Clap if you like it

Another first for Blighty. The world’s worst ever dose orf clap.
(what some cunts will do to get in the Guinness Book orf Records)

Now Yours Truly has gorn on record before about encounters various with the old crotch crickets and the gooey stuff and not to forget the old cock rot. An old soldier’s lot. What you sign up for but bugger me that do in Burma in ’44 took a few years to clear. Now a man in Blighty has caught the world’s “worst-ever” case of super-gonorrhoea.
He had a regular partner in the UK, but picked up the superbug after a shag with a woman in South East Asia. Public Health England says it is the first time the infection cannot be cured with first choice antibiotics. Health officials are now tracing any other sexual partners of the man, who has not been identified, in an attempt to contain the infection’s spread.
He picked up the infection earlier in the year.

The main antibiotic treatment – a combination of azithromycin and ceftriaxone – has failed to treat the disease. Dr Gwenda Hughes, from Public Health England, said after pulling out her wire probe from the infected man’s horse prong: “This is the first time any cunt has displayed such high-level resistance to both of these drugs and to most other commonly used antibiotics.”Discussions with the World Health Organization and the European Centres for Disease Control agree this is a world first.”

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

48 thoughts on “Clap if you like it

  1. Christ, I spat out my muesli after seeing that picture of Sajid Javid dressed as Father Christmas.

    • I thought it was the love child of Vince “I can smell shite” Cable and Caroline “pukeass” Lucas.

  2. I second that…. cornflakes all over my shirt after capping eyes on what looks like the lovechild of Ed Sheeran and Bilbo fucking Baggins , eugh , boak !

    Admin, not one of your best lol

      • I shall aim, too…

        A quick Fart of the Day re zombie movies –

        Berlaymont – The Drunking.

        I thought the pic was something to do with Fergie (the old red-head ski-bum), not the footie guy. The legs look about right.

    • Nice tight and thoughtful article follows the quote. Disagree with Mike on some issues, but not that one. Thanks.

  3. Thought Blair cunt was a bit quite of late, that’s his good side too.

    • You’re missing him, and I feel your pain.

      At the Milken Institute Global ™ Conference For Important Wankers 2018, on Monday, with genocidal dictator Paul Kagame, Bill Gates, Petraeus, Mnuchin and assorted corporate turds. Waving his hands to the accompaniment of Brexit gives you cancer, let’s nuke Iran, etc. Here he is giving us an idea of the size of Cherie’s twat…

      https://c1.staticflickr.com/9/8544/8700226397_74cd17caf9_b.jpg

  4. Was that the “ alledgedy caught it orf the speakers wife”
    Or …….. names in the hat chaps

  5. I hope Kravdarth doesn’t see that picture……… it might turn him straight.
    I don’t know about you blokes but I don’t need any more competition for pussy.

    • Fuck off:never! Not while the Bieber is still breathing. Mind you necrophilia has it’s positives.

  6. Several reports say that most sexual diseases are caused and spread by The Gays. Some of The Gays attend, and participate in, Chemsex parties where they swop drugs and diseases. As the lines defining sexuality blur,due to The Gays relentless “Make Gayness compulsory” campaign,so the diseases spread through the normal population. Due to The Gays’ fondness for drugs at these parties,the illnesses are becoming over-exposed and tolerant to all kinds of drugs,even antibiotics.
    It’s a well-known fact that most normal people who catch a STD have been in close proximity to a Gay…they may not know it,but the waiter who brings their food, the postman who delivers their mail etc…anyone of these could be a Gay. It’s not like the old days where you could identify a Gay by his job…hairdresser,actor,rentboy etc. I don’t know why the idea of them being forced to wear a rainbow badge at all times was never acted upon, I’ve written numerous letters to prominent people about it,and only received one reply…that was from Keith Vaz asking if I could service his boiler…fucking idiot.
    Now I’ve nothing against The Gays,but when they become responsible for the mass infection of normal people by STDs,there really should be something done about them. I also read a report suggesting that they were responsible for Newcastle Disease in homing pigeons. I haven’t got to the bottom of that one yet,but I’m sure that it’ll be true. I shall attempt to track a Gay down (I believe that Public toilets are their natural environment) and demand answers.

