The Government and it’s ‘Spaceport’ deserve a nomination. We all know that May has a tendency to ignore the advice of people who are paid to advise her, preferring instead to listen to the voices in her head. But this is just fucking ridiculous.
It was recently announced that the Government was keen to get back in on the space race, having abandoned our previous participation about fifty years ago. Now, experts will tell you that the best location for a facility to launch rockets into space is close to the equator. Apparently, the reason for this is that equator is where Earth’s rotational speed is at its highest. This gives rockets a natural boost, and saves having to pay the cost of extra fuel and boosters.
Like I said though, May prefers to ignore the advice of people who know better, and instead of siting the ‘spaceport’ on a British territory close to the equator, she and her government have instead chosen to site the damn place in….Sutherland, Scotland. This will make Britain’s shiny new launch facility the most northerly launch facility in the world, and means that when we eventually get round to actually launching rockets, we, the taxpayer, will have to pay extra to ensure they have enough fuel to get into orbit. (Sarcastic applause) Well done Theresa.
I have nothing against Sutherland. I’m sure it’s a perfectly nice place. But there is no practical or financial reason for our new venture into the realm of the Death Star to be placed there. There is, however, a very good political reason. With the SNP’s calls for a second once in a lifetime referendum on independence, the government wants the Scottish people to know that it fully supports them, cares about them, and would prefer they didn’t vote to leave the United Kingdom.
In other words, it’s a blatant attempt to bribe the Scottish into staying in the union. We all know that May is a moron, she seems determined to prove that she really is on another planet.
Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw
If Britain re enters the space race, maybe India will bung us a few quid to help pay for it.
Not holding my breath…
14
They could even name the rocket after Teresa May.
“The Blue Streak…. of piss”
9
Yellow streak, surely Mr B?
6
But then my peurile attempt at a rocket based pun wouldn’t work as well…š
3
Another awful decision from Mrs Treason M Maybot? Well, as a certain political commentator on YouTube might say, imagine my shock.
5
@OpinionatedCunt Dave Cullen I presume?
1
Nah I’m on about Paul Joseph Watson. Don’t watch the guy regularly but I do know that phrase is his trademark.
4
With any luck Teresa May will be the first astronaut launched from the place to see if she can overtake voyager.
10
I think you will find that May does listen to expert advice. That of the Remoaners of Whitehall, to the exclusion of any elected political input.
The Scottish site is fandabbidosi ,see you, by the way.
8
Ah āFandabbidosiā. Thanks for reminding me of this CC. Can it by any chance be a reference to the famous āJulius and Tucker pencil/onion bhaji sceneā from the Thick if It? If so sir, you have chosen one if the seminal moments from British comedy and for that I thank you!!
2
Tucker is my hero. Someone posted (Norman?) Dr Who doing Tuckerisms which was brilliant.
0
Yeh heās the star and an unbelievably great cunter. What a crying shame that Dr Who robbed us of this genius for too long.
But the entire ensemble are just superb. I really couldnāt place them in 1-11 batting order but Julius, Glenn, Fleming, Murray and of course the great Peter Mannion are well in there. I hope it comes back so I can volunteer as a Swearing Consultant!!
1
Although our own rocket programs fell of the perch around about the time all those Comet airliners dropped in half, Britain still participates in space research. Lots of probes and satellites are designed and built here, they just get launched from somewhere more suitable.
Beardy Branson’s pipe dreams don’t count, because he’s a cunt…
7
Sutherland is indeed an extremely nice place, and I cannot commend it highly enough. But it’s at the far end of the country, on tortuous roads, from the aerospace industry, and it is a largely unspoilt wilderness area. Some Scots would perhaps benefit, if only from the construction contract, but as it would involve a secure, isolated, purpose-built technical township, it would not otherwise add to the local amenities. Given that the country is broke, and in horrendous debt, and can’t afford conventional forces let alone Star Wars or kickstarting Millionaires To Mars, what the fucking fuck are the government fucks thinking?
