Philomena Cunk

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Philomena Cunk is a cunt, isn’t she.

This parody of History documentaries seemed fairly innocuous. Fronted by a fictional presenter, Philomena Cunk (actress Diane Morgan) makes all manner of deliberate malapropism-type mistakes whilst keeping an earnest, concerned face. She plays an imbecile, a sort of thinking man’s moron painted with brash confidence in her thick, dimwit Lancashire accent For a while it’s amusing, although titillating rather than funny.

However, something wasn’t right, something niggled me. Yes, there were constant pokes at Britain; yes there was the glossing over of important events; yes, gentle digs at our finest hours. It’s the BBC, what more do we expect.

There was the liberal sprinkling of “being governed by a European power” – at least one every programme – the Romans, the Vikings, the Norman conquest, all with weighty allusions to leaving the EU. Finally it gave up disguising itself. Talking about creating the BBC she asked, “Was it one of those stupid mistakes they made….like Brexit?”

It wasn’t until the credits that it all made sense. There, like a revealing final jigsaw piece, under the title ‘Written by’, was his name: Charlie Brooker.
Ah yes, of course, Charlie Brooker. The old holier-than-thou, Guardian-reading satirist. Charlie Brooker thinks he’s the funniest writer on tv though he’s comically unaware that he’s actually an ugly, pompously vain, sanctimonious, overweight cunt-wipe.

Fuck off Charlie Brooker and take your tired, hackneyed format stolen from Ali G and shove the whole fatuous, self-congratulatory, BBC dogshit back up Philomena’s Cunk.

 

Nominated by, Captain Magnanimous

 

78 thoughts on “Philomena Cunk”

  1. Good cunting Cap, this really made my piss boil . Tax payer funded indoctrination which was almost like a Liberal Party Political Broadcast, for and on behalf of Carl Junkers and that fake twat Tusk!

    The programmes were an obvious vehicle for promoting the 4th Reich.
    Cunts the lot of them!

    • Off topic, but great news.

      2 cases of Ebola confirmed in the Congo.

      Let’s hope it’s the start of some real ethnic cleansing.

    • And these fuckin liberal fuckwits have the audacity to talk about how the population in 1930,s Germany were brainwashed!!!
      Fuck them and their screwed bull shit liberal views!!……utter CUNTS!! One and all……

  2. Brooker – born in Reading – naturally thinks the Lancashire accent is amusing. The effluent in question could be done in any regional dialect, or none, but no, the actress had to be Bolton-born, and to lay it on with a trowel.

    Bet Brooker, who is married to a Bangladeshi, didn’t consider the opportunities for mirth there…

  4. To be honest Charlie Brooker can make me laugh sometimes. Would certainly like to do naughty things with his wife but only if she asked me very nicely.

  5. Can’t stand Charlie Brooker, his writings or his programmes. His humour is puerile, his wit only 50% and he has a ridiculously high PC quotient. I first heard of the cunt when he motorbiked in Asia with that other cunt, Ewan McGregor. Thought he might be okay, being a biker, but he turned out to be a cunt who happened to have a motorbike. Hope his next shite is a large hedgehog.

    • That’s Charlie Boorman. A cunt, but a completely different cunt.

      • Oops, sorry FTF. Luckily he’s also a cunt or I might have been slightky embarrassed.

      • Agree on this one Smeggy

        Charlie Boorman is a completely spoiled boring cuntish twat who really wants to be famous but unfortunately is bereft of any personality, charisma or talent.

    • Don’t think Brooker even has a motorbike – you’re thinking of that other cunt Charley Boorman.

      Brooker is the prize leftist cunt from 10 o’clock live.

  6. I’d never heard of Charlie Brooker until reading this excellent cunting but I’ll be sure to avoid the cunt at all costs from now on.
    But then I already avoid the beebistan and guardian anyway so hopefully that’ll be enough.

  7. Surely the aftermath of the whole EU betrayal should be the abolition of the BBC’s Charter and the dissolution of the Lords?

    surely they cant continue in their current cunty form ? the total fifth column behavior that’s not even kept hidden anymore. the licence needs scrapped and I hope there is a campaign backed by another 17.4 million votes to do it.

    • Personally I think the thieving bastards at the House of Lords should be reemployed as stress and load testers for lamposts.

  8. I fucking loathe the Cunkcunt, and Brooker is a twat and all… He looks like Winston Churchill with a dead rat on top of his head…

  9. I am so pleased that I have truly no idea what this cunting is all about.

    I mean none, none at all.