    Fuck them.

    • Is there any way you can explain to me how I managed to get an intriguing gum disease after licking a Thai girls twat at the Bangkok star in Hamburg?

      • fuck its been closed, I will take the day off to mourn my loss and review fond memories.

      • Easy enough, Lord B.,…what you were gumming was obviously a tranny. Was this “twat” fishy tasting,or did it have more of an “earthy” waft about it?….

      • no hamburg has defined areas for certain activities, I was in what you would describe as the Green zone, the other zone is on the other side of the main drag.
        Regarding taste, I have always found Thai pussy to be rather sweet tasting, whilst Korean tends to be a bit marmity, could be something to do with the diet.
        Reminds me of the first time I went to a Korean knocking shop.
        I lay there for a good half an hour being prodded, poked and having my toes pulled, after a while I started to wonder if I was in the right place or not and was feeling a little shy about asking a very direct question.
        However all went well, although I am still not sure why the toe pulling was necessary.

      • Because she was a dirty bitch and you were careless ? Just a stab in the dark, oooer missus !!

      • seeing as she stepped off the stage during her act and shoved her snatch in my face I had two choices.
        1, say “ooh that’s dirty” and be ridiculed by the BFPO sitting in the rows behind me.

        or

        2, go for it and book her for the night 70DM and a bottle of shit champagne thrown in.

        I feel I had no choice but to go for the sensible option and a course of antibiotics.

  7. This sort of brings me to an offshoot of this discussion.
    On the radio this morning I heard someone saying that the charity “Relate” has suggested that sex addiction be recognised and treated by the NHS.
    I pondered on this and thought, drug addicts are treated by the NHS and receive a substitute, ditto smokers get patches and tablets.
    So if I register will I get a hand job off a nurse?

    • That will open the doors for the peaceful ones who will be claiming they have an addiction should they not wangle Sharia to hear their pleas.

      There was also one of the female LBC presenters the other day started discussing the subject of cunts that liked them at single digit age and the topic was going along the lines of it is an illness and options on them going in voluntarily to dedicated places for help and places for offenders to go instead of jail & stuff like that.

      I switched station in disgust and before they potentially had cunts phoning in. I think that would have been the end of my radio had I heard any of them cunts bleat a single word.

      I’ve got a rusty hacksaw in the shed and a pair of pliers that could deliver appropriate justice and save prison expenses and also stop chances of them reoffending immediately.

  8. Off subject but referring to the Snowflake cunting:-
    There was a news report about the fuckers cheating by buying essays bought through Youtube.
    They are influenced by these role models apparently. They showed some of the videos and I have never seen a more self centred, needy, talentless, charisma free bunch of cunts in my life. This is what they aspire too. Fucked, we’re all fucked.

    • most of the exam stuff is now scanned on to a system that checks for plagiarism and chucking a paper through a thesaurus does not work.
      so when you are doing a dissertation and quoting sources quite often the score bot goes against you, it is even more fucking annoying when the score bot then tries to do you for plagiarism on your own fucking research paper that your dissertation is based upon.
      This low end cheating shit does not merit that kind of software.

      • I heard someone say that the flakes take someone elses works, translate on line to a foreign language, then to another and then back to English followed by corrections to then make it read properly again. Maybe a lot of tosh, but sounded plausible.

      • Astonishingly, that could work. Your comment in traditional Chinese:

        我聽到有人說,這些薄片帶走了別人的作品,在網上翻譯成外語,然後翻譯成另一種語言,然後再翻譯成英語,然後進行更正,然後再次正確閱讀。 也許很多東西,但聽起來似乎合理。

        And back again, without modification:

        ‘I heard people say that these slices took someone else’s work, translated it into a foreign language on the Internet, then translated it into another language, then translated it into English, and then made corrections and then read it again correctly. Maybe a lot of things, but it sounds reasonable.’