If UK plc wishes to ace the SNP opposition this is not the way to do it. Far simpler to distribute a tenth of the money in bribes to the Jock Kong’s always- hungry MP’s, or even upgrade the A1 to a reasonable standard north of Morpeth.
Cunts indeed.
7
It will be financed by the savings on HS2, so no need to worry.
1
A saving of 10 minutes travelling is the best you’ll ever get out of HS2.
2
The english yes, but the scots will be able to travel by rocket.
2
It might be part of the government’s Brexit strategy. If it all goes pear shaped we (the indigenous folk) will board giant rockets and blast off to a life on another planet – all peacefuls pikeys etc will be left behind.
I’m packing now – just in case.
9
Exactly what we need. I mean, why spend our money on schools and prisons and hospitals when we can just throw it away instead? Personally I’d donate the lot to overseas aid, then we’d have nothing at all to show for it.
7
Genius!
You’re not Martin Lewis in disguise are you Allan?
3
I thought this country was still skint?
I thought we were still going through all that austerity shit from as far back as 2008 when we (the taxpayer) had to bail out the fucking City and a bunch of wank-banks, along with billions in Quantitative Easing to keep the financiers happy? And because of that the country is over almost $2tn in debt – which we (the taxpayer all all other other poor plebs) will have to pay back!
So how the fuck is having a spaceport in the national interest when we’re supposed to be tightening our belts, along with the public sector getting sliced up into smaller chunks in order to save a few bob?
Unbelievable!
May should stick that spaceport up her Uranus, stupid minger!
14
If only NCFOM!
The cuntry is still able afford HS2 and 3rd Runway at eye watering levels of cost (and you can double the published budgets here and now). These both only really benefit Londonistan and the nabobs in Birmingham. Meanwhile the 95% of the population who have no interest in either of these will cough up for them at the same time as not even having two brass farthings to pay for pothole repairs to our 3rd world roads.
8
Yes. ‘The 3rd runway will benefit the regions.’ Bullshit, it will benefit that millstone around the UKs neck that is the Caliphate and Chavate of London.
HS2 is all about getting to and from horrid places in time for a supper of organic quinoa in an Islington theme restaurant.
Ask the cunts why they haven’t upgraded Leeds/Manchester connections and answer comes there none. There isn’t even a complete motorway link to Newcastle but Crossrail continues half a billion over budget and counting.
Utter cunts.
9
Scottish politics isn’t a hard beast to understand.
The SNP’s core support comes mostly from three groups:
1. plastic paddies (found in Scotland in a higher proportion to their brethern in England), who simply hate all things British and, abetted by a plastic-infested media, are itching to turn Scotland into a Roman Catholic republic;
2. other immigrants who hate British culture and see an independent Scotland as their best chance in the short-to-medium term to foist their own ways on the rest of us; and
3. those who blame the Tories for the dismantling of Scottish industry. These people aren’t anti-English per se; they just have a pathological hatred of the Tories. You’ll find similar sentiments throughout the north of England.
The SNP assiduously court these groups and endorse their skewed narratives. However, the big problem for the SNP’s independence project is that the combined numbers of these groups are outweighed by pro-Union Scots.
Indeed, the only reason that the SNP hold a majority in Toytown (aka The Scottish Parliament) is because the majority of non-SNP voters are split between the Conservatives, Labour and the Lid Dems. But even that simple fact probably won’t be enough to save the SNP from being ousted at the next Scottish elections, thanks to a track record that is worse even than that of Theresa May.
And once they’re gone they won’t be coming back any time soon, the pathetic cunts.
7
May will be gone soon, and this venture will never get off the ground (excuse the pun).
Many has also promised lots of things to many people but has more often than not either done fuck all or simply changed her mind, usually because it costs too much. Suspect it was her intention never to deliver- just like Brexit.
Do not believe a single word that this cunt government say.
7
Agree. May has never delivered on anything EVER.
Immigration down to the 10s of 1000s? Not even close. Brexit? Don’t make me fucking laugh.
Spaceport? The garden bridge is more likely to be built before that sucker!
Won’t stop them pouring Ā£billions down the shitter though.
