabbed in London. A giant in the ‘Drill’ music scene. (no, me neither)
9
In homage and respect, I dedicated my first shit of the day to him. Sad times.
11
‘First’? Any decent human being would dedicate their first three to adequately attribute their grief towards humanity losing such a talented wunderkind.
6
I dedicate my second of the day (bought on by a rather powerful ristretto) to wonderful yoof. During his brief but pointless existence on planet earth he took so much but gave so little in return. And as a final ‘adieu’ he managed to wipe another few hundred grand off the emergency services budget.
“It’s not about race, it’s not about nation, it’s not about culture. Nothing. It’s just a human race.” – said one plucky mourner… which couldn’t be more correct, only someone should mention that the rest of people on the planet are busy racing the other way and perhaps a period of self reflection is required to understand exactly why that is…
7
Dammit, BK. That’s a keyboard you owe me!
2
Could not help myself, had to find out what Drill music is.
An example being:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_ElrgdLKWg&list=RDQMETpBdIWNibU
A beautiful instantly forgettable number that has no melody or any credible artistic merit. It is no surprise to me that he was stabbed.
Perhaps it’s my age but sounds remarkably like rap to me.
7
rap with a capital ‘C’
7
Don’t be cunts. In my time we lost Hendrix, Joplin, Morrison, Lynott, Winehouse, Lemmy, Bowie and many more. This is another tragedy for music.
RIP whatever your fucking name is.
6
Aye, this ‘Drill’ cunt is up there with Brian Jones, Keith Moon, Elvis, Lennon, Harrison, Gene Clark, Ian Curtis, and Marvin Gaye… At least according to the BBC (Black Broadcasting Corporation) he is… I’m waiting for his mum or granny to say he was a nuclear physicist who also juggled plates and worked for the Red Cross in his spare time…
6
If only there were a Nobel prize for songwriting.
I think “Drill” is a form of rap, usually about violent subjects like rape or death, and drug culture. Innit though.
1
Drill music ????
What does he play concertos on a Makita cordless ???
2
Another thing that irritates me is when on one of the numerous property programmes when being shown round, the potential halfwit buyer who is spending a massive £50k but seriously thinks this amount of money get somewhere bigger, more bedrooms, larger kitchen, with a pool and overlooking the sea, comes out with the “oh, wow’s”, and then talks about the “ticking the boxes” bollocks.
6
I wonder what’s up Allslopp’s box ?
Answers on the back of a postcard to Channel 4 tv…
5
A giant cucumber perchance?
https://goo.gl/images/6NbMe7
5
Reminds me of this cunt a few years back.
https://youtu.be/wbllI-El1EQ
2
Why isn’t he on Match of the Day? Fucking racism, pure and simple.
4
I can handle misused language and the need to qualify every statement to mitigate risk, basically to allow for bullshit in some form. I just automatically assume most people are full of shit, cunts, or arseholes before they even open their cake hole.
What really vexes my piss is people over emphasising with wild physical gesticulations of the hands or head that rivals the sort of twitchy behaviour someone with Tourettes displays. Just chill the fuck out, your sudden bold movements don’t convince me any more than usual, which was not at all to begin with anyway.
Made a cunting on that topic but alas it has not emerged.
4
The wild physical gesticulations of a passionate speaker have caused me problems on a few occasions, thought the twat was attacking me. According to my good lady kicking the coffee table into said speakers shins is not the done thing in polite society. I think that incident was the final straw as regards social type invitations and hastened my conversion to hermit. As an aside I cannot help laughing when someone berates me in fuckwit.
5
That Simon Schama cunt takes the gesticulating biscuit!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vunDmAqPGUM
2
“Clearly” is a favourite of mine. It means “in my uninformed opinion”, as does “in fact”.
“Like” and “so” – meaning, “Er” and “Um”.
“Dude” as a form of address is a particular pissboiler. I have had to correct snowflakes with chinfuzz on this one more than once. The correct title is “Sir” or even “Your Magnificence”, though I rarely insist on this.
*Clearly*, DF loves his native language, and I warmly endorse this cunting, and the comments thereon
6
“Um is not an answer”.
(Judge Judy)
6
*In my judgement* (MPs like that old wanker Jack Straw, now thank god an ex MP)
*we are where we are* (every half witted politician)
*synergy* (every would-be City journalist)
*huge* (used now for anything and everything: “Cliff Richard has a huge following with shirt-lifters”, “I enjoyed Eddie Izzard’s drag act hugely”, “Gina Miller has a huge following on Cuntbook”)
*unacceptable* (every woman politician about everything)
Just a few more that came to me!
4
So this is like, you know, a totally amazing cunting. If you ask me at like, you know, the end of the day, people talk like lots without, to be honest, saying anything. You know?
10
At this moment in time I’m like wow but going forward look we’ve really godda take the longview…
4
So I was like telling ISAC that we need more Blue Sky Thinking, to be honest. And they were like, you know, amazed by that until some dude said that he was like thinking out of the box and wondered if they had any, you know, air cover.
7
Innit ? Abso-fucking-lutely.
2
“I’m not being funny…”
“I’m don’t mean to be rude…”
Usually followed by something which completely contradicts these sentences and makes saying them pointless in the first place.
5
I always enjoy the sentences that start “with all due respect” and usually finish with the words “you’re a cunt”.
5
It’s a truism that the amount of respect which is verbally proferred (“with respect”, “with all due respect” and “with the utmost respect” etc.) is inversely proportional to the amount of respect actually being given.