        Google Translate is definitely getting better daily.

      • Though I am delighted to report that ‘hydraulic ram’ becomes ‘watermelon sheep’, in Swahili.

  9. I went on a mates stag do back in the 80’s, after getting totally pissed we picked up a street whore in Brighton, who gave each and everyone of us a blow job. A few days later we all had the clap, needless to say my mates marriage did not last long. Perhaps some things are meant to be 🕷🕷🕷

    • Did she have a hairdo like Spock and a face like ET, dressed like a bag lady and non exisTits?

  10. Another day ruined by the mention of king cunt blair and his pox dog wife, off to drug cupboard for blood pressure meds and gaviscon

    • Apologies for any distress I may have inadvertently caused you, Civvydog. Tony’s 65th birthday is on the 6th, btw, and the theme of the party is Mad Frankie Fraser. Bring your own axe.

    • Metoo, I’m having double gabapentin & trams to numb meself down. Hate BLiar and particularly any mention of him, brexit, Europe and referendum on the same page.

  11. If I ever get the clap it will be from one of my two regular sexual partners: right hand or left hand?

    Looking down now, right hand is looking particularly guilty! The cunt!

    • You can catch it off toilet seats, you know. Especially on Southern Rail. It was spunk scooped off a Southern Rail toilet seat that was allegedly used to fertilise Adonis’s mother.

      • I thought someone said he had managed to crawl out of the abortion bucket and as he managed that, he was given a chance a life despite his dad trying to put him back.

        Anyone who uses the same barber shop as Vince “I can smell shite” Cable is a cunt.

      • You’re not wrong there Bob.

        I also read somewhere that the abortionist scraped a pile off his mother’s arse and it grew into what he is now.

        That might’ve been his mentor Bliar though, I’m not sure.

    • You know where you are with Palmela and her five sisters.

      I’m fortunate to say I’ve never had a dose, words of wisdom that stayed with me…”a clean wank is better than a dirty ride”.

      Worked for me though think that dirty rides would have left me with some money in the bank.

  12. Sorry to go off topic, but what the fuck is that cunt Owen Wilson banging on about in the ‘sofology’ adverts,? the bobble nosed boring cunt
    And that other yank cunt the Hoff, advertising farmfoods, the big fuckin lump must be skint, the cunts have no shame

    • Is that the cunts name?

      I’d have him waxing that little beard in a rough cast lined casket, buried alive.

      Are these two of the cunts who claimed they would defect if Trump became POTUS?

      • Possibly, that’s why the pair of cunts are over here doing fucking shite ads and talking bollocks
        The Don must be fucking devastated……

        Check the blonde haired bimbo ‘extra’ sat next to the Hoff in one of the farmfood ads, looks weird as fuck trying to look natural

        But the blonde in the TUI ad laid next to her bloke on a sunbed gives him a side look that says “i’m gonna suck your cock and swallow your load” looks a right dirty cow. phwoarrrr

    • Oh, so that twat has a name…

      I was wondering, as I despise the ad. Almost as much as I despise the ones for funeral plans &c.

      Basically, if you cark and no-one coughs up, the local “sanitation dept.” has to remove and dispose for reaons of public health. At least that’s how it goes abroad.

      I suppose here you’d get a bill from the local cuntcil, standard undertaker’s rates plus 100 pc.

      I shall leave a book of recipes for when I go. Marinaded “venison” stew, “hog” roast, liver pate, sausages…

  13. I asked my grandad, what happened to that 25 year old ? He said she died from gonorrhoea. I told the stupid of fool that you don’t die from gonorrhoea these day’s. He said you Fucking well do when you give it to me!

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