9
A quick addendum to the above: the creation of a spaceport in Scotland won’t make a blind bit of difference in a political sense.
And as for the choice of location, they may as well have elected to base it in a wind tunnel!
7
With the NHS creaking at the seams , police And army numbers so low you would think we had plenty of uses for the funds that will be required to deliver this (pie in the sky) project , may at best is a fantasist at worse a crafty weasel worded cunt!! I agree with previous poster who said it will never happen!! Mays all fucking mouth and extremely little action…..
fuck her and her space odyssey!!
15
The daft old bag’s too late. I’m already building a mobile launch pad on the back of a transit van. Powered by granular fertilizer and red diesel I plan to ask her to cut the ribbon at the inaugural flight where bold astronauts Cameron and Osborne will be safely strapped into a metal rubbish bin sat atop several tons of my own high octane fuel mixture. I shall shout directions on the correct ignition procedure through a megaphone from a safe distance,basically “just light the 10 second fuse Mrs May,and stand still while the photos are taken”.The House of Lords would be a grand site,just as long as the noise didn’t wake the old bastards from their slumbers…better that they just peacefully shuffle off this .mortal coil untroubled by the loudest bang since Diane Abbott jumped off the wardrobe to straddle a spreadeagled Jeremy Corbyn
Fuck them.
14
Couldnāt agree more Sterling
SNP are a pretty poor and pathetic bunch ā once in a generactionā Wee jimmy krankie said – generation of what ? A fuckin fruit fly !!!!!!
Totally incompetent and out her depth
nhs fucking creaking at the seams
Social services cut to the bone
Police Scotland in disarray
Do you guys realise she ordered ALL POLICE cars to be painted with the word police in English ( as they are just now ) AND IN GAELIC !!!!!!!
Figures at very very best are 50,000 talk or understand it ( mostly in western isles) so out of population of 5 million
Do the maths itās shocking
Reckon Ā£2-3 million spent
THE CUNTS
oh and the heroin substitute METHADONE know what they have offered now at your and mine expense
SUGAR FREE !!!!!!!!!
Guys & Girls I shit you not !!!!!!!
Fuckin SNP pricks
Put tits on a fucking he weasel !!!!!
10
Bloody hell! Really? I can’t believe it…the cunts!
1
Snp = mega CUNTS
5
Off point…..
elmar brok is calling for a second referendum? You may be thinking who is brok?
Well heās a German MEP!!!
So what the fuck has it got to do with him!! Cheeky sauerkraut kunt……..
14
The only space that bitch should be worrying about is the space we are running out of due to the influx of foreign scum and their abnormally high birth rates.
Plenty of room for her and her pals in the House of Lords though.
12
Spot on Freddie.
1
England far and away the most densely populated country in Europe!! 130sq/km population 55 million and rapidly rising….
England 424 people per km2
Germany 220
France 125
Spain 80
Scotland 65
And according to many twats we actually need more!! Lots more….. Cunts……
9
This confounds me, the Oz government is aspiring to make a deal with the UK to build a space port over here preferably near Darwin (though the fucktard “free settlers” in Crapelaide want it near them). Firstly there is a friendly politically stable country offering to chip in on the deal. Secondly it’s in territory close to the equator, which would make it cheaper and finally once it was viable, minted friendly countries like Singapore, New Zealand and Brunei would muck in.
5
I donāt think the EU would be too keen on that mate. We have to do as weāre told you know.
4
The UK’s biggest mistake was to loosen the links of friendship with the likes of Australia and New Zealand in favour of getting into bed with the Krauts and Cheesemongers.
6
Too right. Most of our pre-EU rocketry was tested at Woomera.
And yes (above) Cape Wrath is the aiming point for Atlantic depressions, thanks for the reminder.
0
Off subject but a confession.
I watched Stuart Lee last night. He does flog stuff to death by over-extending but: –
His Brexit stuff was funny. One line in particular -‘ what goes down well in Cambridge can get you glassed in Lincoln. ———— by the mayor’
His views on Russel Howard would do a cunter proud.