7
Or…. I don’t mean to be racist….
3
“I’m not being funny but”…. Always a precursor to the speaker uttering total shite. Damn right you’re not being funny – you’re being a cunt!
1
Some fecker said to me the other day òn finishing our conversation ” have a good one”, what the feck does that mean i asked him, are you now a yank ?, soppy fecker didn’t know what to say embarrassed he was trying to be cool ended up lookin like a cunt.
5
“Many thanks” and “with the greatest respect ” are personal stomach curdlers.
Good cunting.
Good morning.
6
“Here’s the thing…”
The current precursor of choice to some vacuous statement by a non-entity on the radio.
I operate a 3 strikes rule – anyone who utters “So” “Basically” and “Absolutely” in an interview gets switched off.
5
Another irritation is when someone repeats a statement and turns it either into a question or an accusation. For example:-
Cunt 1 – “I took that Gina Miller up the arse last night!”
Cunt 2 – “You took Gina Miller up the arse!?”
or
Cunt 3 – “I bought some love balls for the wife!”
Cunt 4 – “You bought some love balls?”
10
Sounds like Dickie Branson or George Sorearse (the Banana Gob up the jacksy bit)… But I agree, I know someone who always asks a question, and when you answer ‘No’ the daft cow says incredulously ‘No?!!?’ Like ‘Are you and Mrs Norman going out tonight?’ I say ‘No’ and she says astonished and disbelievingly ‘No?!!!’ What a cunt…..
2
Somebody ‘killing it’ , ‘smashing it’ or giving it ‘110%’. As for millennial speak it may as well be Mustafa fresh off the lorry from Calais asking for directions to Londonistan.
6
In print media what annoys me now is that everything gets put under a heading with the words *All you need to know* – usually about bollocks I want to know nothing about at all .
Radio 4 can’t ask anyone a question without the wanker being asked starting their answer with *so*
*A rock and a hard place* is another fucking useless term, and the habit of calling everyone regardless of sex *guys*. Agreed some tattooed chav women wearing vests do look a bit masculine, but *guys* sounds so fucking American
7
“All you need to know..” is a patronising load of bollox, and what also irritates me with the media and their headlines is another patronising statement….”…. and here’s why!” For example….
“The government plan to kill all poor people….. and here’s why!”
Pure fucking click-bait.
Oh, and why do they have to use capitals in some of their headlines?
“Tony Blair did LIE to the country!”
“It will SNOW this weekend”
“Old people are a bunch of old CUNTS!”
It’s as if a normal headline on its own isn’t good enough to attract sufficient attention, so let’s FUCKING SHOUT IT OUT, JUST IN CASE!!!
Cunts!
4
‘All you need to know’ = ‘clickbait’
As is ’73 FACTS about the CAPS LOCK key that* will ASTONISH you’
* Nearly missed the indiscriminate use of ‘that’ in place of ‘which’ and ‘who’. Raises my bladder temperature, anyway.
2
Cross posted with the likeminded NCFOM – inadvertent, sorry.
3
silly cunt 🙂
2
Also does no fucker pronounce th anymore? Sick of these ‘fick fuckers ‘finking they’re cool with their lazy ass twang. Muvver,Farver,foughts,fousand,speak English you lazy cunts.Both a cop and a lawyer interviewed recently dropped the ‘f’ bomb.Talk about dropping standards,fuck me.
6
I suspect the OED team has been reduced to a skelington staff these days !
6
Quite,I believe the Fesaurus section has been worst hit😀
3
May I add the use of the Arabic hamza (ء) – the glottal stop – in place of the letter T?
As in ‘thaء twaء don’ know woء e’s talkin’ abouء’
Always been a feature of Cockney, Mockney and Essex, but now even Home Counties cunts are afflicted with it.
4
Divershi??y…
1
To my horror I’ve found myself slipping into saying “you know’ in much the same way as people say um and ah. Didn’t realise I did it until today.
4
You need rebooting… with steel capped Doc Martens.
6
Agreed!
A swift kick in the knackers is the only known cure.
Assume the position!
6
It’s probably one of those speech patterns I’ve subconsciously picked up as a result of being of my generation.
4
And it’s a great big fuck off to all those cunts that use raised inflection at the end of a sentence as if to end it with a question.
Fuck off just please fuck off, proper fucking cunts.
6
Off topic but they have Nihal whatshisface on 5 Live hosting a discussion about the Gender Pay Gap myth. Now, Carlsberg don’t do smug neoliberal cunts but if they did then this fucker would be the result.
5
One that grates my ballsack is how commentators Start with the words here comes
Team GB no it’s not it’s the Great British team you useless twats
Fuck em I’m off
4
A couple of techie ones –
‘Quantum leap’ from someone who wouldn’t know Schrodinger if he bit them.
‘Tectonic’ in any other context than that of tectonics. Usually coupled with ‘shift’, usually to indicate a change in someone’s perception of something.
‘The same wavelength’ the user and I are unfortunately not in any sense on…
4
Sorry my mistake,give me your frequency and I’ll retune.
4
Used to like that Quantum Leap show… Dean Stockwell was great as the very sexist and politically incorrect Al….
1
As stated in an as yet unpublished cunting, people that pronounce the letter ‘H’ with a haitch and those that don’t know when they bought something or brought it, do my gourd in!
3
The Haitch is normal for oop northwest and parts of Scotland, I think. But is an intolerable affectation south of Watford, true.
0