    • #MeToo… I seem to remember my next door neighbour once suggested I watch a Charlie Brooker… I returned the favour by recommending he listen to James O’Shithead.

      Dissatisfaction guaranteed for all!

    • Me too Dick, i avoid the bbc tv now like the pox infected whore that it has become, so i have no idea who this cunt person is.

  10. Admittedly, Brooker’s wife is a looker and would be allowed to hang her sari on the back of my bedroom door. What the Christ does she see in this sneering, chubby dogfart? It must be his scintillating charm, his playfully-communist humour and his seven chins.

  11. It’s a funny thing, the old “being ruled by European powers” issue. In one way we still resent it nearly 1000 years later. In another way, at least the Vikings, Romans, Anglo-Saxons, and Normans did it by force and fighting. Somehow I don’t mind that because, although the result was a L for the home team, at least it was the tough ones who came and settled and adopted this sceptred isle as their own. Then built and developed and fought in its defence alongside previous inhabitants.

    The EU on the other hand rules by stealth and laws and PCness and by importing weak scrounging fucks from all over. I don’t have an issue with a couple of rough arsed poles or Latvians who work their tits off, beat up mussers for fun and make sure their kids speak English.

    But underhand slimy politicians and bureaucrats who rule by petty laws are fucking cunts and should never ever be compared to the warriors of old. Cunk and Brooker can fuck off.

    • The pre Roman population were never completely defeated, and are still with us today. The Celts.!

      • And a right bunch of stroppy cunts they are too, gawd bless ’em.

  12. Charlie Brooker, that’s why that history show is so cunkish. Why anyone thought that this prick has ever been amusing or interesting is a mystery. He is a giant useless boring wankstain that only those rosy cheeked undergraduates who run the BBC could give a show to.
    A very missable programme .

  13. Charlie Brooker looks like the dodgy kind of cunt who has a secret stash of stolen girls bicycle seats , hidden behind a false panel in his garden shed.

  15. Don’t mind Brooker. He can be pretty funny. His collected criticisms of tv are quite amusing and would probably.get a lot of agreement on here. I liked the first couple of series of philomena cunk but bowed out after 10 minutes of the latest one, just relentless Al-beebera propaganda.

  16. Off topic

    Have just looked at tonight’s tantalising treats on offer on TV.

    Really disappointed to see that just started on BBC 4 is “Eurovision Song Contest Semi-Finals.

    Why the fuck do the BBC bother with fucking shit like this, and do they really think this bollocks passes for “entertainment” and is what the public want to spend their licence fee on?

    I mean- shit tunes/jingles with “quirky lyrics”, stupid cunts wearing stupid outfits, stupid foreigners all trying to be whacky, tactical voting, women with beards, men without cocks.

    Another fucking reason to get out of Europe (if another one was really needed).

    A complete waste of everyone’s fucking time and effort.

    Fucking hate it. Hate it. Hate it. God, I can’t tell you just how much I hate it.

    • So what you’re saying is … we should arrange our society based on the lobsters.

      • Ever thought of changing your name to deploythecrypticcomment, Monsieur Sausage?

      • Blimey DTS, I must be thicker than I thought.

        Not a clue what you meant!

      • Thats the theory that lobsters dissolve their brains when they get defeated, so the new brain can just accept their new place in the pecking order and don’t feel the need to continually try and better themselves…interesting!

    • Fucking ‘ell. I can’t believe you poor cunts still pay the Beeb a licensing fee. New Zealand did away with that shite in ’99. I still remember Mum hiding the TV aerials when the inspector came a knocking. NZ did away with the fee in ’99 because no cunt would pay it. Say what you like about NZ but we’re a nation of artful dodgers.
      But fuck me if the joke wasn’t on us. Broadcast is paid for by tax.
      Any Pacific Islander with a pitch written on the bog roll gets his day in the sun and funding from an agency that exists to deep throat taxes and spit back unpalatable murky episodes of Y wants to fuck XX in a bandana whilst fighting off a 10 foot croc that looks suspiciously like a log. A log that’s reaching over to the cooler to grab coldie

      • They should never have got rid of his Majesty the Shah. Israel had an embassy in Tehran and it was a very liberal autocracy.

      • The Shit of Persia was installed by the West solely to oust the democratically elected Mossadeq, who had tried to nationalise Persia’s extremely covetable oilfields. The Shit was as corrupt as they come, and SAVAK remains an exemplar in the field of suppressing political dissent. One reason the ayatollahs found traction was his kowtowing to Israel, others being related to his energetic modernisation in the teeth of traditional values.