Just thought I would get that off my chest. I feel better now.
2
Every launch will be a spectacular disappointment as the rocket disappears behind an overcast sky. Every time.
5
But like that blood moon fiasco
Apparently it was brilliant?
Knowing how utterly pathetic weāve become cloud will be the least of our problems! Itās too windy too rainy thereās leaves on the launchpad etc etc
7
Bit like……….
1
The use of Gaelic signage really boils my piss, CC, and it’s getting worse. I went up to Largs yesterday and couldn’t help but notice that the welcome sign in Gaelic was several times larger than the one in English. Now, if the majority of Scots spoke Gaelic then that would, I suppose, be okay. But here’s the rub, and I mention this for the benefit of the non-Scots on ISAC, only about 1% of Scots speak Gaelic – and almost all those cunts live in the highlands and islands, far away from the lowlands of Ayrshire, where Gaelic is not – and never has been – part of the culture.
6
Ciamar a tha, sibh? Only joking…
0
Come and have a look at the cunt’s province that is Wales. Everyfuckingthing in 2 languages.
3
Welsh isn’t a language. A nasopharyngeal surgeon can correct it.
2
Off Roading.
According to reports today, the British Navy picked up and rescued a man floating in the sea off Libya three years ago. Hooray for humanity and its kindness. There IS a God.
A couple of years later, the same man sets off a bomb in a Manchester arena foyer slaughtering people, including seven children.
We might as well plant the fucking bombs ourselves.
12
Off roading huh? š
Like it captain……..
6
Cheers Quizzer.
1
Would be preferable for us poor cunts that they bring the condition of our roads and footways into the 21st century before they embark on this spacebollocks folly.
May’s cuntitude grows in severity by the day. Fucking silly old cow.
2
Totally agree PM….
back in the 70,s gene Roddenberry made space look sexy!! Captain Kirk warp factoring around in whatever Scottie could give him, setting his fazer to stun he shagged a whole host of exotic beauties!! Klingons were dispatched on the end of a photon torpedo! Space looked the place to be, unfortunately the reality is very different indeed, space is cold, dark and not full of beautiful women, itās an inhospital environment and our finds have come down to some water on mars and planet ten may be inhabitable but weāre really not sure, Considering our water companies canāt control the stuff when itās under our fuckin feet doesnāt bode too well…
Our technology advancement in speed of travel equates to that of a snail on the M1, weāre not going anywhere at WARP speed!!
The trillions invested in our space fantasy could have probably been better invested in trying to mend our broken planet…
9
Indeed!
Space is really boring. I remember when the moon landings were taking place in 1969 – I could not have been less interested.
Compared to Space Patrol and Star Trek, it was rubbish.
6
Exactly RTC ……
itās rubbish! š
6
Suckdick Khan says the third runway is vital for the countryās economy. Is this the same cunt who cries about the poor asthmatic children in London and is forced to bang yet another tax on the motorist? Donāt planes pollute the air then Suckdick? (Sound of Khan opening yet another offshore bank account)
I have heard a lot of talk about HS2 but nobody has asked the question…….who is going to run the trains on this expensive taxpayer funded line, who is going to be filling their pockets?
Oh yeah, the fucking French government and certain pals of the politicians. Step forward popular hero, friend of the EU, enemy of the Daily Mail, Sir Richard Beardy Bollocks Branson.
Special discount rates for London faggots travelling to the gay clubs of the north!
1
There’s no gay clubs in’t north lad. Only in that fancy London.
0
Bollocks! Iāve seen Corrie, itās full of poofs and lezzers. They also had a post-op tranny living there.
Donāt give me all that macho northern grit bollocks. You never heard of Canal Street? And donāt tell me that Andy Burnham isnāt a shirtlifter.
0
Burnbum doesn’t count, he’s a wooden puppet.
0
As long as the third runway only flies out of the U.K. to the sand peopleās homelands Iām in favour!! Actually build a fourth..
4
You do realise that Satellite technology is a major growth industry and Scotland is one of the world leaders in micro satellites which will service the lions share of the economy in years to come?
0