        Wonder when Trump’s going to impose sanctions on Israel for NEVER disclosing any aspect of its nuclear programme? (answer, never, of course)

    • Amen to that!

      Who in their right fucking mind would give nuclear technology to the Ayatollahs in Iran? The Community Con Artist…that’s who!

      Obama was (to borrow an appropriate phrase from another Cunter) a weapons grade cunt!

      🇺🇸

  18. Off topic, my apologies…but what is it with London negroes? How utterly retarded are they? Their stupid rap battles and threatening their rival chimps over social media is beyond pathetic. And, surprise surprise, the ape/”aspiring architect” who was bumped off this weekend was involved in one of these ridiculous “drills” against other primates:
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5701127/Bank-Holiday-bloodbath-ELEVEN-gun-knife-acid-attacks-Britain-weekend.html

      • If I were a magician, I’d love to cast a spell that pitches John Bercow right into the middle of the PG Tips carnival wearing a Klan outfit that’s been superglued to him and see how long he lasts.

      • “Utterly retarded”…I think not…the amount of trainee architects amongst their numbers is extraordinary.You’ll rue the day you dissed our future architects when you’re looking for someone to design the security features in your new-build ,old peoples flat.

    • And his mother’s whining cos the police didn’t protect her shitty little savage. Go back to fucking Jamaica (as you want darlin’) and FUCKING STAY THERE.

      • I expect the plis didn’t “protect her son” as the first thing that usually happens when the plis turn up in a jiggaboo area is to be stoned or hacked to death with a machete…

        Ever thought of that, Mrs. K’dogo ?
        What goes around comes around.
        And if all the “talented rappers” (??) and “really nice, great kids” get wasted, I don’t give a toss.

    • He was so “aspiring” he had to fuck off to Jamaica for a year because he was warned by one of the rival rap gorilla gangs that he would be offed – lo and behold – he was offed. Its so sad that we are losing so many engineers, architects, lawyers etc.. Keep it up I say. As has been said in another reply – cant wait for the annual cuntfest of Notting Hill – I hope its a carnage to remember.

      • How many pre-pride dawn raids are there? Pre last night of the proms?

    • Please don’t compare them to apes TtCE. Apes are gentle, intelligent creatures that like stability in their social groups.

      The problem is the aspiring Architects believe they are living in South Central L. A. where the locals pride themselves on being the most violent, feral dindus the planet has ever seen.

      Meanwhile in Londonistan they get welfare, free housing, free school meals, free education the same as everyone else, free transport and a host of privileges above and beyond what the indigenous YT gets.
      If they need a few extra quid for fried chiggun, crack and bling, they just cry rayciss and win a ghetto lotto payout from YT leftard cucks who don’t like being called nasty names.

      These things are the richest poor people on the planet and still they blame YT for their lack of forward planning and impulse control which always ends in epic sub Saharan fail, a category 5 chimpout and the early demise of another aspiring rapper.

      Fuck them, they’re too stupid to live in a civilised society.

  19. I like satire, parodies, etc and I started watching her series expecting it to have a bit of quality, being on BBC2, but I gave it up because I just wasn’t getting a laugh out of it. I’ve found Brooker’s programmes to be very similar, the odd smile here and there and that’s it. So it may be my sense of humour. I’d shag his wife as well. I had a girlfriend who looked much the same but that was thirty years ago.

      • She’d be past ever walking unbow-legged if I got a couple of hours at her.

  20. I had no idea this cunt was shacked up with Konnie Huq. What the fuck is a quality bird like that doing with this sack of shit? The world has gone mad!

    • Nobody fucking told me neither… eight years married… I am gutted!

    • Thought that everyone knew that Freddie, particularly those guys who would like to give her several portions.

      Gives us all hope that average looking guys can land a hottie.

  22. Total mongs who are buying Prince Harry and Meg O’ Marple masks? Yeah, them absolutely colossal fucking cunts…

  23. Am hoping for a colossal balls-up on the day of the royal hitching-up.
    Hopefully the bride will be wrong, and the ginger pillock will end up with Merkel, or Miss Marple (played by puce-faced old trout Joan Hickson).

    In any case, someone getting kicked in the cunt would be a welcome bonus. Especially if Phil the Greek does it.

    Zzzzz…Wake me up when it’s all over.

      • Asteroid impact. Previously unsuspected caldera under Windsor collapses – resultant pyroclastic eruption demolishes London too. Harry and Megan masks made in DR of Congo, and contaminated with ebola. Something, please god.

  24. i may not be on here much up to the Royal Wedding. i am off to pitch my tent outside Windsor Castle to ensure a prime position. it will be worth every minute!!

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